Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Female friend too close for comfort?
What you seem to be saying here is that you feel, deep down, that if you force the issue with your boyfriend, he's going to pick her over you. That's not a healthy relationship, not at all. He may be a good man, but the world is full of good men. Pick one you don't secretly fear is in love with someone else, and you'll be much happier.
If you are hell-bent on staying with him, though, then you need to tell him that someone he used to like, that he used to lie to you about, and who makes you uncomfortable has no place in his life if he wants to be with you. If he says no, or that he loves you so this shouldn't matter? Then you know where you stand.
number one, no not everyone has gone through what ive been through. yes its abnormal. i know that for a fact. is it possible some people have gone through way more than me? abso-***-lutely. but that doesnt make my hurt or experience any less. its a pretty heartless thing to say that no one would at the very least feel empathetic. given the fact you dont know what has made me so "co-dependent" as you say, it would be nice if you wouldnt be so judgmental as to think that I am this way just because.
I came here for venting and understanding and support. I thought thats what this forum was for. Instead I was mostly met with cliquey judgmental and yes SNOTTY responses (this does not include the nice people, i like you, i dont mean you)
I am APPALLED that supposedly for someone who has been co-dependent in the past you are not understanding or at all helpful. You may not have intended to but you (and the other "platinum posters" have come off as cliquey and mean. I am never coming to this website again and I'm sure you wont miss me as much as I will not miss you. good luck to you all in life and I hope you one day become happier people.
PLEASE tell me there was a foot-stomp added in here... Balled up fists, angry stomp, and a shrill scream would compliment this tantrum so nicely.
Thank you, parents of millennials, for delivering an entire generation of this type of validation-seeking special snowflakes into our midst.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
I hope cate1st sends cupcakes to all of our husbands telling them she feels sorry for them.
ETA: Goddamnit, I just realized I'm a platinum poster. Foff.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
AZT break!
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
http://www.hulu.com/watch/319318/saturday-night-live-you-can-do-anything
"I went to a school with no grades!"
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I've been wondering now that I'm out of my parents culty bubble, does Evergreen have a good reputation? I mean, it is a University, not a state school.
ETA: the only person I knew who went there as far as the google and the Facebook tell me is a performance artist and works for an indie publisher.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
Are you for real?
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
Boys and girls can be friends. But this guy sounds a little too close to his "best gf". Just my opinion. I have guy friends, and my DH has female friends. None of his female friends bake cupcakes for him. He doesn't counsel them for 3 hours at a party. The way the OP describes her SO relationship sounds like he spends too much time on her. That's why I used the "counseled for 3 hours at a party" example.
The other point I made was that she shoudl break up with him. She obviously doesn't feel secure with this guy, so why not move on to someone who is more of a guys' guy? For her sake, not saying every married person can't have friends of the opp sex.
I also think the sarcasm and mean-spirited tone some of you take is a bit much. People come on here looking for solid advice, and some of you really don't take others' feelings into consideration. Like, at all.
Neither are right.. in any 'respect'.
The only thing you should even be remotely offended by is the 'behind the back talking' with your BF. But it seems all of these are so far done and PAST issues... m i right?
Let these things go, i am very sure that if she was someone to worry about you would notice right away- these are just jealous twinges you are having, i think we all as women before marriage and even during marriage get those at times- i kno i do! and its not a healthy way to continue a relationship, Pray my dear is all i can say to cure your jealousy and to love your BF unconditionally. FORGET the other chick ;P and have mutual respect.
I can not believe how nasty some of these responses are. Ms Cate has a legitimate concern, even if she's unable to articulate her reasons for her discomfort as well as some of you would like. You, anonymous readers don't know any back story whatsoever and yet you slam her. I think she handled this better than most women by approaching the girl and being direct about her feelings. Then the girl turns to the boyfriend to vent, not OK.
My husband and I had a mutual male friend who fancied me and he would often but very subtlety try to drive a wedge between us. It took me a while to catch on because I would always start it by venting about a fight or whatever not thinking it was inappropriate then he would jump in with his own input always siding with me. Once I realized what our friend was doing I talked to my husband about it. My husband has never been jealous or distrustful of me, it actually made me more uncomfortable and a little guilty, but he agreed that it was way inappropriate and he confronted our friend. Its all resolved now, but it was definitely a learning lesson for all of us.
Don't throw your boundaries out the window , especially when there are so many infidelities going on recently. If you have a gut feeling about this girl undermining you, don't ignore it. Fight for your relationship if want to keep it up.
Apparently I didn't read this the first time around. But I got to this response and for some reason thought it was Fenton. Guess I didn't get past the F.
Anyway, I thought it was odd but I got to the last paragraph and my jaw dropped. Oh my god, what happened to her. I'm relieved Fenton isn't seriously ill here.
we all fall down sometimes
brass and ballet flats
You're probably not going to want to hear this but: You're over reacting. The only thing that would bother me is the last two things you said. The date thing, because a Valentine's Date would most likely be very intimate and I would feel put on the spot. And the knowing him better thing would bother me, but she's probably just trying to feel important by making a reference to how much she knows him. Bringing cupcakes isn't a big deal, and it doesn't seem to be a romantic motive for what she does, you just don't seem to do well with him having any female contact.
She isn't crossing the line and I wouldn't put so much concern into her behavior, if she was interested in your bf I don't think she'd be marrying some other guy
Obviously the OP is long gone, as would I be if I'd received such useless and immature responses, as some of these here are.
Each of us is different, some of us can handle having a boyfriend with female friends, and some of us can't. So what? I don't think that entitles any of us to go about judging others for feeling a particular way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with how the OP feels towards this person. It sounds as though this friend's behaviour has continued for an extended period of time, with little positive interaction between the friend and the OP. I think being involved in that kind of a "friendship" would eventually grate on anyone.
My 2 cents is that the boyfriend enjoys the attention from this "friend", especially if she's someone he used to have a crush on, which is why he's allowed her co-dependent behaviour to continue for so long. I also think that he's her "best friend" because, based upon her behaviour (which, over a period of time, would probably start to irk ANY girlfriend), she's a bit catty and jealous herself, and doesn't play well with other women.
I wonder how she'd react if you started a "friendship" with her boyfriend. Perhaps you can take him over some fresh baked goods and find out