To go or not to go

Erikan73 · October 2015

So a friend of ours is having his annual Halloween Party. To help with expenses everyone brings a food item to share and it's BYOB. Everyone dresses up for it too. Coming up with an affordable dish to bring isn't a problem and we don't really drink either, so again, not a problem. To grabs a couple cans of pop or bottles of water from our supply at home is easy. But the issue is that we don't have the funds for costumes this year, not even with going to goodwill. I refuse to put Halloween costumes on a credit card. So would you go to the party to spend time with friends in no costume, or just skip the party?

simplyelise · October 2015

I would probably go and just do a free costume. (Unless you just don't feel like going, which as an introvert I would totally get.)

This LINK has some good ideas for easy costumes. They're not all free, but "Nickelback" and "50 Shades of Gray" are free and easy. I always appreciate those pun-style costumes.

Erikan73 · October 2015

Thanks for the link. Last year I got some ribbon and used fabric tape and put an "I" on two shirts and we went as a pair of i's.

formerlyGDaisy09 · October 2015

we have a friend that likes to throw these BYOB+potluck parties, I find them rude, but we've gone a few times. If you want to see your friends and hang out (and can swing the cost of the potluck part) I'd go for some of those "free" costume ideas.

side-note: I find these kinds of parties rude, because if you're hosting a party you shouldn't expect your guests to bring the whole party. I'm totally OK with either BYOB or Potluck, but if you're hosting a party you should be prepared to provide your guests with something.

vlagrl29 · October 2015

we have a friend that throws a huge halloween party every year and always love the idea of going but by the time the end of october hits and its a busy month for our family we always pass just out of exhaustion - lol.

If I were you I would still go - can you reuse a costume you already have?

vlagrl29 · October 2015

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

we have a friend that likes to throw these BYOB+potluck parties, I find them rude, but we've gone a few times. If you want to see your friends and hang out (and can swing the cost of the potluck part) I'd go for some of those "free" costume ideas.

side-note: I find these kinds of parties rude, because if you're hosting a party you shouldn't expect your guests to bring the whole party. I'm totally OK with either BYOB or Potluck, but if you're hosting a party you should be prepared to provide your guests with something.

agreed. our friend provides all the drinks, food, and goodie bags

julieanne912 · October 2015

I hate dressing up. But I think my H's friends think I'm a bit of a party pooper so I'm doing it this year since one is throwing a party (don't have to bring anything, thankfully). I'm going as a cat since that's a super low budget costume... wear all black, throw on a set of cheap ears and draw on some whiskers with eyeliner and I'm good to go.

I also saw a cute costume as a pinata that just required wearing some bright colored clothes, and then taking tissue paper and cutting it into strips and attaching it to the clothes (didn't see how to attach but I would guess tape or whatever). I don't think that would cost too much.

But, if it really came down to it, I'd just go to the party and skip the costume. Some people might give you a hard time for it, but you could just be honest with them, or say the costume you ordered didn't arrive in time haha

formerlyGDaisy09 · October 2015

vlagrl29 said:

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

we have a friend that likes to throw these BYOB+potluck parties, I find them rude, but we've gone a few times. If you want to see your friends and hang out (and can swing the cost of the potluck part) I'd go for some of those "free" costume ideas.

side-note: I find these kinds of parties rude, because if you're hosting a party you shouldn't expect your guests to bring the whole party. I'm totally OK with either BYOB or Potluck, but if you're hosting a party you should be prepared to provide your guests with something.

agreed. our friend provides all the drinks, food, and goodie bags

I mean seriously, I threw a fundraiser for 75 people with an open beer/wine bar. the whole bar cost me about $200 and I had 4-5 bottles of wine and a case of beer and a case and a half of water left at the end. Alcohol isn't as expensive as people think.

julieanne912 · October 2015

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

vlagrl29 said:

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

we have a friend that likes to throw these BYOB+potluck parties, I find them rude, but we've gone a few times. If you want to see your friends and hang out (and can swing the cost of the potluck part) I'd go for some of those "free" costume ideas.

side-note: I find these kinds of parties rude, because if you're hosting a party you shouldn't expect your guests to bring the whole party. I'm totally OK with either BYOB or Potluck, but if you're hosting a party you should be prepared to provide your guests with something.

agreed. our friend provides all the drinks, food, and goodie bags

I mean seriously, I threw a fundraiser for 75 people with an open beer/wine bar. the whole bar cost me about $200 and I had 4-5 bottles of wine and a case of beer and a case and a half of water left at the end. Alcohol isn't as expensive as people think.

