Ndr everyone is pregnant

sierramist_03

Or at least it feels that way. My BFF just found out today. Plus Sil and bunch of other friends. Dh and I are waiting until after we purchase a house. Just feels like everyone but me is pregnant.

HesitantBride

I know this feeling--I've been through it before.  Now all of my friends are onto baby #2, and there has been a big cluster of births among my friends within the past 3-6 months.  I don't think I will/can be having children, so it hurts.  There is also the realization that my life and lifestyle is and will be completely different than theirs.

I think another round of pain will come when people go onto baby #3.

SSM&JLM

I get you.  DH and I aren't TTC until this summer and that's only if we get the all clear from the doc.  I am waiting on some tests from Monday to see what the next steps are.

I went through a phase about a year ago when I turned 29 and sort of freaked out, but then realized that I would rather have my ish together.

katie4253

This was my life for years.  Now, everyone I know has 5 year olds and I have an infant.  But, it was the absolute best move for us..

kaylie622

I feel your pain. I grew up in Florida (where all of my friends have kids) but now live in the north east. If you get pregnant before turning 30 here you might as well be a teen parent. People will think you're crazy. It's not so bad though and think of the great house you'll have to raise your children in when the time comes.

kjewell

I understand where you are at.  I do take comfort in the fact that while my friends are losing sleep and money, I can sleep 10 hours a night and take nice vacations.  It may not be a comfort forever but it is working for me now.

seujoanne

I'm not.  We're trying, but haven't been trying very hard.

SailorGray

When I was preg with DS1, we knew one other couple IRL having a baby. I was 29. With DS2, we knew 11 other couples. It was insane!

xmaryrickx

HesitantBride:

I know this feeling--I've been through it before.  Now all of my friends are onto baby #2, and there has been a big cluster of births among my friends within the past 3-6 months.  I don't think I will/can be having children, so it hurts.  There is also the realization that my life and lifestyle is and will be completely different than theirs.

I think another round of pain will come when people go onto baby #3.

I know this feeling all to well. For different reasons, in that I never wanted childreb, and went into my marriage knowing this and knowing that my H can't have any more (snipped). I am the only person I know who doesn't have kids. My last childless friend got KU, not on purpose, and it sucks. I am happy for all of them, and love their children dearly but it hurts. My clock started ticking about two years ago and while I know I made this choice it hurts. And more than anything I wish I had friends who didn't want kids. Which is horribly selfish and makes me feel worse. Vicious cycle. I am sorry you are both Having those same feelings.

CurlyGirlyGirl

kaylie622:

I feel your pain. I grew up in Florida (where all of my friends have kids) but now live in the north east. If you get pregnant before turning 30 here you might as well be a teen parent. People will think you're crazy. It's not so bad though and think of the great house you'll have to raise your children in when the time comes.

Your statement just made my day!  I always get the talk from people telling me that if I wait much longer that I may regret it.  I'm 31. 

Fuzzypeaches

I figured that must be what was going on with you, after all the SIL posts.

Hugs...

I've been there, and it sucks. You know in your head there is no reason to be jealous but at the same time it's so hard when everyone around you is having babies and you have to wait until you can do X or Y. I had about 2 years where I would come home from baby showers and cry, was insanely jealous of my SIL when she had the first grandbaby on that side of the family (it was unplanned and they were breaking up when they found out).

You'll get through it, and when your turn comes then think of all the girls who you've bought gifts for that will be buying gifts for you, haha! Seriously though I used to buy baby things once in a while and I found it very therapeutic when I was struggling with baby fever but it wasn't time for us to have one yet. Just little random things, but it helped me a lot for some reason.

Are you getting asked rude questions like "When is it your turn?" by everyone you know?? That's the worst.. 

Hugs again! It's a hard phase of life but it's worth waiting for the right time!

bonjourbelle05

You are smart to wait until you are ready/have some goals accomplished.  DH and I wanted to have a house and take some trips before we had a baby....lots of people we knew were getting pregnant in the meantime.  Now that we are actually pregnant it is so much less stressful that we have a house and are more financially stable.  And at the same time I am watching my sister (who got pregnant hoping she would have the first grandchild) who was in no situation financially to have a child (her DH is unemployed and her job doesn't pay much/have health insurance) struggle with how she is going to raise her baby.  As painful as it may be now, you will def be glad you waited until the timing is right for you.

sierramist_03

Fuzzypeaches:

I figured that must be what was going on with you, after all the SIL posts.

Hugs...

I've been there, and it sucks. You know in your head there is no reason to be jealous but at the same time it's so hard when everyone around you is having babies and you have to wait until you can do X or Y. I had about 2 years where I would come home from baby showers and cry, was insanely jealous of my SIL when she had the first grandbaby on that side of the family (it was unplanned and they were breaking up when they found out).

