International Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Qs for UK ladies
Okay, so just some random questions I thought about while talking to my friend about moving to England.
1.) How easy is it to get birth control pills over there? Are visits to the OBGYN covered by the NHS or is that considered a private practice? I know in the US we are supposed to get a yearly check up, but my FI doesn't think that's right. But - he wouldn't really know would he? ; )
2.) How expensive/common are things like knitting/sewing classes over there? It's something I really want to learn how to do, but I don't know if I should just wait until I'm over there or try to do it while I'm here. I've tried learning out of a book and even from youtube videos, but no success so far : (
Thats all for now, thanks!
Re: Qs for UK ladies
On 1, it's super easy to get birth control. You go to the GP and tell them you want them. Then they give you a script and it's free. Win.
I was concerned about staying on the same type of birth control, so my GP found one with the same active ingredient and I noticed no change in the switch.
Visits to your GP to get BC and your pap smear are included in the NHS coverage. FCIB is right that it's once every three years you get the smear here, and they call it the cervical smear. (They also send you happy letters about how icky cervical cancer is and ask you to come in for your check up.)
Can't help with 2 for the most part but there is a super cute knitting store near Camden Passage by Angel--near Breakfast Club (good brunch place) and the antique shops. I don't knit and I go in to look at the yarn because it's so beautifully arranged.
The pp's are right about BC. Go to your GP and request it. It's free on the NHS, and readily available at any chemist.
There are a lot of knitting groups on meetup.com. You should check them out.
I know I was excited to move to the UK to be with my H. We got married when I was 22, and let me tell you, it's difficult. If you're really planning on coming over right away, be prepared for the possibility that you won't have a job in the immediate future.
If you're serious about your future, wait to get married. I've been where you are... family is in a crappy financial situation, you love your FI and want to be with him, but have no prospects of a job in the UK, no education. Just wait. Get a degree in the US, get a job and help support your family and grow up a few years before you jump on the married bandwagon.
I got married at 22 and really wish I would have waited. You deserve to build your future and not get stuck in a country where it's difficult at best to find a job, especially when your education is less than what a normal high school student here would have.
I was amazed how easy it was to get BCP from my GP. They took my blood pressure, but didn't even ask any lifestyle questions. Or weigh me. I don't remember if they asked me when my last physical exam was, but in Europe they recommend you do it every 3 years if you're in a monogamous relationship. Every single year is an American invention.
I brought the pill pack I was currently using (acquired in Norway) and they said that they start everybody on the same pill, and if you're not happy with the one they give you, you can switch to a different brand. The one I had from Norway they said is like the 6th or 7th pill they'd try, because of cost. So be prepared for them to give you one you're probably not used to.
Also, it was totally free. Holla!
@Bananas - I understand what you're saying, but I can not stand being in a LDR any longer. It's been over 6 1/2 years. And I do actually have a plan. It is totally possible (and done frequently) to earn a degree online from an American school while I am in England. This is my plan. Not only will it actually be cheaper for me (as an American citizen) but most if not all of my credits will transfer.
@Wise_Rita - I'm not a conspiracy junkie or anything, but I honestly think the American Health System is somewhat of a con. I haven't been consistently on Birth Control pills ever since FI stopped being able to come see me every couple of months, but I have been on them for a full year from Planned Parenthood twice. Both times I went in for a consultation, and both times I got a 1 year prescription. That's $55 for the visit. But when I called to go in for another consultation it's suddenly a 3 month prescription unless I do an exam which is $130. And the person on the phone (very rude) told me that last time I was there it was explained to me that consultations only result in 3 month prescriptions. When I asked why it is that I got 12 months prescriptions twice before with just a consultation he gave a long drawn out sigh and started talking to me like I'm a two year old. "I've already explained the regulations. You can either schedule a consultation or not." So yeah - funny how that works isn't it?
Rambley Blog
Bless your heart. Like I said, been there, done that. How will you pay your tuition if you're not working? Do you have a job lined up? Is your FI going to foot the bill? How happy will he be about that?
I honestly don't think you're seeing how difficult this is going to be on you. Yes, you'll be happy because you'll be with your FI, but what happens when homesickness sets in (and it will)? What happens if someone in your family falls ill, and you can't go home to be with them because of your financial situation?
