Pets
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Because it needs to be said
I couldn't have written this post better myself (and I've tried a few times.)
I really hope certain people read this and take it to heart. I used to be on this board constantly but have gotten SO turned off that I just can't participate in so many posts. There were some responses on the doxie post that pissed me off more than the original post and that is saying something...
PEACEFUL EDUCATION IS THE WAY TO GO. (I should put that on a bumper sticker.)
I was uber tired and cranky and didn't say things the best way I'm sure. (She posted on the CO board too.)
But, I just get so damn angry when people pull the "I don't want to take it to a shelter" but I will have to crap. Most people still don't understand that their pet probably won't find a home if it ends up in a shelter. I get that *** happens and life changes, but damn why can't people honor their commitments any more these days? We live in such a disposable society and it makes my blood boil.
But you're right, the method of the message should change.
I always think that attacking the poster, no matter how stupid the OP is, does more harm than good. I mean, sometimes, the more stupid, the more calm and factual the responses need to be. Education is far more beneficial than mocking or attacking.
When the responses to a lousy post are mean or condescending or critical right off the bat, 9 times out of 10 the OP starts getting defensive. From that point on it's a lost cause. That animal becomes a lost cause. The opportunity to make change, to offer true help, to make a difference is lost in back and forth about who said what and why they're wrong.
I get how frustrating it is. Good lord - I have a friend who keeps buying and not training Chiweenies and other such things. It kills me. But if I tell her she's a freaking moron and here's why, she's going to stop being my friend, not stop buying designer puppies. Instead, if I tell her about another friends who pulls dogs from shelters mostly in California and transports them up to Canada for adoption, and specializes in small dogs (because they are being killed in incredible numbers in some areas of the US but are extremely desirable and not available for rescue in her area of Canada) maybe Chiweenie-Girl will rescue next time instead of supporting a crappy industry.
It's all in the delivery and as much fun as it is to blast some one for their stupidity, it's more effective to be calm and factual and maybe make a difference.
KB always says what I'd like to say, but says it better. I usually try to be balanced, but I think everyone has their tipping point or things that set them off. Some responses did seem over the top and counterproductive though. But that said I also agree with ARO. I think even when the "old regulars" were around people were flamed pretty regularly. Maybe I haven't been around enough to appreciate a difference. I dunno.
I tend to post from work a lot, so I try not to post anything that would horrify me if IT printed it off and showed it to my boss. Keeps me in check!
With that said, I often have to take a step back and remind myself that everyone has different limits. Not everyone has the mental capacity to handle a lot of stress. Some people do great with it and they balance it out and make a lot of different things work, but not everyone can handle more than 1 or 2 big things in their lives.
Once I really understood that, it helped me to try not to judge other people so much for not being able to do as much as I can. Just because *I* like having my life resemble a 3 ring circus doesn't mean than other people enjoy that kind of chaos. And there is nothing wrong with that.
You just have to cut some people some slack- but I do think the OP, in her first few posts, did have the intention of getting rid of the dog because she just didn't want to deal with him.
But the posters who constantly come on and say, "Well I rescue and go to school and work on my marriage, raise 5 kids, cook every meal from scratch, foster 3 dogs in addition to the 10 I already have AND I hang the moon every single night before bed" are annoying, for the reasons I state in my first paragraph.
You realize that pretty much every person on this board has done that at some point, right?
I did it last night, and that's one of the few things I said that I would stick by. Yeah, it's hard, but you have to do a lot of things in life that are "hard". And if you can't handle it, then that's something to be considered BEFORE you get the pet. And that is not in reference to that particular OP, but in general.
ETA: and this might be naive of me, but I think at least some people say it in a "I get it, I know it's stressful" kind of way, and not in a "I'm better than you and you suck" kind of way. At least I hope.
Snow!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DI guess you didn't read the "constantly" that was in my post.
constantly =/= at some point.
