Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How would you feel?
How would you feel if you found a chat log on your H's facebook with and ex of his that said the following things:
"Sorry to hear about your breakup, any man would be lucky to have you"
and
"I like your newest profile pic"
Re: How would you feel?
How would I feel if it were my H? Meh, he loves me and our life together and most of his exes are hot messes. He's probably just making conversation.
I can see where it might be concerning in someone else's relationship, though.
im on the ipad right now actually, where he keeps his facebook always logged in. sohe had to know that there was a possibility that id see it.
the only reason i went into it is because before i unlocked the ipad, i saw her reply to him come up as a notification. and it got me curious so i went to look
Eh it sounds harmless and that your DH was just being friendly.
Honestly if he had something to hide, he would have logged out.
her profile pic was just a close face shot. she is pretty, there is no doubt.
the comment about any man being lucky to have her throws me though. this is the ex that he found cheating on him and who he says broke his heart.
eh, maybe my H is just super nice and plus it was so long ago when they broke up.
that is a darn good question, one which i dont have an answer to. i guess im just a really jealous person.
Yeahhhh I think you're definitely overreacting. Considering the fact that she cheated on him and there's no past history of him being a cheaterpants... you need to chill.
"Any guy would be lucky to have you" seems like he's just trying to be nice/doesn't know what to say to her and not like he's trying to fuuuck her.
Without anything else to go on, it could be just him being nice. There are a few girls from HS my H will see occasionally and say, "Hey, look at you, you look great!" Then in the car he'll be like, whoa, she got huge!
If she's telling him a sad breakup story it wouldn't bother me to have him say "any guy would be lucky to have you" just for the sake of being nice.
Why is it affecting you so much? There's something going on below the surface with you if it is. Do you feel like your husband doesn't find you attractive/appreciate you enough/isn't intimate with you as much as you'd like?
"Any guy would be lucky to have you" is one of those trite things you say to someone you don't know very well who's going through a breakup. That, coupled with him complimenting her profile pic, makes me think he's trying to give her an ego boost.
If you feel it's disrespectful though, tell him. If he doesn't stop, then that's when you get concerned.
I'm assuming this was in response to my questions? If so, then FUUUCKING TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND LIKE AN ADULT.
Stop pouting and tell him everything you're feeling and why. Fess up to snooping on his Facebook and tell him that its affecting you irrationally because of the issues you have. If he doesnt know all this sh!t is going on in your head then he can't do anything about it and you're just going to sit there being resentful and pitying yourself. Sack up and start making the changes happen.
If you are feeling distant or an emotional issue with your husband then that is a separate issue. It could be just that this innocuous conversation brought it to the surface.
Definitely talk to your husband. Let him know how you feel.
This whole thing is disturbing to me. Why would he have to have known that you would possibly go into his messages if he was logged in? When my FI is logged in and I need to use the computer, I log him out and move on. I don't go searching through his page.
Also, if you saw the notification, why wouldn't you just ask him what the message was about rather than just going and looking for yourself?
It seems you are looking to find something and I'm wondering why. Is there a backstory you're not providing here? Is your DH untrustworthy? Do you have issues with trust?
Actually, I do think it's inappropriate to be all melodramatic and "oohhh, she cheated and broke my heart" about an ex to your current squeeze, and then keep in contact with her. Though what he said was not terribly awful, I'd be raising an eyebrow and bringing it up with a hearty "wtf?" to him.
Did you know he kept in contact with her?
We don't know that they've been keeping in touch or if this was a random message and they're not even friends on FB.
Something smells fishy in this situation.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
It could just be that they're fb friends, and he commented on a recent status update about her breakup. But still, IMO you can't expect a former flame to feel harmless to your SO after any melodramatic whining about how heartbroken you were over her. You can either whine and be dramatic about your exes and have no contact with them whatsoever (including fb), or you can discuss your past neutrally and keep in some form of contact. Not both.
Of course, I recommend not being a dramatic baby AND not staying in contact, but for some reason a lot of people are incapable of this.
they are facebook friends and she sent him a msg on chat first.
he brought up the break up, i assume because she had a status update about it.
i dont like him being friends with her and said so a long time ago. he told me he would be transparent about his interactions with her and so i havent really thought twice about it since she intially sent him a request and we talked about it, which was several years back now.
What was his reasoning on why he needs to stay in contact with her, despite it making his wife uncomfortable? And how does this current interaction play into the transparency he promised?