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Other side: "Why don't you just gain some weight?"
I had resolved to stay out of the "fat" threads, but eh. Here goes.
::puts on flame-resistant suit::
I didn't see it mentioned at all about how d0uchey people are to thin women sometimes. Before becoming pregnant, I was 5'4 and 120 lbs, but spent most of my adult life at closer to 110 pounds. My measurements were usually about 34-25-35. I couldn't find bras in my band size (30) at many stores and actually got a PT job at my favorite store at one point in large part to snap up my size as soon as it would arrive. That store, like many others, would order 2-3 pieces of each garment in the smallest and largest 2 sizes and a whole ton in the middle sizes, so that anyone on the extremes would have a hard time finding clothes. Including the thin people.
I was told SO MANY TIMES to "just have a donut already" or "why don't you just gain some weight?" Exercising less only made me smaller in some places to cancel out getting bigger in others. Eating actual donuts with any regularity made my IBS flare up, so I'd just sh*t lava all day and lose more weight. As a child, my own mother would lay into me until I cried about how I had to eat more so people wouldn't think she was starving me. I was put on whole milk diets to help me "fill out," told I couldn't leave the table until I ate three plates of food, and punished if I ever threw up from over-eating. I didn't get bigger and sometimes hated myself for it, even though I only wanted to gain weight to make other people happy. Calorie counting and constant weigh-ins were just depressing.
The worst times were when women would approach my H while we were out and smugly hand him their phone numbers, saying to call them when he wanted a "real woman." This actually happened. More than once. A friend of the family actually called me a skinny b*tch wh*re to my face when I called her on it. I can't think of anything I said or did to get that kind of resentment other than having the gall to not put on the Freshman 15 like she did. A former coworker saw me get a special K bar from a vending machine once and blew up at me for what she thought was me going on a diet (I wasn't, I meant to push the button for the peanuts). Her diatribe included something like, "How does he even f*ck you without breaking your hips? You must be a terrible lay." Why the hell does anyone think that can say that to another person?
Up until I became pregnant, there wasn't much I could do about gaining weight, but everyone expected me to do something to get bigger. SO many comments about me being too thin, although I was in a healthy range according to both body fat% and BMI. SO many comments about how if I wanted to wear that outfit, I should just eat more. SO much snark and rudeness from clerks whenever I'd return gift clothing that was too big. People would tell me to shop in children's sizes (nope, too tall). It was even suggested to me that I get breast implants to help me fit better into dresses since my bottom size was bigger than my top size. Don't ask me how I haven't punched somebody in the face for that one, because I don't know.
This is just other women. Don't even get me started on sh*t that men say about small breasts. Somebody told me once that I shouldn't bother talking to him because he "wasn't interested in f*cking Peter Pan." I think I had approached him to ask for the time because my cell phone battery died. Yeah. Thin women are all desperate wh*res, right? And we all starve ourselves just for the amusement of men, right? So if you're a man and I'm talking to you, it must be because my skinny @ss wants to ride your f*ckstick, so you should treat me like I'm worthless.
The sad thing is that now I'm pregnant, I know that if I don't lose the weight and look like I did before, people will give me sh*t for that, too. If I do lose it, it will be more of the same old comments about being skinny. I'm going to be hassled for my weight no matter what I do. People will assume I am unhealthy, no matter what I do.
So, to the larger ladies, you're not the only ones who deal with bad attitudes, unreasonable expectations, and diminished clothing choices. You are not the only ones made to feel ashamed for wearing a swimsuit. You aren't the only ones getting talked about behind your back or lashed out at by random people. My sister has struggled with her weight all her life, but on the other side of the spectrum, and we talk all the time about how she's told the same things, but with "big" swapped out for "little." I think instead of a "fat acceptance" movement there should be a "shut your f*cking mouth about telling people what to do with their bodies" movement that would include, I guess, most women.
/end rant
Re: Other side: "Why don't you just gain some weight?"
Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
I hear ya. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me how much I weigh (an inappropriate question regardless of size), I'd be part of the 1%.
