Any Newly Married Couples Have Trouble in Paradise Because One or Both People Have Bad Credit?

forrentnocreditcheck · January 2015

Just wondering how many people get married only to either find out or tell their new spouse they have had financial problems in the past and now it may impact both of them from living where you want to?

bmo88 · January 2015

@forrentnocreditcheck:

Wait, did you not discuss finances before marriage? Was it a surprise or hidden? If so, that's not a healthy way to start a marriage and will cause problems in the future.

Fortunately, we both have really good financial histories/credit. We have debt (student loans, mortgage, car loan), but it's manageable. We have always been upfront with each other about finances, well before marriage.

MommyLiberty5013 · January 2015

Yeah, we discussed all finances before marriage. No secrets and blatant honesty. If you were lied to, or you lied, then that's entering a marriage under false pretenses. Dishonesty is not a bedrock for marriage.

Or, if you just failed to discuss it because you never got around to it or you figured it would be okay - a non-issue, then welcome to "for better or for worse."

lifeonthehill · January 2015

We discussed everything. I was helping him pay his minimums on student loans while we were dating so I made sure I knew everything and he did too. I didn't want to be in a relationship where things jumped out of the closet. So we laid anything important out on the line.

If he lied to you before hand then you need to seriously talk. Lying is a huge no no when it comes to finances and marriage.

Good luck!

Xstatic3333 · January 2015

We laid out our debt and credit issues pre-marriage. If it's too late for that I'd suggest getting it all on the table now. FTR we had a ton of bad debt and H had so-so credit, but working together we turned things around pretty quickly.

Xstatic3333 · January 2015

OP your name kind of sounds like an ad. Is that the case or did you just make an account to discuss this specific problem?

als1982 · January 2015

Nope. We both got into credit card debt during during/after college/grad school and each had a minor ding in the form of a late payment, but by the time we met and married at 31/30, we were in good shape and shared the same MM philosophy. In fact, it's one of the things we most enjoy talking about and strategizing. So, I can't imagine being with a partner who's not on the same page. It'd be stressful, to say the least.

hoffse · January 2015

I agree your name sounds like an ad.

Assuming this is real, I agree with the others. We talked about it extensively before getting married, and we talk about it a lot nowt hat we are married. There have been no surprises after the wedding from either side.

CuriousKiddosMama · January 2015

Yeah, you may want to change your name. This is just a warning because you do sound like an ad, if you post content about your business you will be deleted. In your sight or anywhere it is against the terms of use

CuriousKiddosMama · January 2015

Siggy. Stupid auto correct

smbenevides1989 · January 2015

We joined accounts a year before we were married, so we knew each others credit issues, etc. If this is legit asking for advice, than I would seriously talk to your spouse about this. This is a huge issue if you were lied to, etc.

vlagrl29 · January 2015

we discussed everything before marriage - I requested credit reports, lol. We also discussed income and debt.

Wulfgar · January 2015

MW knew everything about my past before we got married. It helps that by the time we did get married our DS was two and we had been together for about a decade.

forrentnocreditcheck · January 2015

i was just wondering if there were other people out there like me... i only found out a month after we were married that my very generous husband had massive amounts of debt... he had couple of foreclosures her never told me about, and piles of credit card debt... now it looks like his problems are going to be my problems... and the irony of the whole situation is i work as a credit counselor at work! sorry for venting but this is just crazy ... so much for the honeymoon phase

CuriousKiddosMama · January 2015

Sorry, we didn't understand that from your first post. My husband and I went through premarraige counseling and $ was one of the topics of discussion, but even before then we knew where each other stood, and how much debt we had.
I guess since you are now married, I would be more concerned about his attitude towards cleaning up his mess. Does he understand why getting out of debt is important to you, and why it's important in general, or does he not care. Because if he doens't care, then there are going to be huge problems in your future, but if he gets it and wants to fix it then it may no be pleasant, but you can make it work.

hoffse · January 2015

forrentnocreditcheck said:

i was just wondering if there were other people out there like me... i only found out a month after we were married that my very generous husband had massive amounts of debt... he had couple of foreclosures her never told me about, and piles of credit card debt... now it looks like his problems are going to be my problems... and the irony of the whole situation is i work as a credit counselor at work! sorry for venting but this is just crazy ... so much for the honeymoon phase

Well the very first thing I would do is make sure to keep your finances separate. Seriously. Keep separate bank accounts, make sure he does not become an authorized user on your credit cards, etc. Make sure he does not know your SSN, and I would quietly freeze your credit and put the PIN somewhere safe where he can't find it. It's unbeliveably shady that he didn't tell you about any of this, and I would be concerned that he might start opening accounts in your name just to get more credit. I have seen similar things happen before at my job, only it was tax fraud that the husband was engaging in by using his wife's name/SSN.... eventually SHE was the one who got nailed by the IRS, and we had a hell of a time trying to prove to them that she had no idea what was going on.

