Choose between delaying Baby, Belated Honeymoon, or Extra Retirement?

strickland8052 · December 2014

Hey guys! We just found out that our roof needs to be completely redone.

Fortunately, we have the money. But unfortunately, it throws off our financial goals for next year. Next year, we were planning on three major goals, but I think we are going to have to scratch one of these goals to deal with the roof. Please tell me which of these you would skip this year, considering our financial situation.

1. Saving up for a belated honeymoon/ baby moon. We both believe travel is very important, especially since we never went on a honeymoon and want to begin TTC next year and may not be able to travel much after that. This goal is really the one that I personally most do not want to give up. We've been trying to do this for 3 years now, but every year we put it off. I want to make it a priority.

2. Saving up for a baby fund. We were planning on TTC next year. If given the choice between the vacation and baby, I'd probably choose the vacation. But, I feel like we are in a good enough spot financially that it seems ridiculous to postpone TTC over money.

3. Putting extra money in retirement. We currently have a 9 to 10 month emergency fund, but it is all in H's ROTH (not invested). H really wants us to build up a seperate e-fund, so he can invest some of that money for additional retirement.

I know it sounds like a no-brainer that retirement should be the last thing we scratch from this list, but I feel like it should be the thing to go, considering our situation (hear me out!). We have no debt except our mortgage (no student loans and both cars are paid off). In addition to the emergency fund, we have about 1/3rd of our income in retirement. H is 29 and I'm 26, and we both just started our careers in the last couple of years. We each contribute 5% to our 401k's (to get the employer match) and an additional 10% into our ROTHs (this money is invested). I've done those retirement calculator things, and if we maintain our current savings we should have more than enough for retirement even without the extra money. I get the importance of saving for retirement, and I get that delaying the investment of this money could ultimately lose us a lot of money.....but I feel like we are doing enough already and I want to balance life without getting too savings crazy! H feels differently though. If it were up to him, we'd never TTC or go on vacation until we have enough to actually retire.

I just need other opinions... what do you guys think? Do I just need to suck it up and skip my vacay?

lifeonthehill · December 2014

Honestly I think if your retirement is in that good of shape maybe compromise with H to do half to retirement and half to stay in savings.

If vacation is that important than do another one pre TTC. We took ours last March and H is still so happy we did.

hoffse · December 2014

If I'm being 100% honest I would delay baby-making. At a certain point you need to get on that, but you're only 26. You have time.

I think it's important to have savings built up - really, it's not so much the amount as the habit. I'm of the mindset that retirement really needs to be one of those no-compromise, set-it-and-forget-it type things. Contributions should only go up, and you need to be comfortable where you are with that before having kids (but that's just me).

I also think it's important to have some great experiences as a couple together before you have kids. All the people I know who lived life a little before having kids seem happy. They are the ones telling me to have kids and how great it will be. Whereas the ones who got married and got pregnant immediately are the ones who tell me to never have kids (not lying... several people have told me this).

The other thing I've noticed is the ones who traveled before having kids seem more willing to continue traveling after having kids. Sometimes they bring the kids along, sometimes they have an adult-only vacation (which I think is healthy!) The ones who didn't travel before having kids seem to find travel to be impossible now - even if they have the resources to do it - because "you can't do that with kids." I find it to be an interesting contrast, and I suspect it has to do with the complexities of taking that first trip. I really enjoy trip planning, but it can be an intimidating process. I have to imagine that with kids it's even more intimidating if you have never really done it before on your own.

So yeah, I would absolutely take a trip or two with your H before kids come along.

There are a lot of us on this board who like to travel and prioritize it. We can definitely help you come up with ways to bring the cost down. Travel is obviously not as cheap as staying home, but it also doesn't have the break the bank either. Traveling inexpensively just requires some flexibility and a willingness to go off the beaten path a little bit. There are plenty of places in the world where you can even stay in swanky hotels for a bargain. It's not going to be Bora Bora, but it could be a place like Cambodia... which (to me) would be vastly more interesting.

