Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Fiance emotional cheating
Some things will happen if you marry this guy-
1. Someone will always know more about your life than you do. His GF, (he will have one) him, some of his friends, etc. But it won't be you.
2. You will always be looking for signs, checking on him, looking behind you for clues, microanaylizing everything he says and does.
3. You will be teaching your child that this is acceptable behavior
4. You will always be waiting for him to leave you. And he will at some point. Probably when you have more children.
Sigh, I could go on forever. I am not telling you to leave him, because some internet stranger won't be able to convince you of that. So I won't try. Just know you have to accept the above, plus so much more to make your "marriage" work. And it will get way worse than that. Your self esteem will end up in the garbage. You will turn into someone you don't even regonize. You will walk on egg shells and start to change everything about yourself to make it "better".
And sadly, it won't work. One day you will either have enough or he will just leave you. And either way, you will have to deal with the fall out of ending the relationship and dealing with explaining it to your now older, more aware child/children.
Go to survivinginfidelity.com and read the forum. Its a clear view of how this is going to go. Speaking from my own expreience, and the experience of other women who have gone through this. Good luck. I really do wish you the best. (sorry for the spelling mistakes, my work computer doesn't support the spell check and I am going fast)
I can't figure out why you still are interested. Unless you figure cheating only involves intercourse and chatting up women on line, therefore, isn't cheating.
How can we convince you that this guy's a rat, has no respect for you, and is cheating on you?
If you didn't have a child together, and you'd only been dating a year, what would you do? Would you even bother ever talking to him again?
Answering this, even privately, will clarify whether you're there because you're genuinely happy with him, or whether you're with him because you've sunk a lot of time into him and you're stuck with him because of the kid anyway.
I'm writing before reading the other responses, so forgive me if I am repeating anything. Honestly, my best advice is to get out and stay out. I could have (and I think I did) written this post myself, except we didn't have a child together, and I still married the man. 5 years and 2 kids later, we got divorced because in spite of years of promises to "change" he never did. We tried marriage counseling, trial separations, it always ended with him crying and begging me to take him back and promises of change that never happened. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, but you and your daughter deserve better.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
My exh did this to me after we were married, but with girls he knew from his past (as opposed to the chat room your's used). Let me just say from experience, you will always be looking over your shoulder if you stay with this man. Being a single mom is a lot easier and less stressful than feeling like you always have to check in on things. Find someone who will respect you and your relationship.
My bf and I had a conversation about this before he went to a bachelor party last year that involved strip clubs. I have nothing against strip clubs in theory, but have heard stories of sick and wrong things going on at bachelor parties where strippers are involved. During the conversation about our personal "limits" bf said something to the effect of "he would never do anything that would dishonor me -- in public or private." That sums it up for me. What your fi did is dishonorable. You deserve more than that.
1. He cheated. 2. You have said yourself that you don't think you can ever trust him again. Relationships of any kind require trust. Would you stay friends with someone you didn't trust? I know it's difficult because there is a child and a wedding but if he isn't committed now, what makes you think a wedding will change that? Hell, having a child together didn't change his behavior.
IMO Run. While you still can.
However......I will play the other side.................. If you feel he can change and truely want to work on this then fine. Only you can make that decision. But you NEED to postpone the wedding until things are better. Don't just trust that they WILL get better. HE needs to get help. He needs to prove himself to you. Until he does so, do not marry him.
Talk to your venues and ask to move your date out a year and see if they will transfer your deposit to a new date. Even if they won't, it's better to be out a few $100 in deposits than to have a wedding only to end up divorced.
Bless your heart. I don't believe this.not.one.minute.
Online affairs are simple because you can easily have a one night hit it and quit it with some random chick. And if he's video chatting it up, how do you not know if he's jacking off on video?
He's lying honey. He's creating online personas because there is something wrong with him. This is not something you can fix. Do NO go into a marriage with a person who has clearly violated your trust. Run away quick fast and in a hurry.
What did you want to accomplish by posting here? Did you think people would tell you it was ok?
Fine, I'll pull out the counseling card. And maybe a good counselor will help you figure out why you think this is what you deserve.
If he's so sorry, what specifically is he going to do to change his behavior? Is he going to get help? Give you access to everything he does? Show you his phone anytime you want, hand over all passwords? The whole "I'll try not to do it again" will not be enough.
I think you already know what the right thing to do is, or else you wouldn't have posted questioning your FI's actions. Get your ducks in a row and do it.