School issue - long but upsetting & WWYD?

3Guys&AMomma

How would you feel and or what would your reaction/next steps be if this happened to your child?

Background.....

A child has been observed since September to be extra fidgety and restless and while testing above his grade level is falling behind in certain areas due to the inability to focus, impulsive behaviors, inability to stay on task and not be disruptive.

At the initiation of the parents due to the child being punished for these issues many in person as well as over the phone meetings have taken place between the parents and teacher to discuss this as well as try to formulate strategies (both in class as well as home) to deal with this as well as try and determine if some of these behaviors are by conscious choice or impulse.  It is very apparent that the teacher is overwhelmed by not just this child but also the whole class in general as has been admitted by the teacher.

Situation......

The class is working on a project involving fingerpainting.  This child calls out to the teacher to ask to use the bathroom and the teacher ignores them however does acknowledge that they heard the child's request (as was agreed between the parents and teacher to not respond to not raising of the hand to teach the child to use appropriate classroom manners and raise hand).  After not being acknowledged the child raises their hand and is called upon.  The child asks to use the bathroom and is told not now.  A few minutes pass and the child raises their hand again and is now noticeably squirming and is not called upon.  The child waits another few minutes and raises their hand again and is called upon.  The child asks to use the bathroom and is told not now again.  The child waits again and then raises their hand again.  While squirming asks again to go to the bathroom because they really have to go and was told not now because there were other kids in the bathroom cleaning the paint from their hands.  The child then sits back down and has a full bowl movement in their pants.  The child is humiliated and raises their hand again and asks a third time (via hand raising) to please go to the bathroom because they really need to and is asked if it is an emergency.  The child says yes and is told to go.  The child goes to try and fix the problem themselves but cannot and has to ask a friend to get the nurse.  The parents are called and asked to come change their child.  This is in a public school setting in a 1st grade classroom.

The parents call the school the next day to speak to the teacher to ask for the teacher's version of events as they very well know that there can be some misinterpretation between the reality of a situation and the story told by a 6 year old.  Shockingly the teacher denies none of it, never apologizes and states they are not responsible for this and did not cause this.  

My Opinion:

I feel the teacher was trying to make a point in not letting the child go and as a result this happened.  I think it is absolutely unacceptable that the bathroom was denied repeatedly even after the child raised their hand multiple times.  I am disgusted by the whole thing.  I doubt that the result would be any different if another scenario were to play out down the road where this child asks the adult for help and is denied.  I also am not sure I believe the teacher has this child's best interest at heart nor do I believe the child is in a safe and secure environment.



So.......what do you think?

LaVitaBella

That's horrible.  You don't deny any child basic comforts like the bathroom.  I could always tell when it was an emergency or not.  I would have said yes after the first time.  I understand not wanting to disrupt learning......I had kids who would ask to go as soon as we started independent work.....but this is first grade.  That's so sad and so negligent.

kandygrl23

I'm completely disgusted by this story. To make a small child go through that is unacceptable. I'm curious as to why she feels she DIDN'T cause this....

MrsDB

The teacher is wrong and i would RAISE.HELL if my child pooped in their pants in front of the class. That's mortifying. And it's not like it happened immediately after like the kid waited too long to ask... he kept asking and asking. If it were my kid I'd also tell him that if it ever came down to having an accident again, to just get up and go to the bathroom even if the teacher is saying no. 

What do the teachers superiors have to say about it? I'd make sure they were taking it seriously. Nothing can undo what happened, and I hope that this wasn't a big spectacle that the other kids noticed, but they can be more attentive to kids needs. I mean, how hard is it to tell some kids to leave their brushes in the sink for a moment?   

ceetee

this happened to me, with slight variation,and I was a little older, when i was in school. it was one of the most traumatic things in my childhood and it took me years to process/get past.  I don't say that to upset you more, but I would be meeting with the principal and initiating a formal complaint with the superintendent/board of ed. i would probably pull from the school to be honest.. I am not kidding or being dramatic. this makes me sick. completely totally out of line no matter what the history or backstory.

some of what you describe sounds like ADHD behaviors, so  why isn't the school getting formal evals so that accommodations can be made? a kid like this.. his self esteem is going to pot between this and getting in trouble all the time, and it may well be physiological. if this school can't accommodate a student like this, I would be looking at another school.