Xstatic3333 · December 2014

Well, we are looking at similar choices and are going for the trip. Travel is a tricky thing to justify prioritizing because some people don't care about it at all, but if you do you need to make it happen while you're young (though not by building debt or anything radical like that).

I don't want to be a downer, but money isn't everything and time matters a lot, too. We just got back from the funeral of H's beloved uncle, who died two weeks into retirement. My own uncle saved to travel during retirement but then immediately suffered a cornea injury that makes international travel a no-go. Saving for retirement is important, but you're already doing pretty well there and I think saving to travel is more than reasonable.

For us, we are working on our e-fund and travel savings right now. In a tight week, e-fund is the priority. We also give to retirement-H around 18% and me around 8% (will raise to 15% and automate after the holidays). We'll start our baby fund after the trip is paid for and also cash flow quite a bit. I'm 30 and H is 35, but we only want 1-2.

I also agree with everything @hoffse said and would love a good budget travel thread!

vlagrl29 · December 2014

I'm kinda opposite of your dh. I think you can afford to keep your current contributions so you can keep on schedule for baby. Baby and travel would be top priorities for me. We weren't in the ideal financial position when I got pregnant but I wouldn't change it for the world. Can't imagine life without her. You will never be 100% financially ready for baby. Just gotta bite the bullet

formerlyGDaisy09 · December 2014

H and I took our belated honeymoon this past year, I'm so glad that we did...we've also got TTC on the brain...but I think if we hadn't taken our vacation I would regret not doing that.

it sounds like you're both contributing 20% to retirement...counting the employer match, that's pretty good. even if your H's ROTH is serving as your e-fund....you still have your ROTH, and both 401Ks if you have to dip into the e-fund.

I would leave your retirement where it is, plan your vacation, save for baby...put anything that's left into savings.

blondie42107 · December 2014

It's really whatever is most important to you and your H. For TTC, I recommend looking at it two ways - getting pregnant as soon as you try but also the opposite. I didn't have fertility problems but I've seen close friends and family struggle. One friend has struggled for 7 years. She's now 34. In the past year and a half she's had three IVF attempts with the third finally working. The previous 5 years were various med/combinations which were unsuccessful. Most doctors won't start fertility testing until you've actively been TTC for one full year.

Vacations are as expensive as you make them. Do you have your heart set on one specific vacation or could you do a couple smaller ones as funds allow?

als1982 · December 2014

Considering your age, I would absolutely prioritize travel and saving for retirement over having a baby this year.

vlagrl29 · December 2014

Also consider how many kids you want and how far apart in age you want them. We want 2 kids/5 years apart in age so I will probably be 36 when we have #2 and that will be it for us.

bnunn03 · December 2014

Yep I will agree with Vlagrl29-- to me travel and baby would be my priorties--I def wouldn't delay TTC, You have no idea how long it could take to get pregnant--sure you are young(I am the same age), but if you plan on having more than just one, kind of have to think about how far apart you want them to be in age. I think it is a TETO thing.. some things are more important to others..

brij2006 · December 2014

I would continue your 15% contribution to retirement and pull 6 months of expenses out of the Roth (the portion that is not invested, if there are no fee's to do so), and have that in a money market or savings account. That's your emergency fund.

Then save up for the vacation. Go on it and enjoy yourselves, and start TTC when you planned.

I wouldn't worry fully about having a baby savings fund, because you can save up during those 9 months you're pregnant. Without any debt, that should be easy to do. And you will still have your Efund as a backup that you wouldn't need to tap into.

I'm with @vlagrl29 There's never a right time to TTC. We were in a lot of debt when we started, and little did we know at that time we would run into fertility problems that would then not be covered under insurance. It took us 15 months, 3 losses, and $10,000 before we got pregnant this time around. Were we in a financial place that I would have liked to be when we got pregnant or started TTC? No. But I wouldn't do anything differently. We aren't 100% out of debt, but we have a good game plan to still have our family and meet our financial goals. Even though I was like your H and could never have enough money in savings or retirement.

