Little Update to Birthday Post

Pixiestx

And again, I come back to the fact that these parents in particular seem to suck at handling the birthday party issue if their kid thinks everyone owes her a present.

CLord

I honestly have to wonder... do most people in the normally functioning universe lose sleep over whether or not to invite 30 kids to a birthday party?  Or whether or not their kid's self esteem will be shattered for life because the little brat Janie down the street didn't invite their kid to a party?

Honestly, there are more important things in the universe to lose sleep over.  None of them involve bouncy houses or birthday cake.  We live in a very privileged world that these are the things we argue over.  

tara07733

CLord:

I honestly have to wonder... do most people in the normally functioning universe lose sleep over whether or not to invite 30 kids to a birthday party?  Or whether or not their kid's self esteem will be shattered for life because the little brat Janie down the street didn't invite their kid to a party?

Honestly, there are more important things in the universe to lose sleep over.  None of them involve bouncy houses or birthday cake.  We live in a very privileged world that these are the things we argue over.  

Yes indeed!!

kristen8040

As a teacher without children, I can't get over the idea of inviting every kid so you don't hurt feelings.  Our job as teachers and parents is to teach children all sorts of feelings and how to act in social situations.  We teach them how to be nice, generous, caring, helpful, etc.  We also teach them how to react back in these situations.  These skills are just as important as the ones we try to shield our children from, like rejection.  Kids are so soft these days and expect everything to be handed to them it's absolutely ridiculous.  As a teacher, you should take that moment and use it as a "teach-able" moment for the student, don't run away and avoid it.   I teach middle schoolers in the inner-city.  These kids expect me to buy them pizza, give the pencils, and pass them, just because this is what society has taught them is ok.  For instance, when they came to class on Tuesday, they said, "What movie are we watching and where is our candy." Are you kidding???? We had parent conferences this week and a parent came with her daughter, while scolding the daughter about her grades, her daughter stood there with her ipod on and her earphones in.  Please do not think it is just privileged kids with cellphones who act like this.  The median income of my school's parents is about $14k and they all have phones, even the young ones.  

I know this has gone off topic, but this idea of "everyone gets invited" and "everyone wins" is setting children up for failure. 

TSD

BeachBaby07:

AmyRob04:

I don't know why this post bugs me so much or why I keep coming back to it. But I'll tell you one thing for sure - it doesn't matter what we have or what we spend or what we can afford,it is NOBODY's place to dictate what we 'should' do. Because I have the means - I have to invite everyone? Because a teacher doesn't want to deal or because a parent is afraid to tell her child, this is the way it goes, not everyone is invited o everything, I have to adjust what I want to do and what my child wishes for his birthday? I mean, look. We invited all of the boys in RP's class. It never occurred to him not to. If he had said, 'I want to have these 7 but not these 2,' I likely would have had him invite those two because it is the right thing to do to not exclude those two. But for people to say you HAVE to because a child will be scard by it, or get upset by it... That's hog wash and that's what gets me.  The kid will get over it. As I said in my first post yesterday,I really think 90% of this is driven by the parents and their own sense of entitlement.

A-MEN!!!!

And no one is talking about the little brat of a girl who is telling kids that even though you arent invited to my party, you still need to give me a present......Um, Did anyone else read that???

THAT is what is wrong with this picture. She wasnt taught by her parents not to be mean and her not inviting the kids to her party wasnt the issue, its that she still feels entitled to receive gifts from them. If a teacher ever told me one of my kids did this at any age, I would seriously consider canceling their party because obviously I did something wrong as their parent. 

I also dont see why you cant simply say "because not everyone gets invited to everything". I taught K for 4 years and we never dealt with anything like that and I know parties took place were not everyone was invited. It really concerns me that not being invited to a birthday party is such a major issue, that I really wonder what happens to these kids when the issues become much bigger

I actually don't think either of you are wrong. I guess my perspective is, at this age, I'm not willing to exclude anyone, BUT, if it happened to Ethan, I also wouldn't let it BE the end of the world for him either. Of course it would suck, but I don't think he should get invited to every party just because. And then on the third or fifth hand, if there was no bad history that I knew of and he was one of only a few excluded, I'd think that was f'ed up of the parent. But again, I'd have to teach him to cope.

