Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: A snake in the nest...
This. OP I'd start collecting evidence of your H's adulterous behavior if I were you. Sorry this is happening to you. Definitely get into counseling and deal with the fact that you're letting this man treat you poorly while thinking you're actually the problem. This is not ok.
This is so true. I understand how jealousy can make us read more into a situation than is really there... but I don't think you are doing that. Having higher self esteem is likely to make you realize that you deserve so much more than this man is giving you. Sure, innocent people don't like being accused of being inappropriate when they're not... but people who aren't hiding something have no reason to lie.
My husband has carried on a friendship with his ex-fiancee and it has always been a huge source of tension between us: Lots of fighting, me feeling like I'm 2nd best, him defending her mental instability, his right to be friends with whoever he wants... I moved out for a short period of time not long after we were married because I felt like he didn't prioritize me or my feelings. Additionally, we've fought over his contact with other previous exes, and his lying to me that he did not have contact with them anymore, when in fact, he did.
We're now in the middle of a divorce. These women and his relationship with them was not the ultimate cause, but it was the very first sign that I saw (early on!) that made me realize that I would never be number one in his life. After that, things became a bit clearer to me, but like you, I had to stay and "fight" for this marriage. It took me four years and two toddlers later to realize that I don't want to live this way forever-- that I deserve better.
I'm not telling you what you should do, but I'm asking you to examine your relationship with your husband... Is this an isolated incident where you feel he's made the wrong decision and you both can recover? Or is this just one example where he's showing you that you're not number one? That your feelings don't matter? That he'll do whatever he wants to do, regardless of how it makes you feel? If it's the latter, please know that this man is not a good husband.
You're not being crazy. Your feelings are valid, and they should mean more to your husband than reconnecting with an old flame.
Let him know how serious this is to you. Sorry you're going through this, it's really unfair.