 

alicianrj

As a Kindergarten teacher (and previously a 1st grade teacher) I rarely deny the bathroom. And if they ask for 2nd time then I allow them to go for sure! We actually have one in our classroom and they don't even have to ask to go. The only time I question it is if they go repeatedly and the first things that come to mind are is it to get out of something or is something wrong. I think it it awful that the teacher did not allow them to go. =(

Pixiestx

There was a story like this in the philly area not too long ago. The kid apparently had been a known trouble maker and was denied the request. I don't know the age, but he used a water bottle in his pant leg to pee he had to go so bad, and he was suspended for 2 weeks.

I think when it comes to using the bathroom teachers can't use that to make their point.

alicianrj

And as a parent I would raise H*LL. It is not acceptable!

Kristen81603

I would be in the principles office discussing this immediately, I would stay calm, explain the conversation with the child and with the teacher. And explain how is something like this allowed to happen. The child should to have ask to go to the bathroom 4 times- then to be so humiliated in first grade- oh no- I would be demanding something be done- 

mrs.marie.g

unacceptable. what if he was sick. I would be livid if I was the parent and parents of any other kid in that class .....livid 

MrsDB

Ceetee- i also remember a girl in the 1st grade peeing on the floor. She was denied going to the bathroom because we were in the library and you weren't supposed to leave "special" classes, you were supposed to go to the bathroom while you were still in your regular classroom. I remember her standing there, prancing in place, begging, and that b1tch librarian saying "nope, too bad, hold it, shoulda gone before" and then her peeing on the floor. nobody laughed at her- we were ALL mortified for her, i still feel so bad for her. even the boys didn't laugh.  i don't know if she was bothered by it the next day, i imagine so, since i still remember it. but man. and yeah, the first paragraph really has nothing to do with this, if a little kid needs to go to the bathroom- you let the kid go unless there's a real reason why they can't- like someone is currently GOING to the bathroom, not washing a brush in the sink, or they just went 5 times in the last hour and are healthy. 

ceetee

MrsDB:

Ceetee- i also remember a girl in the 1st grade peeing on the floor. She was denied going to the bathroom because we were in the library and you weren't supposed to leave "special" classes, you were supposed to go to the bathroom while you were still in your regular classroom. I remember her standing there, prancing in place, begging, and that b1tch librarian saying "nope, too bad, hold it, shoulda gone before" and then her peeing on the floor. nobody laughed at her- we were ALL mortified for her, i still feel so bad for her. even the boys didn't laugh.  i don't know if she was bothered by it the next day, i imagine so, since i still remember it. but man. and yeah, the first paragraph really has nothing to do with this, if a little kid needs to go to the bathroom- you let the kid go unless there's a real reason why they can't- like someone is currently GOING to the bathroom, not washing a brush in the sink, or they just went 5 times in the last hour and are healthy. 

yeah, i was a little older, so the humiliation factor was in full force, it probably won't be as awful for a first grader. this teacher was just a mean ,mean man.  and he didn't like my dad ( who was his boss) so i think that played in to it. to this day, I ask myself why i didn't have the presence of mind to just walk the hell out of the classroom, consequences be damned, but I was the GOOD girl Just awful.

ceetee

MrsDB:

Ceetee- i also remember a girl in the 1st grade peeing on the floor. She was denied going to the bathroom because we were in the library and you weren't supposed to leave "special" classes, you were supposed to go to the bathroom while you were still in your regular classroom. I remember her standing there, prancing in place, begging, and that b1tch librarian saying "nope, too bad, hold it, shoulda gone before" and then her peeing on the floor. nobody laughed at her- we were ALL mortified for her, i still feel so bad for her. even the boys didn't laugh.  i don't know if she was bothered by it the next day, i imagine so, since i still remember it. but man. and yeah, the first paragraph really has nothing to do with this, if a little kid needs to go to the bathroom- you let the kid go unless there's a real reason why they can't- like someone is currently GOING to the bathroom, not washing a brush in the sink, or they just went 5 times in the last hour and are healthy. 

yeah, i was a little older, so the humiliation factor was in full force, it probably won't be as awful for a first grader. this teacher was just a mean ,mean man.  and he didn't like my dad ( who was his boss) so i think that played in to it. to this day, I ask myself why i didn't have the presence of mind to just walk the hell out of the classroom, consequences be damned, but I was the GOOD girl Just awful.

veggiechick120

id be furious with the teacher. i understand the need for hand raising, but if the child asked that many times, while raising their hand, and was showing visual signs of discomfort, she should have allowed them to go.

i would speak to the principal, and also want them to know that the teacher has admitted to being overwhelmed by the class. i would think about asking to have the child removed from that class.  

TSD

I would flip out. FLIP OUT. I feel like crying just reading this. But this is completely traumatizing. I remember this girl peeing in her seat in 1st grade and I'm 37 now.

