Family Matters
NAOMI220099
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
SIL gossips to her kids that our teenage son is gay! (kinda long sorry)
First of all normally I would consider this a compliment cause our gay friends have been a better influence on our kids. Second our time has been limited with that part of the family cause of their short mindedness towards race, culture, religion, & politics. Thirdly never in a million years did I ever think I should discuss other peoples kids reproductive lifestyles with our kids non of my buisness, gross! FI & I have been together for 8 yrs living as married. We have a 2yr old & a 14yr old.
Last September we had a 14th birthday party. I had him invite his family in good faith to prove that I could enjoy their company. They have been invited before but came up with excuses this was their first & maybe last. We rented a party room at the arcade got pizza & I invited a friend & we had at least 30 guest. It was a blast! I even did a dance cause I thought I proved myself wrong. Then uh-oh during the sleep over fiance came & told me that his nephew asked our son if he was gay cause his mom had a convo about it with him & his older sister. I was floored, Id expect something like that from BIL not her. FI took nephew home & confronted her. She said its because of the way he dresses then FI told her she was stupid & it shouldnt matter. Then reminded her her son was a cheerleader & wishes he had his clothes how would they would feel if someone stereotyped him.
Since then Ive avoided them seeing them Thanksgiving & Christmas. Despite some topics of discussion geared to make me feel uncomfortable I had fun playing games with the kids. Not to sound ungreatful they gave me another 5 dollar grudge gift, cause I dont make their drama a priority & I try not to let them see their antics bother me. No matter how little or how much we spend our gifts are thoughtful. The year FI lost his job we spent $130 this year at least $300 on all 4 of the kids plus a 50 dollar gift card for pizza. It was about the kids, even though they ask for expensive things & never give back in the sense of being caring. They gave my oldest jenga another year yatzee, I dont get it people that are tacky, insulting, far from thoughtful should go that extra mile, bake some cookies or something especially after they brag about making 30k on a job & blowing it while treating our kids like dogs. I always give my friends & family red carpet 5 star treatment in being caring & thoughtful they are such users & takers they would take someones last unemployment check, shiesty.
Easter I skipped last year but I normally get their kids baskets & candy them they dont bring chocolate bunnies or empty eggs. I thought all these good gestures would make them be nice or not alienate. This year we are camping for earthday (easter sunday). FIs birthday last year BIL asked if we wanted to go out to eat after I cooked FI was like she just cooked, so he does bring it to their attention good for him.
Everything repulsive you could imagine including passing gas when your walking up stairs behind them thats when I stopped trying as much & started being polite from afar. They were offended when I stop trying & offended when I asked them not to say the N word especially round our kids, Im mixed & I never called them rascist. Not everything has been mentioned. If I acted like that I would be the worst person in the world, while others get a slap on the wrist, excuse they are family. FI saw them 4 times in the past 6 months & I used to get bad looks for not coming around. FI has gotten so stressed to the point of back pains.
I try to have compassion that part of the family was there for FI when he was badly burned & disfigured, he underwent reconstructive plastic surgery, physical therapy & stem cell research that gave him half his face back, regrew muscle tissue, & he looks like nothing ever happened also has full use of his arm. I do know under certain circumstances that dont include drama we would be there. This has to stop.
Whenever FI goes around them we do argue other than that we dont at all & last Christmas MIL told me not to let them break us up. He lost his dad when we first met & his brother the same way last fall thats a different story. SIL started acting like this when BIL asked her to quit her job so he could write that million dollar program, they are also competitive wanting to put others down. They dont have anything I want, truth is our oldest son & I needed this family cause our family lives in Canada. Ive never posted here before these are mostly my frustrations. So please dont do what Ive seen on the other post & be mean, since the post is about how mean people suck!
Im only thinking of this cause Im planning our 2 yr olds birthday with in a month. Last year BIL bickered with MIL why she doesnt come see his kids, cause all he does is argue. She removed BIL from her fb cause he was siding with his ex stepmom letting her alienate her, then right after sil tried adding me I blocked them both. I dont want to have to plan 2 birthdays. Im going all out mickey mouse theme indoor jump bounce house & crafty stuff. If they make it about their drama I will say something like this is a 3 year olds birthday & Im all about making happy memories if u are not there is the door.
