Garlic semen?? Is he cheating on me?

Joy2611

j_jaye:

TarponMonoxide:

Could you apply for a credit card and use it only to pay a PI?

If you spy on him, it's got to be the right time and right place that you'd have to be in, otherwise it's all for naught.

So true!

I had a friend that thought that her hubby was cheating on her- she said it was her gut feeling- she followed him- found zilch but was still convinced her gut was right so hired a PI and the PI also found zilch. Bad news was that the hubby found out and felt so betrayed by his wifes behaviour that they ended up divorced because he felt he could never trust her again.

Why not talk (not accuse) to your partner- tell him how you are recently feeling like he is with holding from you etc. If you can't communicate and trust each other then your relationship unfortunately wont be very healthy.

 

 

Mackalien13

j_jaye:

TarponMonoxide:

Could you apply for a credit card and use it only to pay a PI?

If you spy on him, it's got to be the right time and right place that you'd have to be in, otherwise it's all for naught.

So true!

I had a friend that thought that her hubby was cheating on her- she said it was her gut feeling- she followed him- found zilch but was still convinced her gut was right so hired a PI and the PI also found zilch. Bad news was that the hubby found out and felt so betrayed by his wifes behaviour that they ended up divorced because he felt he could never trust her again.

Why not talk (not accuse) to your partner- tell him how you are recently feeling like he is with holding from you etc. If you can't communicate and trust each other then your relationship unfortunately wont be very healthy.

Do you think your hubby would respond well to "honey, you have funky spunk. Are you cheating?" 

TarponMonoxide

Do you think your hubby would respond well to "honey, you have funky spunk. Are you cheaing?" 

Probably not. hehe

j_jaye

Mackalien13:

j_jaye:

TarponMonoxide:

Could you apply for a credit card and use it only to pay a PI?

If you spy on him, it's got to be the right time and right place that you'd have to be in, otherwise it's all for naught.

So true!

I had a friend that thought that her hubby was cheating on her- she said it was her gut feeling- she followed him- found zilch but was still convinced her gut was right so hired a PI and the PI also found zilch. Bad news was that the hubby found out and felt so betrayed by his wifes behaviour that they ended up divorced because he felt he could never trust her again.

Why not talk (not accuse) to your partner- tell him how you are recently feeling like he is with holding from you etc. If you can't communicate and trust each other then your relationship unfortunately wont be very healthy.

Do you think your hubby would respond well to "honey, you have funky spunk. Are you cheaing?" 

Haha probably not thats why I said talk to him about how she is feeling like he is withholding from her and not accuse him of cheating!

MrsBini10

What do you mean he won't let you have a credit card? Honestly to me that's actually the weirdest part of this very weird post.  

~NB~

I have never seen this level of insecurity and paranoia. Seriously, his semen tastes like garlic, so he MUST be cheating? WTH? You obviously aren't capable of trusting him, so why not just break up with him now instead of flying your crazy flag and spying on him for the next few years? Don't you have better things to do than following him and desperately trying to keep him in line? You sound psychotic. I'd cheat on you.

married2thebest

First of all, TRUST your gut. If you are suspicious, you are probably right.

Second, you sound like a hostage, NOT a wife. This is 2012. YOu get an allowance??? YOu have to ask permission to get a credit  card????

You are married not a child. You should not be accepting an allowance. Two married adults should agree on how the funds are spent and should not result in an allowance. Perhaps, you should get yourself a job and some counseling. You need to put yourself in a position to be in more control of your life and not just be manipulated by your H.

Pick up is phone and look at calls made and received call. If there is a pattern, I would start calling those numbers. If you are not on his account you may not be able to get the info on line you may have to go right to his phone.  

Good Luck. Sounds like you have some real issues to confront. 

riiskybusiness

married2thebest:

First of all, TRUST your gut. If you are suspicious, you are probably right.

Second, you sound like a hostage, NOT a wife. This is 2012. YOu get an allowance??? YOu have to ask permission to get a credit  card????

You are married not a child. You should not be accepting an allowance. Two married adults should agree on how the funds are spent and should not result in an allowance. Perhaps, you should get yourself a job and some counseling. You need to put yourself in a position to be in more control of your life and not just be manipulated by your H.

Pick up is phone and look at calls made and received call. If there is a pattern, I would start calling those numbers. If you are not on his account you may not be able to get the info on line you may have to go right to his phone.  