Actually, I did read it. My reading comprehension is fine. And, by the way, you can respond to me, even if you disagree, without being sarcastic and implying that I'm a moron. But thanks. I was pointing out that it happens and we all do it.
The reason I even mention it is because I also think the vague, "Some people are too snarky" posts don't do any good. If someone is doing that, call them out at the time they're doing it. It makes more sense. And that isn't directed towards Punky, just in general.
ETA: Maybe you didn't mean it in that way, in which case I'm sorry I read into it, but your response seemed snotty.
Snow!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DI'm sorry you were all offended. I am just so sick and tired of seeing the same ridiculous excuses. It just gets to me when I constantly receive e-mails with people like her trying to dump their dog.
I should add that when someone posts getting rid of an animal with such a cavalier attitude (and expecting everyone to be sweet and nice about it) well, that is not going to happen. When one puts in perspective their circumstance, it really seems like the notion of 'giving away' a pet for minutia absolutely absurd.
So, I didn't want to hurt any of the regulars or the newbies. So, I apologize if I did that.
I don't feel bad about what I said to the OP, however. She started off the post in such a self-righteous manner about casually getting rid of a dog, it just sickens me. It is how it is written and I have never gotten quite that heated before.
You will forever be my best friend. I can almost feel our hugs. I will ensure everyone will know (now and in the future) what a genuine, kind, loving person you were...I already miss your laughter and our daily conversations. I love you, Samantha. May 20, 1983- February 20, 2012
I didn't even post, but I read the post, and I'll read sometimes when these things come up. A couple things.
1) It seems to me that old and new "regulars" are passionate about helping animals. That's a given. That's great and wonderful and that's what drives you. You have all helped a lot of animals out.
2) Helping animals is also about helping people. It is ALWAYS going to be about helping the people around animals. That will never, ever change. If you are getting frustrated working with the people, then maybe it's time to stop working with animals. That may be an unpopular opinion, but I would seriously challenge each and every one of you to think of times when you are working with animals in isolation of people. It's probably pretty rarely.
3) Something I have learned is that it's pretty important to check in with yourself and see where you are physically and emotionally. Seriously get honest with yourself. If you are not there to be helpful, and are ready to berate someone for their actions. If you are having a hard day personally, are tired,emotionally or feeling frustrated--and you know you are ready to pop--then be honest and ask if you are ready to take on whatever is coming your way, and if not--then step away from a post. Just leave. Yeah. Just leave it. You will end up posting something that is not helpful and makes a person defensive, and you didn't help the animal.
4) As Punky said--a lot of people here have managed to juggle a multiple things at once and have pets. These are great experiences that have made you who you are. Never forget those things, but they may not be getting your point across and in fact are just pushing others away. It is your experience and your experience alone. Self-disclosing that "you" have the ability to manage many different things at once in fact can make you look like a martyr and also puts people on the defensive. Go back and look at these posts and see how often this "argument" is pulled out--and honestly reflect on how well this works...does it create the effect you are looking for? If not--why keep using it?
5) Andreasfordogs: Sorry, but you actually are that heated in most of your replies.
I can't speak for everyone but I wasn't personally hurt or offended by any of these comments. I don't know specifically who said what, but to me some of the comments were counterproductive. I just don't know what there is to be gained from telling someone that they should never have children. I agree that it is frustrating when people are so quick to rehome pets and I can understand getting angry. I just think there is a better approach to these types of posts.
I don't necessarily think the OP was expecting everyone to be sweet and nice and I don't feel like any of the people who responded were overly sweet. To me the most important things were to provide information about why there should have been more thought and planning into getting a dog, why it is frustrating when people rehome pets, ideas to make it work, and resources if ultimately the situation can't be worked through.
My personal opinion was the the OP rushed into a couple decisions- getting a dog at the wrong time and looking into rehoming before the circumstances were set and other options were fully explored. Like I told her, I think there are good lessons that can be learned from this situation and I really do hope that she can grow from this experience.