Many blessings to your families.
Last September we had a 14th birthday party. I had him invite his family in good faith to prove that I could enjoy their company. They have been invited before but came up with excuses this was their first & maybe last. We rented a party room at the arcade got pizza & I invited a friend & we had at least 30 guest. It was a blast! I even did a dance cause I thought I proved myself wrong. Then uh-oh during the sleep over fiance came & told me that his nephew asked our son if he was gay cause his mom had a convo about it with him & his older sister. I was floored, Id expect something like that from BIL not her. FI took nephew home & confronted her. She said its because of the way he dresses then FI told her she was stupid & it shouldnt matter. Then reminded her her son was a cheerleader & wishes he had his clothes how would they would feel if someone stereotyped him.
Since then Ive avoided them seeing them Thanksgiving & Christmas. Despite some topics of discussion geared to make me feel uncomfortable I had fun playing games with the kids. Not to sound ungreatful they gave me another 5 dollar grudge gift, cause I dont make their drama a priority & I try not to let them see their antics bother me. No matter how little or how much we spend our gifts are thoughtful. The year FI lost his job we spent $130 this year at least $300 on all 4 of the kids plus a 50 dollar gift card for pizza. It was about the kids, even though they ask for expensive things & never give back in the sense of being caring. They gave my oldest jenga another year yatzee, I dont get it people that are tacky, insulting, far from thoughtful should go that extra mile, bake some cookies or something especially after they brag about making 30k on a job & blowing it while treating our kids like dogs. I always give my friends & family red carpet 5 star treatment in being caring & thoughtful they are such users & takers they would take someones last unemployment check, shiesty.
Easter I skipped last year but I normally get their kids baskets & candy them they dont bring chocolate bunnies or empty eggs. I thought all these good gestures would make them be nice or not alienate. This year we are camping for earthday (easter sunday). FIs birthday last year BIL asked if we wanted to go out to eat after I cooked FI was like she just cooked, so he does bring it to their attention good for him.
Everything repulsive you could imagine including passing gas when your walking up stairs behind them thats when I stopped trying as much & started being polite from afar. They were offended when I stop trying & offended when I asked them not to say the N word especially round our kids, Im mixed & I never called them rascist. Not everything has been mentioned. If I acted like that I would be the worst person in the world, while others get a slap on the wrist, excuse they are family. FI saw them 4 times in the past 6 months & I used to get bad looks for not coming around. FI has gotten so stressed to the point of back pains.
I try to have compassion that part of the family was there for FI when he was badly burned & disfigured, he underwent reconstructive plastic surgery, physical therapy & stem cell research that gave him half his face back, regrew muscle tissue, & he looks like nothing ever happened also has full use of his arm. I do know under certain circumstances that dont include drama we would be there. This has to stop.
Whenever FI goes around them we do argue other than that we dont at all & last Christmas MIL told me not to let them break us up. He lost his dad when we first met & his brother the same way last fall thats a different story. SIL started acting like this when BIL asked her to quit her job so he could write that million dollar program, they are also competitive wanting to put others down. They dont have anything I want, truth is our oldest son & I needed this family cause our family lives in Canada. Ive never posted here before these are mostly my frustrations. So please dont do what Ive seen on the other post & be mean, since the post is about how mean people suck!
Im only thinking of this cause Im planning our 2 yr olds birthday with in a month. Last year BIL bickered with MIL why she doesnt come see his kids, cause all he does is argue. She removed BIL from her fb cause he was siding with his ex stepmom letting her alienate her, then right after sil tried adding me I blocked them both. I dont want to have to plan 2 birthdays. Im going all out mickey mouse theme indoor jump bounce house & crafty stuff. If they make it about their drama I will say something like this is a 3 year olds birthday & Im all about making happy memories if u are not there is the door.
Many blessings to your families.