Good Luck. Sounds like you have some real issues to confront. 

This! I cringed when you mentioned "saving your allowance"- you are a grown woman! And how in the world are you able to be married to a man who won't LET you get a credit card?? If anything, this would concern me far more than the taste of his jizz. His controlling behavior is a HUGE red flag.

Mason&Mama

riiskybusiness:

married2thebest:

First of all, TRUST your gut. If you are suspicious, you are probably right.

Second, you sound like a hostage, NOT a wife. This is 2012. YOu get an allowance??? YOu have to ask permission to get a credit  card????

You are married not a child. You should not be accepting an allowance. Two married adults should agree on how the funds are spent and should not result in an allowance. Perhaps, you should get yourself a job and some counseling. You need to put yourself in a position to be in more control of your life and not just be manipulated by your H.

Pick up is phone and look at calls made and received call. If there is a pattern, I would start calling those numbers. If you are not on his account you may not be able to get the info on line you may have to go right to his phone.  

Good Luck. Sounds like you have some real issues to confront. 

This! I cringed when you mentioned "saving your allowance"- you are a grown woman! And how in the world are you able to be married to a man who won't LET you get a credit card?? If anything, this would concern me far more than the taste of his jizz. His controlling behavior is a HUGE red flag.

Ouch. We have a good system worked out. He works, and he makes the money. I feel lucky that he shares money with me each week. We use the term allowance because it is a set $40 each week, but he does give me more when I ask. Today he gave me $20 to buy my mother a birthday gift at Walmart. I was going to save that for a possible PI like I mentioned before, but then what would I do for my mother? I found her a beautiful watch, BTW, and I can't wait to give it to her! I stay at home with the baby, so I can't get a job. He won't let me get a credit card because he doesn't want me spending money that I can't pay back. It makes complete sense - I don't work, so why would I create a bill that I can't pay? Anyway, I am starting to feel guilty about my post the other day. Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions. He tells me that I am being silly and that he loves me too much to ever cheat. I think that he is telling me the truth. He really is a great man. I shouldn't have been looking in his truck in the first place. Thanks to all of you who have been supportive and offered great advice. I can tell that some of you are judging me, but you really don't know my situation. My husband loves me, and I shouldn't have ever doubted him. So happy for a happy ending.

tmkd

Mason&Mama:

TarponMonoxide:

Could you apply for a credit card and use it only to pay a PI?

If you spy on him, it's got to be the right time and right place that you'd have to be in, otherwise it's all for naught.

He wouldn't let me get a credit card before, but maybe I could apply without asking him.

Wait, he wouldn't LET you?? 

Mason&Mama

TEM325:

Mason&Mama:

TarponMonoxide:

Could you apply for a credit card and use it only to pay a PI?

If you spy on him, it's got to be the right time and right place that you'd have to be in, otherwise it's all for naught.

He wouldn't let me get a credit card before, but maybe I could apply without asking him.

Wait, he wouldn't LET you?? 

Yes, because HE makes the money. He works, and I do not work. How would I pay a credit card bill as a SAHM? I had to ask permission because he would be responsible. He said no so I left it alone. He is not being controlling. He is being smart with his money.

tmkd

Mason&Mama:

riiskybusiness:

married2thebest:

First of all, TRUST your gut. If you are suspicious, you are probably right.

Second, you sound like a hostage, NOT a wife. This is 2012. YOu get an allowance??? YOu have to ask permission to get a credit  card????

You are married not a child. You should not be accepting an allowance. Two married adults should agree on how the funds are spent and should not result in an allowance. Perhaps, you should get yourself a job and some counseling. You need to put yourself in a position to be in more control of your life and not just be manipulated by your H.

Pick up is phone and look at calls made and received call. If there is a pattern, I would start calling those numbers. If you are not on his account you may not be able to get the info on line you may have to go right to his phone.  

Good Luck. Sounds like you have some real issues to confront. 

This! I cringed when you mentioned "saving your allowance"- you are a grown woman! And how in the world are you able to be married to a man who won't LET you get a credit card?? If anything, this would concern me far more than the taste of his jizz. His controlling behavior is a HUGE red flag.

Ouch. We have a good system worked out. He works, and he makes the money. I feel lucky that he shares money with me each week. We use the term allowance because it is a set $40 each week, but he does give me more when I ask. Today he gave me $20 to buy my mother a birthday gift at Walmart. I was going to save that for a possible PI like I mentioned before, but then what would I do for my mother? I found her a beautiful watch, BTW, and I can't wait to give it to her!