Look, I'm a big believer in the idea that debt brought into a marriage by one spouse is debt that needs to be handled by both spouses. I generally advocate for joint accounts because at the end of the day a household rises and falls financially as a single unit. It doesn't really matter who makes more or who has more debt, because you really have one big pot of money, and those bills have to be paid.

HOWEVER that presupposes that both people are aware of what's happening before you say "I do." My husband had twice as much student loan debt as I did when we got married. I knew that, I married him anyway, and I started paying his loans/living expenses while he was finishing up law school. No big deal. But if he had hidden foreclosures and massive credit card debt from me? Hell no. He would be on his own to pay that back, and I'm not sure I would have ever been able to trust him again.

Here's the thing: financial dishonesty is incredibly destructive to a relationship. Money issues are the #1 cause for divorce, and much of this is just based on different perceptions/priorities when it comes to spending and saving. Somebody who actively hides financial stuff this big is on another level of destruction entirely. Frankly, it violates your vows and your relationship to hide stuff like that. I would find it intolerable.

You need to do what is best for you and your relationship. But please PLEASE take steps to protect yourself financially from him.

vlagrl29 · January 2015

Everything Hoffse said. Him keeping those things from you are dishonesty and grounds for a divorce IMO. I personally couldn't be with someone like that. If you do decide to stay married I would keep all your finances separate from his.

Erikan73 · January 2015

I knew what kind of debt issues my husband had, but by that point, he already had my heart. So we've been working on clearing things up & getting things paid off. Luckily my credit is good enough so our house is in just my name so we could get a better interest rate plus then none of the lenders could come & put a lien on the house (we weren't married when we bought the house) and his car is technically my car, again so we could get a better finance rate. His credit is slowly improving, it takes time to get your credit score number up, but it's amazing how easy it is to get your score to drop. We're hoping that by time his lease on his vehicle is up in two years, that his credit will be good enough that his next car can be in his name with a good finance rate.

It took us time to figure out the best way for us to handle our finances and it's taken me quiet some time to change his way of thinking when it comes to spending money, but we are getting to a good place and the future is looking better.

Sisugal · January 2015

He should consider buying a used vehicle rather than leasing.
As long as he is now on board financially and working to get out of debt and improve his FICO score - why is there "Trouble in Paradise"?

blondie42107 · January 2015

Sisugal said:

He should consider buying a used vehicle rather than leasing.
As long as he is now on board financially and working to get out of debt and improve his FICO score - why is there "Trouble in Paradise"?

The original poster didn't mention anything about a vehicle.

blondie42107 · January 2015

Erikan73 said:

I knew what kind of debt issues my husband had, but by that point, he already had my heart. So we've been working on clearing things up & getting things paid off. Luckily my credit is good enough so our house is in just my name so we could get a better interest rate plus then none of the lenders could come & put a lien on the house (we weren't married when we bought the house) and his car is technically my car, again so we could get a better finance rate. His credit is slowly improving, it takes time to get your credit score number up, but it's amazing how easy it is to get your score to drop. We're hoping that by time his lease on his vehicle is up in two years, that his credit will be good enough that his next car can be in his name with a good finance rate.
It took us time to figure out the best way for us to handle our finances and it's taken me quiet some time to change his way of thinking when it comes to spending money, but we are getting to a good place and the future is looking better.

I know a couple that has had to do this. The husband was "taught" by his parents that he needed to keep balances on his CCs to build credit. He had a few CCs that he did this with and also had student loans. His wife has been helping do the same as you.

Any Newly Married Couples Have Trouble in Paradise Because One or Both People Have Bad Credit?

Re: Any Newly Married Couples Have Trouble in Paradise Because One or Both People Have Bad Credit?

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