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Post-nuptial blues?
Just joined so...hello everyone! 
My husband and I got married this past June, June 23rd. We also just got back from our honeymoon. I started having this feeling at the beginning of the honeymoon, which was about a week and a half ago, of just annoyance and regret. Regret I feel is too harsh of a word but it's something like that. Everything my husband did annoyed me and I felt like he was needy and I was starting to think, "why did we get married? what does it even mean?" I figured it was just because we spent a whole week together and I'd get over it once we got home...but I still can't shake it. Even going through the process of changing my name has me wondering, "why?" or "I don't know if I want to." The wedding was great and even for the month after we were just like we always are - totally and sickeningly in love. Just lately I can't shake these feelings. I don't want to feel them, I want to go back to the way I was with him.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you get over it? Do you get over it? Help? 
Thank you!
Re: Post-nuptial blues?
I don't know what else is in the mix here -- how long did you date? what was your relationship like? Did you maybe have some cold feet or hesistation before the wedding?
Why did you get married when you did?
Some more back story will help.
I don't know if what you're feeling is normal or not; if you wish, see a counselor on your own and bounce this off him or her. See what kind of an angle he or she can find. GL.
I got married on June 23rd, '12 as well. After we were married, I kept analyzing the ceremony and the reception. I worked so hard on planning the wedding. Everyone said everything was beautiful and that they had a great time. I did as well. I was just busy trying to be a good host and making sure everything went smoothly.
I got over that after a couple of weeks.
I should be getting my photography in next week. I am still waiting on the videography as well. I think will plan a post wedding house party for all my friends that weren't able to make the wedding (it was kinda far and an evening wedding) as well for the ones that were able to come
I will have food and drinks as well as music and the video footage and photo albums for people to view. I think it will be great.
As far as my husband and I's relationship goes......
We are very happy. I have changed my name and I love carrying his last name. He is also proud to share it with me. We will probably wait 3 or 4 years for a child.
We dated for 7 yrs.
I didn't! I didn't have cold feet and I didn't experience what you're feeling. If anything felt different after the wedding it was just that we felt stronger.
I think you need to give this some time and don't make any quick decisions. It's hard to move past the wedding day because you put so much time into it, but you have to leave that one day behind and look forward. Wait to change your name for a bit until you start feeling better. GL
Yeah, I think you've hit it. That makes a lot of sense. I felt a little better last night. I think it kind of compares to that first time you feel like a true adult, out in the real world kind of feeling. Like you said, a life changing event.
Thank you!
Part of me gets the sense that you were so wrapped up in the wedding and the honeymoon, that you might not have thought through the marriage part and are saying "Now what?"
It could be that you both need to develop on your own a little outside the relationship. If you're getting annoyed, it could just be too much time together. Have you considered taking up a hobby or something?
i know how you feel. I am glad the wedding planning is over. We got married June 30,12. It seem like we clash a lot.
I hyphened my name because my brother passed away feb 18 2011. It was a way to keep it going.
Overall I love my husband and don't regret marrying him.
We got married in April 2012 and I experienced some "just married blues" as well. For me, it was experiencing such a big life change. Like, a part of my life (i.e. my single life) is over. My husband and I are both responsible adults, both career focused and work full-time. The feeling of officially settling down and saying goodbye to any possibility of being irrational and irresponsible in the future (at least in my mind) was gone. It's a big change and it's okay to feel weird about it! And the little fights are on a larger scale now, because it's official! My feelings toward my husband didn't change. You just need to figure out what the feelings mean. Is it you or you and him. Also, changing one's name is a huge pain in the butt! The thought of, "oh god. if we ever get divorced, I don't want to bother changing it back" crossed my mind. My mom's cheeky comment? "Don't worry, your life isn't over until you decide to have kids."
I DEF did not have cold feet! That part doesn't seem to be common thing from what I have heard but who knows, and it seems like you were not prepared to take on all that comes with being married. I am not trying to be rude orharsh but I got married this past June as well and I have been blissfully happy with my husband! I still get giddy calling him my husband! We dated for about 5 years and were engaged for a year and a half before we were married.
I initially thought this post titled "post wedding blues" was about being bummed not planning the wedding anymore! I didn't think it would be about not wanting to be married to your husband. That is something you really need to think about and make sure you are happy with this decision. It's forever! I can tell you though that cold feet and feeling of doubt to the extreme measure which you have expressed are not common in my opinion. Good luck and I hope you figure out what is bothering you!
I got married last year, and can relate to those feelings. For me, marriage is "so final," which made me nervous about "what if" we grow apart, or he meets someone that appeals to him more or vice versa. My husband's my rock and main support. We've been together for almost 6 years, have kids, and it still pops in my head if I did "the right thing" because I think of "what if" too much- always have. I notice that I get to thinking if I made a mistake because I'm being very critical of myself, and think "why me when he could be with someone more perfect."