Erikan73 · December 2014

Another vote for go on vacation & delay baby a little. I say it because it sounds like you could use a little break & fun before baby. You don't want to TTC & then be resentful of the baby because you never got to go on a vacation as just husband and wife. It's not that you can't travel after baby, it'll just be family vacations instead. Do a husband and wife vacation now.

KatieCutie05 · December 2014

I'm with Brij - i would definitely get your emergency fund out of roths. A roof would be what classifies as an emergency and i wouldn't let it tie up my other goals too much if i were in your position. Your debt free and in a very good financial situation. live a little.

I'm deep in debt and 7 months pregnant and if all goes smoothly the next 2 months we will still manage to cash flow all the baby costs in just the 9 months it takes to grow the baby and have enough to pay off my car when babies born. (and we got pregnant sooner then planned) Unless you plan to buy the kid a 10k crib - you'll do just fine. Babies are expensive to me but thats becuase of my situation - if i was debt free and looking at these same expenses - i'd probably consider it cheap. its all a matter of perspective and how much you plan to spend.

Keep a 6 months worth of expenses in a separate account (pull it out of the roths if you can without fees) and continue contributing 15% to retirement - past that give yourself a break and TTC and take that vacation as planned.

strickland8052 · December 2014

Thanks guys! I feel much better. I had a talk with H last night, and he was surprisingly on the exact same page as me. He basically agreed that as long as we continue contributing 15% to retirement, we should be fine. He said that anything extra would be nice, but we shouldn't postpone life events and live life as miserable penny pinchers just so we can go above and beyond with retirement savings.

It is just tough to walk that line between enjoying life in the present and saving for the future. We listen to Suze Orman and she says to max out your ROTHs every year and contribute up to the employer's match. I know those are great things to do, but if we did that then we would be contributing like 30% of our income to retirement.

vlagrl29 · December 2014

We didn't start our baby fund until I was pregnant and we didn't even have an emergency fund. We did every thing all at once. Dated 11 months, engaged 4 months and married 9 months when I got pregnant. Obviously I'm not telling you to do that but now we do have an e fund, save more for retirement, making more money, no debt but my student loans.

We kinda did things backwards but it worked for us. So Katie- there is hope

brij2006 · December 2014

Your plan sounds like a great one.

I really think sometimes it's hard to find that happy medium when you've worked so hard to be debt free and amp up the savings and retirement. However, at some point you have to figure out where to stop with it and spend some too.

Suzy Orman has some great insight, but she is definitely about really beefing up the retirement. There's nothing wrong with saving a lot toward retirement, but there becomes a limit where it is too much when you can't balance the other things in life too.

That's where I've liked Dave Ramsey's motto. Give some, spend some, and save some.

sillygoosegirl · December 2014

I would put off TTC also. You have plenty of time to TTC later. Because of the way compound interest works, the money you invest now will grow to twice as much in retirement as money invested just 7 years from now. And ditto everything @hoffse said about travel without kids being easier than travel with kids, and travel with kids being easier if you learned how to travel before kids. Travel without kids is also a lot cheaper because you need fewer tickets and you don't have to accommodate kids (many parents I know find they have to stay at hotels with pools to keep the kids happy, which cost a lot more often than hotels without, etc). There are also just a lot of cool things you just can't do on vacation once you have kids.

When we were your age, we were facing the same question, and I'm glad we chose to put off kids. We had so much fun in England that we put off TTC a few more years and ended up visiting 22 more countries together. During that time, we also built a lot of wealth and became much more established in our careers.

I write this as I sit here with a 1 month old baby at my breast. Looking back and comparing our life now to what it was 5 years ago, I feel so good that we waited. I feel that we have so much more to offer this little girl now than we would have back then. Also, I know I'm not the first to tell you this, but babies are a serious ton of work. Now that I have one, I'm even more all about having fun first than I was before.

strickland8052 · December 2014

Thanks @sillygoosegirl! You and @hoffse really present a tempting argument to wait... I definitely see those advantages! Then again, I'm not sure because I really want 3 kids spread out with like 5 years between them (daycare is ridiculous in our city), so when I think about that I feel like we should get on it fast. Agh! Sometimes it is stressful to think about all the different things I want to accomplish while "young".

