Trouble in Paradise

cmcar · June 2014

My fiancee and I have been arguing nonstop since we got engaged. We have argued before but not to this extent. We have been at each other throats. He has been sleeping in the living room or the other bedroom for a bit. I'm not sure if it is just the wedding stress or if there is a deeper root to these issues. Has anyone else been having a less than bliss engagement?

TarponMonoxide · June 2014

cmcar said:

My fiancee and I have been arguing nonstop since we got engaged. We have argued before but not to this extent. We have been at each other throats. He has been sleeping in the living room or the other bedroom for a bit. I'm not sure if it is just the wedding stress or if there is a deeper root to these issues. Has anyone else been having a less than bliss engagement?

Thia is not normal nor is it promising for you or your future with him.

What I suggest:

1-Put the wedding on hold; if you have set a date, put it on hold indefinitely
2-Get counseling; both jointly and separately; see a regular marriage counselor and consult your officiant, if you are having a wedding in a house of worship.
3-DO NOT get married unless the fighting has been resolved. If it continues despite the counseling or he refuses to go, don't marry him at all.

I don't know how long you have been engaged; that is key information, too; for all we know the wedding is in very short time.

You cannot marry a guy you argue with constantly.

Moreover, what are the fights about? Please give us more backstory

BlueBirdMB · June 2014

Planning your wedding should bring your closer together, not create conflict. If it's creating conflict, then you need to put the planning on hold and figure out what is causing the conflict.

Bubblegum5586 · June 2014

If wedding planning is pushing your relationship to a braking point what will happen when you buy a house? Have kids? One of you become sick? There are so many more stressful things in life, that if wedding planning is too much I would reconsider the lifetime you are planning together.

TarponMonoxide · June 2014

If the fights are related to the ceremony, reception, guests and or anything wedding:

Put the wedding on hold, scrap your plans and sit down and discuss together what kind of wedding is feasible and acceptable to the both of you.

If you can't afford what you have planned, PLAN what you can afford --- no borrowing money no asking parents for cash.

It is not quantity: it is quality.

There is somebody I know who scrapped the traditional wedding and took perhaps 30 people into New York City for a very small and intimate wedding. They had the ceremony outside in Central Park and afterwards, everyone went to a hotel in the city for a party and reception.

doeydo · June 2014

What are you fighting about?

Disneygeek77 · June 2014

Honestly, no. Our engagement was just fine. The hardest time for us was when we had a newborn and were sleep deprived, and even then I still wouldn't say we were at each other's throats.

vlagrl29 · June 2014

please put the wedding on hold while you work thru these issues. Once you are married it becomes even worse.

TarponMonoxide · June 2014

doeydo said:

What are you fighting about?

Some back story will help.

Until then, it's anyone's guess what the arguments are about.

Leftie22 · June 2014

Don't get married until you figure this out. Sleeping separately before the wedding has even happened is a sign that at the very least, your communication isn't working well. Don't get married until you're communicating properly and can work out whatever is going wrong.

jellyfour · August 2014

You'd really have to provide more information for us to make an assessment. And the engagement and the fighting may just be coincidence and are unrelated. If you already are thinking it's wedding stress, you may be blinding your self, even slightly, to the possibility it may be something else.

But only you can find this out, and only you can find it out by talking to him.

Leahst73 · November 2014

It's normal that a big event can bring on stress. We spent a lot of our engagement fighting about the wedding, the house, finances etc. Try to resolve the big issues that you and your fiance are having. If it's really bad you can postpone your wedding plans and take time to focus on your relationship. Maybe look for some pre-marriage counseling. A neutral party might help work through hard topics.

Good luck and stay strong!

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