Uh yeah we bought our liquor for our wedding and we did 2 kegs, and 3 types of mid-range alcohol (not top shelf but not well either) and some non-alcoholic drinks (caterer provided some mixers and other beverages), and it was only like $500 total after we returned unopened liquor (kept the leftover wine), and one of the kegs (the fancier one that cost $140) was only down about 1/4 of the way.

strickland8052 · October 2015

Get creative and make a costume out of stuff around the house! I've made several really cute costumes out of basically nothing. Here are just a few that I have done:

1. A margarita - I wrapped two poster boards around me into a margarita glass shape. I painted them to look like a margarita and added glitter to make it sparkly. I wore gray pants, so that my legs were like the glass stem. I made a lime out of two paper plates and a red straw out of a gift wrapping tube. I put a little umbrella in my hair and wore chunky jewelry as my "ice".

2. An outfit - I put a plastic garment bag over my body, super glued old flip flops to some shoe boxes and I stuck a clothes hanger in my hair.

3. Duck tape flapper dress - You can make lots of duck tape creations with old t-shirts and a couple rolls of tape.

als1982 · October 2015

I've long hated Halloween, especially the move toward slutty adult costumes. Last time I dressed up, I spent $5 on some fake fur to make ears, brown yarn to make a tail, and iron-on letters that spelled 'Harvard.' I was being a smart ass in more ways than one.

Erikan73 · October 2015

They do provide some beverages, mainly pop & water, but we'll probably bring our own pop because we both drink diet and are picky about which ones we get. So that's a prefernce thing. And they do provide pizza, wings and a few other items main dish type of things. I should have mentioned that previously.

Thank you for some ideas for costumes.

brij2006 · October 2015

als1982 said:

I've long hated Halloween, especially the move toward slutty adult costumes. Last time I dressed up, I spent $5 on some fake fur to make ears, brown yarn to make a tail, and iron-on letters that spelled 'Harvard.' I was being a smart ass in more ways than one.

I freaking love this!

brij2006 · October 2015

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.

Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

Mustard76 · October 2015

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

brij2006 · October 2015

Mustard76 said:

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

Yeah, midwesterners also have *gasp* cash bars at weddings. ;-)

Definitely a regional thing. I would never arrive at a party empty handed. Heck, even kids' birthday parties, when I RSVP, I ask if there's anything I can bring or if I can come early and help with anything.

simplyelise · October 2015

brij2006 said:

Mustard76 said:

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

Yeah, midwesterners also have *gasp* cash bars at weddings. ;-)

Definitely a regional thing. I would never arrive at a party empty handed. Heck, even kids' birthday parties, when I RSVP, I ask if there's anything I can bring or if I can come early and help with anything.

Yup, midwesterner here and I can't imagine going to someone's house for a party and not bringing something to share. When we have people over, we usually do the main dish or substantial apps and let people know what we're making in advance. Then they do the rest with offering sides or desserts.

I will say that the exception on this tradition for my group of friends is for a baby or wedding shower. In that case, if it's something with actual invitations, I would offer to help the host prep if I was close to the honored guest but would expect very light provisions to be supplied by the host.

short+sassy · October 2015

On the general "potluck vs. hosting", I think for me it depends on how the invitation is given and/or what is typical with that group of friends.

Potluck weddings? Or any kind of shower? No...no...no...nah-no...nah-no.

Party at someone's house. They should supply the majority of stuff, but I always ask if I can bring something. Or if it is pretty casual, I don't see anything wrong with "Hey, let's have a Godfather marathon Fri. night at my house. Why don't we all bring our favorite Italian dish?" Group of friends who regularly hang out at one person's house because it is better for entertaining? Everyone should contribute.

Here is an example of where it started cool and ended up very not cool. I was invited to a friend's b-day party years ago. The party was thrown by a mutual friend. She told me it was a crawfish boil and they were also asking everyone to bring a side dish. She also added they were providing the drinks, but if I wanted to also bring beer/wine/or liquor also, that would be great. So, I'm figuring, they are hosting the crawfish part and it is potluck for everything else. I was cool with that. Seemed fair.

Except when I arrived at the party, she then pulls me aside and tells me they are asking everyone to contribute $8 to help pay for the crawfish! WTH?!? It may not have been a lot of money, but I was unemployed at the time (which she knew) and I would not have gone if I had known I had to spend money making a dish AND pay $8. It happened over a decade ago and I still remember it as one of the bigger faux pas's I have seen.

