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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Thinks about self then spouse?
I have a question.
We were out for the day together shopping and running errands. While in one store, we looked together trying to find one item for me. After finding the item, I got help from an employee to locate another item while my wife continued to shop. A moment later she looked up and sees me at the checkout counter. Would it be natural for her to assume I was finished shopping and was ready to leave the store? Was I being inconsiderate for not finding out if she was finished shopping before checking out?
Re: Thinks about self then spouse?
TTC since June 2012
We were just about to leave the mall and head in the direction of home to take care of some errands along the way.
TTC since June 2012
Exactly. I mean, hell, if you're all done, why not just go wait in the car?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I still think the whole situation is weird.
I am guessing your wife did not appreciate you checking out before her or asking her if she was done before you checked out, hence why you posted the question. I would say, in the future, I would ask your wife if she's done shopping before you go to check out. That would also go for her as well.
TTC since June 2012
Agreed
Huh? She shouldn't have to say anything, this is common courtesy. I think you have to understand you were rude, intentional or not, and stop making excuses.
You pulled a passive aggressive a$$hole move. You are done shopping you wait for her to be done shopping. By you being in the checkout line you made her feel like she had to hurry up and finish or just stop altogether and get in line. I'd be furious if I was her. Very passive aggressive on your part.
I find the comments interesting and enlightening. Everything did indeed happen as I laid it out with one thing being different. The roles were reversed.
I helped her find something; she then sought help from an employee to find something else, and then went to check out while I was still looking around.
She is the one that couldn't see the difference between asking me before or after checking out.
Does this change anything?
Really? You couldn't ask the question how it truly played out?
No, it doesn't change anything. I wouldn't think about checking out without asking my husband if he was done shopping!
TTC since June 2012
I reversed the roles because over time I have discovered when I ask questions about my wife and her family and whether they are rude toward me or not, I receive a lot of comments about me wanting to be treated like one of them by them makes me come across as needy. I reversed the roles purely to find out if the responses would be different.
No, I'm not looking for ways to make her the bad guy. I'm just trying to find out if her actions seem as inconsiderate to others as they seem to me.
Seriously. The issues you mention are easily solvable if you just communicate with her. I have a hard time believing this is the first time something like this has happened to you in 20+ years worth of marriage.
TTC since June 2012
It doesn't matter who is on which side, it's still rude. I'm not sure why you would even check out separately, but if that's how you do it, then the one checking out should confirm the other is also ready to go.
If you lurk around and read other threads, you'll see plenty of posts where the wife is in the wrong and people tell her so. It isnt all man-bashing. But people don't sugarcoat it on here.
And we can only go off of what information we have to go off of. If there's more to the story, then the original post needs to include all the pertinent information we may need to give advice.
TTC since June 2012
I appreciate your candor. We talked about it Saturday night, and she doesn't see how she was being rude. I'm not looking for sugar-coated comments here. To me, once she got her "Instant Gratification" then and only then did she consider whether I was finished or not.
Hahahahaha! This is so funny to me. If H and I go shopping together, half the time one or the other of us will will have paid for our stuff and left the store. Every shopping trip ends with a flurry of "Where are you?" text messages.
As an isolated incident, I say get over it & yourself.
We recently saw part of the film Contact. We both fell alseep while watching and wanted to see what happened so while at the mall to get our wedding rings inspected and cleaned, we stopped at Suncoast. I found Contact while she was looking for another movie she had only seen part of. An employee helped her find a copy of Road House. I was still looking around, seeing if anything interested me. That's when I noticed she was already at the check-out counter and I felt rushed.
so, did you go running up and leave or did you give her the "just a second" signal and keeping looking for what you wanted? jeez. grow a pair.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yes, your wife was wrong to check out without seeing if you were done ... but would the world really have ended if you just said "Hang on, I'm not finished yet"?
If you're "not trying to make your wife look bad", why is everything is all about how your selfish wife never thinks of you (Because that was pretty much your attitude in the post about your ILs, too), and you're some kind of victim that just stands there while she hurts your feelings over and over again, in situations where just the slightest amount of self-respect and independence could avoid the whole thing.
You're old enough to be my dad, your testicles should have descended by now.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
It is interesting that when it appeared I was the rude one, my wife was seen as purely the victim. However when I revealed the role reversal, comments range from she was still rude to you're old enough to be my dad. Why don't you grow a pair.
I was on the other side of the damn store. "HEY! YOU MIND WAITING HON! I'M NOT FINISHED!" Yeah that works.
Tact- The ability to make your guests feel at home, when you wish they were.
Often times that immediate moment is not the time or the place. So what am I to do? If I can't say something tactfully at that time, should I ruin the moment?
I come on here for honest advice with an honest problem. Yeah, I get some good advice, but the a-holes on here that find it necessary to attack one's manhood really tend to make it not very worthwhile.
I was there for her whenever she, my SIL, MIL, FIL, or step-son needed me because they go beat up or strung out or had various medical issues. She has been there for me when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and when my father was diagnosed and eventually succumbed to pancreatic cancer, she was there for me when my brother was contemplating suicide and she was there for our various medical issues. I have done everything I can to be courteous, considerate, and helpful to my wife. I never assume anything when it comes to her, If I'm not sure, I ask, and I always think of her first. Testicular fortitude is not in question here. What is in question is this. Is it too much for me to expect the same in return?
I still stand by my answer. It's rude no matter who does it.