You got words of wisdom? Come on in. (Long, sorry)

sprky79

Everytime you get a message from doucheface, you forward it to Jane.

scottydont

This is a mess, obviously, and since you mentioned that you value the friendship, which means you value her as a person, you tell her all *waves hand around* of this.

She may want to keep dating this scumball, who knows.

Quesera

Kit30:

I just talked to another mutual friend about 5 minutes ago, and apparently they have done this to her, too.  So my guess is Jane knows exactly what was said.

Like I said - the texts, as an isolated incident are no big deal. Gross, but not worth losing the friendship over.  But everything else coupled with this latest thing is just too much for me.

 

Are you kidding me? Those texts are a HUGE deal. Maybe I'm a prude but i would feel pretty violated if I got those texts, compounded by the fact that she knows. How could she do that to you? 

UnderwaterRhymes

What everyone else said.

You need to tell Jane. And if Jane is not bothered by it, that's her prerogative. And if John pulls this shits with you again, tell him to knock it the fvckk off, and block him.

What a douche.

taintedblue

You should tell Jane that the guy is to never contact you. And then you should tell his wife he's cheating. If he's serious about Jane, he'll get a divorce. If not, he'll dump Jane to save his marriage. Jane can then see what a jackhole he is. She'll hate you for a time, but if's she's really a good person, she'll see with time how toxic he was.

UnderwaterRhymes

taintedblue:

You should tell Jane that the guy is to never contact you. And then you should tell his wife he's cheating. If he's serious about Jane, he'll get a divorce. If not, he'll dump Jane to save his marriage. Jane can then see what a jackhole he is. She'll hate you for a time, but if's she's really a good person, she'll see with time how toxic he was.

She might not hate her at all. I once had a friend's boyfriend ask me at a bar if I had "silver dollar sized nipples" or "regular sized nipples," and he proceeded to hit on me for the rest of the night. We were all pretty drunk so I laughed it off, but it really bothered me and I told my friend about it the next day.

She dumped him pretty soon after. No misplaced anger toward me at all.

Kit30

Quesera:

Kit30:

I just talked to another mutual friend about 5 minutes ago, and apparently they have done this to her, too.  So my guess is Jane knows exactly what was said.

Like I said - the texts, as an isolated incident are no big deal. Gross, but not worth losing the friendship over.  But everything else coupled with this latest thing is just too much for me.

 

Are you kidding me? Those texts are a HUGE deal. Maybe I'm a prude but i would feel pretty violated if I got those texts, compounded by the fact that she knows. How could she do that to you? 

No, you're right.  You totally are.   I keep thinking about this and the more I think about it, the more disgusted I am.  At both of them.

Kit30

taintedblue:

You should tell Jane that the guy is to never contact you. And then you should tell his wife he's cheating. If he's serious about Jane, he'll get a divorce. If not, he'll dump Jane to save his marriage. Jane can then see what a jackhole he is. She'll hate you for a time, but if's she's really a good person, she'll see with time how toxic he was.

Wanna hear some shiitt?  The wife knows.  Once she found out, John told her that the affair with Jane would stop.  So John and Jane's contact has been limited lately, but still existent.   John is playing both of the ladies for fools...and apparently both are falling for it.

I'm so incredibly upset at this whole thing. 

NBree

If Jane does know about the texts, then 2 things pop out at me:

1. What kind of friend gives out another friend's number without asking first?  Especially if he has no business texting you.

2. What kind of friend lets her boyfriend send dirty texts to her engaged friend?

That is incredibly disrespectful, to you and to your relationship.

sonrisa

Kit30:

I also just found out that she's been missing a shitton of work to be with this guy, because he can rarely see her in the evenings (you know, cause he has to go home to his WIFE and all that). People are noticing her absence.  If she loses her job, she's screwed.  She obviously needs to support herself and her son.

This is where it would cross my line into "I'm going to have to say something. And repeat it until she hears me." 

'Is he really worth losing your job and screwing your son over? No great love story starts with "and then I lost my job so that he could hide our affair from his wife."  Nor do great life stories.  Time to end this.'

cmeinla

I think you and her other friends should figure out a way to send them to his wife....

Mrs.JulesH-S

Forward EVERY single text he sent you.  Though I am sure she has an idea how douchy he is and is too caught up in his "game" to really care.