Mustard76 · October 2015

short+sassy said:

On the general "potluck vs. hosting", I think for me it depends on how the invitation is given and/or what is typical with that group of friends.
Potluck weddings? Or any kind of shower? No...no...no...nah-no...nah-no.
Party at someone's house. They should supply the majority of stuff, but I always ask if I can bring something. Or if it is pretty casual, I don't see anything wrong with "Hey, let's have a Godfather marathon Fri. night at my house. Why don't we all bring our favorite Italian dish?" Group of friends who regularly hang out at one person's house because it is better for entertaining? Everyone should contribute.
Here is an example of where it started cool and ended up very not cool. I was invited to a friend's b-day party years ago. The party was thrown by a mutual friend. She told me it was a crawfish boil and they were also asking everyone to bring a side dish. She also added they were providing the drinks, but if I wanted to also bring beer/wine/or liquor also, that would be great. So, I'm figuring, they are hosting the crawfish part and it is potluck for everything else. I was cool with that. Seemed fair.
Except when I arrived at the party, she then pulls me aside and tells me they are asking everyone to contribute $8 to help pay for the crawfish! WTH?!? It may not have been a lot of money, but I was unemployed at the time (which she knew) and I would not have gone if I had known I had to spend money making a dish AND pay $8. It happened over a decade ago and I still remember it as one of the bigger faux pas's I have seen.

I would be furious about that crawfish boil! I agree potluck has its limits. I wouldn't have a potluck wedding, shower, or really anything formal. The bonfires that we rotate in our backyards? Totally different circumstance, IMO.

formerlyGDaisy09 · October 2015

Mustard76 said:

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

we would never show-up empty handed...however being asked/told to bring my own beverage and food rubs me the wrong way (I'm also relatively introverted and don't enjoy giant parties, so being asked to provide my own meal and drinks is just an estra barrier to getting me there). I have a friend that threw a housewarming that was BYOB and BYO-meat for the grill; she provided a garden salad and potato chips. Our close group of friends does BBQs during the summer, as soon as someone plans it we always ask "what can we bring" (answer is usually salad or dessert). BUT if you're planning to throw a party, my personal opinion is that you should plan it as if none of your guests are bringing anything. I'd say a summer BBQ with friends that spend the whole summer hanging out together is different from something like say a house warming, bigger themed party (halloween/christmas), or a birthday party.

For those kinds of parties, I'll often bring the host a nicer bottle of wine (perhaps for she and her H to enjoy on a quiet evening together), a loaf of banana bread for them to have for breakfast the next day, or flowers...not showing up empty handed...but also not feeling like I'm being asked to provide my own party.

als1982 · October 2015

brij2006 said:

Mustard76 said:

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

Yeah, midwesterners also have *gasp* cash bars at weddings. ;-)

Definitely a regional thing. I would never arrive at a party empty handed. Heck, even kids' birthday parties, when I RSVP, I ask if there's anything I can bring or if I can come early and help with anything.

Raising a hand as a Midwesterner who thinks cash bars at weddings are tacky as hell.

short+sassy · October 2015

I'm originally from So. CA, but have been living in the South for over 15 years. I actually never heard of cash bars until I started hanging out on TK.

Not a wedding, but I was invited to a cocktail party by one of my vendors at a previous job. When I tried to tip the bartender for my drink, he politely refused and told me they were not accepting tips. I was absolutely shocked, but duly impressed.

Apparently I don't usually hang out at swanky enough parties .

bridejl · October 2015

I grew up/live in the midwest, and in my experience ethnicity also makes a big difference in how parties are hosted. We're a very Polish family, and the hosts provide everything. I'm talking family parties for children's birthdays with the full bar. Certain holidays are more potluck-style, such as Labor day which is more laid back, but even then my grandma provides the meat and some sides. Everyone else brings appetizers & desserts.

brij2006 · October 2015

als1982 said:

Mustard76 said:

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

Yeah, midwesterners also have *gasp* cash bars at weddings. ;-)

Definitely a regional thing. I would never arrive at a party empty handed. Heck, even kids' birthday parties, when I RSVP, I ask if there's anything I can bring or if I can come early and help with anything.
Raising a hand as a Midwesterner who thinks cash bars at weddings are tacky as hell.

