Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: splitting the cost of expensive BC
Well you do realize that your arguments don't sound so good, right? Saying that he wouldn't know that it lasts for ten years and that he wouldn't ask for money back if you break up because he's been generous to girlfriends in the past....
Like you said, he has two kids to spend money on. Shelling out $600 to pay for your long term BC is probably last on his list of priorities.
Yep, I'd personally bow out of that relationship really quickly.
But given the weird history of this guy and his own kids, this whole relationship feels off.Agreed. It would be an awkward convo where I would say "Let me think about it" and NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.
This really sounds like you're ok with being dishonest and taking advantage of his good nature. I wouldn't feel to good about that personally.
A friend of mine once wrapped up a package of her (new) birth control pills for her boyfriend - as if to say "I'm going on the pill so you don't have to use condoms." Obviously, they weren't cheap, so she did this for a holiday or V'day or his birthday. I thought it was incredibly tacky.
I would not ask a new boyfriend to pay for my BC. A long-term partner (that I wasn't married to)? Yes, but not someone that new.
Yep this. ALL of this.
This.... it also seems like you're trying to "pin him down" for the next ten years in an odd, underhanded way. I realize that is a lot of money, but if you're not living together or engaged, it's looks very tacky.
This. I would only do this if I had been with someone for 1+ years or if we were engaged/living together, etc.
a) togetherfor 1+ years
b) engaged
c) living together and sharing expenses
My BF offered to help me pay for half of mine, since my insurance doesn't cover it and I told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable accepting his money. He responded with, "Well, if you change your mind, let me know." And that was the end of the discussion.
ETA: I would also like to add that when he and I spoke about it, I brought him the pamphlets and we discussed everything, like mature adults. I didn't hide the fact that it lasts 10 years etc... Why would you not tell him?
Also, something else you mentioned that rubbed me the wrong way was the fact that he makes more than double your salary. Who cares? That has nothing to do with it. My BF makes more than me and I would have never even THOUGHT about asking him to pay for half, even if it cost $5,000.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
You've already decided what you want to do. You just came on here hoping we'd agree with you because I'm betting in your heart you know this is a weird thing to ask of this guy.
I completely agree. You need to find a way to solve your own financial problems, instead of looking for opportunities to mooch off your boyfriend.
Yeah. Agreed. The coming back with "But he doesn't KNOW it lasts ten years" and "He wouldn't make me pay him back if we broke up" are asinine arguments. Regardless of what he knows, it still DOES last 10 years and repayment is still something you would have to consider.
I totally would. I'm so frugal, and expecially by that point in a relationship - I know you guys spend a lot of time at each other's places - I don't think it's out of line to discuss.
That being said, I wouldn't come out and say, so you wanna go in on this? Like another PP said, not to play games, but I'd bring it up in a bc-discussion since it's a decision you'll have to make soon. I'd talk over the pros and cons of the options, tell him you're leaning heavily toward this one, and point out that this would rule out those pesky (and costly, after a while) condoms.
I do think the guy should help pay for bc, but I think if you have only been dating a few months an expensive method like paraguard is a bit much to ask. BCPs made me a crazy b!tch, so I went off them when bf and I had only been dating 4 months or so. We talked about bc options, because that is the responsible thing to do, but we never talked about the financial aspect of it at that point. We ended up going the condom route, and he generally pays for them. Can you try a barrier method (not just condoms, but cervical cap or diaphram?)
Now we live together and are planning to get married next summer, so if a different method of bc was needed, we'd certainly discuss it and I know he'd help pay. But we have been together 18 months and share a lot of financial responsibilities already.
Nope. I wouldn't ask. I think it's weird. Instead, I would put as much money into savings as possible and deal with other methods of birth control over the course of the time it took to save up the cash.
I mean, is it really that big of a deal to use foam/condoms/something else while you save the money?
I've always viewed BC as a "my body, my responsiblity" thing though. Sure, he should be informed but I would hope that the relationship is such that I would be making a responsible decision to protect us both from unwanted circumstances.
I find this bizarre, because Paragard offers a 12 month payment plan separate from your doctor's office. So, you would have to pay the doctor upfront for insertion (which is NOT $1200), and then you pay Paragard for the device and they DO offer a payment plan. Paragard also offers reduced cost devices for women who qualify. It looks like you need to do a little more research on this before looking at your boyfriend as a bank.
http://hcp.paragard.com/procurement-information/payment-options <-- see paragraph 2 under how patients pay for paragard.
Final Siggy Challenge: Favorite photo with FI
At the Apple Orchard
I guess I'm the only one that doesn't think this would be an awful convo to have?
"Hey honey, I'm looking into different forms of birth control. Paraguard worked great, but its so expensive! I don't know if I could afford it. Do you have any ideas?"
Then see where it goes from there