 

 

I stay at home with the baby, so I can't get a job. He won't let me get a credit card because he doesn't want me spending money that I can't pay back. It makes complete sense - I don't work, so why would I create a bill that I can't pay?

 

 

Anyway, I am starting to feel guilty about my post the other day. Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions. He tells me that I am being silly and that he loves me too much to ever cheat. I think that he is telling me the truth. He really is a great man. I shouldn't have been looking in his truck in the first place.

 

 

Thanks to all of you who have been supportive and offered great advice. I can tell that some of you are judging me, but you really don't know my situation. My husband loves me, and I shouldn't have ever doubted him. So happy for a happy ending.

You feel lucky he shares money with you?? 

He says you're being silly and he loves you too much to cheat.......you shouldn't have been looking in his truck?

He lied to you about what he ate for lunch--you ave proof, a receipt. You found lipgloss in his car. He goes out late at night and says it's for work.  He controls you by making your financially dependent on him and made you feel guilty and in the wrong for questioning h is actions......well, if he isn't cheating, I feel bad for you because he seems like a chauvinist. If he is, then he's got you right where he wants you--thinking he's a saint and you're the paranoid, insecure one who creates these illusions in your head.

TarponMonoxide

You feel lucky he shares money with you?? 

He says you're being silly and he loves you too much to cheat.......you shouldn't have been looking in his truck?

He lied to you about what he ate for lunch--you ave proof, a receipt. You found lipgloss in his car. He goes out late at night and says it's for work.  He controls you by making your financially dependent on him and made you feel guilty and in the wrong for questioning h is actions......well, if he isn't cheating, I feel bad for you because he seems like a chauvinist. If he is, then he's got you right where he wants you--thinking he's a saint and you're the paranoid, insecure one who creates these illusions in your head.

There is a lot lot more here that is funky than just his spunk.

No way I believe that that he sees clients that late. I'll throw that about as far as that truck, with him and the receipt for the restaurant in it.

I urge you to get to the bottom of what's going on here -- and if it turns out he's having an affair, get rid of this dirtbomb asap.

Joy2611

I'm seriously dumbfounded by this post.  I almost can't bring myself to respond, but I'm going to try.

I can't tell you how much I'm cringelaughing at the sarcasm that was missed and taken for serious advice here.  I'm just .. wow.  The PI stuff is killing me.

OP, your husband and you are a team.  He isn't being financially responsible - he's holding you financially hostage.  $40 a week is your allowance?  I got $10 a week as a kid for making my bed.  The money he makes should be money for all three of you.  You are working - you are staying home and raising his and your child.  That is a job of worth and should be respected by your husband. 

Look, I have no idea if your husband is cheating on you.  You can't taste anything in a man's sperm (please, you can't), but your follow up posts have raised a serious number of red flags for normal people.  I would not be content in your situation.  I would be demanding respect from my husband in all ways or taking my son and getting out of there.

Also - please don't get a credit card to hire a PI.  That wasn't serious advice...

TarponMonoxide

The 2 of you have much biggger problems..

When you get married is is an OUR MONEY concept. that goes for whether it is a 2 income household or a one income household:

I stay at home with the baby, so I can't get a job. He won't let me get a credit card because he doesn't want me spending money that I can't pay back. It makes complete sense - I don't work, so why would I create a bill that I can't pay?

This guy is living in the 3rd century somewhere; he doesn't get it that this is an OUR MONEY concept -- and neither does the OP.

I can see discussing together a purchase for X, Y or Z and can the 2 of you afford it...but this bit with "I cannot pay the bill"? This is sad, very sad indeed.

Her H is all tied up with machisimo, possible control and standard man/woman roles. UGH.

I was dead serious about getting a PI after this guy.

And to the OP: Don't you have any money of your own, money that you made and saved during your single days?

DO you know exactly where every penny your H makes goes? Do you know what he puts into savings and other investments?

If you can assume that you do, not good enough: this is supposed to be a partnership and if he's evasive about where it's going and what he is doing with the savings, assets, etc, bad news. This borders on a lie by omission to me.

BABisme

Mason&Mama:

TEM325:

Mason&Mama:

TarponMonoxide:

Could you apply for a credit card and use it only to pay a PI?

If you spy on him, it's got to be the right time and right place that you'd have to be in, otherwise it's all for naught.