You'll get through it, and when your turn comes then think of all the girls who you've bought gifts for that will be buying gifts for you, haha! Seriously though I used to buy baby things once in a while and I found it very therapeutic when I was struggling with baby fever but it wasn't time for us to have one yet. Just little random things, but it helped me a lot for some reason.

Are you getting asked rude questions like "When is it your turn?" by everyone you know?? That's the worst.. 

Hugs again! It's a hard phase of life but it's worth waiting for the right time!

Thanks! It's really hard some days. Especially when we talk with MIL and every thing turns to baby baby baby. SIL pregnancy was unplanned and they aren't really ready for it. It's very frustrating to watch MIL get so excited and know she won't be as excited when we do decide it's time. I just feel like we never get the highest level of excitement and joy because of SIL.  We haven't got ask too many times yet but our first real family event is next month. Our main goal is we want to buy a house first and then we will be ready. Time wise we know we still have several years I am only 27. 

I have been sewing a lot lately making things for my sister in law it seems to make me feel better.  

sierramist_03

bonjourbelle05:

You are smart to wait until you are ready/have some goals accomplished.  DH and I wanted to have a house and take some trips before we had a baby....lots of people we knew were getting pregnant in the meantime.  Now that we are actually pregnant it is so much less stressful that we have a house and are more financially stable.  And at the same time I am watching my sister (who got pregnant hoping she would have the first grandchild) who was in no situation financially to have a child (her DH is unemployed and her job doesn't pay much/have health insurance) struggle with how she is going to raise her baby.  As painful as it may be now, you will def be glad you waited until the timing is right for you.

This is my sister in law too her Dh just got laid off on Friday and her job doesn't pay much. She works an extra job bar tending to pay their bills.  

TacoriLover

xmaryrickx:

HesitantBride:

I know this feeling--I've been through it before.  Now all of my friends are onto baby #2, and there has been a big cluster of births among my friends within the past 3-6 months.  I don't think I will/can be having children, so it hurts.  There is also the realization that my life and lifestyle is and will be completely different than theirs.

I think another round of pain will come when people go onto baby #3.

I know this feeling all to well. For different reasons, in that I never wanted childreb, and went into my marriage knowing this and knowing that my H can't have any more (snipped). I am the only person I know who doesn't have kids. My last childless friend got KU, not on purpose, and it sucks. I am happy for all of them, and love their children dearly but it hurts. My clock started ticking about two years ago and while I know I made this choice it hurts. And more than anything I wish I had friends who didn't want kids. Which is horribly selfish and makes me feel worse. Vicious cycle. I am sorry you are both Having those same feelings.

We're in a similar boat.  We're in our early 30s, don't want kids while most of our friends are on kid #2.  We've lost some close friends due to the different lifestyles.  While that sucks, we obviously wouldn't have kids just to keep friends around so we're happy with our decision.

 

Knena&her3loves

I feel your pain! Everywhere I go pregnant bellies! I really want to have a kid and mentally I feel like my DH and I are ready but, financially not so much! it makes me really depressed sometimes, thinking about how it will be years, if at al (I have terrible repro health hx)l before we have a kid. 

morgan2B

I know the feeling also.  It was that way for me last year.  Many of my friends hit milestone bdays (30) along with me and also were pregnant.  DH and I have been TTC for 4 years with no success so each new announcement we heard was a bit tough to take.  We were thrilled for them but also wished we could share similiar news.  By way of FB we found out of many other "friends" from high school and college also having children around the same time. 

OUKatie

I'm pg now but completely know the feeling. We waited (and waited and waited) until we had checked some things off of our list, including travel (2.5 weeks in Hawaii, Europe, etc), no debt, etc. Honestly, it is an absolutely amazing feeling being pregnant and knowing that we are NOT those couples stressing over money and have no regrets. I don't believe for a second that you can't ever be ready financially for a baby. We completely are. I'm going to be a SAHM and knowing that I can do so because of the choices we've made and that we don't have any financial worries is truly the best feeling in the world. I love knowing that we are bringing DD into a home that is loving and stable in every way.

As much as it sucks to wait, it is totally and completely worth it. I promise!

Mrs.G123

I also know the feeling. We were the last to get married and subsequently the last to have kids. I know some people on #3! And it always seems like everyone is pg when you are TTC. Hang in there!!!

egs_sweetness

I so know this! It's really tough. DH and I started TTC four years ago but were diagnosed with IF. We've had four nephews since, plus friends have had babies. It's so hard to feel left behind and out in the cold! 