I really think it depends on the area. In Chicago it's a big no-no to have a cash bar. I live 2.5 hours from Chicago, but in a town of 800 and very farm/rural community. We had an open bar, and people were so confused by it. Usually pop/soda is provided, and so is 1-2 kegs of beer.

julieanne912 · October 2015

Whenever we have a party at our house, we use Facebook to do invites, and we let people know what we are supplying... so usually enough food for everyone to feel full, keg beer (we have a kegerator), whatever is available in our liquor cabinet and sodas and water. We do mention that if someone has a favorite beverage of their own, feel free to byob with that, since you're never going to please everybody at a house party. A few friends of ours will always offer to bring something no matter how much or how little is provided. I know I like to cook and take things to other people's houses so I take them up on the offer usually, since they enjoy doing it. It's certainly not a requirement though.

But, in FI's group, it's customary to bring at least a 12 pack of beer to any party, even if said party is already having beer available. I will also bring wine to any of his friends' parties because most of them are not wine drinkers and I am.

hoffse · October 2015

I really hate cash bars. I've only been to one wedding that had one, and it's a big no-no around here. I also don't like it when bar tenders put out tip jars. Most places around here include a 20% gratuity anyway, so there is definitely a tip happening behind the scenes, and a tip jar with a bunch of ones just seems tacky to me. Maybe I'm stuffy though.

I also do not like completely dry events, unless they are hosted at the proper time of day or in a way that makes sense (morning, maybe lunch). In the last year I went to a dry wedding with rap music for the dancing. It was terrible. There should have been no forced dancing without something to loosen people up.

Also, I have had a harder time accepting the whole cash bar thing since moving to my current job. We have a bar in the office and bartenders come in once in awhile. There's a stash of beer, wine, and liquor in the break room. The home office has bar tenders come in every day at 5 pm and there's an open bar for anybody who wants it. I rarely partake in that "perk" but since it's readily available at the office, I find cash bars kind of jarring.

H and I will always bring something with us for a party, but like @Gdaisy, we would expect the hosts to provide something other than salad or whatever if they are hosting. I could see it being different if there was a single gathering place for the same group over and over, but I agree that a themed party should be hosted. Even things like dietary restrictions should be accommodated if possible, and unless guests have a very strong preference for food/drink A vs. food/drink B, I don't think guests should be expected to provide 90% of their meal.

Xstatic3333 · October 2015

brij2006 said:

Mustard76 said:

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

Yeah, midwesterners also have *gasp* cash bars at weddings. ;-)

Definitely a regional thing. I would never arrive at a party empty handed. Heck, even kids' birthday parties, when I RSVP, I ask if there's anything I can bring or if I can come early and help with anything.

I think the pocket of New England where I grew up (Worcester County? Anybody? Bueller?) is a Midwest satellite. All of the standard etiquette you Midwesterners are listing is the norm for me. I learned from TK why cash bars are a no-no, and I get the logic, but I don't judge them because 80% of weddings I have been to were at least partial cash and, frankly, judging them would be exhausting! I'd rather just enjoy.

Every party I go to is either potluck or BYO, but usually the hosts do provide something (like it sounds like you do, @brij2006 ). It wouldn't phase me too bad if they didn't.

OP, I have two more standard "free" costume ideas:

1) Wear all blue, tape construction paper "fish" or goldfish crackers to yourself, and be the ocean.

2.) Wear all black, repeat with stars, and be the sky.

3.) "Three hole punch Jim" from The Office.

short+sassy · October 2015

hoffse said:

I really hate cash bars. I've only been to one wedding that had one, and it's a big no-no around here. I also don't like it when bar tenders put out tip jars. Most places around here include a 20% gratuity anyway, so there is definitely a tip happening behind the scenes, and a tip jar with a bunch of ones just seems tacky to me. Maybe I'm stuffy though.

I also do not like completely dry events, unless they are hosted at the proper time of day or in a way that makes sense (morning, maybe lunch). In the last year I went to a dry wedding with rap music for the dancing. It was terrible. There should have been no forced dancing without something to loosen people up.

At my previous job, I would organize the Holiday party every year. Our corporate office was in Seattle, WA, but we were here in NOLA. One year, they toyed with the idea of having a dry party. Not because of cost, but because of liability. Oooooooooohh...that is serious sacrilege in this neck of the woods. One of our main project managers had an absolute conniption fit. I don't know if Seattle was dry that year (I suspect not), but I was given a big green light for a full open bar at our party after the uproar.

hoffse · October 2015

short+sassy said:

hoffse said:

I really hate cash bars. I've only been to one wedding that had one, and it's a big no-no around here. I also don't like it when bar tenders put out tip jars. Most places around here include a 20% gratuity anyway, so there is definitely a tip happening behind the scenes, and a tip jar with a bunch of ones just seems tacky to me. Maybe I'm stuffy though.

