Philadelphia Nesties
PhillyGal34
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Night waking- help please
Ds was always a good sleeper. Then he started d/c at 10.5 months and he started getting ear infections immediately and his sleep got messed up. He's now 15 months (13 months adjusted) and he had ear tubes placed about one month ago. He is also working on molars and got two a week ago.
Anyway, he would always wake around 4 am and whine but go back to sleep on his own. While we were on vacation he was sleeping in the pack n play next to me and started standing to get my attention in the middle of the night. That's continued at home. Now the only way to get him back to sleep is to nurse him and let him sleep next to me. That means I don't sleep at all. This needs to stop. I'm not going to do cry it out but I'm looking for other suggestions. What can I do to break this new habit?? Your suggestions are appreciated.
(Also I don't want this to become a debate on CIO. My theory is very much to each their own. It will not work for me but I respect that it works for others. Thanks)
Anyway, he would always wake around 4 am and whine but go back to sleep on his own. While we were on vacation he was sleeping in the pack n play next to me and started standing to get my attention in the middle of the night. That's continued at home. Now the only way to get him back to sleep is to nurse him and let him sleep next to me. That means I don't sleep at all. This needs to stop. I'm not going to do cry it out but I'm looking for other suggestions. What can I do to break this new habit?? Your suggestions are appreciated.
(Also I don't want this to become a debate on CIO. My theory is very much to each their own. It will not work for me but I respect that it works for others. Thanks)
Our little hippo was as impatient as mom!
Hoping for a full 40 weeks!!
Re: Night waking- help please
That said, we opted to do the Ferber method around 10 months old. It's the progressive waiting, which is a form of CIO. He never cried for more than about 15-20 minutes. Worked like a charm in 4 days and we haven't really had problems since.
I know you said you're anti-CIO but if you're interested, I borrowed the book from the library. That might be an option to at least have a basis of comparison. Good luck. Sleep issues are the suck.
Does it usually work that quickly?
First, teeth are a beast at this time. Molars roll right into canines (these were, by far, the worst) and they can both cause problems, especially at night. If you just got back from vacation recently, that disruption his routine didn't help either.
Does he sleep in your room now? And how does he wake up at night? Crying? Whimpering? Do you go to him immediately or see if he will settle first? How do you put him to sleep at night? Nurse to sleep or put him in the crib drowsy and he goes to sleep on his own?
At about 18 months, we had at least a week's worth of 4:30/4:45am wakeups. Screaming, hard crying, etc. It was awful - for him and us. I reread parts of the Ferber book (which we used originally for sleep training at 10 months) and it seemed to be attributed to him waking him during his REM/dream cycle and he was disoriented and getting scared. Anyway, we ultimately decided to slide his bedtime ahead 30 minutes, from 8pm to 7:30pm. Amazingly, the early wakeups stopped and now he sleeps until at least 6 and wakes up MUCH happier.
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
He sleeps in his own room. He does nurse to sleep. He wasn't but lately he has been passing out.
He wakes up crying and it gets progressively louder and more upset. We let him go for a little bit to see if he goes back down but then he stands up and he gets more upset.
He goes to bed around 7:30 and wakes up at 4:30 then sleeps until 7. He only gets one nap at d/c and sleeps 1.5-2 hours.
Jen I agree. I think we need so formulate a plan and do it. We've been letting him call the shots and I know that's not going to be good for him in the long run. But nursing him back to sleep was easiest for us too. Shortcuts need to end!
When I still nursed, I would nurse him (on the couch) until he was very drowsy or just asleep and then when I'd stop, we'd wake him up slightly (let him say goodnight to Daddy and the dog) and then carry him up to his room and put him down awake. When I stopped nursing (at a year), we changed his night routine to bath, pjs, books and milk on the couch and then up to bed. He goes in wide awake now but knows it's bedtime and will just talk to himself for a little before falling asleep.
It's hard and even though we can't give you exact answers, hopefully something will help you.
You'll find out what works for you guys, it's all about trial and error - just stick with it! And then something else will come up!
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
Jen is wise. But remember this above all else. It's all phases and cycles!
Do you recommend changing the nursing to bed and doing something like Ferber all at once or one and then the other?
I would recommend at least reading the Ferber book first because possibly it can narrow down some suggestions for you and you'll also get the feel for his method, as well as understanding sleep in babies/toddlers. Then you can formulate your game plan.
Also, isn't 4am the suck? God, I swear that is the worst time of the night for them to wake up.
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
My sister in law just told me she will drop off the ferber book today so i'm planning to start reading it and figure out how to proceed. do you need to read the whole book or only parts of it?
yes it is the worst. By the time he's settled and asleep it is too late for me to get back to sleep before I have to wake up. UGH
I don't think they necessarily lose the ability to put themselves to sleep, he just has a lot going on developmentally (physically and mentally) and I'm sure that's part of the issue.
As I (constantly) tell my husband, this too shall pass.
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#2 10.23.13 EDD
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
I know I made about 1,000,000 errors but I'm hoping tonight is better and DH can help keep me calm.
ETA- I read the parts of the Ferber book that were applicable to us. A very quick read! I know I definitely have to wean the night feeding... so I think tonight I am going to go in and nurse for a few minutes and then have DH come get him at a set time and take him from there that way he can wean from it without going cold turkey since it is my fault that he is conditioned to eat at night... it isn't fair to him to completely cut him off at once.
Oh dear, you are not a failure by any stretch!
First things first, breathe and try to relax.
Second, the only thing I'd suggest at this point if you decide to try it again, is give yourself some time to formulate a plan with your H and stick with it. If you know your little guy has teeth coming through, maybe delay it a little.
It's perfectly normal to get frustrated. I sobbed the first night. I mean gut wrenching, soul crushing sobs. And it was only 20 minutes before he fell asleep.
Good luck and again you're doing your best!
Also, recognize that the nursing is a comfort thing and he doesn't NEED to eat. However, if he's going through a growth spurt he could truly be hungry. At night, you could try nursing him first (if you still plan to continue) and then maybe have you or your H read to him and give him some milk in a cup (if you are giving cow's milk) and then put him down. Also, if I recall correctly, you aren't supposed to pick them up, but I could be mixing that up with another type of sleep training. I can't pick up J because he'll just latch on and then and I can't get him off me.
PS - J has been waking crying at 5am the past two mornings so I'm right here with you again!
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
I definitely recognize it's a comfort "prop" and that I need to stop nursing at night. I plan on continuing so I need to disassociate nursing with sleep. I think I need to do that at the same time. I've spent a lot of today at work thinking about this and not working (awesome for my billing) he does get cow milk but will giving him that before bed just create another prop we have to break? we usually eat around 6:30 and he goes to bed by 7:30 so I need to fit nursing in there somewhere... not sure where or when!
man oh man why did vacation have to totally screw him up???
ugh sorry you are going through this too!
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#2 10.23.13 EDD
So of course, expecting the worst again, we went to bed waiting for 4:30 am. He woke up... for about 10 seconds and then went back to sleep and slept until 6:45!!!! almost 12 hours straight!
Today we have his 15 month well visit so he is going to get shots and I'm not sure if that will throw things off or if last night was a fluke but I really think a lot of the issue is me and that when I go in he wants food. I feel bad that DH will have to take on a lot of this but hopefully it won't take long to get past this hurdle.
Thank you all for your help and advice. I'll keep you updated. I'm hoping I can sleep better tonight because I kept waking up listening for him all night out of habit... now I have to break my habit!
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD