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Paternity x2
So this is something that i wanted to post on here for a long time for advice but now since its over I'm just looking for opinions and stuff. (sorry that its long)
I was dating a guy (Jesse) a while back about a year and a half ago,I was 17 at the time and he was 19. we got serious and we were almost inseparable. About a couple months in he brought up that he might be having a kid with another girl when the girl was at least 6 months pregnant. (the baby was conceived more than month before we started dating.) At the time I pretended like it wasn't happening and we stayed together. The baby was born and about 2 months after that they went and got a paternity test (behind my back) during this time I was just like hey lets stay together and at the same time things got pretty rocky. and to find out after that him and the baby momma were seeing each other.(we lived in separate towns since i lived in a rural area) During this time we were dating I enrolled into the college in that town and applied to several jobs there so I could be there with him when I graduated.... Time went by and we broke up and I was having serious medical problems (OH YEAH BTW .... we broke up the first time while I was laying in a hospital bed.... classy right?) He did this thing were it was like he wanted me and stuff but when I wanted to talk he would ignore me. 2 weeks later we got back together and when I came over he would drop everything for a co worker (her) and leave me at his moms. two weeks after that I was getting follow up of test and labs and a check up from being sick that day we got into a huge fight and I knew I didn't want to be with him anymore. When we got home that day he checked the mail and he got the paternity test back and guess what it came back as? 99.999% As his. He was acting ridiculous, disbelief that he was a father. and two he didn't want me to leave him. In my head it was over, but he didn't know that. I left that day and went to hang out with my friends (because I was SINGGLEE!!!) and when I got home I found out I was offically single through facebook (yes facebook!) but it was all just a laugh for me because it was done and he was texting me please wait for me. that.
Couple weeks went by and during the bad period of the last relationship I was talking to a ex-boyfriend (Joey) He kinda was my vent for the relationship because my best friend was to soaked up into her girlfriend at the time. We hit it off and we started dating (Im 18 now and hes 24) Couple months go by and it's close to graduation, I decide not to go to the college I was going to go to (I did attend some classes over the summer in a town nearer to mine however through the same school) and I decided not to move. I blended into joeys family perfectly and me and joey just really clicked. and eventually he purposed to me to in June 2011 so a month later I move in with him and things were pretty awesome and 3 months later he came home from work crying.
A girl that he was seeing had a already born child was texting him the night asking him to get a paternity test because she had no father for the child for papers so she could get help (welfare,foodshare,badgercare etc) There was a probability of 2 fathers. The reason he was crying? because he knew that I've obviously been through it and he didn't want to break up. So some more time went on and she got nasty about the paternity suit and since he was refusing to go because of the way she came about it and he blocked her from everything so she went through the court system so he was served papers do it. It kinda put a dull on our relationship and our engagement and our sex life for that matter. Joey was always sad and worried that I would leave if it was his. No matter what happened he would always say, he wanted to be with me just me, and only wanted to have kids with just me. He wanted me to come to the court date and testing with him, so I did. and we waited. Some days it barely felt real because I could imagine having my significant other turn into a dad (with out me being the mom) in under a year. IT definately put a damper on our relationship but we were civil with each other. The test results come back...... and it was 99.999%..........not his. *gasp of fresh air inserted here* ......relief. Joey..."Now things can be done the right way." and me and joey continued on with our life and it definitely things have gotten way better. and Its way more easier to focus (and plan!) on the wedding now.
My friend once said to me when I told her about it not being her kid and she said " The first time was a bad, the second time was a maybe and now its a yes for you to have a kid. god is just making you run through some opsticles "
What do you guys think of this?
Re: Paternity x2
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
Jesse and Joey never really seemed like marriage material to me, but Jesse did wind up doing well with Rebecca and the twins. I'd say look for a Danny, but his wife died, so
I think you're 18 and really, really need to not get married and definitely not have a child. I think you need to go to college, preferably one with a strong remedial English program because your high school teachers failed you by not failing you.
Your life currently is a Maury Povich show. Is that all you want it to be?
My advice is if a 24 year old dude is a dating a girl still in high school (whether she's 18 or not) he's a creep.
That is all.
"If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton
Did you hear that? It was my death rattle.
Awesome!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I get where you are coming from. I am in a rural area and see girls like you everysingleday.