I also do not like completely dry events, unless they are hosted at the proper time of day or in a way that makes sense (morning, maybe lunch). In the last year I went to a dry wedding with rap music for the dancing. It was terrible. There should have been no forced dancing without something to loosen people up.

At my previous job, I would organize the Holiday party every year. Our corporate office was in Seattle, WA, but we were here in NOLA. One year, they toyed with the idea of having a dry party. Not because of cost, but because of liability. Oooooooooohh...that is serious sacrilege in this neck of the woods. One of our main project managers had an absolute conniption fit. I don't know if Seattle was dry that year (I suspect not), but I was given a big green light for a full open bar at our party after the uproar.

Our holiday parties are now dry because of "something" that happened in a previous year. Who knows. It's lame though.

Thankfully, H's firm still fully believes in hosting a proper holiday party with lots of food, drinks, a band, and SO's invited.

kmurphy2131 · October 2015

Xstatic3333 said:

Mustard76 said:

brij2006 said:

And yeah, we're those "asshole" friends. We host theme parties at least twice/year at our house. We provide the main dish and usually a themed drink (white trash party we made a big batch of Porch Crawlers), but everyone brings their own booze and a side dish.
Maybe it's different because these are our close friends who come over on a regular basis, and our house is the hang out place because it's the largest. But at that point it's an unwritten rule. We throw out the date for the next party, the theme, and what meat we're making. Then everyone colaborates and decides who is bringing what for the rest.

I might be wrong, but I think this may be a Midwestern thing. I have never shown up to a house party empty handed. We always bring a cooler full of beer and some sort of dish. We had people over on Saturday and didn't ask anyone to bring anything, but they still did. Everyone showed up with drinks and snacks. The end result was we had waaaaaay too much food. This was never the situation when we lived in the Southwest. In my experience, it's regional.

OP, I'm no help. I have always hated Halloween. When we have gone to parties in the past, I just wore one of H's flannel shirts and my cowboy boots. I'm not winning any costume prizes with that, but it's free!

Yeah, midwesterners also have *gasp* cash bars at weddings. ;-)

Definitely a regional thing. I would never arrive at a party empty handed. Heck, even kids' birthday parties, when I RSVP, I ask if there's anything I can bring or if I can come early and help with anything.
I think the pocket of New England where I grew up (Worcester County? Anybody? Bueller?) is a Midwest satellite. All of the standard etiquette you Midwesterners are listing is the norm for me. I learned from TK why cash bars are a no-no, and I get the logic, but I don't judge them because 80% of weddings I have been to were at least partial cash and, frankly, judging them would be exhausting! I'd rather just enjoy. Every party I go to is either potluck or BYO, but usually the hosts do provide something (like it sounds like you do, @brij2006 ). It wouldn't phase me too bad if they didn't. OP, I have two more standard "free" costume ideas: 1) Wear all blue, tape construction paper "fish" or goldfish crackers to yourself, and be the ocean. 2.) Wear all black, repeat with stars, and be the sky. 3.) "Three hole punch Jim" from The Office.

I was totally thinking "three hole punch Jim" if i get forced to dress up this year I'm doing that. but that's been my plan for years and I always manage to avoid it haha I am not a halloween fan

abrewer5 · October 2015

Whenever we have people over our house for events, usually a football game or family holiday party I provide enough food for everyone to be full,1 dessert, a case of beer and a couple bottles of wine/champagne or sangria, water, tea, and coke for my parents because that's all they drink. It's common in our area to bring something thou so we always end up having WAY too much food. If people want a specific drink then I just tell them what we're picking up and they can bring anything else. We also have a beer fridge in our basement with a random assortment of drinks that people are welcome to pick thru.

I think it's tacky to have people over and ask them to BYOB and BYOD to feed the entire party. The host should be providing something.

For my wedding I had beer and wine completely open and a cash bar for mixed drinks. I realize that might be tacky, but we couldn't afford a completely open bar with the group we had coming. We drank the place out and they were not prepared and had to make a run to the liquor store for the wedding they had the next day. Our bill was close to $4000 even with beer and wine only.

As for the question at hand, I would go to the party. Either try to make a cheap costume at home or just go without one. It sounds like you're heavy into debt payoff so it could be a fun and inexpensive night out for you.

To go or not to go

Re: To go or not to go

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