He wouldn't let me get a credit card before, but maybe I could apply without asking him.

Wait, he wouldn't LET you?? 

Yes, because HE makes the money. He works, and I do not work. How would I pay a credit card bill as a SAHM? I had to ask permission because he would be responsible. He said no so I left it alone. He is not being controlling. He is being smart with his money.

 

This is so sad.  OMG

srgw

Mason&Mama:

TarponMonoxide:

Gut feelings to me are everything.

And I have never heard of business calls that late at night. Most people are usually asleep at that hour; there's work the next day.

If you have the funds and you can afford it, consider getting a private eye to tail your H. Guys who fool around go to all kinds of lengths to cover their tracks.

Hoping you get this resolved. Let us know what happens.

As far as the late night business, he is usually home by midnight. If you are a homeowner that doesn't get home until dinnertime, wouldn't you meet your contractor at night? He has done this for a long time. I never questioned it - until now.

I don't really have the funds for a private detective. I don't work, and DH usually only gives me an average allowance. I don't have a credit card. If I save my allowance for a while and maybe ask for extra (like for a birthday gift for my mom), maybe I can look into private eyes. Until then, I will have to do my own detective work.

As far as checking out the phone records, I am not sure if I have access. All the records are online now, and I don't even know if he looks at them. Like I said, he doesn't really go online. He pays the bill over the phone.

I don't have a car, but maybe I can find a friend to drive me around and follow him. Do you think that would be going to far? Have any of you done this? Were you afraid of getting caught spying on DH?

OMG. If you need an allowance from your H and he wouldn't let you get a credit card, you need to DTMF. You don't know if you have access to his phone records?! Seriously?! Who cares if he's cheating? That seems like small potatoes compared to your other problems.

Mason&Mama

I truly thought that I might get more support on this board, but I feelmlike so many of you are judging me,. Most of you are responding to parts of my story that I was not asking for advice on. I wanted advice on a specific situation, and most of you are jumping to conclusions about my lifestyle. I am very satisfied with my financial situation. I do not need extra money. if I am going someplace that requires money, I would obviously be with my husband. I would request that you only answer my original question, but I am now almost positive I was over-reacting. Thank you to those of you that genuinely were trying to help me.

Juris11

OP, these ladies are trying to help. Your husband's level of control over your (yes, your, because you are a family and it belongs to both of you) money is insane. It is something to be very concerned about.

He is crippling you financially so that you have to rely on him for every little thing. He gave you $20 for a birthday gift for your mom? So what would have happened if you had wanted to spend $30? What happens when you need clothes? Does he take you shopping like a little kid? Do you even have a debit card? A check book? A way to access the accounts? Do you get to have imput into any of the financial decisions? That is totally crazy!

And, what if he was out of town and you had an emergency, like the car breaking down? How could you pay for it to get fixed? What if he, God forbid, died? How would you get to the money if you aren't on the account? Probate takes awhile, and you would need money to buy, you know, food and stuff. And I'm not even going to go into his attitude about this that needs adjusting. These are serious, serious red flags. I would demand to see the accounts and be added to them TODAY. And get yourself a credit card.

binzy2524

This is complete MUD or your the dumbest girl I have ever seen.  By the way be careful my husband was going down on me and smelled another penis had been there. So watch out it goes both ways

DragonflyBelle

Juris11:

OP, these ladies are trying to help. Your husband's level of control over your (yes, your, because you are a family and it belongs to both of you) money is insane. It is something to be very concerned about.

He is crippling you financially so that you have to rely on him for every little thing. He gave you $20 for a birthday gift for your mom? So what would have happened if you had wanted to spend $30? What happens when you need clothes? Does he take you shopping like a little kid? Do you even have a debit card? A check book? A way to access the accounts? Do you get to have imput into any of the financial decisions? That is totally crazy!

And, what if he was out of town and you had an emergency, like the car breaking down? How could you pay for it to get fixed? What if he, God forbid, died? How would you get to the money if you aren't on the account? Probate takes awhile, and you would need money to buy, you know, food and stuff. And I'm not even going to go into his attitude about this that needs adjusting. These are serious, serious red flags. I would demand to see the accounts and be added to them TODAY. And get yourself a credit card.