My advice:
1. Get BCP stat. Never, ever have sex without a condom. Ever.
2. Go to college. You will regret not going. Trust me.
3. If Joey really loves you, he will love you even more with a college degree.
4. Get on BCP state. Never, ever have sex without a condom. Ever.
It sounds like you're a child willing/wanting to play house with anyone. If you put all these relationships with guys who don't even know how to use contraception, and you can't spell you should spend more time on getting an education instead.
You should not, under any circumstances, even consider having a child at this point in your life because you have no skills, no education, and nothing to fall back on if this relationship doesn't work out. Of course you can't possibly imagine that happening because you're so in looove. But, maybe you should take the advice from all the girls who got married in their late teens/early 20's who are now divorced. I bet if you asked them then if they thought they'd be divorced under 30, I'm pretty sure every single one of them would say "HELL NO".
You owe it to a potential child to have some kind of education and way to support them before having them and just flying by the seat of your pants. It's not even about having a child. Think about what life looks like for you if for some reason you were to suddenly find yourself alone in say 2 years. How good does that life look?
Wow, you've been through 2 pretty rough and confusing relationships for your age. I know that you will not take this advice but i'm going to say it anyways. PLEASE wait to get married. I'm really happy for you that you have found someone you want to be with for the rest of your life but take it from someone who got married young. You will regret not waiting. If I were you, i'd either go to college or even just get a trade certificate (cosmetology possibly?) That's what I'm doing now. I have only been married for 5 months and I already know that I should have waited (and i'm 23).
That being said, if you don't wait, it doesn't mean that your relationship will not work out. I do not regret getting married at all but I know that my life would be easier right now if I had a degree and if I was only trying to take care of myself. My wife is amazing though. She does have a degree (graduated right before the wedding) and luckily got a decent job out of college that can support both of us. Marriage is not all fun and games. It's a lot of hard work but if you're committed, it can work... but it will be a little easier if you wait and have your own life situated before you add someone else into the mix.
May I suggest a certificate program or some kind of career pathway? You don't seem like college material based on your writing skills. Nothing wrong with that at all. There's plenty of good jobs out there and college isn't always the right answer. Maybe medical assisting or something like that.
My money is on Arby's.
This
I'm guessing on the opsticle course.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
I think god is purposely giving you some roadblocks to try to send you on the right path. The one where you go to college where you want to because of it's merit not it's distance to whatever person you are dating. You are asking because you are unsure, because if you knew he was the one, you would be calling us old hags by now.
In my opinion, a man that is 24 wouldn't be caught dead dating an 18 year old unless there was something wrong with him. Like he has hidden baby mamas. You don't know this man, and you are ready to marry him. This is what they call a bad decision. Before you marry someone you need to have a full background check plus at least two years close experience with them. People can fake it for about two years but after that the real person comes out. This guy already has like..... counting... six red flags on him. Do you really wanna get married and have babies before you are ready?
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Alright guys, since obviously I skipped on telling you guys, that I indeed plan on going to college. I am enrolled just for my generals for now in the spring, I was going to go for cosmetology and ended up not doing so. Instead I took a certification course to be a nursing assistant and I work in a group home now. I'll admit that I am not good a grammer and I had a lot to say also. so SORRRRYYYY!!!!
He took me to a park and I guess he was going to put it in the rocks next to the river and have me look around because he lost "something" but I wondered off. But he ended up huging me and stuff while I was on the swing and he was standing and he pulled out the ring and popped the question.
Is your life just one big Lifetime Original Movie?
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
I think a full background might be a little extreme, but when I was dating I would google and run their names to find any criminal history. With that information being so easily available, I think it is a really good idea. I would also request a credit check to get finances in order before marrying too.
No, I just think people should know what their spouse's record is before they get into a commitment as large as marriage. Especially when red flags are present. I have seen and believe in that the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship can last up to two years and to truly understand someone you have to date them for two years. It isn't true with all couples, some people wear their intentions on their sleeve and their spouse has a clear view. But most young couples are not as clear as they should be.
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I've done the whole google and running their name for criminal history, but I do that to every one I know... because im a creep ? I live in a small town everyone is pretty well aware of what every person has done.
Uh, so he trolls the local high schools for dates, and takes girls to a swing set to propose? Hmmm.
Yeah totally. because hes dating a 18 year old automatically makes him the rapist with the white van. Get real, I've known him for 3 years. Let's just bash me because i'm getting married at a young age.
Okay. Why the hell would you want to get married at 18 when it sounds like all your relationships are trainwrecks?
Because marriage fixes everything.