Money Matters
jacobsgorgeous
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Money Before Baby
My husband wants to set a monetary savings goal before we have children and we really disagree on the price. It feels really wrong to put off babies simply because we don't reach that dollar sign. I'm perfectly OK waiting for other circumstantial reasons like school, settling down, etc., but I'd prefer to have a baby between 26 and 31. The older I get past 31 the more risk I take that my baby could have chromosomal and other birth defects. Have any of you set a specific savings amount you want before you ttc? What would you consider reasonable vs. unrealistic? I want to know what others' goals are or were and whether meeting them or not influenced their lives in a positive or negative way and whether they pushed back ttc because of it.
Re: Money Before Baby
Luckily we had great insurance and didn't have to worry about huge costs there. We also knew that our budget crunch was going to be relatively short (3 years or so once the first kid arrived) since we would eventually graduate and earn more money. I might have had a different perspective if we were looking at a lifetime of trying to figure out how to raise children on that income. We did defer retirement saving during those 3 years, which may be an unacceptable trade-off to some, but I was already in my 30s when we married and I felt like I would rather push to save more for retirement once our incomes rose than wait until we could afford retirement contributions and a baby. I had also been saving pretty aggressively for retirement before going back to school.
I asked him to consider that we could complete the goal before a baby arrived(with a healthy pregnancy). That made him feel better and we agreed on TTC this May instead. It might take awhile to get pregnant but we will just keep meeting these goals and hope for the best.
Like PP have said everyone is different. We are goal oriented people so the list worked for us and kept the conversation open without a large amount of pressure on DH.
Love: March 2010 Marriage: July 2013 Debt Free: October 2014 TTC: May 2015
A lot of insurances will not cover infertility testing until you have tried for a while.
I would also not allow age to factor in to when you are having children. One of my classmates just had a child recently and she is 43. My MIL had her second when she was 43. The risks increase when you are over 40, but they don't consider you high risk until you are over 35.
We already have more than half of the $100,000 saved. Otherwise, we contribute about $2,500 a month considering ROTH contributions and our work retirement contributions plus match. But, no we'll proceed with TTC. I would like the option of staying home (I may, I may not but want to be able to choose when the time comes) and a retirement pad and no student loan debt is what will make that possible without a significant lifestyle adjustment.
ETA: We haven't done anything to test fertility. But I did start focusing more on my diet and taking a prenatal about six months out. I also stopped taking hormonal birth control in October to get my cycle regular for May.
Personally, I hate the phrase "there is no perfect time to have a baby." Yeah there isn't, but there are definitely better and worse times. Please do not trick yourself into believing children don't have to be expensive either. Children cost more money than you are spending now. Fact. Whether you pay for daycare or stay at home (which is an income loss), that costs money. Then there are healthcare expenses, diapers, food, clothing, etc. Is there a spectrum of how much people spend? Absolutely. But people spend a lot on children (or they get assistance).
I am not trying to be mean, but figure out some estimates and then look at your budget. Can you comfortably afford it? Or are you willing to make and stick to necessary sacrifices? Are you prepared in the event of an emergency?
Personally, DH and want to eliminate our student loan/car/mortgage debt ($56,000), have six months living expenses ($18,000) and save an additional $10,000 for a baby fund. We should be able to do that in the next two years at our current rate.
I disagree with your statement that children don't have to be expensive (with the exception of medical expenses and newborns). H and I pay everything for my niece from childcare to food to clothes. She really is barely a dent in what we were already spending. I can outfit her with several brand new summer clothes and shoes (she's growing like a weed) for less than $100. The entire summer of care last year for while I was working cost me less than $300. We really didn't see much if any rise in food costs for her. Kids don't need Abercrombie and Fitch. They don't need every new toy that comes out.
@noffgurl: Where do you get childcare for an entire summer for $300? How old is she? While I am impressed by that, I think you can even agree that is a huge exception and very far from the norm.
As I said before, there is a huge spectrum of expenses. But for the majority of people, expenses go up when they have children.
And I never said they need new toys or brand names. Once you get out of the child care years, the costs go down of course, but the first 5 years can be very pricey. Even after childcare goes away, healthcare costs still exist (it would be $250 a month to add to our plan), potential unexpected medical expenses, and other costs. I am not saying never have children, but be informed, not naive.
Your cost for your nieces entire summer care is amazing.. My friend ended up paying over $10,000 last year for child care last year for her two kids, and that wasn't even a high end day care, that was a regular ever day cost in our area. If you can find someone at home to watch your child, you're still looking at $300 a month and summer camps around her average $75-100 a week. That is the prices in my area though. Now for people who are fortuante enough to have a family member watch their child, it changes that prices totally.
We've spent the last 3 years working towards all our other financial goals, we own our house, we have two reliable cars, our careers are stable (I've been with my current employer 6 years, in my position for 2.5, and have made nice advances with promotions and raises, H has been at his current job for 2 years and is working with his boss to identify his next best move), we've met maitenence and improvement goals on the house (new roof, and adding a 3rd bedroom and family room in the basement), we've identified how we would deal with and pay for child care. We've also added a dog to our family, we love her and she has been great for helping us identify where we needed work before we added a baby (H wouldn't deal with poop for the first 3 months we had her). Like I said it's about making a plan for what you'd like and then be willing to change it as your relationship grows. 2 years ago we didn't think we'd be ready for a baby for 4 or 5 years, so we prioratized our SLs and other things, now our relationship is really ready, and we're in a different place emotionally and financially than when we had those initial conversations 2, 3, 4 years ago, so we've designed a new plan.