Take good long look at your "plan" before you commit to two years of immigration paperwork.
See, now it just kind of feels like you're being patronizing. I don't really appreciate someone taking a look at my "situation" that doesn't know everything about it and judging me for it. And, sure, it's easy to tell me to wait an extra 3 years (at minimum) when you're currently with your H. Oh it's SO much better your way - and you know for sure what I'm going through because you were in a long distance relationship before. Well guess what? Not every situation is like the one you were in.
And you honestly think I don't know that it will be difficult? You honestly think that I would just decide to pick up and move countries without weighing all of my options? You really don't know me at all, and you don't know what I've thought about and what I know and don't know.
What am I going to do when I get homesick? Well, what does EVERYONE ELSE on this board do when they're homesick? Because no matter how long I wait to be with him - I will get homesick. My parents have skype. I know where around town I can get comfort foods from home. Am I saying it's going to be easy? Not at all. I know it's going to be hard and I will spend some days upset about being away from my family and my home country and everything that's familiar. But, I've also come to love being in England and I do have people that love me and care about me that will support me emotionally. Homesickness isn't a "youth" thing. It's not like if I wait until I'm in my 30's to leave my home country I will magically never be homesick.
What if someone falls ill? Then I will go out and see them. What makes you say that I will be in a tight financial position when I get to England? Yes, I'm upset by my PARENTS tight financial position and not being able to help them because I'm currently out of a job - but that doesn't mean that my FI isn't well off. Because he is.
And I'm not in a rush to get a degree. You'll probably scoff and say that I don't know what I'm talking about, but if I have to take two or even one class at a time to finish my degree, I'm fine with that. FI is doing very well right now. He can easily support me while I am there and looking for work. And he has no problem helping me finance a degree. He wants me to have one. And of course there is always the option that most people consider when they're looking to go to school - student loans. I don't have any bad debt at the moment. My car is a few months away from being paid off and my credit card is totally clear. I have excellent credit and getting funding for school won't be a problem at all.
Trust me, I've done almost nothing but think about my "plan" since I made the decision to move. I think it's a little silly of you to assume that just because I'm young that I don't know what I'm about. I don't mind well meant advice, and I don't mind people playing devils advocate. But what I will not tolerate is some stranger on the internet talking down to me about my decisions and belittling my plans for the future.
Rambley Blog
*** Golf clap*** Good for you for actually thinking things through. BTW, I wasn't patronizing your plan, I was patronizing you for the mentality that everything is magically going to be okay when you step off the plane. Glad to know your FI is willing to foot your entire bill until you learn some "skills". Way to go, bagging someone who is well off.
I've been following your posts and it didn't seem like you had a clue about what all of this entails.
And yes, it is easy for me to say to wait to be with your FI. Yes, MH and I were in a LD relationship, from the time I was FOURTEEN until we got married. I know it's hard. You have no idea what MY situation was either, so get off your freaking pedestal.
I know homesickness is not an age thing. Don't assume that I'm stupid enough to believe that.
BTW, age has not a damn thing to do with what I said to you. I'd say the same thing whether you were 18 or 50.
You make me laugh. You think you know what I've done and how I think because you follow my posts here. Just because I don't detail everything in every single post doesn't mean it's not been thought about. And I've "bagged" a well off guy because I've worked with him to help his business grow. His money doesn't mean anything to me. I really pity you if your husband wouldn't help you finance a degree. My degree is something we both want. Are you one of those people that makes your SO pay you back for his half of the groceries as well?
And when have I displayed a mentality that everything is "magically" going to be perfect when I step off the plane? Do I believe I will be generally happier in England? Yes. Of course I will. I'm sitting in a house surrounded by negativity and depression. Leaving a place full of depression for a place where the love of your life is and where the two of you can work towards building a solid future together would generally improve someones emotions.
And what's this about me being on a pedestal? I'm not the one patronizing others. That would be you. You think that you have the right to judge me without knowing anything at all about me. Good for you, you were also in a lengthy long distance relationship. Don't think I can't guess why you're being so rude and judgmental. I remind you of you. You were a young girl wanting to be with your SO no matter what. Well, just because you were unprepared doesn't mean the rest of us are that naive.