50ftqueenie

I am absolutely mortified, horrified and heartbroken by this story. I would be in the principals office raising holy hell.

wed2506

This is horrific & my heart goes out to this child! I agree with others, I would be meeting with anyone & everyone that will listen 

BeachBaby07

"It is very apparent that the teacher is overwhelmed by not just this child but also the whole class in general as has been admitted by the teacher."

I think this is an event that stems from a much larger issue. I would not want my child who needs some special attention to be with a teacher day in and day out who cant even handle her class of regular students. A teacher can make or break a child that is struggling to find their way and a little hand holding can mean all the difference and in this situation it seems like the total opposite is occuring. I have to say if this was my child, heads would roll. How can the teacher, parents and child have any sort of relatioonship after something like that happens?

mbcdefg

How often each day does the child ask to go to the bathroom?

hookersbabe

BeachBaby07:

"It is very apparent that the teacher is overwhelmed by not just this child but also the whole class in general as has been admitted by the teacher."

I think this is an event that stems from a much larger issue. I would not want my child who needs some special attention to be with a teacher day in and day out who cant even handle her class of regular students. A teacher can make or break a child that is struggling to find their way and a little hand holding can mean all the difference and in this situation it seems like the total opposite is occuring. I have to say if this was my child, heads would roll. How can the teacher, parents and child have any sort of relatioonship after something like that happens?

i agree with eveything juliann said. i feel absolutely horrible for this child. 

AmyRob04

I agree with Juliann 100%. If this was my child I'd be raising hell with the teacher, the principal, the superintendent, the board of Ed - anyone and everyone who has a stake in my child's education and this woman's job. How heartbreaking.

penguingrrl

Wow, I'm usually one to hear both sides and often side with the teacher. But that is absolutely unacceptable. A first grader should not be denied the bathroom when it's clearly urgent and if I were the parents I would be in that school every day until my child was moved to another room. That's absolutely humiliating for that poor child.

kathy28

I got upset reading this, one of the PP said that he is showing ADHD since my daughter has it I can relate they need to look into it and find a way to help him

Did you talk to the principal? that is totally unacceptable.

Hugs I can imagine how upset you are by all this. 

TSD

Nevermind being a parent of the actual kid, I'd be horrified as a parent of any other kid in the class.

melbride2005

TSD:

Nevermind being a parent of the actual kid, I'd be horrified as a parent of any other kid in the class.

Yep, exactly what I was thinking.  The whole thing is just awful, for everyone involved. 

andreas4dogs

The fact that the child was repeatedly ignores is absolutely disgusting - the poor child. I would be fuming if anything like that even happened in Gabe's school, let alone his class. Gabe's class is special needs and while they do work on proper mannerisms, if a child is claiming (s)he needs to go to the bathroom (whether the child is hitting to say they have to go to the bathroom or asking nicely) the child is taken REGARDLESS. This is NOT THE TIME to ignore / teach undesirable behaviors when a kid is saying (s)he has to go to the bathroom. If I found out in Gabe's class (it wouldn't his teacher is so wonderful) that something like this happened, I would probably go to the superintendent and even board of Ed. Something like that can really scar a child.

Honestly, something similar happened to me as a kid. I was in the fourth grade and we were going to practice for a play and that we couldn't go the bathroom and the teachers were firm. So, when we were practicing (I was wearing this beautiful dress) I really had to go, tried to hold, was afraid to say anything, and then urinated all over the stage. It was horribly embarrassing because I was SO AFRAID to ask the teacher after the comment about going to the bathroom.

tara07733

I am in full agreement with you. That story made me sad because I envisioned it happening to my son and thought about how embarrassed he would be if he wet much less pooped himself at school. I would be angry, MH would be beyond livid and that teacher would certainly be in for big issues with us.

triciabell

TSD:

I would flip out. FLIP OUT. I feel like crying just reading this.

this. i am so sorry.

ladyredlight

I would not even bother with the teacher.  I would meet with the principal first.  I would also document everything in writing and meet with the superintendent.  If the teacher cannot handle her class, she certainly is not going to be able to handle a child that might be special needs on top of the said class. 

Yes as either a parent of the child in question or of a child in that class I would be very upset. 

MrsEvans2Be

As a teacher,Ii am disgusted by this. I rarely deny middle schoolers to go!

 

As a parent, I would be heart broken and RAISE HOLY HELL.

Traba

This post made me so upset. As a parent, I would want this teacher removed. No child should be denied going to the bathroom especially after multiple pleas and then to suffer that embarrassment. I am sick about this.