Anyway, just to update you guys... we learned that our roof has hail and wind damage, which probably qualifies us for the home owner's insurance to pay for the new roof. Woot woot!!!! If we decide to go that route (trying to decide if it is worth our premiums going up), then we won't really have to mark anything off the list.

formerlyGDaisy09 · December 2014

strickland8052 said:

Thanks @sillygoosegirl! You and @hoffse really present a tempting argument to wait... I definitely see those advantages! Then again, I'm not sure because I really want 3 kids spread out with like 5 years between them (daycare is ridiculous in our city), so when I think about that I feel like we should get on it fast. Agh! Sometimes it is stressful to think about all the different things I want to accomplish while "young".
Anyway, just to update you guys... we learned that our roof has hail and wind damage, which probably qualifies us for the home owner's insurance to pay for the new roof. Woot woot!!!! If we decide to go that route (trying to decide if it is worth our premiums going up), then we won't really have to mark anything off the list.

we're in sort of the same place and want 2 or 3 with enough time in between that we're not juggling daycare fees for more than one at a time (typical daycare for an infant is $1,200 a month, closer to $900-1000 for a toddler in our area).

The flip side would be that the sooner you have kids the younger you'll be when they're through college, so you can travel more when you're older....just saying, your lives as a couple that is free to pick-up and travel with out worry of children to care for doesn't end as soon as you have a baby, it just goes on pause.

lifeonthehill · December 2014

Gdaisy09 said:

strickland8052 said:

Thanks @sillygoosegirl! You and @hoffse really present a tempting argument to wait... I definitely see those advantages! Then again, I'm not sure because I really want 3 kids spread out with like 5 years between them (daycare is ridiculous in our city), so when I think about that I feel like we should get on it fast. Agh! Sometimes it is stressful to think about all the different things I want to accomplish while "young".
Anyway, just to update you guys... we learned that our roof has hail and wind damage, which probably qualifies us for the home owner's insurance to pay for the new roof. Woot woot!!!! If we decide to go that route (trying to decide if it is worth our premiums going up), then we won't really have to mark anything off the list.

we're in sort of the same place and want 2 or 3 with enough time in between that we're not juggling daycare fees for more than one at a time (typical daycare for an infant is $1,200 a month, closer to $900-1000 for a toddler in our area).

The flip side would be that the sooner you have kids the younger you'll be when they're through college, so you can travel more when you're older....just saying, your lives as a couple that is free to pick-up and travel with out worry of children to care for doesn't end as soon as you have a baby, it just goes on pause.

I agree with the bolded. These are my personal feelings. H and I want to be able to live our lives after the kids are gone. I know a 48 year old whose youngest is just turning 1. She will be 67 when that kid goes to college. I know 67 isn't end of your life old but it isn't young. I want to be 50 and travel with my husband. My mom is 44 and we are all grown and gone and she loves having her life ahead of her.

ETA: Math Fail.

formerlyGDaisy09 · December 2014

alyssa32713 said:

Gdaisy09 said:

strickland8052 said:

Thanks @sillygoosegirl! You and @hoffse really present a tempting argument to wait... I definitely see those advantages! Then again, I'm not sure because I really want 3 kids spread out with like 5 years between them (daycare is ridiculous in our city), so when I think about that I feel like we should get on it fast. Agh! Sometimes it is stressful to think about all the different things I want to accomplish while "young".
Anyway, just to update you guys... we learned that our roof has hail and wind damage, which probably qualifies us for the home owner's insurance to pay for the new roof. Woot woot!!!! If we decide to go that route (trying to decide if it is worth our premiums going up), then we won't really have to mark anything off the list.

we're in sort of the same place and want 2 or 3 with enough time in between that we're not juggling daycare fees for more than one at a time (typical daycare for an infant is $1,200 a month, closer to $900-1000 for a toddler in our area).

The flip side would be that the sooner you have kids the younger you'll be when they're through college, so you can travel more when you're older....just saying, your lives as a couple that is free to pick-up and travel with out worry of children to care for doesn't end as soon as you have a baby, it just goes on pause.

I agree with the bolded. These are my personal feelings. H and I want to be able to live our lives after the kids are gone. I know a 45 year old whose youngest is just turning 1. She will be 67 when that kid goes to college. I know 67 isn't end of your life old but it isn't young. I want to be 50 and travel with my husband. My mom is 44 and we are all grown and gone and she loves having her life ahead of her.

and that's just when the kid goes to college...if they're helping pay for college it still will be another 4+ years before they're done being financially involved in supporting that child. My parents are 56 and chomping at the bit to remodel their kitchen...but they're still paying for my brother's college so their money for the remodel is tied up. They have however been going on multiple golfing vacations every year...something they're still young enough to enjoy

brij2006 · December 2014

Gdaisy09 said:

strickland8052 said:

Thanks @sillygoosegirl! You and @hoffse really present a tempting argument to wait... I definitely see those advantages! Then again, I'm not sure because I really want 3 kids spread out with like 5 years between them (daycare is ridiculous in our city), so when I think about that I feel like we should get on it fast. Agh! Sometimes it is stressful to think about all the different things I want to accomplish while "young".
Anyway, just to update you guys... we learned that our roof has hail and wind damage, which probably qualifies us for the home owner's insurance to pay for the new roof. Woot woot!!!! If we decide to go that route (trying to decide if it is worth our premiums going up), then we won't really have to mark anything off the list.

we're in sort of the same place and want 2 or 3 with enough time in between that we're not juggling daycare fees for more than one at a time (typical daycare for an infant is $1,200 a month, closer to $900-1000 for a toddler in our area).

The flip side would be that the sooner you have kids the younger you'll be when they're through college, so you can travel more when you're older....just saying, your lives as a couple that is free to pick-up and travel with out worry of children to care for doesn't end as soon as you have a baby, it just goes on pause.

This is pretty much what my parents did also. They were 42 and 46 when I moved out of the house (brother is 4 years older than me), and they have since traveled and done things they were never able to do before. H and I see that, and we want to find a little balance with it. We traveled a bit before TTC, but we still have plenty of places we want to go to when we're older. Our hope is that we can focus on being debt free, then be able to travel with our kids some. It was something our parents were never able to do, but we want to show our children other things. So we have our travel goals with kids and travel goals without them. It is still in our plan to go on a trip after we're debt free, just the 2 of us. We want to still make those things happen.

hoffse · December 2014

I think it's entirely possible to travel with kids, you just have to be willing to make that first trip. I think it's easier if you've done one or two by yourself first. I know I have no experience with any of this, but I see my coworkers who really care about travel make it work with kids. And they love it.

Anyway I refuse to believe that kids = no travel for the next two decades! Besides you can always start out with a beach trip or family friendly resorts or something and then build up to the more rigorous places as kids get older. Plenty of resorts offer hefty discounts for kids and plenty of cruises offer 3rd/4th passenger sail free deals (I've actually researched this a lot to prepare myself for future years...). Or you can rent an RV and explore the west. Or camp. Or visit the spectacular and free museums in DC and other cities. There are budget-friendly ways to travel as a family. I think that making the decision to actually go is probably the hardest part for people who didn't travel much pre-baby.

I think that for the people who traveled a lot pre-baby, adjusting expectations about future trips is probably the hardest bit. You're probably not going to be trekking to Machu Picchu with a toddler in tow, and I think that disappoints the hearty travelers. But there's a lot to be said for slow travel - picking a city and just staying there for a week to explore in-depth or really taking a true vacation where you have nothing planned but to get away. I'm hoping our kid years are when we do that.

Disclaimer: I could 100% change my mind about all of this after actually having kids

als1982 · December 2014

What if tomorrow never comes? My parents planned on traveling after retirement, but then my dad died of a heart attack at 55, before they had the opportunity. We travel today, because you never know what life will throw at you - a child with special needs who requires constant care, a diagnosis of serious illness or an unexpected injury - that might prevent it down the road.

formerlyGDaisy09 · December 2014

als1982 said:

What if tomorrow never comes? My parents planned on traveling after retirement, but then my dad died of a heart attack at 55, before they had the opportunity. We travel today, because you never know what life will throw at you - a child with special needs who requires constant care, a diagnosis of serious illness or an unexpected injury - that might prevent it down the road.

