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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Why oh why do so many guys live with their parents?!
Seriously, over half of the guys that I talk to from online live with their parents, and they are all over 27 years old. Most of them just say they are saving to buy a house.
To me, this is a dealbreaker. I have been on my own since 18, married and divorced, and am now 30. I am not going to have the only place that we can be alone be my studio apartment.
I am sure it is partially regional, since NJ is so expensive, but I would rather live in a tiny one roon studio than with my parents. I don't know, it just seems so odd to me that this is so common.
Am I be irrational here?
Re: Why oh why do so many guys live with their parents?!
No, I think it's weird. They're 3 years away from 30, they have no desire for their own space? This would be a total dealbreaker for me, too.
Right? Ok. good.
AND that's the young side. I have talked to seemingly normal proffesional 30+ year old men who live at home to "save money for a house because they don't want to throw away money on rent". In my opinion it's not throwing money away, I value my independence and space, and I don't feel like seeing your parents when I come over.
I read an article that said up to 20% of adults 18-35 lived with their parents, mostly as a result of this shitty economy, lack of jobs and if they have one, the jobs pay less and the rent is more then ever before.
Wahhoooo.
I will say that I've been looking for a job for a year and can't find anything that pays more than $11.00/ hr. no way could I live on that. In fact, "because I have so much experience" I was just offered a job for a whopping $9.50
Yea
No.
I don't know if you're being irrational or not but I know people living with their parents out of sheer desperation.
If I had to do it over (I just cringed at that thought) I don't think that would be a dealbreaker for me. It would depend on a lot of other factors also though.
The economy sucks and I think living with family can be a viable option to getting from point A to point B a lot faster.
I have a friend who did this. He saved for three years (living with mom and dad) and bought his 700K house with 40% down.
ETA: He was 34 and has a Masters in Education and teaches full time.
If it's your db then it's your db.
Two words: mama's boy. Seriously, a 30+ year old man living with his parents (short of a financial catastrophe) still has an umbilical cord. I know loads of people who have actually managed to save money for a house WITHOUT living with their parents! And I personally would rather "throw away" my money on rent for the rest of my life than live with my parents to save money.
Now, if this was before the economy went down the shitter, I'd agree with you one hundred thousand percent.
That I could see, but these guys do not seem desperate, jsut willing to mooch off of mommy and daddy for a while longer. I don't know, I have been on my own for 12YEARS. ugh, I can't win.
The attitude is a big difference. I get that the economy is really crappy, but I still think it says a lot about a person working hard to live on their own. I've been completely on my own since I was 19 so I have pretty strong opinions on this as well
Click me, click me!
I think it's jsut a matter of relating to another person. I have a hard time relating to people who always lived at hom, or only moved out for a significant other, then moved back and NEVER lived on his own. I was on my ass and broke in $12,000 of debt when I split from my ex. My dad offered to take me in, I declined, and I survived.
Aaaaalll of this. There are plenty of budget friendly alternatives to living with mommy and daddy. And honestly, if your situation is so sucky that you're forced to live with your parents for a while, then maybe, just maybe you aren't ready to date anyone.
Click me, click me!
But but but...YOU could be the lucky recipient of all that extra cashflow!
Good point about the roommates, too. At least it seems like they're trying at that point, and value some independence.
I don't mind roommates at all, not even a little.
Living with parents, and banging in your parents house =squicky!
I think if you lived in a lower COL area your prospects might not seem so grim? I know you are doing it on your own, but maybe a few of them are saving to buy? Possibly? Or something?
Disclaimer: I moved myself and our 2 kids into my parents house while my husband tried out a job in Westchester...and we realized we could not afford to live within 1.5 hours of his job. Now we live in my parents tenant house for meager rent. So I'm biased, not-just-nest poor X10, and flame away.
"Throwing money away on rent offends me, plus my parents are really cool. All of my friends love them!" Real quote, people, real quote.
Are we 15? lol
Let me clarify for you, these guys are not in dire situations. They have jobs, they could get a place with a roommate or a studio alone. They just choose not to because they would rather buy a house later.
Ladies, welcome to the age of the manchild.
So basically, they want to be able to afford a house without actually living like an adult within their means and trimming back extra shiit in the budget like normal folks.
Instead, they want to have their cake (lovingly prepared by mommy no doubt) and eat it too?
Click me, click me!
And who will they expect to prepare the cake when they move out of mommy's house? NOT THISBITCH. lol
I'd love to tell you it's regional, but I'd be lying. I live in a super Lcol area. Like nice houses for $50k, lcol area.
You would not believe how many times I've walked into a guy's house and met his mother. Surprise!
I finally mentioned on my profile that it's a deal-breaker ;P
I just did this very thing. lol
Now, if they still live with their mom it means that they didn't read my profile either! lol
My husband lived with his parents until he was 30. He saved enough money to buy a nice flat in London, which he would not have been able to do w/o living with his parents - rents in London being crazy. Personally, I wasn't bothered by it as he was willing to give up some of his privacy for financial reasons and because of his choices, we now own a house in London, which is something we could not have done if he hadn't lived with his parents. I think these days, with the economy being the way it is, it's not that unusual in HCOL areas.
Oh, and have to add..he is so not a momma's boy. He did his own laundry, did cleaning, did not have to answer to his parents about where he was, and had his own private spaces to 'live in'. I personally would just a person based on more than the fact that he is living with his parents.
Maybe it's part of the reason they're still single?
It kind of depends whether they really need to live there because maybe they have a ton of debt/lost a job/etc, or whether they're just hanging out because their parents haven't kicked them out.
I can see how it would be a dealbreaker to someone who really values independance.
71 workouts completed in 2012
My husband was living with his parents when I met him. He was almost 3 years out from his divorce, had been let go from a downsizing company, and it was the only way he could attend school & pay his child support instead of being a deadbeat dad.
I moved back home with my parents after college, though. I was able to pay almost all of my students loans, and save enough for a down payment on my house.
That being said, I never had anyone over to my parents' house, and I never went over to my husband's parents' house, either.
I think it would bother me to the point of deal-breaker too. Moving home for a short time after a breakup, job loss or cross country move, NBD. But staying home to sock away money? That just seems like taking advantage of my parents space & generosity.
I wouldn't want my parents' empty nest stage to be put off indefinitely, so I couldn't handle someone else do it to theirs. I felt like my parents really needed time together without us after we'd grown. They spent so much time focusing on our needs, or making accommodations for us, it was their turn for some independence. I don't think living together even without rules solves that.