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WWYD - School
I have always succeeded and enjoyed school. I have also always been told by my parents to get school done before having children. My goal is to get my teaching credentials. If I went to school full-time, I could have this done in about 2-3 years. The problem is that I work full-time, and so does my DH. So that really limits me. I have taken all the online classes I can, which leaves me with only being able to take one or two classes a semester. I would like to keep going half-time so I can keep pushing off my loans. DH and I just got married, bought a house, and I graduated with my AA, all in the month of May, so I'm feeling really burnt out. At the same time though, I feel like I should be able to handle school this semester with work and being a new homeowner because of how well I handled everything at the beginning of the year.
My DH is an engineering major, wants to be an aerospace engineer, and is working hard on prerequisites so he can transfer to a 4-year. He also works full-time, so I take on a lot of extra responsibilities during the school season to make it easier on him. I feel like his school is more important since he will be the main provider when we start a family.
My dilemma is that I feel like I should take the semester off because I am burnt out and because I need to be supportive of DH, but I feel so conflicted because I want to finish school. I have always been pushed to do school and now I feel like I'm just giving up. My parents say that I should slow down and support him, which is really confusing since it's the opposite of what they always have said. My mom even thinks waiting to finish school until after children would be okay now (since I want to TTC ASAP, when DH is more stable). I guess I'm just venting, since I feel like I already know what I should do, but I guess I'm just looking for insight.
Re: WWYD - School
Whoa....slooooow down. Guessing from your bio you seem like you are probably around 22 or 23, which is still really young. Young in the sense that you still have plenty of time to do everything you want and need to do in life.
Congrats on finishing your AA, but if you are thinking about teaching or getting your BA, it is probably best to do it before you have children. Raising kids and going to school is totally feasible, but it also much harder. If you are feeling burned out now, you will definitely feel that way with children and school on the docket. Perhaps take a semester off, relax, re-group and hit the books again once you feel refreshed.
Having children is great and when you are ready, that is great. But if your husband is still in school and you just had a ton of singificant life changes (i.e., bought a home, got married) then adding yet another signficant life change of having children will only heighten your burn out and stress levels.
You are young, so enjoy being a married couple for a while, finish up school and live out your early 20's to the fullest extent. Honestly, you do not hear very many people say, "wow, I wish I had children sooner." So waiting a few years wouldn't hurt.
Good luck!
Agree with you 98%.....but, I have heard quite frequently "I wish I had kids sooner". Not encouraging being a super young mom here, but just in my opinion, starting a family while you're in your mid 30s is kinda late. Do you really want to be 45 when your kid is ten? Talk about being the "old boring mom". lol
BUT, I think you should take a semester off. Take it from someone who tried working, high school AND college all at once. NOT fun and it burned me out quick. Figure out what your priorities are, and have a heart to heart with your H. :-)
Actually, that's exactly what I want to be. My husband and I each separately enjoyed our twenties, married at 30 and are still settling into our careers (as a lawyer and scientist, these things aren't solidified until your 30s or later). We said we wouldn't even think about children until 33 and I have no regrets with that decision. We wanted to have the best income possible to support a child when he or she came along.
It's not for everyone and some people choose to have children much younger. Neither choice is bad, but it is individual.
OP - I agree that it seems you like you are in your early twenties. Don't rush through life hitting all these milestones because you think that's what you're supposed to do. If you want to go to school, make it a priority. If you choose to have children, then go that way. But, the honest truth is that you have plenty of time if you choose to wait to have kids while you finish school. Just make sure that whatever you decide, you are deciding it. Put all those other outside influences aside and decide what it is you care about most.
ITA. DH and I married at 30, had #1 at 33 and #2 at 35. I'm very glad we waited because we did a ton of traveling, threw a lot of parties, and just did so much that you can't always do with young children. They're expensive, time-consuming, and really just change a whole lot in your life. I can't imagine how much I would've missed out if I had children earlier. Traveling with children, for example, is a completely different experience!
With that said, I didn't finally get my teaching credential until I was 26. Mainly because I took forever to get my bachelors! OP, take a break. Substitute if you want to make some money and get an idea of what districts/schools you might want to look into later on. But, if you're feeling that burnt out than listen to your gut and take that needed break.
I understand where you are coming from but honey you can't have it all. You got married, bought a house, work full time and are trying to go to school. I personally wouldnt TTC until at least one of you is done with school. You just put yourself in a big financial burden by buying a house. If you have student loans on top of that, a baby is going to be a HUGE financial responsibility.
I am the same age as you and have bought a house, difference is I have finished school and have a career teaching 6th grade. DH isn't in school, and works full time as a business manager. I cant even imagine TTC right now because I have a couple years left to work off my loan forgiveness program I did to get my teaching credentials. I am usually the last to say something like this but YOU HAVE SOOO MUCH TIME. Slow down, enjoy being married and being young. Everything will happen in its own time and you dont have to have it all right now.
GL.
TTA buddies w/ xcitedbride2009
LMAO @ 35 being old and boring. If anything, you'll find that a lot of people are more patient, more knowledgeable, more fun, AND better providers in their 30s. Some people are great first time parents in their 20s and some in their 30s.
Listen, only you know if you need a break from school. Do what you need to do, but don't quit school because you are going to TTC in the near future. It may take you a long time to get pg and there's no point in putting everything on hold because you may TTC soon. Talk with your H and YOU TWO decide what's best for your situation. GL!