Ultimately it depends on what you want in the next 5-10 years...the same could be said about bringing a child into the world...if the worst happens how many of your child's big life events will you miss? Or the one that has been on my mind recently, how well do you want your children to know their grandparents (my grandmother died at 68 from cancer when I was 11 up 'til then she was younger than her years...what if the worst were to happen to my parents?).

ETA: I'm realizing this may come off as insensitive, appologies.

Xstatic3333 · December 2014

Gdaisy09 said:

als1982 said:

What if tomorrow never comes? My parents planned on traveling after retirement, but then my dad died of a heart attack at 55, before they had the opportunity. We travel today, because you never know what life will throw at you - a child with special needs who requires constant care, a diagnosis of serious illness or an unexpected injury - that might prevent it down the road.

Ultimately it depends on what you want in the next 5-10 years...the same could be said about bringing a child into the world...if the worst happens how many of your child's big life events will you miss? Or the one that has been on my mind recently, how well do you want your children to know their grandparents (my grandmother died at 68 from cancer when I was 11 up 'til then she was younger than her years...what if the worst were to happen to my parents?).

ETA: I'm realizing this may come off as insensitive, appologies.

I see both points, but in general my personal attitude towards travel tends to be close to @als1982's. I think being young and healthy is a rare and lucky thing, and that's why I'm pushing to get some travel in now even though saving to travel in retirement would be more practical financially. You just never know what can happen. I know some friends who feel the same way about starting to TTC right away just in case it takes a long time, but even though I want kids that just doesn't resonate with me as much. Perhaps that's just because I'm really not "ready" yet.

I do hope to travel once we have kids, but with the price of daycare in our area and our current incomes it's hard to imagine doing international until the kids are out of daycare.

lifeonthehill · December 2014

als1982 said:

What if tomorrow never comes? My parents planned on traveling after retirement, but then my dad died of a heart attack at 55, before they had the opportunity. We travel today, because you never know what life will throw at you - a child with special needs who requires constant care, a diagnosis of serious illness or an unexpected injury - that might prevent it down the road.

I guess it depends what is most important to you. If H died tomorrow I would regret not having the chance to have children with him. I wouldn't regret not taking that cruise to Alaska.

ETA:Words

vlagrl29 · December 2014

We have been on 3 vacations with dd and it's really not that big of a deal. Now I wouldn't do a 7 hour flight with her at this age but it's not gonna kill us having to wait for that.

I experienced a lot in my 20s that I don't feel I missed out on anything once i became pregnant. People have different priorities in life and I really wanted a kid back when I was 25 so I was really ready when we had dd. to me having kiddos is much more important than traveling. Life is just so much more enjoyable now. Those memories are priceless to us.

hoffse · December 2014

alyssa32713 said:

als1982 said:

What if tomorrow never comes? My parents planned on traveling after retirement, but then my dad died of a heart attack at 55, before they had the opportunity. We travel today, because you never know what life will throw at you - a child with special needs who requires constant care, a diagnosis of serious illness or an unexpected injury - that might prevent it down the road.

I guess it depends what is most important to you. If H died tomorrow I would regret not having the chance to have children with him. I wouldn't regret not taking that cruise to Alaska.

ETA:Words

It does depend on what's most important to you. Right now, I'm really not chomping at the bit to have kids. I mean, logically I know we should sort of start thinking about it because I'm 28, but the notion of TTC honestly makes me more nervous than excited. I had a baby-brain at 24 and haven't had it since. I'm hoping I get there again in the next year or two. I kind of wish I had raging maternal instincts, but I just don't.

I think it's about balancing what you have now vs. planning for the future. Living like you have no future is sort of depressing, regardless of what that mindset is compelling you to prioritize (travel, kids, etc). On the other hand, yes - something really bad could happen in the future, which makes savoring the now all the more important. I think about the future so much that I'm not very good at living in the now. My H is much better about that, and it's truly one of the reasons I married him.

