Married Life
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Thinks about self then spouse?
You know, I was reading your response and you said something somewhat positive. Then you managed to discredit anything you stand for in my eyes by your last comment. You are probably just the person to tell a co-worker, "You did a nice jib, but...." That "but" completely undermines any positive impact you may have. If you must know, I like my wife, I love my wife. On the other hand, I do not like you.
Thank you!
I appreciate all.... well most of you for your contributions.
This poster is exhausting. Andplusalso, I didn't even know they still had Suncoast Video stores in the mall. How does that chain survive when you can buy super cheap dvds on amazon/online these days?
Did you make a pit stop at Sam Goodies to get your favorite CD as well?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Well since it appears you must know, first we stopped at Sears. I saw a jacket I liked and since it and several other things were on sale, we both got items for ourselves and even two shirts for my step-son. I ran everything back to the car and rejoined my wife,
Should I continue since it does seem you are so interested in where and why we went where we did?
Thank you, ECB.
THIS EXACTLY.....
This tells me BeckyOff and H have no communication between them. They are shopping together yet don't even consider each other. How can two people married to each other first of all not even notice their spouse is missing, and secondly not even worry about it enough to do anything but laugh about it. People say our relationship is sad. That relationship is more like two single people living as roommates.
When my husband and I go shopping together, I would say 1/2 the time he goes with me, he wonders away from me looking at random stuff or grabbing stuff. But, we never check out before each other. We also go look for each other or call/text each other to find out where they are.
TTC since June 2012
We went through Sears together, picking up items for ourselves and my step-son. We got in line together, paid then I ran everything to the car. It was only about three minutes to the car and back. Then we went to the food court and got something to eat. I held the table while she got what she wanted, then when she returned, I got my Bourbon chicken. In case you're wondering if I paid attention, she got a large Ceasar salad. We left together to go to the jewelry store to get our rings cleaned and inspected. We do it every six months for insurance. It was at that time we were informed a diamond was missing from the channel set engagement ring, but unfortunately that had never been insured. After leaving the jewelry store we headed to get my hair cut. While I was taking care of that, she went elsewhere in the mall. We caught up to each other after I was done and we headed toward the car. That's when she spotted SunCoast and remembered the movies she wanted to look for.
That's everything as it lead up to what happened next.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
We talked about it tonight. I printed out the thread up to where I admitted role reversal. I did that for a reason. I wanted her to see how people would react if they thought I was the one being rude. She now sees it from a perspective she could never have imagined. The sometimes brutal remarks directed at me made her realize I wasn't the one they were commenting about. Words like rude, inconsiderate, and especially Passive Aggressive A$$hole did not sit well with her. Then there were the comments I showed her after my role reversal admission. She took exception to comments regarding my testicular fortitude. She found them unnecessary and well... rude.
She did admit that she was in a hurry, for no apparent reason, and once she found what she was looking for, she didn't give a thought as to whether I was even looking around. She thought I was there only to help her find the movie.
If you did, I would seriously need to rethink my life. To clarify, the entire response was meant to be sarcastic, not positive followed by a "but". It's hard to believe that you love your wife when you spend this much time complaining about everything she does in this much detail to strangers on the internet. Especially when every response given elicits another multi paragraph "But she..." from you.
Kimbus, please feel free to kiss my a$$. Since it's obvious you have nothing positive to say, as far as I'm concerned, you have nothing to say. I would appreciate you refrain from responding to any of my posts. I'm here for help. All you seem interested in doing is kicking me while I'm down. So easy for you, isn't it?
All I've ever tried to do is point out that a lot of the problem is your attitude and not your wife. I can't help it if you don't like the way I say it. You don't hear it when people sugarcoat it and you don't get it when I'm blunt and sarcastic. It seems like you're really looking for people to commiserate and tell you you're right, not actually listen to advice and get help. In my opinion, that's unfortunate for you because you seem to get very upset about very minor things and getting a new perspective could really stand to improve your situation.