 

This 100 million times...I don't know what's worse here and I am not going to spell it out so eloquently as this lady did.

gisa886

I am in shock. I don't work outside the home, but it is OUR money. My husband doesn't give me an allowance or give me money to buy someone a gift. OP call Cheaters of something. Or get a part time job. Or get some balls and stand up to the controlling bastard

Ximena M

Juris11:

OP, these ladies are trying to help. Your husband's level of control over your (yes, your, because you are a family and it belongs to both of you) money is insane. It is something to be very concerned about.

He is crippling you financially so that you have to rely on him for every little thing. He gave you $20 for a birthday gift for your mom? So what would have happened if you had wanted to spend $30? What happens when you need clothes? Does he take you shopping like a little kid? Do you even have a debit card? A check book? A way to access the accounts? Do you get to have imput into any of the financial decisions? That is totally crazy!

And, what if he was out of town and you had an emergency, like the car breaking down? How could you pay for it to get fixed? What if he, God forbid, died? How would you get to the money if you aren't on the account? Probate takes awhile, and you would need money to buy, you know, food and stuff. And I'm not even going to go into his attitude about this that needs adjusting. These are serious, serious red flags. I would demand to see the accounts and be added to them TODAY. And get yourself a credit card.

This is right on!  To top it off if you husband is cheating on you he has got all the control in your life.  There is no way you can "taste"  different flavors of food,  Yes, semen does change based on what men eat or drink, but not like that.  It's not like he can eat an orange and have orange flavored semen. 

This is truly scary.  If you have no money of your own or no way to have some form of independence you are stuck.  The way your husband is treating you boarders on abuse. 

NalasMomma618

My husband is the primary money manager in our relationship, and he'll tell me what our budget looks like each month, but he isn't my dad, he doesn't tell me what I can and can't do. We discuss it like adults, we decide where are money is going together. That's to me is insane, you're supposed to be a team.

Also, I think the way his semen tastes is a bit extreme, maybe the receipt was something. Talk to him, like an adult. 

holtkat1

Aren't you the same girl that posted a few months ago on the Bump that you were leaving your husband because he was a drug addict?!?!?

gracefulash

"Unfortunately, the bill was paid in cash so I could not trace the credit card." say whaat

nerdyone

Please, please please listen to your gut.  Your H is controlling you.  It doesn't matter that he works outside of the home and that you stay home to take care of your child.  You are married and the money that he makes is also yours.  Why can't you get a credit card? Because it will piss him off?  If you truly do have an "allowance" and a credit card and you pay your credit card down with your allowance then what say should he have?  If I was still married I would leave my husband for this behavior...oh wait.  High bar tabs and spending double what would be normal at a restaurant is a massive red flag.  Please, even if he explained everything, listen to your gut, you had these feelings for a reason.

LittleMissCutiePie

Mason&Mama:

I truly thought that I might get more support on this board, but I feelmlike so many of you are judging me,. Most of you are responding to parts of my story that I was not asking for advice on. I wanted advice on a specific situation, and most of you are jumping to conclusions about my lifestyle. I am very satisfied with my financial situation. I do not need extra money. if I am going someplace that requires money, I would obviously be with my husband. I would request that you only answer my original question, but I am now almost positive I was over-reacting.

 

 

Thank you to those of you that genuinely were trying to help me.

Look, we're all just trying to help. You sound like you're married to a megalomaniacal jerk who is controlling you. You cannot be serious when you think that it's okay that just because he makes the money, he gets to give you an allowance. You mentioned before that you "use the term" because it's set, which doesn't make it better. It doesn't vindicate him controlling you financially. You stay at home with the baby? Work from home. Sell fricking Avon or something. You think it's about extra money? It's not. It's about being your own person, and being able to do things like HAVE YOUR OWN CREDIT CARD, and make independent financial decisions. Because you are an adult. Go see a therapist, they will tell you the same thing.

 Also, don't get up in arms about how people choose to respond. This is the internet. You put a question out there, you will get people responding anyway they choose.

JillShari

And I'm stuck on so many parts... but one I didn't see everyone else mention.... why does she get $40 per week allowance and he spent $63 dollars on one lunch???  That seems odd.  And odd she is cool with it.

minicheezburg

Mason&Mama:

Cate1234:

Have you called the restaurant to see if any of the servers remember him? 

I didn't think to try this. Should I? Would you do this? I don't want to seem crazy.

Has he said anything to you about you cheating? Or seem over protective? A lot of times when someone is cheating they will accuse you A LOT. They also become very protective over things.