'its a wonder how i raised you'

bbzangel70j

have all of your mothers or fathers said this to you?

i told my mom (again) i didnt want santino watching too much tv for a variety of reasons (all sited from articles and studies ive read about tv watching before 2 years old). And thats the answer i got.

we know more now. guarenteed none of us were slathered in sunscreen the way we slather up our babies now. and i know a number of you, like me, were probably held on our mothers' laps as newborns in the car on the way home from the hospital. we wouldnt dream of doing that now.

jeez. no one is accusing her of raising me poorly. this isnt about me, or her, its about me doing the best i can for my child with the information i have.

can i get an AMEN?!

LaKi

I hear you!

I think much of it is misplaced guilt.  If I learn today that wearing the color green on Tuesdays can cause health issues, I'd feel a TON of guilt, even though I didn't KNOW that.  So I think a lot of it is just defensiveness projecting out of guilt. 

wed2506

You are his mother and have every right to dictate how you want him raised.  She may not agree with you but she should respect your wishes as his mother.

LaVitaBella

Oh yeah. I will say, "she already watched one Yo Gabba Gabba today, mom, so if she asks no more TV." I purposely put it on Julia so my mom doesn't feel like I think she offers her too much TV (which she does...) and I still get "oh that's right, you don't want to screw her up like I did to you....". NO......TV is fine but she's 2, she gets obsessed with everything.  I want it in moderation so she learns that we don't have to be glued to the tv all the time .

AmyRob04

Yup yup yup. One of MANY reasons why we no longer speak to my parents, and it's not even like we're batty and over-protective by any means. As long as she respects your wishes, fine, let her say it (the problem with my mom is/was that she didn't - I'd say to put a sweater on him if they were going outside, she'd say, he doesn't need a sweater and march out the door with him). It's when they don't that it's a problem.

Bottom line - you're his mom - it doesn't matter what she thinks about stuff like him watching tv and she shouldn't question you. And, you don't have to justify your decision or feelings on it by citing a bunch of sources. No is no.

laurenpetro

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

wed2506

laurenpetro:

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

I agree and have been guilty of it many times...I'm working on it though.

BTW...those kiddies of yours are PRECIOUS!!!

junebug1

AMEN!

and I'm sure we'll give it to our kids when they're parents...

but, yes, i hear it all the time too.  my mom can't believe how much my children like fruit.  like it's weird or something.  um, ma, i've never seen anything more than an apple that came in a fruit basket at your house.  my kids eat fruit because it's what i give them.  and i won't even start on my opinion of juice vs. hers... 

laurenpetro

wed2506:

laurenpetro:

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

I agree and have been guilty of it many times...I'm working on it though.

BTW...those kiddies of yours are PRECIOUS!!!

thanks! 

i should say that i don't think it's appropriate for anyone to go against what you ask them to do with regards to your child. 

i just think some people overthink parenting way. too. much.

barcelonagirl

I've heard it.

But, I also try to pick my battles. And sometimes I pick wrong (this coming from a chick who wanted to force immunize her parents lol)  Cellphone-gate with my nana caused me issues for a week.

Ultimately, what's important to me is that my kid is safe and loved.  Nana would walk through fire for my kid.  Literally.  So yeah, he's my kid but, he's her great-grandson.  I try to accept her, and her questioning with grace because I know that Chase and I are getting so much more in return

  

bbzangel70j

laurenpetro:

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

i realize that it could be considered a bit much, uptight even, for me to say i didnt want him to watch tv. but my issue isnt him watching a show or two daily. im not really strict on much.

my issue is that my mom lets him watch at least 2 hours a day, which is a lot considering he also sleeps for 2 hours a day while he is there for a total of 8 hours  a day. he literally sits on their lap on the couch and watches tv. hes a baby couch potato and that makes me angry. and when he isnt on their lap actively watching one of 'his shows', the tv is STILL on in the background, NONSTOP. because they watch their shows. so i drop him off in the morning and the tv is on, and when i pick him up the tv is on. its constant background noise and distraction to him.

 

TSD

laurenpetro:

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

That may very well be true. But I think the point is respect. Our parents got their turn to raise us, and now it's our turn to do what we see fit for our kids, uptight or not. When you leave your kid in someone's care, you don't want to do it tensely, feeling like your parenting decisions aren't being respected or worried about what's going to happen. Some might think the tv thing is uptight (I'm a 24/7 tv house myself) but with some people, give an inch they take a mile. The bottom line is you should be comfortable with whomever is watching your kid regardless of how uptight your requests may be.  