HouseofSept

Ugh, I no longer am. I was PG but ended up miscarrying.  I was outside today letting my baby E walk around and play with neighborhood kids. The 13 yr old girl goes, "when are you having another baby?". I was saddened instantly. I almost cried. This was my 2nd m/c and I am over 35 yrs old. I wonder if  I had tried to have babies in my late twenties whether it would have been easier since my doc calls me 'advanced maternal age'.  But I wasn't married and was living with my parents (due to cultural tradition) and becoming  pregnant was not an option!

 

 

PURPLEME

HI.

Dont feel bad. Im 37 DH is 40 and still no kiddos.

Been struggling with some health issues.

Been keeping up with my appts...so hopefully this year...

kaylie622

CurlyGirlyGirl:

kaylie622:

I feel your pain. I grew up in Florida (where all of my friends have kids) but now live in the north east. If you get pregnant before turning 30 here you might as well be a teen parent. People will think you're crazy. It's not so bad though and think of the great house you'll have to raise your children in when the time comes.

Your statement just made my day!  I always get the talk from people telling me that if I wait much longer that I may regret it.  I'm 31. 

Come on out to Jersey and I can introduce you to people who started when they were 32, 35, 38, 42, etc. All have normal babies and fabulous homes (and are very well traveled because they had the time and money!). My mom accidentally got pregnant with my sister when she was 41. Keep yourself healthy and you'll be fine.

katharine25

We waited to try until we had all the puzzle pieces in place - the house, the job, the savings, the station wagon, the dog. 1 year later all I have to show for it are two losses, f'ed up cycles, and baby gifts for everyone else's babies but mine. If you're feeling he baby urge, don't wait too long - there's no telling how long it will take to get there.

KurtsWife09

For a myraid of reasons DH and I are not having children.  We both want to and it sucks.

Just think about how great it will be when you are in your house and have your baby!

katie4253

katharine25:

We waited to try until we had all the puzzle pieces in place - the house, the job, the savings, the station wagon, the dog. 1 year later all I have to show for it are two losses, f'ed up cycles, and baby gifts for everyone else's babies but mine. If you're feeling he baby urge, don't wait too long - there's no telling how long it will take to get there.

This is not good advice. 

 Jumping in with both feet before you are ready might work for some people, but in general, it just isn't a good idea. 

I am sorry you are struggling, though. 

Aegis2005

katie4253:

katharine25:

We waited to try until we had all the puzzle pieces in place - the house, the job, the savings, the station wagon, the dog. 1 year later all I have to show for it are two losses, f'ed up cycles, and baby gifts for everyone else's babies but mine. If you're feeling he baby urge, don't wait too long - there's no telling how long it will take to get there.

This is not good advice. 

 Jumping in with both feet before you are ready might work for some people, but in general, it just isn't a good idea. 

I am sorry you are struggling, though. 

I couldn't agree with Katie more.  I'm about a week and half shy of from hitting 2 years trying, and while I'm so looking forward to the day I'm finally holding our baby in my arms I would never have started trying before we were where we wanted to be.

dairygirl19

Aegis2005:

katie4253:

katharine25:

We waited to try until we had all the puzzle pieces in place - the house, the job, the savings, the station wagon, the dog. 1 year later all I have to show for it are two losses, f'ed up cycles, and baby gifts for everyone else's babies but mine. If you're feeling he baby urge, don't wait too long - there's no telling how long it will take to get there.

This is not good advice. 

 Jumping in with both feet before you are ready might work for some people, but in general, it just isn't a good idea. 

I am sorry you are struggling, though. 

I couldn't agree with Katie more.  I'm about a week and half shy of from hitting 2 years trying, and while I'm so looking forward to the day I'm finally holding our baby in my arms I would never have started trying before we were where we wanted to be.

No doubt. I know how hard it is not to have the children you want and how upsetting and bitter it can make a person. Still it's not a good idea to jump in headfirst before you're good and ready.

Sierra you know my backstory. H and I waited 3 years the first time before we started trying. All of my friends and family pretty much had kids before that and it was a little rough sometimes. But we wanted our sh*t together, we wanted time to be a couple etc. I thank God everyday we waited, because had Hope happened to us one year in our marriage or even two, I have no doubt we'd have never survived it.

Then it took a bit over a year to get pregnant the second time. I pretty much cried everyday and it was beyond stressful. But looking back I wouldn't trade any of it. Cube came along H and I have lived and learned and we're both in a great place now where we can enjoy our child, not worry so much about our immediate futures and have really matured.

Also, don't think for eight seconds your MIL/Mom whoever won't be as excited about your grandchild as she was about the first. My MIL is on grandchild 11 with 12 due anyday and I swear she gets more excited with each one. My parents only have one, and they love her but I have no doubt they'll love the next ones that come along too just as much.

