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Friend Question
Hi everyone,
May I have your opinions please? I am wondering what to do about a friend.
I've had a friend for a while. She has been there for me in the past and takes the time to do thoughtful little things here and there for me. I hadn't talked to her in a while and so I emailed her. She responded that she had been quite ill for some time. A few days later in another email she mentioned she was having an issue with a family member.
I emailed her back "poor you. Drama seems just so attracted to you". She responded by asking what I meant by that and I wrote "nothing bad. The world just seems to bring you so much negativity that you don't need". She responded that she would no longer share things with me if that's how I felt about her and our friendship- that all she did was bring drama,negativity and my pity to the table (which is not what I meant- she is not a big complainer and is there for me also) and has not talked to me since.
Was what I said wrong? I am pretty confused and would like some insight. Should I apologize? What am I missing? I really didn't mean any harm.
Thank you very much everyone I really appreciate it.
Re: Friend Question
And then your follow up?
how about "I'm so sorry to hear. It sounds like you're having a rough time. Please know I'm here to listen to you if you need me."?
But... I don't know if it's worth actually trying to explain this if you really can't figure out what is wrong with what you said.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Seriously? She sent you a congratulations card and offered you advice if you wanted it. What more do you want from your friends??? My God, that sounds like a lovely gesture!
You don't need to hear her problems because you're too busy being happy?
Wow. Just... wow.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
- You emailed her to say you're pregnant or engaged or buying a house or whatever.
- You "felt like you didn't need to hear her problems, because you want to enjoy this time."
- You sent her a passive-aggressive reply calling her a drama queen.
- She replied to give you a chance to explain what you meant (because surely you weren't dismissing your "thoughtful" friend's illness as drama).
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
And LOL at "all she did". Sounds like she was happy for you and showed you so accordingly. what else is she supposed to do, exactly??????
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
If you can't even be honest with yourself about your feelings and motives, you're never going to be a good friend.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And what do you mean by she didn't offer to get together or anything? She's clearly going through some shit right now, and you're mad that she didn't get in front of you PHYSICALLY to say "congrats"?
You say you're not pissed at her, but your "context" update tells a very different story. You can try and talk your way out of it, bu tyou wouldn't have given us that "context" if you weren't upset about it and - in turn - taking it out on her.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
In these kinds of situations - someone going through a really shitty time ABSOLUTELY trumps you good news. It sounds like she tried her best to acknowledge it. But NOOOO, not good enough. She needs to drop everything and come be all "ra ra ra" for you while you're all pissy and upset that "OMG - her bad luck came at a really inconvenient time for me!!!!".
You sound very self-centered and dishonest - at least with yourself.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
wow seriously... at first i was going to try to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume u were trying to be thoughtful and maybe you were just clueless as to how horrible you worded it ... but no it seems you really are that selfish. She said congratulations and she sent you a card for god sake! I don't ever send cards for a congratulations!
And you are really that self centered that your friend is apparently really sick and having problems and you just don't care cus she dare to not worship at your feet. You want to enjoy this time? Um she's not stopping you from doing that! She's being a friend and sharing her life with you... which is what true friends do!
And what does visiting someone when they are PG really mean too? It would never occur to me to visit someone because they are PG. ESPECIALLY for the fact that she has kids! She has limited time. Visiting a friend just because she's PG.... um, yeah, that wouldn't be high on my list of priorities.
Yes, from what I read here, you are expecting to omuch. You seem to expect "tit for tat". "I do ___, so she should do __". You need to have room in ANY relationship for respecting your differences too.
Look at what she DOES do for you. You're so focused on what she doesn't do, you may be losing sight of what is really there.
Please send us her info, because she sounds like a lovely person who could use some better friends!
If I was your friend and said that to you and did not apologize, would you stop being my friend?
I guess where I'm at is that I think I've always been a good friend to this gal in many ways and it was just one comment...is it really worth ending an entire friendship?