As to the the arguing here about it- I don't think anyone is obsessing or losing sleep over it- except maybe the OP, but the board has been slow and it's something to discuss. I'd rather be in this post than "WFD?". I assume there are a lot of opinions because everyone has different circumstances. I have hardly any family on either side and none with kids even close to E's age. His parties for 1 and 2 were more "friend parties" than anything else and it's only going to continue to be that way- we're not growing more family and he's going to be mostly the same kids all through school. So, inviting all 20 kids from class isn't that big of a deal. They all invite him, that's just a thing in the school, and it seems to work.

With older kids, I can see that not being wanted or possible or whatever. I also agree with tpquinn when she said that no one should be told what they have to do with their money. You do what you can or want to do. Parents are responsible to figure out what to do with the fall-out from any of these situations.

debfife

CLord:

I honestly have to wonder... do most people in the normally functioning universe lose sleep over whether or not to invite 30 kids to a birthday party?  Or whether or not their kid's self esteem will be shattered for life because the little brat Janie down the street didn't invite their kid to a party?

Honestly, there are more important things in the universe to lose sleep over.  None of them involve bouncy houses or birthday cake.  We live in a very privileged world that these are the things we argue over.  

This topic has never come up among friends. This is another one of those only on the nest issues.  

kellyann1972

debfife:

CLord:

I honestly have to wonder... do most people in the normally functioning universe lose sleep over whether or not to invite 30 kids to a birthday party?  Or whether or not their kid's self esteem will be shattered for life because the little brat Janie down the street didn't invite their kid to a party?

Honestly, there are more important things in the universe to lose sleep over.  None of them involve bouncy houses or birthday cake.  We live in a very privileged world that these are the things we argue over.  

This topic has never come up among friends. This is another one of those only on the nest issues.  

Ditto Debbie 

yes I have two school age kids and none of the parties they attend are all the kids. Most kids have other kids outside of class from sports, etc they include as well.

Its a nest thing I think. I can see it for preschool. But come on. This particular child is a brat and I am sorry your kid is hurt but trust me you will be comforting them over disappointments for a long time ( friend fights, college acceptances, first love etc etc) In the grand scheme of things this is a blip.

NewYear2004

TSD:

BeachBaby07:

AmyRob04:

I don't know why this post bugs me so much or why I keep coming back to it. But I'll tell you one thing for sure - it doesn't matter what we have or what we spend or what we can afford,it is NOBODY's place to dictate what we 'should' do. Because I have the means - I have to invite everyone? Because a teacher doesn't want to deal or because a parent is afraid to tell her child, this is the way it goes, not everyone is invited o everything, I have to adjust what I want to do and what my child wishes for his birthday? I mean, look. We invited all of the boys in RP's class. It never occurred to him not to. If he had said, 'I want to have these 7 but not these 2,' I likely would have had him invite those two because it is the right thing to do to not exclude those two. But for people to say you HAVE to because a child will be scard by it, or get upset by it... That's hog wash and that's what gets me.  The kid will get over it. As I said in my first post yesterday,I really think 90% of this is driven by the parents and their own sense of entitlement.

A-MEN!!!!

And no one is talking about the little brat of a girl who is telling kids that even though you arent invited to my party, you still need to give me a present......Um, Did anyone else read that???

THAT is what is wrong with this picture. She wasnt taught by her parents not to be mean and her not inviting the kids to her party wasnt the issue, its that she still feels entitled to receive gifts from them. If a teacher ever told me one of my kids did this at any age, I would seriously consider canceling their party because obviously I did something wrong as their parent. 