Consider this too. Free handmedowns for life. Your child will have built in playmates for life with cousins. Cube as a ton of cousins and H's side and it's great they all play and dote on each other. Cube is the only one on my side and it'll be awhile before she has cousins...I'm a bit sad for her.

Basically, hang in there. I know it's hard but it's for the best and it'll be that much more worth it in the end. I know this is trite and stupid and I would've b*tchslapped anyone who told me this 3 years ago, but live in the moments you have. You're never going to get them back. You do what you do now for a reason, so don't wish away what's awesome about now on your future. Like I said, lamesauce but it really, really is true.

 

katharine25

katie4253:

katharine25:

We waited to try until we had all the puzzle pieces in place - the house, the job, the savings, the station wagon, the dog. 1 year later all I have to show for it are two losses, f'ed up cycles, and baby gifts for everyone else's babies but mine. If you're feeling he baby urge, don't wait too long - there's no telling how long it will take to get there.

This is not good advice. 

 Jumping in with both feet before you are ready might work for some people, but in general, it just isn't a good idea. 

I am sorry you are struggling, though. 

For clarification, I wasn't referring to just starting whenever you want.  I obviously believe people need to be emotionally & financially stable enough before actively growing their family - I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough about that. My point being more that you don't HAVE to have the house before the baby. You can rent and have a child. 

Everyone has their own goals and standards for when they are ready to try and conceive - sometime we set higher than necessary standards for ourselves too.  You are the maker of your own goals to when you want to have a child.

 

ETA: And really OP, ignore what I said earlier - please excuse my bitterness today.

katie4253

dairygirl19:

Aegis2005:

katie4253:

katharine25:

We waited to try until we had all the puzzle pieces in place - the house, the job, the savings, the station wagon, the dog. 1 year later all I have to show for it are two losses, f'ed up cycles, and baby gifts for everyone else's babies but mine. If you're feeling he baby urge, don't wait too long - there's no telling how long it will take to get there.

This is not good advice. 

 Jumping in with both feet before you are ready might work for some people, but in general, it just isn't a good idea. 

I am sorry you are struggling, though. 

I couldn't agree with Katie more.  I'm about a week and half shy of from hitting 2 years trying, and while I'm so looking forward to the day I'm finally holding our baby in my arms I would never have started trying before we were where we wanted to be.

No doubt. I know how hard it is not to have the children you want and how upsetting and bitter it can make a person. Still it's not a good idea to jump in headfirst before you're good and ready.

Sierra you know my backstory. H and I waited 3 years the first time before we started trying. All of my friends and family pretty much had kids before that and it was a little rough sometimes. But we wanted our sh*t together, we wanted time to be a couple etc. I thank God everyday we waited, because had Hope happened to us one year in our marriage or even two, I have no doubt we'd have never survived it.

Then it took a bit over a year to get pregnant the second time. I pretty much cried everyday and it was beyond stressful. But looking back I wouldn't trade any of it. Cube came along H and I have lived and learned and we're both in a great place now where we can enjoy our child, not worry so much about our immediate futures and have really matured.

Also, don't think for eight seconds your MIL/Mom whoever won't be as excited about your grandchild as she was about the first. My MIL is on grandchild 11 with 12 due anyday and I swear she gets more excited with each one. My parents only have one, and they love her but I have no doubt they'll love the next ones that come along too just as much.

Consider this too. Free handmedowns for life. Your child will have built in playmates for life with cousins. Cube as a ton of cousins and H's side and it's great they all play and dote on each other. Cube is the only one on my side and it'll be awhile before she has cousins...I'm a bit sad for her.

Basically, hang in there. I know it's hard but it's for the best and it'll be that much more worth it in the end. I know this is trite and stupid and I would've b*tchslapped anyone who told me this 3 years ago, but live in the moments you have. You're never going to get them back. You do what you do now for a reason, so don't wish away what's awesome about now on your future. Like I said, lamesauce but it really, really is true.

 

Dairy our experience wasn't near has hard as your experience was.  I agree.  H and I wouldn't have made it through this all if we'd only been together a year or two.

Also, Sierra, a lot of us know your back-story with your H.  I think waiting until you feel 100% settled is the right thing.  You need a year or two of things being calm before diving into babies.  

dairygirl19

Katie: You were going where I was going in about 200 shorter words..lol. I just babble.

Any situation is hard no matter what when you're the one in the middle of it.

My jist was being married is hard enough, twice as hard with a kid. That adjustment issue when you're first married is tough.  Sierra, with your sometimes H issues waiting is your best interest for sure as much as it sucks now.