Married Life
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: How do you know when you're ready for kids?
We had a house, stable income and we'd been together for 9 years so we'd had plenty of time for just us. At that point, the idea of never having kids started to be much more scary than the thought of having one.
The nice thing is, pregnancy is LONG. You have a long time to get used to the idea before reality hits. Not to say it isn't still a huge adjustment. But it's not like you say "Okay lets TTC" and then boom a week later they hand you a baby. All of the things that scared me about being a parent are no big deal now. Getting pooped on, yakked on, peed on and not sleeping just don't seem like that big a deal once you're actually holding this little person that is literally, a piece of your heart existing outside of your body. I'm much more disturbed by what a sap I've become than all the gross things I touch
I felt the same way, but surprisingly I've handled sleep deprivation pretty well. Don't get me wrong, it blows, but your body adjusts. Not being able to sleep well for the last part of being pregnant kind of prepares you. Of course H, who could stay up all night playing video games, get a few hours of sleep and be fine the next day, could not handle sleep deprivation caused by the girls at all. That was unexpected and pissed me off.
You really aren't ever "ready". We waited until we felt financially secure and had gone on a few trips before trying. We were at a point where we could comfortably afford day care, diapers, and formula, so we figured we were good. Then we got pregnant, went in for an ultrasound, and there were two in there. Yeah, we were definitely not prepared for that, emotionally or financially. I panicked and started freaking out because all I could think was "how the f*ck are we going to afford this?!". But my mom and my sister said they'd watch the girls and we just pay my sister a little bit for it, and it's all worked out. So even if you're like me and sit there and make spreadsheets and plans and try to consider everything before you decide to have kids, the universe still just laughs at your planning and throws you a curve ball.
Not selfish, you're just acknowledging your needs. Some people are fence-sitters and it's okay. Just ask yourself periodically if you want to live your live mostly for another person for a while. If the idea of a mini youandH isn't terrifying, and is instead intriguing in a realistic way (you are ready to tolerate lack of sleep, self, etc.), maybe you're ready.
We sat on the fence for a while, then fell into the no kids ever territory. It took a loooong time to figure out what we were really doing. I know that it's frustrating.
When I was younger, I always said I didn't want kids. But, one day a little switch flipped inside me and I was like MUST HAVE BABY NOW.
I did think about whether I'd gotten things out of my system that I wanted to do pre-baby. I'd been to Europe by myself, I'd lived downtown, I'd partied... I realized I was at the phase of my life where a Saturday night at home was just as good as going out, and I think then I knew that I was as ready as I ever would be.
Oh, but the sleep deprivation and the worry about breaking them? Yeah, nobody likes sleep deprivation and you'll never get over worrying about them. It's just part of the package, but it gets better with time.