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MrsA, I've been called anorexic by strangers, had friend of friends question if I was bulimic because I had the gall to go the bathroom after a meal. "Do you ever eat?!?" is a personal favorite.
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Okay, first, I feel for you. Really. No one should be made to feel ashamed of their bodies. And of course, this mostly happens to women. It sucks. It's awful. It's one thing I hate about our culture.
However, society is infinitely more accepting of too skinny than too fat. It's called thin priviledge. So yes, while most people have body image issues, shaming thin people isn't culturally ingrained the way hatred of fat people is. Please see yesterday's threads where it was assured that thin people have a lot of self-discipline and that's why they are thin. Fat people are assumed to lack self-control, to smell because we can't wash ourselves properly, to be lazy, to love junk food and eat all the time, to be sexually unattractive, etc, etc, etc.
40/112
My best friend has this issue and she's probably the most supportive friend I have as I struggle with my weight because she's got her own weight struggle and issues. Interestingly enough she turns to me for fashion advice because I can dress her little body better than she can. (<--This is how I know there is a skinny chick drowning inside my fat).
You know, someone always has it worse. That makes the discussion invalid? The point is that the other side of the spectrum gets unfairly judged, receives horrible comments at times, etc. Yeah, I don't get perceived as lazy, but comments about anorexia and bulimia are pretty hurtful.
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I have no doubt that in my less enlightened, less sensitive days, I probably said some insensitive things about skinny people. For that, I am sorry. And I am sorry that people say rude things to you. I will say that my comments were always coming from a place of jealousy, not disgust. I would hazard a guess that this is probably the biggest different between most anti-skinny comments and most anti-fat comments.
But I completely agree about people shutting their f*cking mouths about other people's bodies, regardless of size and shape. Talking about weight as a public health issue is one thing. Being an assholio to anyone is another.
Unless you are a medical professional and I asked your opinion, I don't want your opinion.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
As someone who used to be extremely thin, I agree with you. People are cruel and say hurtful, hateful things across the board. Somehow our society thinks it is more acceptible to point the finger at the skinny person and say awful, rude things in the guise that "everyone wants to be like you". I've seen it on this board with the posts about models and how "bizarre" their bodies look.
So I guess what I want to say is - especially as women - I wish we could promote more body acceptance across the board. And perhaps by doing that, it would help us all discontinue the feelings of self loathing which seem to be running rampant among us.
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This. It's no one's place to comment on anyone's weight. Ever. A parent (who doesn't even know my name) asked our athletic director if I had cancer because I've lost so much weight this year. Really?!?!
Yes,I'm smiling...I'm a marathoner!
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2011 Bests
5K-22:49 10K-47:38 Half Mary-1:51:50
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1/1-New Year's 5K-22:11
2/11-Sweetheart Classic 4-mile-29:49
3/24-Coulee Chase 5K-21:40
5/6-Colorado Marathon-4:08:30
5/28-Bolder Boulder 10K
I don't buy this. I have always been very tall and very skinny - 6'0" and my pre-pg weight was 135-140. I am basically shaped like a stick figure.
EVERYONE comments on my weight. Total strangers ask me if I am anorexic. People are constantly telling me to eat something. I am one of those genetically lucky people who can shovel food down and never gain weight, and really I am super grateful for it, but it is incredibly frustrating to constantly have to defend yourself to everyone. Sometimes I think it is more acceptable to shame skinny people.
SOOOOOOOOO Been Here. I only started gaining weight after I hit age 31. I'm still small - right at 139lbs and I'm 5'7". But I spent the majority of my life at 112-115lbs. In jr high, I had a friend of mine was asked if I had an eating disorder. She told them HELL NO. But that hurts.
When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter, my co-workers were all "Oh you'll gain weight now!" And had some secret desire for me to be a post-partum Goodyear Blimp. I lost all the weight. I do mean ALL of it. Again, I lost all my pregnancy weight. I had a church member who is a Zumba Instructor tell me - "Oh, after you have the baby, I can help you lose the weight!" My friend laughed at her and said "Trust, you won't need to do that. She doesn't keep pregnancy weight."
ding ding
I'm not going to flame you in the slightest. It sucks to be judged. Period.