I have a 12 yr old sitter. She follows my instructions to the letter. I never worry when she's there because she has common sense, texts me if she has a question and doesn't do stupid shiit. Let's just say I'm more comfortable with her sitting for E than I am with some family members or just older people that seem to think because they're babysitting they have carte blanche with my child.

bbzangel70j

barcelonagirl:

I've heard it.

But, I also try to pick my battles. And sometimes I pick wrong (this coming from a chick who wanted to force immunize her parents lol)  Cellphone-gate with my nana caused me issues for a week.

Ultimately, what's important to me is that my kid is safe and loved.  Nana would walk through fire for my kid.  Literally.  So yeah, he's my kid but, he's her great-grandson.  I try to accept her, and her questioning with grace because I know that Chase and I are getting so much more in return

  

i could have written this too. and i totally pick my battles, this wasnt a battle at all. i just asked her to give the tv a break when he is awake in the living room. she went back to me, and i explained why it was important to me. and i wouldnt have him with anyone else (given the choice, obviously) i just cant stand that answer.

CrisA0922

That's part of the reason I put Olivia in daycare. Doesn't matter how many times I told my mom how I wanted her to do certain things and she still did them her way. I'm talking simple things like don't put the pacifier in her mouth after every spoon. The response 'That's how I taught you three how to eat'. It just wasn't worth arguing over stuff like that. I guess they all feel that they did it right and that anything other than what they did is the wrong way.

barcelonagirl

bbzangel70j:

barcelonagirl:

I've heard it.

But, I also try to pick my battles. And sometimes I pick wrong (this coming from a chick who wanted to force immunize her parents lol)  Cellphone-gate with my nana caused me issues for a week.

Ultimately, what's important to me is that my kid is safe and loved.  Nana would walk through fire for my kid.  Literally.  So yeah, he's my kid but, he's her great-grandson.  I try to accept her, and her questioning with grace because I know that Chase and I are getting so much more in return

  

i could have written this too. and i totally pick my battles, this wasnt a battle at all. i just asked her to give the tv a break when he is awake in the living room. she went back to me, and i explained why it was important to me. and i wouldnt have him with anyone else (given the choice, obviously) i just cant stand that answer.

Maybe she just hates the quiet? Does she have music channels on her tv?  That's what I put on the days I'm home with Chase. (The days he's with Nana it's CourtTV, MSNBC, Dr.Phil and maybe Sprout LOL)   

I totally get you about the answer.  I caused World War 4 by being annoyed that Nana who has a cell phone didn't think to turn it on when she was out with the baby.  Yes I trust you with the baby just turn the damn phone on lady!!!!

MrsGabbs4Ed

This so reminds me of when my parents took Stephanie out one time when watching her and did not use a booster seat! Just strapped her in the backseat like it was nothing.  Their reasoning:  oh we only drove 10 minutes away!  And you were never in a booster seat when you were that age! What's the big deal?

Ed flipped his sh*t on them and made them go to BRU to buy a cheap $25 booster (he even gave them a coupon) before they'd be allowed to watch her again.

I think it's just that so much has changed and our parents are still living in "their time".  A classic Simpsons quote (DMendel you'd appreciate this one).  Abe Simpson when a teenage Homer says "you don't understand Dad. you're not "with it".  Abe's response:  "I used to be with it! Then they changed what "it" was! Now what I'm with isn't "it" and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me! It will happen to you!!!!!"

 

oct11bride03

TSD:

 

That may very well be true. But I think the point is respect. Our parents got their turn to raise us, and now it's our turn to do what we see fit for our kids, uptight or not. When you leave your kid in someone's care, you don't want to do it tensely, feeling like your parenting decisions aren't being respected or worried about what's going to happen. Some might think the tv thing is uptight (I'm a 24/7 tv house myself) but with some people, give an inch they take a mile. The bottom line is you should be comfortable with whomever is watching your kid regardless of how uptight your requests may be.  

I have a 12 yr old sitter. She follows my instructions to the letter. I never worry when she's there because she has common sense, texts me if she has a question and doesn't do stupid shiit. Let's just say I'm more comfortable with her sitting for E than I am with some family members or just older people that seem to think because they're babysitting they have carte blanche with my child.