I also dont see why you cant simply say "because not everyone gets invited to everything". I taught K for 4 years and we never dealt with anything like that and I know parties took place were not everyone was invited. It really concerns me that not being invited to a birthday party is such a major issue, that I really wonder what happens to these kids when the issues become much bigger

I actually don't think either of you are wrong. I guess my perspective is, at this age, I'm not willing to exclude anyone, BUT, if it happened to Ethan, I also wouldn't let it BE the end of the world for him either. Of course it would suck, but I don't think he should get invited to every party just because. And then on the third or fifth hand, if there was no bad history that I knew of and he was one of only a few excluded, I'd think that was f'ed up of the parent. But again, I'd have to teach him to cope.

As to the the arguing here about it- I don't think anyone is obsessing or losing sleep over it- except maybe the OP, but the board has been slow and it's something to discuss. I'd rather be in this post than "WFD?". I assume there are a lot of opinions because everyone has different circumstances. I have hardly any family on either side and none with kids even close to E's age. His parties for 1 and 2 were more "friend parties" than anything else and it's only going to continue to be that way- we're not growing more family and he's going to be mostly the same kids all through school. So, inviting all 20 kids from class isn't that big of a deal. They all invite him, that's just a thing in the school, and it seems to work.

With older kids, I can see that not being wanted or possible or whatever. I also agree with tpquinn when she said that no one should be told what they have to do with their money. You do what you can or want to do. Parents are responsible to figure out what to do with the fall-out from any of these situations.

Not losing sleep over it Just needed to vent and provided my opinion on something that has impacted me as a parent and a teacher.

Glad I could make things exciting for awhile. Now, what's for dinner?

browneyedgrl4282

You can't make everyone happy, that is life!!! In a few years I am going to be faced with this! The twins (one boy and one girl) will most likely be in different classes, so basically that leaves me with having to invite either all the boys from P's class and all the girls from J's class. Other option is event the practically the entire grade since it will be two class and it is smaller school. I am not going to have two parties for them!

I am almost 30 and I never remember having to invite everyone to my birthday parties! I only invited my friends!

CLord

Well, I am glad no one is really losing sleep over this, lol.  Tara, TSD, I knew you weren't, lol.

I am truly sorry that your little one was left out by a clearly jerky and perhaps poorly parented little girl.  But I don't think the solution to the problem is to make birthday parties all or nothing in terms of invites.  It's just extreme.  And in the grand scheme of things, much worse disappointments happen.  But hugs for your girl.  I hope she's feeling better about the whole thing. 

AmyRob04

debfife:

CLord:

I honestly have to wonder... do most people in the normally functioning universe lose sleep over whether or not to invite 30 kids to a birthday party?  Or whether or not their kid's self esteem will be shattered for life because the little brat Janie down the street didn't invite their kid to a party?

Honestly, there are more important things in the universe to lose sleep over.  None of them involve bouncy houses or birthday cake.  We live in a very privileged world that these are the things we argue over.  

This topic has never come up among friends. This is another one of those only on the nest issues.  

This actually came up when we were out with friends lat night. The consensus was pretty much where we landed here - there's a right and wrong, to a degree, when your kid is in preschool but those with older kids, like 2nd grade, didn't force them to invite kids they didn't want there.

JessiJane777

AmyRob04:

I don't know why this post bugs me so much or why I keep coming back to it. But I'll tell you one thing for sure - it doesn't matter what we have or what we spend or what we can afford,it is NOBODY's place to dictate what we 'should' do. Because I have the means - I have to invite everyone? Because a teacher doesn't want to deal or because a parent is afraid to tell her child, this is the way it goes, not everyone is invited o everything, I have to adjust what I want to do and what my child wishes for his birthday? I mean, look. We invited all of the boys in RP's class. It never occurred to him not to. If he had said, 'I want to have these 7 but not these 2,' I likely would have had him invite those two because it is the right thing to do to not exclude those two. But for people to say you HAVE to because a child will be scard by it, or get upset by it... That's hog wash and that's what gets me.  The kid will get over it. As I said in my first post yesterday,I really think 90% of this is driven by the parents and their own sense of entitlement.

This is very well stated.