Maybe if people didn't make so many assumptions (I exercise and I'm not fat so it should work for everyone OR I could never be that skinny without starving myself so clearly she's a raving anorexic) we wouldn't constantly be judging each other. It's like we forget that people come in all different shapes and sizes.
Unfortunately with weight, it's such a hugely emotional issue for many women (I've never heard of men behaving like you mentioned, that's just awful and presumptious) that it's like we sometimes can't help but project our own issues onto others. If my Mom has gained weight, she'll tell me I look horrible. If she's feeling better about herself, she's far more complimentary even if I'm the same size/weight. It's not about ME at all. I wish I could've realized that years sooner.
Sorry if I didn't have much of a point, just that I hear you and I'm sorry.
p.s. as a fellow size 30, I feel your pain on finding bras.
The discussion isn't invalid at all. I just don't think the two are an apples to apples comparison.
Everyone gets bullied for something. Their name, their ethnicity, their athleticism, their lack of athleticism, their weight, their height, their hair color, their religion. It all sucks. On a personal level, I think it's all equally as hurtful. On a cultural level, I think it's ridiculous to say that thin people have it just as hard as, say, Muslims, because both get insults lobbed at them at the personal level.
40/112
Hush up and eat this biscuit now!
People used to make hurtful comments to me about my size a lot, like asking if I ever ate or telling me I looked like a twelve year old. One time my father and his girlfriend confronted me about my weight and having an eating disorder while we were eating at McDonalds of all places. Interestingly, no one has really said anything to me since I had children even though I am still just as short and thin.
It sucks that our culture is so fixated on women's bodies. I do think it is harder to be overweight than to be too skinny in our culture though. There is much more of a stigma attached to obesity.
Iris Victoria {9.13.08} Augusto Morgan {4.30.11}
Maybe not acceptable so much as that people assume that anyone who is thin today has NEVER struggled with their weight, NEVER had body image issues or maybe it's more akin to what was brought up yesterday, somehow they weren't aware that they're thinner than average. Or that it's somehow complimentary so it's okay to openly judge.
People make jokes about my body all the time and it makes me want to crawl under a table, knowing that people are paying that much attention to and scrutinzing my body. It makes me feel so exposed and makes me focus on the size and shape of my body, which I've really tried to learn NOT to do so much.
That said, it's probably why I'm always so shocked to hear the terrible things that strangers say to one of my obses co-workers. I know it sucks for people to make rude comments so I'd never in a million years think to make them to others.
She was a repeat offender. She was dieting and quitting smoking at once and had previously told me to go f*ck myself because she overheard me telling somebody that my favorite chocolate bar only had 100 calories. It was just convenient for her to let loose on me when she was having bad days, which was like all the time. I also heard her calling our HR head a c*nt because she came back to work after having her baby and had already lost all the weight. Just very, very bitter and mean anytime she saw somebody succeeding where she perceived herself to have failed.
ETA: I'm glad people aren't d*cks to you about your body shape, though. It's nice to know that at least a few of us get away with not having people hassle them about it.
I'me 5'3" and was 110 before getting pregnant. I weighed much less than that when I was younger. I've never had the experience she has. Never.
This. However, I'm going to also say that women are generally shiiitheads to each other when it comes to each others bodies. Here on this board we've got the Jessica Simpson threads of late. I've seen numerous offhand comments here about skinnier supermodels and "Oh, eat a sandwich". Then the whole "5'6" and 150 is overweight/obese" from yesterday debacle.
Overweight women get criticized. Thin women get criticized. Athletic women get criticized. So what's good enough? When do we stop criticizing?
So I think the real question we need to ask ourselves is why we (the general we, not anyone specifically on this board) feel the need to be such hors about bodies and weight, to the point that someone feels the need to create an AE to talk frankly about their weight. Because that just made me sad yesterday.
What needs to happen so that we as women CAN promote this acceptance and support of each other, rather than constant criticism and tearing down of each other?
