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Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls
Saw this on a friend's FB feed, and something about this article is rubbing me the wrong way. I get the point is to make girls feel good about themselves, but something about the first message about not wearing low-cut clothing, specifically, making me feel...ick. I'm not sure I agree with other parts of it, either.
Thoughts?
Ten Things I Want To Tell Teenage Girls
March 25, 2012 in Blog with 713 Comments
1. If you choose to wear shirts that show off your boobs, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you will attract the kind of boys that like to look down girls? shirts. If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls? boobs and chase skirts, then great job; keep it up. If you don?t want to date a guy who ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling. All attention is not equal. You think you want attention, but you don?t. You want respect. All attention is not equal.
2. Don?t go to the tanning bed. You?ll thank me when you go to your high school reunion and you look like you?ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly known as classmates ? well, at least next to the ones that haven?t died from skin cancer.
3. When you talk about your friends ?anonymously? on Facebook, we know exactly who you?re talking about. People are smarter than you think they are. Stop posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad of ways your friends disappoint you.
4. Newsflash: the number of times you say ?I hate drama? is a pretty good indicator of how much you love drama. Non-dramatic people don?t feel the need to discuss all the drama they didn?t start and aren?t involved in.
5. ?Follow your heart? is probably the worst advice ever.
6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior because you are an emotional being. Emotion is good; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Emotion makes us better ? so long as it remains in it?s proper place: subject to truth and reason.
7. Smoking is not cool.
8. Stop saying things like, ?I don?t care what anyone thinks about me.? First of all, that?s not true. And second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective shift. Your reputation matters ? greatly. You should care what people think of you.
9. Don?t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention. Don?t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will carry it for you. Don?t play dumb to stroke someone?s ego. Don?t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention and expect to be taken seriously, ever. You can?t have it both ways. Either you show the world that you have a brain and passions and skills, or you don?t. There are no damsels in distress managing corporations, running countries, or managing households. The minute you start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you?ve got.
10. You are beautiful. You are enough. The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough. You are not thin enough. You are not tan enough. You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough. Your teeth are not white enough. Your legs are not long enough. Your clothes are not stylish enough. You are not educated enough. You don?t have enough experience. You are not creative enough.
There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.
You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.
You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored. There has never been, and there will never be another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.
You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are enough.
http://kateelizabethconner.com/ten-things-i-want-to-tell-teenage-girls/
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Re: Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls
So much to like here, but just as much to not like.
News flash, it shouldn't matter what you wear. Full stop. However, there also isn't a man alive who will not ogle given a chance. Empower, not hide.
Follow your heart can be amazing advice given the right circumstances. When you stop thinking a little bit with your heart you become a smidgen hard, and I like being a woman with soft edges.
I can't start with number 10, what a way to mess up a good message by tearing a teenage girl down first.
I think its good advice.
But
Teenagedme most likely would not have listened.
Also 5 is follow you heart, but 6 wants you to be emotional
I definitely think it's a bad blog post.
In regards to #1, I don't think I should have to alter the way I dress because boys have no self control. It's like people telling rape victims they *maybekindasorta* deserved it by the way they dressed. Obviously he's not going to that extreme but it's still there.
I also think it plays on a lot of stereotypes of girls that are often used negatively. Sure there is some good things in there but he negates the point of his blog by the stupid things he adds.
That and the smoking. I would be fully on board if she had also thrown in there to wear sunscreen, moisturize and drink lots of water
In seriousness, I think its a great list, but again, my teenaged self would have not listened and I wish there had been more emphasis on watching what you post online because that is a huge issue. Also, I didn't take #1 to mean that a girl is asking to be assaulted based on how she dresses. Not at all.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
I think it was written by a she.
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The bolded is true, but I do wonder about the self-esteem of young girls who feel the need to constantly wear revealing clothing.
Maybe you shouldn't, but it's the reality of life. Teenage boys can't help but look at boobs in a tight or low cut shirt (and a lot of men for that matter). You may not like it, but that's the way it is and you're probably not going to ever change it. Teenage girls have noticed this and they've noticed that it's a very easy way to get boys' attention. But the point of this is that yes, it will get boys to look at you, but that's all it does. It doesn't make them like you, it doesn't make them fall in love with you, it doesn't make them respect you. That's where your personality and the kind of person you are matters.