Not that you are having the same exact emotions, but I did talk to my husband about how I was feeling and that helped me get over it and not feel so much guilt. I believe when people marry, they should marry someone that is "your best friend," and should have open communication. I waited 3 months before I officially changed my name and got very annoyed with my husband for wanting to spend time with me and thought he was being needy too- guys go through phases like women do with wanting to spend more time with their partners, he's probably still excited you tied the knot. good luck!
The best advice anyone gave me about marriage came from my sisters - one had been married 10 years, the other for 3. They both said, "No one will tell you this, but you need to know the first year of marriage is really hard." And it was.
As soon as my husband and I came home from our honeymoon we were at each others' throats. We mildly annoyed each other until we couldn't take it anymore, and we looked at each other and said, "What the heck is wrong with us?"
We decided a change of pace would be good. We decided to start communicating better and choosing our battles a little more wisely. We also started to do more physical activities like going for walks and playing tennis. We also decided to consciously choose to give each other some personal space at home. I gave myself permission to order pizza instead of cooking dinner and spend the evening reading while my husband played video games in another room.
I think everyone who said that it's just a normal reaction to a big change, and also a reaction to being ridiculously busy (physically and mentally) is right on the money. Give it time and patience. And talk about it a little bit. Chances are if you're feeling this way, your husband probably is too.
Best of luck to you!
Hi! I personally didn't experience this after getting married but I've heard others express similar feelings such as wondering if it was the right time to get married, arguing a lot, etc. as a newlywed. I would suggest reading this book called "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" it gives some really good insight into figuring out what makes you happy and your spouse. Also, communication is key, so I agree with others ladies who have suggested talking to your husband about your feelings as well as seeking outside help if needed. Hope things get better!
My husband and I got married a week before you (6/16/12) did. I expected to have cold feet, and was a little anxious in the initial months of our engagement, but the day of the wedding, I was cool as a cucumber -- totally not my M.O. I think I know what you're talking about, although I didn't really notice my "blues" until another good friend of mine got engaged 2 weeks after I got back from my honeymoon.
I was a little bummed that it wasn't about me or about us anymore, and I had a little bit of that "after-Christmas" feeling (you know, that let down?). It made me sad that the party was over -- it went so fast in the first place! I've been with my husband for 7 years, we've lived together for 4 years, and I am happy that we don't have the added stress of a wedding to plan, but loved that it gave us something extra to bond over and think about. I feel like I got to know him even better during the planning. I understand the name thing too: my husband is an only child with no cousins, so it was important for me to take his name. But, I had a hard time with that and decided to change my middle name to my maiden name, and now I use all 3 names when I sign my name. Did you work out a compromise on your new name?
Maybe you were thinking you'd feel differently after the wedding? A deeper connection? More lovey-dovey? My husband and I don't really feel any differently, though there is a sense that we're "stuck with each other" (in a good way, of course), and we've mostly gone back to normal. If you're not sensing a difference in the commitment or in the connection, maybe that's the feeling you're searching for. Since you mentioned that you were having doubts about the relationship, maybe it would be a good idea to do some of the things that made you crazy about each other in the first place. You decided to marry him for a reason, and thinking of those reasons is probably the best way to keep your head in the game. Laugh together, cook together, help each other, whatever it takes to remember why you wanted to be his Mrs. Good luck to you and your new husband!
I also got married June 23. I have no regrets but I definitely experienced some anxiety on the honeymoon and after. I felt like I didn't matter.... think about it we spend weeks and months surrounded by the people we love, planning, getting pampered... everyone wants to make us happy, everyone wants to take care of us... then suddenly... it's over and you can't remember most of it.
My husband and I moved 1500 miles away from where I was born and raised so a lot of my anxiety came from that.
Changing my name was stressful and a pain in the ***. I chose to use both... my maiden name is not a second middle name. Especially since I'm so far away, I thought it would help me feel more connected to my families roots.
If you're a praying woman, I suggest praying... even if you're not a praying woman... give it a shot.
Don't take it out on your husband... you married him because you love him and want it to be you two forever and for always. You made the vow, now it's time to live it.
We were married in November and afterwards I was feeling similar to what you described. We lived together for over 3 years prior to getting married and I didn't have cold feet prior to our wedding. Afterwards, I found myself really getting irritated with some of the things my husband would do or say. A close friend who happens to be a professional counselor suggested a book to me, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. After reading parts of it I thought about some of the irritating things a bit differently. It was helpful for me.
After getting married I had no regrets on my husband. We are happier than ever and I definitely feel that I married the right man. All my anxiety and regret came from the actual wedding day. So many things went wrong and even though no one noticed them and everyone said they had a great time I couldn't shake feeling sad that it was over and that it didn't go perfectly. Once I saw my pictures; however, and I saw how BEAUTIFULLY PERFECT they all came out my anxieties melted away. I was engaged for 2 years and there was so much expectations, anticipation, and planning that went into the wedding and then it's all over in a few hours. Looking back I kind of wished I didn't work so hard on making it what it was. Can't have too much regret, however, because it was still an incredible memory and now I get to be a family with the man I love.
I think many times people rush into marriage because they want to have the party and be "married". I was with my husband 5 years before we tied the knot and we had a lot of obstacles that we had to over come in that time period. I don't think we had our first obstacle until about 2 years into the relationship.. Almost broke up a few times but always kept on truckin and ended up coming out stronger than before. Is it possible that before you got married you weren't actually ready to be married to your husband perse but was ready to "be married" and the fun party and the way of life? With that said, I am in no way saying you should give up on the marriage because in time you learn to grow together and to accept each other's annoyances. It just takes a lot of time and marriage is a forever thing. I doubt you married the wrong man but perhaps you just need more time to learn about each other and overcome obstacles together. So don't give up and don't regret too much! Give it a chance and work through it. If you really made the wrong choice in the man you married you can always get a divorce later down the road- but before that questions arises try to accept each other and work through whatever problems you have. Maybe you might not feel like you married the right man now but if hes a good man and he treats you right you might be very happy with him in a few years. A good man is hard to find so if you have one don't let him go! Hope this wasn't too harsh! Just trying to be realistic!
I think this is totally normal!
We got married July 21st and we were so emotionally drained!! I think you are just experiencing a bit of a low after an extreme high. Think about the high pace and expectations of planning your day and now returning to normality can be a bit depressing. I found myself feeling this way the moment we returned home. Relax and thing about the good stuff. Sounds like you are in love just on a low after months of an extreme high!
I got married June 30th and after we got back from our honeymoon I had thoughts of "Oh my god. What have I done?" It had nothing to do with loving my husband. I love him and am happy that I married him. I think it was more that I've lived by myself and handled everything on my own for quite some time. The thought of having to discuss with him how I spend my money and never being able to have my house to myself again...I just started thinking these overwhelming thoughts. It isn't like I didn't know these things or hadn't thought about these things before we got married. It was just the realization of the permanency of what had happened.
These feelings went away after a week or so. Marriage is a big transition. And for those of us with analytical minds...over thinking things can lead to big trouble. I would say...don't over analyze it.
I wish you the best.
Hello girls,
I'm so happy I found these post! I feel less alone... I'm married since May 26, 2012 - the wedding was great, we had nice weather, almost everything went smoothly, everybody was happy and had a great feeling about the day. We left 2 days afterward for our honeymoon! We had a great time. Then we came back and I slowly got out of my wedding bubble.
A few incidents happened and open my eyes on crackles that I didn't wanted to see before... People around me made remarks about it already before the wedding, even before he proposed but I decide to ignore everything.
We had our ups and downs and I thought about getting away but never did, I though it was because the relationship was worth it, now I'm wondering if it's not because I didn't had the guts.
Now that we married, everything seems permanent and there is no back door, I feel stuck and have a lot of regrets...
We already live together before the wedding, we actually bough a house really early in our relationship and I move to his side of the country, in the countryside, speaking his language, etc... I lost myself quite quickly .... and now I'm seeing all the sacrifices I made but realize that I've been the one making them... My husband has always been spoiled and is used to have his way.
Since a month I'm panicking, asking myself why I said 'yes' and what I should do and should I fight for it... I talk about it with my husband who felt from is little cloud! he didn't see it coming... He though I would never leave him because I would love him forever and so didn't need to worry and could do everything he wanted.
Now, since a few weeks, he is trying to make it better, he agreed that he has been self-center and wants to make me feel good. But the incident open his eyes positively but for me negatively. I don't know if there is something to save.
He said he needed this chock to move, while I had enough and got at the end of my rope.
Well all that to say that I understand what you think and that I'm happy that some people go over it... maybe I can make it works too...
Just like past posters I know what you are talking about, and I think they have given you good advice! I would guess that it is just coming off of the high. Also, you were maybe thinking that things would be incredibly different and awesome from when you were engaged, but really it isn't that different!
I got married on June 2 (yay!), and even though I truly love my husband, definitely did have a little bit of the stress of change. I guess I did think things would be somewhat different than being engaged, and some things are (living together, etc) but mostly it is just life. We also had to deal with me having bad reactions to BC. I was moody, mad, and getting seriously bad headaches. (Turns out I can't be on BC
) It was so bad that my husband thought I was regretting the decision! (Which was sooo not the case!)
I would say, much like others, be honest, communicate with your husband, and just give it time. Also just since I went through it, check to make sure nothing else could be adding on to your feelings! Good luck!