Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: This is crazy right?
I think it's pretty easy to see what the problem is.
Your husband has found that he really doesn't enjoy being a husband and father. At age 25, it's really not all that surprising............MOST 25 year olds - especially men - aren't ready for that kind of responsible, tied-down life. You've adapted, he clearly hasn't.
According to you, you two got married without really thinking about it. I'm betting that your first pregnancy was much the same way (you two didn't really think about it and you got pregnant 5 minutes after you got married), and you already admitted that your second pregnancy was a total oops. It looks like your husband is reeling from all of these "decisions" (I use that term loosely), and is dealing with his dissatisfaction of his life in very immature ways. Again, not surprising at age 25.
Counseling is worth a shot.......it won't hurt and you have nothing to lose. But I'd be preparing myself - both mentally and financially - for a divorce in the not-too-distant future. Counseling isn't going to "make" him enjoy being a responsible father and husband if he doesn't want to be those things right now.
Yes, this is crazy.
With all of the other responses, I don't have much more to add other than that marriage couseling and a good dose of financial planning are definitely in order. Your husband needs to understand that he is married, with *two* children whom you did not create by yourself and he needs to step up to the plate. Otherwise, you'll be stepping away from the plate and having the courts force his hand with child support, and the court system is much worse than working it out amicably. Hopefully, the marriage counseling will help him understand that. As for the financial planning, I don't know if its just that your funds are not being used in the most effective manner, or if you are simply are not making enough to cover all of your expenses. If not, then either you or him need to seriouly pursue making more money (if your mom provides free childcare, then yes, you should also pursue another full-time job with more pay) or you need to lay all of your bills out and decide where to make serious cuts. If your student loans are cutting heavily into your living expenses, you can probably request a temporary forebearance due to financially hardship. You should look into that. On top of that, you should also go over your monthly expenses with your husband and take a realistic look at what you need to cut. If you have cable TV, it should be cut. If you have a house phone AND cell phones, the house phone should be cut and use your cells for both. Any money for entertainment and other non-essential expenses should be cut until your financial house is in order. When your income is better aligned with your expenses, then you can start adding those extras back. If your husband is not on board with this, then you do need to walk away, for your sake and the sake of the children. If he's this irresponsible now, it will only get worse over time. Good luck lady.
Yep. My roomie in college taught in Charlotte, NC, and was only paid September through June.
I'm very sorry to say it, but I agree with this. No amount of counseling is going to make him into someone who wants to provide for his children more than he wants a paddleboard.
The sad thing is, once he gets done putting a roof over his own head and paying child support, he will have much less spending money than he does now. His freedom is already gone no matter what he does. But you don't need to carry this dead weight around. I almost never say this to people, but this is the kind of situation where I'd consider ending the marriage.
My first H was like this and never changed. i got so tired of arguing with him every single day about "fun" things we simply COULD NOT afford. And for ANY single person who suggested her H should buy a paddle board when they have TWO children and HUGE debt you are an irresponsible moron too.
And I take HUGE issue with anyone who said anything about 2 incomes not being able to get by. Sorry I live in one of the highest COL places in the US and many many many people here cannot buy things like FOOD or GAS even with two high incomes and no debt. Sorry. It is just the truth. And there are many many jobs that are full time that only pay 10 or 12 dollars an hour!!! Try living every month on that in places where a 1 bedroom apt goes for 2 grand a month?? Do the math.