Thank you. Really. That means a lot coming from you. It was never an uphill battle with her, but we started out at day one instilling her own self worth into her without trying to beat her sexuality out of her.
Don't say that to F&B. Tanning apparently makes you skinnier. Not even makes-you-look skinnier. Makes you skinnier. I haven't posted on F&B for a while. I'm kind of taking a break.
Zuma Zoom
It's all good points, but the bolded is just a bit too schmaltzy for me. I think a lot of girls who could benefit most from the message unfortunately aren't in situations where they are loved more they they can comprehend, and aren't as adored as they should be by the people in their lives. So a teen girl in a vulnerable environment might read this last part and have it not really ring true, and discount the other stuff.
It could be that I'm just jaded though (I work with kids in state custody). Growing up, most of it was probably something I needed to hear, but probably wouldn't have "heard". Some of it, like "don't follow your heart"? That makes sense to me as an adult because I'm mature enough to know what the nuances of that advice are. As as a teenager it would have just confused me.
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Have you ever known anyone NOT to lose weight during chemo?
No.
However, the F&Bers that tan are immune to cancer from tanning. Which is why they still do it. Clearly.
Zuma Zoom
bingo
When I was a teenager and university student, i LOVED tanning beds. LOVED them. It scares the crap out of me that I was so stupid. Fortunately, I've got pretty mole-free skin, so I *should* be able to notice something if it appears.
I think the list is great as it is. Is it perfect? NO. But it speaks to the demographic it is trying to reach.
I guess to me it depends on the author's definition of a low cut shirt. I would never be okay with my daughter wearing clubbing gear or see through shirts to school but a t-shirt that shows a little cleavage wouldn't be a big deal to me. I don't remember ever being ogled in school because I wore a lowish cut shirt.
I just hate the idea that my daughter won't be able to wear clothes that maybe she prefers because she likes them just because others (mainly boys, I guess) would be less likely to take her seriously or realize what an amazing person she could be. I think their should be a dialogue to both sexes about not valuing a person based on their breasts or physical features and taking the time to get to know them for who they are and not how they are dressed.
I also think a lot of these things the author discusses could be said to both sexes and I think what bugs me is that it's specifically targeted towards females.
i'm not around teenagers a lot, and everyone under age 25 looks to me like they're wearing clothes that need better underclothes and more layers.
but portions of this message are stupid. dressing to show off your best assets sometimes (even boobs!) isn't mutually exclusive with:
A) having self worth;
C) finding a respectful and loving partner who doesn't "chase skirts";
D) being smart, deep, reflective, personable, friendly, motivated, ambitious, etc.;
E) not buying into the beauty industry.
That is insane. I don't think most fashion models/ actresses non Jersey shore celebs tan, right? Spray tan yes. Real tan? Not anymore. I think.
Ding ding ding!
I think this (plus the implied - "you're asking for it" mentality) is what made that first paragraph bothersome to me.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
AND ANOTHER THING, i get so annoyed at the whole "it's okay to be emotional!" message. of COURSE it's okay to be emotional, why are women beating this drum so much? personally, i'm a wee bit mercurial at times. but there is a time and a place for certain emotions--just because you have them doesn't mean you surrender to them and then chalk it up to "oopsie! it's just my double X chromosome! tee hee!" and men can have emotions too.
i'm not even able to articulate why this annoys me so much. but it does. i'm expected to be all emotional in the workplace because i'm a woman and care deeply and all this nonsense, and if i'm not, i'm a robot biitch. but if i am, i'm a softie and maybe "not ready" for real responsibility. it's lose-lose. and saying "don't let people make you feel bad for being emotional" is missing the point.
I agree with most of this. As far as #1, I think there is something to be said for dressing modestly. Not "Duggar modestly," but in a way that doesn't INTENTIONALLY draw attention to your boobs. I say intentionally, because, well, boys are always going to be looking at girls' boobs.
As far as #6, I think teenagers need to learn to control their emotions to some extent. Nothing wrong with having emotions, but learn not to let them control your behavior.
But she has JESUS. (I recognized the telltale signs of Jesus-y speak and went to the author's blog to confirm).