I am one of the first ones to tell someone they are being a dumb@ss (strangers, in a fairly nice way; friends get a more direct statement) because sometimes that is what you need.
In my professional arena, I am ALL ABOUT EDUCATION. Your tone/wording can say it all and it is important to provide information to people so that they can digest it and hopefully make changes. In my professional field, I deal with a lot of technical information that needs to get translated into a "simple" form so that the public can understand what is going on, why the change is needed, etc.
For many parts of the US, pet ownership needs this discussion. Yeah, I get high and mighty at times because I have been through hell with my two older dogs and with some of my fosters, but I use it as an educational opp. to help people (I mean, how often do people know the signs of fear aggression, or how to successfully housetrain a stubborn, obnoxious doxie? ;D).
Some of us know how elitist dog rescue can be. I have run across that in my own experience. Yes, I do have preferences for my fosters, but I also take it as an opportunity to educate potential adopters so they can make better decisions - even if they don't end up with my foster.
With my owner surrenders, I work on educating first and I offer to become a lifeline so that they have the support to try to keep working on it and not giving up so easily. Yes, there are some situations where surrendering is the best option, but in today's society, we are used to instant gratification and an easy solution, so sometimes pet ownership doesn't always line up with those ideas.
I am one of the regs that doesn't come around any more because while I am all for the band wagon of hate when someone needs a swift kick in the @ss, there also needs to be some tolerance before jumping in on the majority of what is posted here.
I respectfully disagree with Kellbell on a general post though.
I just went through this discussion with one of my large workgroups regarding my job - we discussed how general emails/etc. regarding policies or behaviors are read by the majority as "this doesn't apply to me, so I'm going to ignore it." This can easily be the case with this forum. People don't realize they are the reference b!tch until it is pointed out to them.
It honestly might be better to start being an @sshole and calling individuals out on their craptastic behavior ("I feel sorry for your husband and don't ever have kids" without constructive help, etc).
It doesn't have to be done in this open forum, but maybe a PM might change the behavior more directly (which is what my workgroup has learned in the few weeks since we took the more direct approach).
Let me know if you need me to be that @sshole
Honestly, ARO, your bolded statement was pretty snotty, IMO. "I realize?" really? I have been posting on this board for a long time as well.
There is no need to fly off the handle at me. You read WAY too much into my reply. It was late, I merely pointed out that I said "constantly doesn't mean at some point."
Geeze.
I know you've been posting on this board for a long time. And I said in my second post to you that I apologized if I read too much into what you said. I wasn't "flying off the handle" so I really didn't mean to make it sound that way. And I didn't think my first statement was snotty, I'm sorry if that's the way it read. I was just bringing up a point, it wasn't intended to be b!tchy, which is why I was so irritated at your response.
However, I have apologized twice now, so you can either accept that and own up to your part of it too, or I guess we'll just have to agree that we're at an impasse when it comes to this. I have no issues with you beyond your original statement, which we've discussed and clarified.
And yes, I do get irritated pretty easily when old regulars come back just to complain about how terrible the board is now. No one ran you off, and the rest of the regulars want you all here. So stay and try to make it better. Do what PUBB suggested, and what I've suggested and call people out in posts when they're being unnecessarily flameful. It would probably end the issue real quickly.
Snow!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DI really appreciate this post. I want to apologize for taking the low road and getting snippy back with some of the ladies on here. In my defense, my feelings had been really hurt. I thought a lot of the posts were below the belt. I have a hard time balancing things and I am ok owning up to that. I know some people can juggle a lot of activities; work, school, family, pets, etc. I am not one of them. That's the reason for the initial post.
It was a "in the heat of the moment post" and the second I put it up, I already knew that I would keep trying to make things work. I was frustrated and I hadn't taken any action other than the post. Thank you straymo for your recommendation to Barton hounds. I have been emailing back and forth with her all day and she has provided some wonderful advice.