Re: SIL gossips to her kids that our teenage son is gay! (kinda long sorry)
Go right to the source of all the bull and tell your SIL that she is to stop the malicious gossip once and for all.
How shitty she is picking on a kid. "Act your age not your shoe size" and "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all" are 2 addages that fit your SIL.
You ought to let her know that SHE will be banned from all further excursions you plan for your kiddoes and for holidays if she doesn't cut out the bullshit.
I hope you'll get better advise on here than I did because according to one person calling a kid fat isn't the worst thing you can say to someone and allowing someone to get to you for calling you gay in the year 2014 is really sad. Yes, that was discussed in the Neighbor Issue post. So, hopefully you'll have better luck than I did on here and hear from people who can empathize with others.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Sorry OP, lets get back to the real issue here. No, I would never tolerate anyone bullying my son or anyone else's.
MIL is trying so hard to enjoy her grandkids without the bickering & to have nice things planned its really sad & disheartening. Sometimes she doesnt invite them, like one 4th of July cook out she had her new age lady friends & one was transgender come over. It was good food & relaxing. Also MIL is on the right wing conservative political spectrum if people want to label all these things. I find her friends are interesting & very dynamic. People are people & if they have different idealisms & enjoy their time together thats cool. What I dont understand is why BIL & wife have to constantly look at our differences, unless they are questioning their own. I just think leaving our kids out of all of that is for the best.
I dont expect people to walk on egg shells, when I do see them its cordial not as engaging, or light hearted discussion, & I find other ways to occupy my time. We as a couple dont cause problems & H's stepdad is the sweetest & his mom she used to be an artist like disney & stuff it was a pleasure & privelage to go to the museum with them. I think his parents are great & Im glad our relationship is strong, it had a few bumps cause of BIL now we just try our best to tune the negative behavior out. The more we do the more outlandish they get.
I blocked them on facebook for now & we already made our plans the next 2 weekends H doesnt say anything but the museum this weekend his doing & MIL offered to watch our youngest..Im thinking they have been dealing with this abusive behavior for awhile & to be honest I dont think they have been catering to it good for them, no one wants to feel ganged up on. Who wants to be around emotionally exhaustive people, ill just keep my distance, they started being this way cause we dont let them use us, they make twice as much a year than what we make on their bad year & squander. While at the same time another occasion tried taking our last 500 bucks from a lay off. BIL makes at least 125000 on a bad year but is the same person to borrow without returning. No respect. We have to make every cent count & we dont have the luxary of working from home & stirring up drama. IDK to much time on their hands.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
We are planning the bday, Im going to avoid them. Try to stop thinking about it. Thanks again.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Like OP said above "kids take things to heart." Funny how you can get so overworked on name calling and insist names aren't the worst thing to call a kid (including using the word gay in 2014) but come on here and advise someone else with an issue along the same lines as mine (name calling) and react the opposite of what you insisted I do. For example, you told OP to have her husband address the issue to his sister if she did tell her kids OP's son is gay and let her know it was inappropriate. Well, why didn't anyone give me that type of advise when neighbor called my kid fat? It doesn't make sense but I assume you dislike me that much that you can be empathetic towards one poster and not the other. I'm glad you didn't tell OP that it's 2014 and that it's "sad" if he thinks the word gay is the worst thing someone can say to him in this day and age. Then you tell me how you think I'm "unbalanced" (which isn't any better than name calling). I don't think any of that would ring well with anyone.
OP you have received great advise so far and it seems as if you are handling things well! Good luck.
Everytime I see them they talk about how much they make like competing. Im also thinking maybe they are jealous of our relationship with their parents. Now that I think about it we have never really been on MILs bad side we dont take advantage, if we borrow we pay back promptly & i dont think she ever complains about us and a few weeks ago they tried injecting my name into something I didnt know about. They had some sort of argument then they had a knock down drag out fight MIL defriended BIL, then the next day SIL tried friending me. Im not fb friends with any of them.