And I can assume many things about you. Although your first post was way off topic and (with the exception of the first line) didn't have anything to do with my original post - I took it as well meant advice. Your follow up post to my reply was just plain rude. I will also point out that you are the one making some pretty wild assumptions.
"Get a degree in the US, get a job and help support your family and grow up a few years before you jump on the married bandwagon."
This quote says it all. Grow up a few years. That is obviously the mentality you have, so you obviously are saying this to me because of my age. I never did or said anything to warrant such rudeness from you.
Rambley Blog
2012 Reading Challenge
Now Nesting from Chicago, IL My nail blog:
I don't think it's an American invention. I've been told every year while living in CZ, CH, and now Malaysia.
Well said alli.
Pokepoke, no, you don't remind me of myself. I wasn't that naive when I moved to the UK, thank god. I wasn't talking about growing up physically, I was talking about growing up mentally. Way to go for missing the point. I don't know how old you are, and I don't really care, but you have got to stop getting all worked up about your age. It's a sign that you're immature and not ready to play house.
The reason I'm giving you this advice is because we've had several people come on this board thinking that moving abroad is as simple as hopping on a plane and signing a piece of paper. Until now, you gave us no indication that you were any different. It's not all puppies, rainbows and glitterfarts. Ask any of the ladies here . But you won't, which is really no surprise.
If you haven't figured it out by now, almost every woman on this board is supportive, nice and willing to help you through the hardships of moving abroad, but I'm not one of those people. It's going to be a lonely existence for you if you alienate everyone by your attitude.
I agree. I was sadly disappointed at the lack of glitterfarts.
Also, Poke, chill out a bit. Bananas was trying to be helpful. People only go by what you tell them and from what you have posted, her advice seems helpful. We all (or many of us) know how crappy LDRs are, and how stressed you must be with your family stuff and missing your fianc?. It sucks.
For your other question, it was super easy to get BCP in the UK! I was surprised how simple it was, when in the US I had to get an exam and all that crap. Be sure you bring your usual pill (as PP mentioned) because sometimes switching pills can be a nightmare (I had horrible reactions when I switched pills). If you have one that works for you now, try to find the equivalent there.
Oh sweetie, this response right here shows us all that you're just way way way too immature to be making your own decisions, let alone be moving to a different country. Well, this and the other topics you have started and/or posts you have made in the last week or so. (And immaturity doesn't have anything to do with age, btw!)
If you're so certain about moving to the UK and marrying and not caring about when and you've thought your 'plan' out completely, just friggin do it and don't come ask us for advice. You obviously don't want it.
@Bananas - I agree with every single point you've made!
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DBirth Control is free, ask your GP. Sewing and Knitting classes - pretty common.
I bet you can't wait to get to the UK. It's sounds awesome, right? The child-free knitting world is your oyster!
Don't let anyone beat the enthusiasm out of you. I think you are going to be very happy.
Pokepoke,life doesn't magically change when you move abroad, even if you FI is paying for everything.
My DH pays for everything, I'm in a full time master's program in Switzerland, I go to school with other Americans, have friends, etc but I still don't live in a fairytale. It's not easy to live abroad, you're naive to think it will be. Living abroad has its benefits, but it's one of the the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Since living abroad I've battled with depression and an eating disorder. So believe me, it's not going to be rainbows and unicorns when you step off that plane in the UK.
You need to think about how difficult like will be, it's not impossible and there are plenty of benefits of living abroad, but it will not be easy all the time.
I'm not certain it won't be amazing and fulfil every hope and fantasy she has.
They have free BC and sewing classes in the UK - what more could a girl want?
Oops, I just did a glitterfart.
Wait - free sewing classes? Forget free BC -I want some free knitting classes. The ones up here are ?35 an hour!
Rambley Blog
Thanks for actually giving me helpful advice here - I really do appreciate it.
But - I really don't see how patronizing rudeness can be helpful. I've admitted that I thought she was being helpful in her first reply, but her response afterwards shows me that she clearly wasn't being helpful at all. Just rude.