I agree with Tara, especially the bolded section. 

My parents watch K for one weekend night maybe once a month at their house. Recently we picked her up and they told us that she had wicked diaper rash because they "got to playing and forgot to change her for hours." I was really upset. She has sensitive skin and the poop she was sitting in caused her to get chafing on her thighs, for crying out loud. And they claimed she didn't tell them she pooped so they forgot to check. Why is this the 2yo's responsibility? 

Anyway, we made a big deal about it and the next time we left her there my mom made a point to tell me they changed her every two hours that visit. But the way she said it, in a mocking tone as if I was crazy for insisting, showed she didn't respect us or our parenting choices. And that's what bothers me. You watch my kid, you do what I ask. Period. I don't care if you agree with it or not. 

Leeba25

CrisA0922:

That's part of the reason I put Olivia in daycare.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. That is $25k per year well spent.

BeachBaby07

I get pissed about the junk food my parents bring into my house to give to my kids. At 2 my child didnt need a devil dog. Did I think it would kill her? No, but she didnt need it and I have other more appropriate snacks. I also dont recall my mom giving me that stuff all the time so I dont know why they need to constantly bring junk food for my kids. Both have health issues and issues with weight. After awhile it wasnt even about the junk food. I had asked it to stop and it didnt. They would leave it in the car until after I left and then give it to them at lunch.  That is were I get furious because they werent respecting me as the parent and trying to hide it from me makes it 100000% worse. 

turtle520

TSD:

laurenpetro:

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

That may very well be true. But I think the point is respect. Our parents got their turn to raise us, and now it's our turn to do what we see fit for our kids, uptight or not. When you leave your kid in someone's care, you don't want to do it tensely, feeling like your parenting decisions aren't being respected or worried about what's going to happen. Some might think the tv thing is uptight (I'm a 24/7 tv house myself) but with some people, give an inch they take a mile. The bottom line is you should be comfortable with whomever is watching your kid regardless of how uptight your requests may be.  

I have a 12 yr old sitter. She follows my instructions to the letter. I never worry when she's there because she has common sense, texts me if she has a question and doesn't do stupid shiit. Let's just say I'm more comfortable with her sitting for E than I am with some family members or just older people that seem to think because they're babysitting they have carte blanche with my child.

I think that many times as children age they fail to set boundaries with their parents and establish that they now are adults as well. Even before they become parents I see so many people bending and twisting their lives around to satisfy their parents every wish and demand as if they are not grown ups now themselves with their own issues, views and plans. Then they have a child and the pattern continues since they never asserted themselves as adults and just continued to do what their parents wanted. So now, you've got an older parent whose never really had their child voice their own will and their adult child is now setting all these rules about their grandchild and they are butting heads about how to "raise a child," because to the older parent, their child is still a child. (Did that make sense?) There is a fine line between respecting your parents and becoming your own responsible adult.

I also tend to agree with lauren. 

jessNdean

Man this post make me feel terrible! TV to me is just not that big of a deal. Maybe because I work from home with her all day so a lot of the time it is my saving grace.  Yes i respect other people's views on it. But for my own daughter, she loves her shows. They aren't bad shows, so I dont have any problem with it.  She has learned to remember songs, and etc.  She loves to dance to the music when it comes on.  She definitely watches a lot of T.V that most of you would give the side eye too. Probably 3 hours the max a day. (during the week only) We are usually out and about.  3 hours out of about 13 of the time she is a wake per day I feel like 3 hours isn't so bad and 10 hours is all other stuff.  I feel like I have a lot more to worry about then how much tv she watches.  they are all educational shows.  Now don't get me wrong, there gets to the point where I have had enough of hearing the TV in the background, I will turn it off.  M does do other stuff on her own then watching TV.  If she didn't do other stuff, play with her toys, read her books, feed her dolls, play with play-doh, paint pictures, color in her coloring book, then maybe I would be more strict on it.  But she has shown me that I can trust her to do other stuff rather than sit in front of the TV all day long.  If that changes, then of course there will be a change.  I just re-read this and hopefully no one took offense too it.  and hopefully I don't get flammed.

jessNdean

BeachBaby07:

I get pissed about the junk food my parents bring into my house to give to my kids. At 2 my child didnt need a devil dog. Did I think it would kill her? No, but she didnt need it and I have other more appropriate snacks. I also dont recall my mom giving me that stuff all the time so I dont know why they need to constantly bring junk food for my kids. Both have health issues and issues with weight. After awhile it wasnt even about the junk food. I had asked it to stop and it didnt. They would leave it in the car until after I left and then give it to them at lunch.  That is were I get furious because they werent respecting me as the parent and trying to hide it from me makes it 100000% worse. 