The point OP makes here is a great one IMHO. It's why I create a lot of my own posts and lurk on a lot of the others. Sometimes I'm scared to speak up.
Either way. Thanks to all the ladies who have been helpful in the process, even if you did come off snarky at first : )
Regardless of what was said in your OP, and what's been going on in this one, I hope you stick around and post more. I meant what I said when I apologized in your original post. I was having an off day and I should have just stepped away from the computer, so I'm sorry if I came off snarky.
I'm glad you're going to work on keeping your pup! And, like I said, hang out here! We really do like new people.
Snow!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DI plan on it. You guys can't scare me off! haha No hard feelings. It's over and done with. : )
I do love my baby. It was pure frustration. I mean not only has it been hard training him, but he has cost us a small fortune in medical bills. haha
He's actually napping on me right now : )
Ex. Actly. I know I'm way late to this, but I just read this comment and I so agree. It is irritating to see old regs griping about how horrible the board is, but doing nothing to fix it. And I haven't been around as long as some people, but for quite a while after I started posting the "old regs" were still around and I don't think the board has changed that much. Some of you all could get just as nasty as anybody, so it baffles me to see the references to how mean the board is now. There will always be enough idiots out there to provide us with the drama and entertainment that we've all come to expect on TN (admit it, you enjoy it at least sometimes, too lol) so there's really no need for us to attack somewhat open-minded posters from the get-go and create our own drama.
To me, this board is at it's best when we are using our collective experience to help each other as well as new and non-regular posters. It makes me sad that the absence of many regs means we're losing a big chunk of that knowledge
When did I do this? Tacking it onto our conversation appears that you are calling me out on it.
Today, after this was already posted, was the first time I have ever "ditto'ed" someone for saying that is why she left the board. I have never posted, "this is why I don't post here anymore."
*sigh*...I really wasn't referring to you with that comment. I promise. There are a few old "regulars" who come back every time we have this discussion and jump in and say that it's why they left and how bad the board is now. You are not one of them. Sorry it sounded like that, I should have separated it better or clarified. That wasn't even the main point of that post, it was to apologize for my part of the confusion.
I've clarified, I've apologized, and I really am done talking about this now. lol Not in the "I'm taking my ball and going home" kind of way, in the "I am tired and can't have this discussion any more" kind of way, since what I'm saying is clearly either not being articulated well, or being misunderstood, or probably both.
Snow!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DSorry I don't know how to condense the previous convos better...
Okay on the "why we left" comment. Just making sure.
I appreciate the apology- and I am sorry I hurt your feelings too, I think it was just late and the misinterpretations got out of control.
NBD.
KD - I am glad you were not serious...but unfortunately, e-mails like that are a dime a dozen and they very much ARE SERIOUS. I get to the point where I am so sick of explaining nicely and trying to help (connections with trainers, giving advice, offering to come over people's houses) and it just going one in ear and out the other. So, if you really are going to keep your dog I am happy for you and the dog. I am sure he is very attached to you. I apologize I got THAT angry.
My parents actually live in Nebraska and just adopted a dog from a dachsund rescue and the way the dog was living in could just about make you cry. The dog was emaciated, and as you know, dachsunds put on weight easily. So, when I saw your post it especially got to me. I am sorry for hurting your feelings if you were just venting.
It is stupid arguing on here. Lots of $hit went down (right after the post) and it just puts this kind of thing in perspective.
If you have a dog that marks and if you cannot watch 100% use a crate or a belly band...at least you won't have to find urine all over.
You will forever be my best friend. I can almost feel our hugs. I will ensure everyone will know (now and in the future) what a genuine, kind, loving person you were...I already miss your laughter and our daily conversations. I love you, Samantha. May 20, 1983- February 20, 2012
No problem! I just should not post in any heated conversations the week before I have finals!
Snow!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D