ITA. I've been on the receiving end of these kinds of comments since I was a teenager. They've always been said jokingly, usually with an undercurrent of envy, and absolutely never with the kind of disgust people talked about in the threads yesterday. I don't think you can really compare here bc Msmery is right, there *is* such a thing as thin privilege in our society. These kinds of comments or questions are more on the level of causing a minor annoyance than deep pain and I would never think to publicly complain about it.
I am not sure I am wording this well, but here goes:
Nothing wrong with discussing the experiences, but I don't know if I really view this as the exact opposite side of the discussion yesterday. I have witnessed people saying mean things to friends of mine who are very thin, but the difference is that those comments always (or at least seemed to) come from a place of jealousy. It doesn't make it right or any less hurtful to the person, but it is still hard to equate it to the same disdain for obesity in our society that triggers insults made to people who are overweight. In general though, I think we as women get an amazing amount of scrutiny for our outside appearances. There is not one woman I know who hasn't wanted to change something about their body due to some perceived ideal or an insult from someone who thinks they are making some kind of innocent comment. Maybe God doesn't love us as much as men. : )
Oh and my all-time favorite Thin Attack was by my late grandfather.
Imagine Christmas dinner, you miscarried earlier in the year and you are told ...
"Well, if you would gain some weight, you could keep a baby."
I can definitely relate. I'm 5'11" and have always been very thin (120lbs in high school, maybe 135 now). It's true that very thin people get mean comments all the time. I could post a wall o' text of all the mean-spirited, embarrassing comments people have said to me. I still get them a lot and I'm in my 30s so it never stops. That said, I don't think skinny people have it nearly as bad as fat people. I used to think we did, especially in the wake of such comments as, "you won't be able to carry a child until you put some meat on your bones" (luckily this was said to me before I did 3 IVF cycles, otherwise I'd be in jail, but I never forgot it.) Whenever I complained to my friends about the mean "are you anorexic?" comments I was always told, "it's because they're jealous." That didn't make me feel better, but it IS true that most of those comments are coming from that place. That's not true of the mean comments said to obese people. Those are just flat out cruel for no other reason than cruelty. Skinny people, especially tall ones, are idolized by entire industries (modeling, hollywood, etc) Fat people are mostly just [presented as] caricatures [in the media](edited to clarify). So while the comments hurt, we can at least turn to pop culture for emotional backup. As far as clothes go, I have no problem finding clothes to fit my skinniness. I have a lot of problems finding tall enough clothes though. I don't think the skinny size issues can compare to that of larger women's sizes. Tall sizes, maybe. (In that they're hard to find, limited and usually not made to look good on tall frames)
I do think though that some skinny women can relate well to some of the food issues of obese women. Everyone has their own stories of weight issues so this may not apply to others, but for me, I think know how difficult it is to try to force yourself to eat differently than you want to eat. I have almost no self control when it comes to food. My cholesterol is probably ridiculous for someone of my size and age. But I lucked out in that I don't crave sweets or snacks or fast food, hardly ever. I just don't like to eat fatty foods and I don't eat enough healthy food to put on much weight. When I was pregnant and told I had to eat 30g of protein 3x a day at least it was VERY hard for me. The only reason I had the willpower to do it was b/c I was terrified of miscarrying. Now, I could never eat enough good food to gain weight properly and if I were told by a bunch of people that I had to do so in order to be healthy or look good, I would fail and be miserable. There are a lot of other factors that go in to weight loss struggles that I have no clue about, but that one aspect I relate to. I hope I didn't offend a bunch of people. I'm extremely sensitive about weight issues IRL, and I don't know of a way to word this without pissing some people off, but I tried.
No one deserves to be made fun of for their size, regardless of what it is.
I am sorry people are so rude. You don't deserve it.
i am sorry that you guys are made fun of for being thin but i don't think the prejudice can be equally compared.
i can't remember the last time i've seen someone on peopleofwalmart.com simply for being extremely thin, or a video of a thin person riding a rascal down the road posted on here and mocked.
i'm not saying the shaming doesn't exist, but it's far from the same.