 Junk food is something I worry more about then TV.  I can't stand the amount of junk Morgan eats while at my MIL house. I can't stand it.  She knows how I feel about it too.  partially my H's fault too.  I am not always there but I know when they get home she has had crap while she was there! that drives me crazy!  M, is a great eater. But dinner time, it takes a long time to finish her food. a lot of the times she isn't interested, so I try my best to avoid a lot of junk during the day.

kellyann1972

I agree with Lauren.

Also my parents don't watch them much so when they do its a special treat. So if they stay up late or get treats so be it. My kids are older though. I also can't say I have a lot of rules but for no playing with power tools, please know where they are, feed them and keep them from killing one another at this point when its a few hours.

 

LaVitaBella

jessNdean:

Man this post make me feel terrible! TV to me is just not that big of a deal. Maybe because I work from home with her all day so a lot of the time it is my saving grace.  Yes i respect other people's views on it. But for my own daughter, she loves her shows. They aren't bad shows, so I dont have any problem with it.  She has learned to remember songs, and etc.  She loves to dance to the music when it comes on.  She definitely watches a lot of T.V that most of you would give the side eye too. Probably 3 hours the max a day. (during the week only) We are usually out and about.  3 hours out of about 13 of the time she is a wake per day I feel like 3 hours isn't so bad and 10 hours is all other stuff.  I feel like I have a lot more to worry about then how much tv she watches.  they are all educational shows.  Now don't get me wrong, there gets to the point where I have had enough of hearing the TV in the background, I will turn it off.  M does do other stuff on her own then watching TV.  If she didn't do other stuff, play with her toys, read her books, feed her dolls, play with play-doh, paint pictures, color in her coloring book, then maybe I would be more strict on it.  But she has shown me that I can trust her to do other stuff rather than sit in front of the TV all day long.  If that changes, then of course there will be a change.  I just re-read this and hopefully no one took offense too it.  and hopefully I don't get flammed.

 

You're not a bad parent.  If my kid could be normal with the TV on, it'd be on.  I personally need background noise to function.  However, she' gets to be like a little zombie and doesn't even respond to her name when it's on.  Then, when a show ends, she loses her *** and yells at me for "ONE MORE!" So THAT'S why she doesn't get TV, lol. 

mrs.marie.g

turtle520:

TSD:

laurenpetro:

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

That may very well be true. But I think the point is respect. Our parents got their turn to raise us, and now it's our turn to do what we see fit for our kids, uptight or not. When you leave your kid in someone's care, you don't want to do it tensely, feeling like your parenting decisions aren't being respected or worried about what's going to happen. Some might think the tv thing is uptight (I'm a 24/7 tv house myself) but with some people, give an inch they take a mile. The bottom line is you should be comfortable with whomever is watching your kid regardless of how uptight your requests may be.  

I have a 12 yr old sitter. She follows my instructions to the letter. I never worry when she's there because she has common sense, texts me if she has a question and doesn't do stupid shiit. Let's just say I'm more comfortable with her sitting for E than I am with some family members or just older people that seem to think because they're babysitting they have carte blanche with my child.

I think that many times as children age they fail to set boundaries with their parents and establish that they now are adults as well. Even before they become parents I see so many people bending and twisting their lives around to satisfy their parents every wish and demand as if they are not grown ups now themselves with their own issues, views and plans. Then they have a child and the pattern continues since they never asserted themselves as adults and just continued to do what their parents wanted. So now, you've got an older parent whose never really had their child voice their own will and their adult child is now setting all these rules about their grandchild and they are butting heads about how to "raise a child," because to the older parent, their child is still a child. (Did that make sense?) There is a fine line between respecting your parents and becoming your own responsible adult.