It used negatively affect our relationship with MIL she had a hard time getting close to us at first. She also used to come off like BIL almost like she absorbed the toxic energy but we took her to the pumpkin patch & tricker treating then while in the car almost cried about how fun it was to go out & do normal stuff, then preceeded to read H a hateful text from BIL.
Please note last summer when she got trampled by a horse with a broke foot, horses loose she called BIL to help he lives 30 minutes away. He told her it wasnt broke & acted like he couldnt be bothered. H took off work & our oldest son drove an hour away to chase 7 horses & take his mom to the hospital. They had to get the horses back before they caused an accident on the road shortly after she sold them all. MIL cared for her mom with alzheimers til she couldnt bare it anymore, & all I can say is thats pretty messed up. It burns H up. At least everyone sees thru all that bs. It doesnt have to be that way.
I used to go to counceling to learn better coping skills & for anger management. My councelor & I both agreed I didnt need counceling, but this did help cause I could vent to her & not H. Saw her a week ago when this started up again. I have anxiety Christmas cause of everyones elses expectations so does H so we let that go & focused more on creating warm fuzzy memories for the kids & our parents (my mom moved here). I may see them 3 times this year, thats alot more than I get to see my family or old college friends in Texas.
Last Thanksgiving after the birthday party was the best cause I didnt let them take my joy away, SIL had a hard time looking me in the eyes.
The only other thing I know is to focus on me I got a scholarship & have been surrounding ourselves with positive people. To be honest after alot of hard work we do have good things happening in our lives its not perfect but its the possibilities. Often I heard BIL talk about feeling stagnat we gave him project ideas. Constructive is good but negative things can really mess with your psyche & sidetrack you from happiness, he can choose that all he wants. As you can tell Ive absorbed some toxic energy & I really hate feeling this way about people, thats what bothers me the most. I used to get along with everyone.
Alot of my gay friends have been supportive. My best friend I met him while volunteering at an hiv clinic & he was also my classmate in art school he went on to gradschool, & is HIV positive living in the POS community that might be to much info, but my son knows him as an uncle he said they were lame. He taught me how to sew & make bears before build a bear. He is now a yoga instructor & does various film exhibits in San Fran he knows my disappointment & saddness.
Then my very peaceful buddhist mixed marriage lesbian friends one is a librarian the other manages a health food store want to kick their butts over the N word & is your son gay thing. They couldnt believe it when I told them it was because he wears skinny jeans. He is well mannered & sometimes has long hair to reflect the native american side easy on the eyes all that combined he must be. Now I feel like Im bashing, living in certain places I had to warn him about how people talk about gay people, walking with his friend skate boarding he was 9 or 10 some kids drove by yelling fag, this from what Ive seen alot of guys do this.
I also had to warn him about the black jokes, growing up I heard it all & I dont want anyone to make him for a second feel ashamed or think being black is something bad...he has hazel eyes very light fair skin he looks white when he used to go out with my dad people were confused. I myself had people tell me being black wasnt my fault in the 90s.
He should be proud of who he is no matter what sexuality, race, whatever label or identity. Does the way he dress hurt anyone, no. Kids have to have positive ways to see themselves. All of my misfit friends are proud of him. I told H they were lucky I didnt claw SILs eyes out, yes anger management does wonders. My older son & I have son have been thru alot to havent we all? Sometimes I do feel like they ag it on. How would it look if I farted all over them Christmas then asked if there daughter was on the pill then told them I was tired of their fascist the kkk has a right to freedom of speech even though we dont agree attitude now that kinda stuff I dont trivialize & shouldnt kinder nicer topics should be discussed on Christmas & Easter?
One easter BIL said jesus wasnt black then looked over at me, I have no opinion unless you want to discuss archeology/anthropology that was most my course work. My white mom believes Jesus was black I didnt know that til then, thats her but she doesnt do stuff like that. I have my own personal belief I dont critic I dont make assumptions & saying something cause you think it should offend or or alienate whatever desired outcome you want in doing so, its a drag...hey I may use that one. Im not giving them the desired outcome, being a drama queen I guess. All I can say they have a problem & its not mine...or our kids...poor H he is embarrassed.