Xstatic3333 · December 2014

hoffse said:

alyssa32713 said:

als1982 said:

What if tomorrow never comes? My parents planned on traveling after retirement, but then my dad died of a heart attack at 55, before they had the opportunity. We travel today, because you never know what life will throw at you - a child with special needs who requires constant care, a diagnosis of serious illness or an unexpected injury - that might prevent it down the road.

I guess it depends what is most important to you. If H died tomorrow I would regret not having the chance to have children with him. I wouldn't regret not taking that cruise to Alaska.

ETA:Words

It does depend on what's most important to you. Right now, I'm really not chomping at the bit to have kids. I mean, logically I know we should sort of start thinking about it because I'm 28, but the notion of TTC honestly makes me more nervous than excited. I had a baby-brain at 24 and haven't had it since. I'm hoping I get there again in the next year or two. I kind of wish I had raging maternal instincts, but I just don't.

I think it's about balancing what you have now vs. planning for the future. Living like you have no future is sort of depressing, regardless of what that mindset is compelling you to prioritize (travel, kids, etc). On the other hand, yes - something really bad could happen in the future, which makes savoring the now all the more important. I think about the future so much that I'm not very good at living in the now. My H is much better about that, and it's truly one of the reasons I married him.

You articulated my feelings on the TTC thing much better than I did. It's going to be a huge life change for me-I mean, it is for everyone of course, but for me it will mean giving up a passion/avocation, and that's tough. I'm 30 though, and know that I want at least one child, so I'm working on getting in the TTC mindset. This thread actually just sparked a conversation between my H and I about our priorities and timelines. It looks like for us one last big trip (hopefully Peru) and then TTC next fall will be the best way forward. He's a more a quiet guy and I hadn't really realized how ready HE was, and hearing him say that out loud made me feel a lot more excited about it. These priorities are really different for every couple, and it's tough to find a balance sometimes!

sillygoosegirl · December 2014

strickland8052 said:

Thanks @sillygoosegirl! You and @hoffse really present a tempting argument to wait... I definitely see those advantages! Then again, I'm not sure because I really want 3 kids spread out with like 5 years between them (daycare is ridiculous in our city), so when I think about that I feel like we should get on it fast. Agh! Sometimes it is stressful to think about all the different things I want to accomplish while "young".
Anyway, just to update you guys... we learned that our roof has hail and wind damage, which probably qualifies us for the home owner's insurance to pay for the new roof. Woot woot!!!! If we decide to go that route (trying to decide if it is worth our premiums going up), then we won't really have to mark anything off the list.

There are potentially other ways to handle the daycare issue. For example, setting the same amount aside each month that you'd spend on daycare before you have your first, then spending down that savings when you have two kids in daycare. Daycares often provide a discount for multiple siblings. Alternately, with two kids it is often cheaper to get an au pair than put them both in daycare. Your savings is more if childcare needs for all 3 kids overlap. At the other end, your children will qualify for more financial aid if they are in college at the same time. Yes, in both cases you need to come up with more money out of pocket for each year, but the length of time is less and the overall cost is less, so if you have the discipline to save up for it, there is good savings to be had.

That said, I wouldn't advocate spacing your kids close together for this alone. But if cost is your main reason for such a wide spacing, I think you should consider that there are other solutions to the childcare cost issue, especially if you were to choose to wait on the first kid and plan ahead for it.

With regard to the issue of time as a couple now vs as empty nesters, part of how we decided when to have our kids was based on our retirement savings. We want to retire early, and the longer we waited to have kids, the longer we could save aggressively for that, so the earlier we could retire. So we decided to try to time it so that our projected retirement date would fall around when our kids are in college. So around 50 for both, instead of kids in college at 45 and retiring around 60.

Anyway,, food for thought on these very personal decisions.

Choose between delaying Baby, Belated Honeymoon, or Extra Retirement?

Re: Choose between delaying Baby, Belated Honeymoon, or Extra Retirement?

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