I also tend to agree with lauren. 

i agree with this and lauren. i'll admit i freak out on some things that my mother has done AND my mother in law (see i don't always blame just my mil)  but my mother TENDS to respect my rules and boundaries more often. i do treat going to grandma's or ken's parents as a treat so i TEND to be more looesy gooesey. but when you put a pull up on my kid after i SPECIFICALLY tell you NOT to. or y ou ROCK my two year old to sleep because YOU want to or you tell my kids things i tell you NOT to. i have issues with that.

but in the end i agree parents now are way hypersensative. call me a bad mom.

LaVitaBella

jessNdean:

Man this post make me feel terrible! TV to me is just not that big of a deal. Maybe because I work from home with her all day so a lot of the time it is my saving grace.  Yes i respect other people's views on it. But for my own daughter, she loves her shows. They aren't bad shows, so I dont have any problem with it.  She has learned to remember songs, and etc.  She loves to dance to the music when it comes on.  She definitely watches a lot of T.V that most of you would give the side eye too. Probably 3 hours the max a day. (during the week only) We are usually out and about.  3 hours out of about 13 of the time she is a wake per day I feel like 3 hours isn't so bad and 10 hours is all other stuff.  I feel like I have a lot more to worry about then how much tv she watches.  they are all educational shows.  Now don't get me wrong, there gets to the point where I have had enough of hearing the TV in the background, I will turn it off.  M does do other stuff on her own then watching TV.  If she didn't do other stuff, play with her toys, read her books, feed her dolls, play with play-doh, paint pictures, color in her coloring book, then maybe I would be more strict on it.  But she has shown me that I can trust her to do other stuff rather than sit in front of the TV all day long.  If that changes, then of course there will be a change.  I just re-read this and hopefully no one took offense too it.  and hopefully I don't get flammed.

 

You're not a bad parent.  If my kid could be normal with the TV on, it'd be on.  I personally need background noise to function.  However, she' gets to be like a little zombie and doesn't even respond to her name when it's on.  Then, when a show ends, she loses her *** and yells at me for "ONE MORE!" So THAT'S why she doesn't get TV, lol. 

LaVitaBella

I also don't think the original intent of the poster was to be about "overparenting" or tv or anything like that.  Just a commiseration of "don't ya hate it when they...."  It's not about not letting grandma spoil her kid or about paying for childcare vs. giving up what you want.  Sometimes the nest spins posts into directions that don't even make sense by the bottom reply. 

So, YES original poster.  My mom says that all the time.  And for everyone else I still love her, she can still watch my daughter, I make sure I tell her how much she's valued and I appreciate the free childcare. 

vedahanks

TSD:

laurenpetro:

i think parents today are too uptight.  but that's just me.

That may very well be true. But I think the point is respect. Our parents got their turn to raise us, and now it's our turn to do what we see fit for our kids, uptight or not. When you leave your kid in someone's care, you don't want to do it tensely, feeling like your parenting decisions aren't being respected or worried about what's going to happen.

Agreed. My blood boils when my MIL or BIL blatantly ignore me with certain things  - like giving E gum. They will be offering it to her and I say "I don't like her to have gum" and they hand it to her right in front of me.

bbzangel70j

jessNdean:

Man this post make me feel terrible!  .

im sorry! i totally wasnt judging anyone in the least, and it doesnt matter to me what other people do with their kids. my kid is barely 1 and he doesnt respond to the tv, like lavitabella, he becomes a zombie. a little unresponsive couch potato.

sounds like your daughter is old enough to understand, interact, and benefit from the educational shows she is watching. my son is too young to be watching that much tv instead of playing with toys and learning how to use his arms and legs!

(PS- a lot of the tv on in the background is dr oz, dr phil, peoples court- NONE of which he is benefitting from LOL!)

Pixiestx

You should have seen the look I got from my mom when she told me she put Cora down, already asleep, on her stomach and I told her no you shouldn't do that and DH went in and turned her over. It was that "what's your issue I use to do that to you all the time look".  At least she didn't say anything! I think there are plenty valid reasons for your request and does not make you uptight at all to request it.  There was no need for anyone to get critical.

jessNdean

like right now there wasn't really anything on TV for her.  Sponge Bob was on Ugh can't stand that show I think its horrible So I turned off the TV and told her to do something that is fun. So now she is playing dress up (oh and bringing a lot of her toys in the kitchen! banging head against the desk!)