Sex & Romance
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Should I Cheat? Need Advice!!
Cheating is never the solution. It sounds like you love your husband and want your marriage to work, and cheating would make things worse.
As for having an orgasm, don't go to another man to try to have one. If you have it with another man, you may never have it with your husband, possibly due to guilt on your part or any number of reasons. Talk to your husband. Maybe try counseling. If you go to a church, talk to your religious leader with your husband.
Full disclosure, I didn't read anyone else's response before writing this but will when I finish.
Cheating is a tricky thing. Most of the time it causes a relationship to end but once in a while, it's exactly what needs to happen. Nobody knows which will happen until their in the middle of the experience and only you know if you're willing to gamble your life just to pork another man.
I'm not going into details but I will say that I have first hand experience with this topic through my marriage. It sounds so wrong, but it was the best thing that ever happened to us. I wish it could be undone because of the hurt and pain that was felt, but at the same time; I wouldn't be married right now and blissfully content with my husband if it hadn't.
You can't cheat with the hope that it will fix anything. You can't go into it thinking "Having an orgasm with this guy will make me so happy to go sleep with my climax ignorant hubby!". Because that's BS and we both know it.
Also, I once heard somebody somewhere say that an orgasm is not the responsibility of your partner. You're responsible for your own pleasure and if they want to participate, great. It's your role as the individual wanting to get off to know how you achieve climax and then to show your partner. Your husband isn't in charge of playing operation with your lady garden until you beep, you need to tell him how to do it.
Back to cheating!
You can do it but when you do, you're ending your marriage. There's a chance that a new marriage between you and your husband will be built, but it's not likely and it's not a guarantee.
You can lie, you can keep it to yourself, but do you really want a marriage built on dishonesty and hoarding experiences?
It's a tricky situation, nobody here can tell you if you should or shouldn't because none of us truly know what's in your heart and what you want. Just really examine your feelings and decide what price you're willing to pay; either never sleeping with another man for the rest of your life, or the trust within your marriage.
I know what happened in my marriage and it's F-ed up, but it fixed us. That being said, two of my girlfriends went through the same experience and then had nasty divorces.
Going outside your marriage won't fix problems within your marriage.
I have friends who have found themselves in very similar situations so let me first start by saying that I am NOT judging you at all.
However from the sounds of it you are already cheeting. You may not be having sex with this other man but you want to and it sounds like you have a strong emotional connection to him.
If you really and truely want to make your marriage work you need to sever ties with this other man and give your marrage 100% of your effort. As far as the orgaism goes it could be as simple as opening up to your husband about what you need/like in the bedroom. communication is a critical component of a relationship to include what happens behind closed doors.
If you and your husband decide that it is not going to work and end up apart then who knows maybe you can pursue a relationship with this other man. But for now I would hold off. Following through with this affair will only add to your guilt and confuse you even more when it comes to deciding about your marraige.
Although I would never force my husband to stay with me, I personally do not consider divorce an option for me. I just don't believe that way. I think that relationships do not just disappear. If I loved him once and there was passion once I think there is always a possibility to get back to that somehow...not to say it would be easy.
As far as cheating goes I think that is not a good plan. I understand that in this situation you probably are wanting to feel loved and beautiful, but I think living with the guilt will be a lot harder than what you think.
If I were in your shoes I would tell this business trip guy that you want to try to make things work with your husband and cut ties with him. Since you have become such good friends with him I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but it's the best thing for your family. Ask your husband to go to marriage counseling with you. Men aren't usually into that thing, but he did say he wanted to try to make it work so it's worth a shot.
And the whole orgasm thing....Well sex is a part of marriage not the point of marriage.
Just choose very wisely.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT)
Cheating is NEVER the answer.
Put yourself in your husbands position, how would you feel?
It will not fix anything. If you want to have an orgasm, wouldn't it be great to teach your husband and tell him exactly what to do so he can get it done for the rest of your life? They aren't mind readers, and in the bedroom, usually take direction well!