But you don't hear that either. Because I have nothing to say.
Welcome to the nest, the land where everyone is free to voice their opinions. Even if you don't think it's "nice."
Offering relevant advice is welcome. Ridicule and sarcasm is not.
I love my wife. Almost since the moment we met I have been madly in love with her. Go ahead and fault me for being a fallable human being. I never thought devoting my very being to the one person that makes me feel complete would warrant scorn. So what if I post my feeling on the web. Who are you to determine whether I should confide in the anonymity of the internet?
I do not complain or even comment on many things she does. Why? Because she has always been that way. Not thinking about me enough to think about me is recent as far as 20 years of marriage is concerned. I'll give you an example. A couple years ago while staying with her parents at the beach for our vacation, she started saying things like "We are going to the boardwalk. You can come with us, if you want". I was not included as part of we. She wouldn't ask me for any input at all. Whenever we were with her parents, her sister, or her son, it was "We are.... You can...." That's regarding me as separate from her family. In the past 9 months, the following has happened. After a full day of working in the back yard, getting ready for the installation of a new fence, she came home after spending the day with her sister. She asked me what I had done. After I explained everything from cutting the grass and cleaning up the back yard, to emptying, relocating, and refilling two sheds and moved a picnic table, her response was, "Is that all"? Later that evening while at a bar with her sister, she spent three hours with her back to me. I tried several times to get involved in the conversation only to be rebuked each time. When spending the night at her sister's, when she said to me, "Why don't you go to bed so I can spend time with them". She didn't ask me if I was tired, nor did it seem she was concerned. She wanted me out of the room in favor of my SIL & BIL. That my dear is flat out ignorant.
Am I still the one with the issue?
Am I still the one with the issue?
After reading this whole thread, I'm sorry to say that yes, I do think you are the one with the issue. Not that what your wife did at the store wasn't a little rude, or at the very least a bit inconsiderate. Same thing for when her family is there and doesn't include you. But what I am seeing and I think what others are picking up on is this very detailed attitude you seem of have of "keeping score". You come off as though you are mentally tallying every single little wrong that your wife inflicts upon you, all the time. And that can't be healthy for a marriage. Look, we all do things that are sometimes not the most considerate choice, or we say things that "come out wrong" or get misinterpreted. But for the health of your marriage and your own sanity, maybe it would be better to just let some of them go.
TTC since June 2012
I know I do have an issue with letting go. It's nothing new. I try, and try, and try. Over time, it does eventually fade into the background. In my defense, if a dog gets kicked enough, it's only natural for it to flinch and even get defensive if someone's foot gets too close.
My inability to let go will be brought up in counceling. In the mean time I would like to think I can express my thoughts here without prejudice.
I actually think this was most people's point-that you really hang on to stuff. Initially and I think pretty universally we all agreed the act itself was kinda rude and strange. But then people realized who you were and remembered your other posts, and thought "oh geeze he's holding on to some other minor thing his wife did." That's why people point out that you guys have communication issues and need to resolve them, or else you are just going to keep hanging on to the little things. And they do build up over time if you don't resolve them. Your wife does and says things that seem inconsiderate or selfish. So it's either A. you have told her and she hasn't made an effort to change (bad) or B. you don't express your feelings to her and she continues on unaware.
I think it's good you are going to counseling, and hopefully it will help with you guys.
It is true that this is a communication issue. As long as you and she talked about it that is really all you can do. It is up to her to try to take your feelings into account when she acts. Sometimes, time constraints get in the way and sometimes these things happen.
I am glad you are on the boards, I am not on much but there doesn't seem to be many men on here. It is unfortunate that some find it necessary to be so negative in response to an honest discussion. I myself find it disturbing when men are more sensitive than I am but that is the world we live in and not everyone understands tact and politeness. Please don't let this turn you from the boards. I think if more men put there problems out in the open a lot could be learned.
Yep.