Loving an Addict (loooong)

vlagrl29

He is probably taking the pills and smoking it up right now. It's party time now that you are gone. That was my experience anyways. You need counseling to figure out why you are dealing with this crap and he needs counseling to fix his addiction. There is a really great  book out there about enabling an addict and I can't think of the name right now.  Codependent no more, maybe?

Also he can't help himself until he admits he has a problem. You all may need to do an intervention. Save your sanity and stay away from him. I didn't want a divorce either but that was not the life I wanted since I only get one to live 

tmsb827

Your situation reminds me a bit of my SIL, who has drug addiction issues herself but from what I've gathered my BIL is a lot worse. It sounds like you're romanticizing your husband and you just need to be really honest with yourself. True he could change and recover from his addiction, but has he really shown signs that he's willing to do that? It is very hard work.

I have a few people in my family that are parents and drug addicts. It is so painful to watch as you watch them let themselves deteriorate and it's even worse when they have children. Some of these people are incredibly loving parents, but that does not matter when you are a drug addict. I've seen that addiction get passed on to some of their children and it is really heartbreaking. Some of these children feel like they've been through hell. They love their parents but it hurts them deeply that their parent loves their vice more than their child. I personally think the safety of your child should come first. If you think he's jeopardizing that in any way then you need to tell him that he has to work on himself first.

My question for you is do you want that for your child? I'm not saying you should cut him out of you and your child's life but it sounds like he needs to work on himself before he can have his family back, especially his daughter. Consider that your daughter might not be able to speak up for what she needs, which is stability and a good, positive environment.

aadams81

sweetheart, you have written my story.  My husband however, has refused to go to rehab, however, after a 2nd dui and my and my 3 girls packing our bags and leaving he's supposedly going to rehab.........we'll see.  We've done all the same stuff, the "herb" (which is a joke) the non narcotic anxiety pills (which he STILL OD'ed on) the DUI'S, blacking out behind the will....etc, etc.  Protect yourself and lay out your guidelines and make them clear.  We left in  November and we're still waiting to see what he does.  Best of luck to you!  *hugs*

MinnM

I am married to an alcoholic, he has been sober for a number of years now and all is well... we are very happy but it hasn't been easy. I will tell you, your husband will not change until he wants to. I went through a lot of similar things that you did (all alcohol-related, no pills or drugs) and finally presented my husband with an ultimatum: get help or get out. He got help and while at an impatient treatment facility he realized his issues. Also, with an addiction like your hubby's, outpatient is NOT going to help him enough.

I still stand by the deal we made when he returned home after 2 months of impatient treatment: If he ever relapses - even just one beer - I'll divorce him. This might sound harsh but addicts and alcoholics have a lifelong battle. If they don't work their program, they will relapse. It's really up to them whether or not they maintain sobriety. They have TONS of resources to help them stay sober, they just need to tap into them. People who haven't been in the situation themselves have no idea how horrible it is to live with an addict or alcoholic. It's traumatizing and this is why I refuse to ever allow myself to be in that situation again.

Stop giving him chances. He needs to sober up for good or you need to leave, if anything for the sake of your daughter. It's that simple.