Rambley Blog
The advice I asked for in this post had to do with knitting classes and birth control - not my decisions to move abroad. And the post I made the other day wasn't really asking for advice either. I was upset about what my family was going through and wanted an outlet for that. And I do want advice. Helpful advice. Advice that does not include unnecessary rudeness.
Rambley Blog
Right on, sister!
Do you eat rude muesli?? I got it in a gift bag once and it was kinda awesome :-)
Oh and btw, I don't think you're rude, you're honest :-)
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DThen why not just go? Now? You don't have a job at home, you've been pretty vocal about not being happy. So what are you waiting for? Your planned wedding six months from now? Or what?
zomg, ur so MEAN to me!
::runs out of post sobbing::
I don't, but I should. I've heard nothing but good things about it. Too true! :P
Dead.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Pokepoke, maybe it's not the way you intended to come across and maybe it's because you are under a lot of stress right now, but from your recent posts you do sound like you think that moving away from the US is going to solve all of your problems.
It's strange to post a vent about your family that is struggling considerably financially (that I'm assuming you live with - though you're not working to help support them because A: the jobs available aren't good enough for you, like what your mother does, and B: your wealthy foreign fiance is supporting you and your family anyway) and other things that you have posted and not give off the impression that you think that coming to the UK is going to be a magical solution to your life. People on this board, and particularly some that were in a similar position to yours - married very young, didn't finish their education (I'm sorry, an online American degree needs to be from an outstandingly reputable institution in order to compete internationally or even be recognized by UK NARIC) or even those that moved over as a trailing spouse thinking that the UK, because it is western and English speaking, would be easier than they have found it to be - have been gently trying to not just give you advice but to share their own struggles and experience with you, which probably wasn't easy for them, and you've reacted with so much hostility and aggression that it's surprising, and shows that you are probably very young. (I'm also thinking that you might be waiting until you are 21 to get married as you can't be a spouse in the UK until you've reached that age)
Then you come on with seemingly random questions about the cost of knitting in the UK and the cost of professional accounting services in the UK for your fiance's wealthy small business - erm... shouldn't he be able to do this on his own without the help of his 20 year old fiancee that is A: not a business professional and B: not even on the same continent? That just seems a bit strange.
As well, I don't think that your perception of the US medical system overall as a "con" because somebody was rude to you at Planned Parenthood, over what seemed to simply be a change in policy is very fair or well informed. If these are the types of things that send you over the edge just wait until you try to navigate the NHS in the UK.
I think that maybe your attitude of how wonderful everything is going to be once you leave the states is rubbing people the wrong way because we are abroad and we understand how difficult things can be, we struggle with cross-cultural crap constantly and we miss home all the time. Yes, if someone gets ill back home or needs you urgently you can "just fly back". That's if you can afford an international plane ticket and travel at that time, get time off work at that time, etc. And a lot of us, even though we could afford to fly back home on a whim when someone was ill - didn't get there in time, and trust me, that is very hard. It's not like back in N. America where the chances are that you can just get in the car and drive a couple of hours to get to family when you need to across a couple of states or provinces. And when we point out these things to you your reaction is off the chart defensive "you don't know my life!", "you don't know me!", "I'm tired of LDR!", "I'm in LOOOOVE" and the now IN board favourite " I won't tolerate rudeness".
Maybe when you come to the UK your family problems will be solved, you won't have any more negative or depressing people or situations in your life, your best friend will stop buying nice underwear in order to get a dress 6 months in advance for your maybe wedding, you will find a cheap knitting coach, get on free birth control from a GP that isn't rude to you and your fiance will finally find an accountant for his small business and if all that happens for you, fantastic. You may even find a good job right away and things are going to work out wonderfully for you - that would be great and everyone here would be very happy for you. Honestly. But at least take on board and appreciate the advice and personal experiences that people here are sharing with you, as we've all done for eachother over the years - we're a great group of expats and former expats on this board but it's hard to turn the other way and be all puppies and "glitter farts" when you can clearly see someone on the expat-headfirst-crashing-fireball route to disaster once their rose-coloured expat glasses come off after the excitement of the first few months settles down and people realize that living abroad is not the same as visiting abroad.
Nobody is telling you not to move, clearly nobody could at this point. But they're suggesting that maybe you need to re-think a few things, plan a few more things and tie up a few more loose ends before you go.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk