2016 Changes

Xstatic3333 · December 2015

abrewer5 said:

I think it's so rude when people are like, oh you'll have another. Or, you can't have an only child! People don't know what's up! Maybe I can't have anymore medically. Maybe it's financial. Maybe my marriage isn't doing well and I just don't want another. Erg. (Can you tell I'm getting this a lot lately?) lol

I completely agree with this! And also can't stand people who feel the need to ask when I'll have kids, or tell me I HAVE to have kids... Mind your own business people. I have no desire to ever have children, so this especially irritates me. I also don't like the people who make comments like "oh you don't know what you're missing out on" or "I feel so sorry that you'll never experience the love of a child"... Really people?
FWIW one (of many) factor in not having children for me is knowing I could never stay home with them because it would not be financially possible. I think it's an awesome opportunity for anyone that is able to.

Wow, all of these comments are horrible! Yikes! I think it is a huge advantage of our society these days that having children is no longer a "given" and people can decide if it is right for them. There are so many ways to have a fulfilling life with or without kids.

It is unfortunate how much of a role finances play in decisions about growing our families. Right now, we are leaning towards only one child and finances are a huge reason. However, if we decide we want more, in our case we could probably make some pretty big sacrifices and find a way. For me, it's hard to know how I'll really feel about multiple children until I have my first, though I know others are different.

Xstatic3333 · December 2015

short+sassy said:

Xstatic3333 said:

Although we have new goals for this year, I don't think we'll have any major change of strategy. H and I are communicating about our budget better than ever, and I love that when I initiate budget meetings he doesn't tense up anymore, but instead helps and gives input. Slow but steady!

Currently we prioritize retirement above low-interest debt payoff, and we will continue to do so. H is putting about 15% of pretax income into various retirement vehicles now, which is great news since he didn't start until he was 35.

Our #1 goal this year is build our e-fund by $5,000 above its current level. Our #2 goal is get our Care Credit charges paid off well in advance of their promotional period. We're well on target here, and the first charge of four will get wiped off the board next month. Our #3 goal, which I'm really hoping we can find a way to work out, would be to save enough money to have our siding repainted. I'm concerned that our house, in its current state, is bringing down the neighborhood a bit. Now that we've replaced our torn up carpet and our very old stove, it's the next highest priority home project.

We'll pause vacation savings after our March trip since we'll be TTC, and likely only doing local travel for the rest of the year. I am, however, in a wedding in August that we'll need to save for. I've added my projected costs for the wedding to our sinking fund so I can pull from that when dress purchasing and shower contributions come up.

A recent change I'll work to continue is realistic budgeting. I have a tendency to do an overly ambitious budget that we can't stick to, particularly in the grocery and gas categories. This sets us up to fail and isn't worth slightly accelerating our progress.

Edit: @brij2006, your bullet point on the tithe reminded me that I'd also like to budget more for charitable contributions. Currently, I do have a very small monthly contribution set up for a charity important to me. I'd like to do the same for one important to H.

We replaced our siding a couple years ago and, hence, it had to be repainted. I don't know what kind of time you and your H have, but we repainted the house ourselves. It was time consuming, sure, but not that difficult. The house is 2,000 square feet (one story) and, to have hired someone to do it would have been $10K+. Maybe cheaper for a more handyman-type, but still.
My H was unemployed at the time and got the majority of it done in about two weeks, though I helped on the weekends. In full honesty, we still need to paint the back of the house and a little bit above the awning on the front (only the sides had new siding), but got sidetracked with other things and never quite finished. But the main front of the house and both sides were done more quickly and easily than I expected.
I don't know if this is common in other places, but where I live people joke about a "New Orleans paint job". It refers to when someone paints JUST the front of the house that faces the street, but not the sides or back. Its pretty funny how often you'll see that configuration.

Ha! That's pretty funny. I haven't heard of this in my area. What I have heard about and witnessed is landlords deliberately giving their homes cruddy paint jobs to keep the property taxes and insurance on the low side.

I have given thought to painting ourselves. We don't have a ton of time, but would consider taking vacation days for it. If we had wood siding I think I'd definitely give it a shot, but we have aluminum and it feels very intimidating and a huge learning curve. The house needs to be power washed first, and then I believe the paint is applied with a sprayer of some sort. Internet research suggests it may cost around $3,000, but I'll get an estimate or two in the spring.

Additionally, our house has a super-70's two tone paint job right now, and I'd like to look at changing colors completely to a solid grey or something like that. I'm attaching a small screen grab of the garage for reference. You can see, if you look closely, where the white paint is starting to wear away. I swear this happened right after we closed, and I think our rough winter last year didn't help. I hate having our house look like we don't care about it.

EDIT: Garage has been touched up since this picture was taken.

brij2006 · December 2015

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I think it's so rude when people are like, oh you'll have another. Or, you can't have an only child! People don't know what's up! Maybe I can't have anymore medically. Maybe it's financial. Maybe my marriage isn't doing well and I just don't want another. Erg. (Can you tell I'm getting this a lot lately?) lol

I'm a b*tch when it comes to this right now. We've been TTC#2 since July. We had a chemical pregnancy in September. We had issues getting pregnant and 3 losses before we had DD. We know that our journey to having #2 is probably going to be a rocky road.
So right now whenever people push for us to have another child, I just tell them that we're very fortunate that DD is here with us. If they push it more (which happens a lot more than you think, people are nosy), I get rude and tell them we'll have another child when they pay for the fertility treatment.

We both want another child. Badly. But it may never end up happening for us, we have no idea.

I almost feel like the push from people about having a 2nd child, feels worse than when they pushed us about not having kids. Before we had DD, we just told people we were on the "5 year to never plan." So we would either never have kids, or it will be 5 more years. Or we would jokingly say "DINKS for life." Nobody knew that we were struggling to get pregnant.

But this 2nd child thing just frustrates me. It's like they now know we can get pregnant, so now we MUST have another child. Well, it just isn't always that easy.

cbee817 · December 2015

@brij2006 - I think the balance is that if both parents do work, it helps to keep the work day to 8-9 hours. Don't be too hard on yourself- you're in survival mode at this point.. the first year is always a period of adjustment and if you end up with 2 under 2, it'll be another year of getting used to that.

For us, DH and I both work but have some flex time/schedules. DH is a teacher so he's home 2 months out of the year plus 3 week long breaks over the school year and all major holidays. I am able to work from home one day a week and get DD#1 off the school bus/start dinner that day. Other weekdays, DH picks up the girls from after school/day care and has them home by 5- starting whatever dinner we have planned for that day. I'm usually home by 5:45, we eat, get DD#1's homework/reading done, baths, hang out (the girls love puzzles and board games lately), story time, and they're in bed by 8:15. DH and I then divide and conquer- dishes, lunches and meal prep for the next day. We get like an hour to zone out in front of the TV- DH usually grades papers, and I sew/pay bills, go over finances/etc. On the weekends, DH does all of the laundry and outside work, I dust, vacuum, clean bathrooms. We get the majority of it done while the girls are napping (yes they still nap!). They have also started helping us with chores (they fold their socks, underwear, and washcloths, help unload the dishwasher, pick up their toys, keep their room clean). We still have a ton of together time- we went to see Santa in a little village near my parents one weekend, we went to the zoo and to the waterfront 2 weekends ago, a holiday party last weekend, decorated homemade cookies on Sunday (I made all of the dough while they were napping- even working mommas can bake!), we're off to the children's museum next week, and have a few family hang out days over the break (I took vacation time) which will involve a lot of play doh, painting, and finding some new things to do (usually free!) around our city.

It all works, but the biggest thing is that DH and I split the household chores and taking care of the girls. If we weren't on the same page with that, it would be a totally different story. I love that DH is really involved with the girls- I grew up without a dad so to see how close they are is something I cherish... makes me really proud to have him as their dad and my husband.

brij2006 · December 2015

vlagrl29 said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I don't think 2 kids would be that much more expensive than 1. We have saved a lot of baby stuff from DD that we are planning on reusing. It's the 3 + kids that I would be afraid of. The only way they can afford it is if the mom stays home, dad works 1 or more jobs, and they literally don't go out to eat or do much of anything that costs money.

It's funny you say this. We've been discussing having more than 2 children, and possibly having 3 or 4 (if fertility allows us). But we keep saying that the jump from 2 to 3 or 4 is probably going to kill us. We would have to really rethink our plans of retiring around 50, and I would need to find other ways to bring in income so we can have enough funds for college for them.

julieanne912 · December 2015

vlagrl29 said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I don't think 2 kids would be that much more expensive than 1. We have saved a lot of baby stuff from DD that we are planning on reusing. It's the 3 + kids that I would be afraid of. The only way they can afford it is if the mom stays home, dad works 1 or more jobs, and they literally don't go out to eat or do much of anything that costs money.

It's the day care cost that would be ridiculous with 2 kids. Daycare for an infant around here runs $1200-1500/month, that's pretty much an entire paycheck for me right now. I can't imagine doing $2000+ a month in day care costs (assuming the older one would be 2+ so the day care cost is less)

vlagrl29 · December 2015

brij2006 said:

vlagrl29 said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I don't think 2 kids would be that much more expensive than 1. We have saved a lot of baby stuff from DD that we are planning on reusing. It's the 3 + kids that I would be afraid of. The only way they can afford it is if the mom stays home, dad works 1 or more jobs, and they literally don't go out to eat or do much of anything that costs money.

It's funny you say this. We've been discussing having more than 2 children, and possibly having 3 or 4 (if fertility allows us). But we keep saying that the jump from 2 to 3 or 4 is probably going to kill us. We would have to really rethink our plans of retiring around 50, and I would need to find other ways to bring in income so we can have enough funds for college for them.

Right? but people do it all the time and the mom doesn't work! I have no idea how they do it. I have 2 students that are siblings, the 5th kid is due in March and they want 7 kids and she home schools! I feel like she is mom of the year or something lol.

For us we are too old to have more than 2. I'm 35, DH is 40 - its now or never for #2 at this point. Plus if this pregnancy does me in - it will never happen again.

I talked to 2 moms at DDs dance last week - they both are planning on sending their kids to private school - they were just saying how its so much better than public. tuition varies from $5-7k - and I'm sitting there thinking "damn we must be poor" - we could never afford it. They only way we could is if we stopped saving and buying anything more than necessities.

julieanne912 · December 2015

And yeah my reason for just having one isn't just financial.... I'll be 34 in May. Ideally, we'll TTC at the end of 2016 to have a baby in fall/winter of 2017. So I'll be close to 36 when baby #1 is born. The idea of having 2 really small kids really close together freaks me the hell out, so I'd want to wait a few years. And, the idea of having an infant/toddler when I hit 40 is not OK with me.

brij2006 · December 2015

@cbee817 You give me hope.

The part where we struggle the most is during his busy season. It's for 5-6 months, and he leaves at 3am and doesn't get home till 6-8pm. Usually 6 days a week. When he is home, he is available by phone for work, since they run another shift.

So during that time, I'm trying to do all of it, because when he's home he see's DD for maybe an hour then she goes to bed and he's in bed right after her. He's always off on Sundays then, and that time is usually spent doing maintenance on vehicles, mowing the lawn, fixing something in the house, etc.

Of course, his busy season is Spring-early Fall. So right when we want to try and do some things like the zoo, park, go out in the boat, etc.
The winter months are a breeze compared to summer.

brij2006 · December 2015

vlagrl29 said:

brij2006 said:

vlagrl29 said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I don't think 2 kids would be that much more expensive than 1. We have saved a lot of baby stuff from DD that we are planning on reusing. It's the 3 + kids that I would be afraid of. The only way they can afford it is if the mom stays home, dad works 1 or more jobs, and they literally don't go out to eat or do much of anything that costs money.

It's funny you say this. We've been discussing having more than 2 children, and possibly having 3 or 4 (if fertility allows us). But we keep saying that the jump from 2 to 3 or 4 is probably going to kill us. We would have to really rethink our plans of retiring around 50, and I would need to find other ways to bring in income so we can have enough funds for college for them.

Right? but people do it all the time and the mom doesn't work! I have no idea how they do it. I have 2 students that are siblings, the 5th kid is due in March and they want 7 kids and she home schools! I feel like she is mom of the year or something lol.

For us we are too old to have more than 2. I'm 35, DH is 40 - its now or never for #2 at this point. Plus if this pregnancy does me in - it will never happen again.

I talked to 2 moms at DDs dance last week - they both are planning on sending their kids to private school - they were just saying how its so much better than public. tuition varies from $5-7k - and I'm sitting there thinking "damn we must be poor" - we could never afford it. They only way we could is if we stopped saving and buying anything more than necessities.

Oh I agree. I don't get how they do it at all. H makes $50-55k/year if his overtime is the norm. And yet I'm struggling to figure out how we will afford being on his health insurance plan. And we have no debt nor mortgage.

I feel this way about our current sitter. Her husband is a high school history teacher in our small town. His income is posted, and it's $43k/year. They have 2 kids and are planning to have 2 more. She is no longer going to watch DD because she wants to be a full time mom instead, when they have #3. Yet they take weekend trips places. But they do not have nice vehicles at all. Maybe $6k total in 2 cars. I feel bad, because here I am trying to figure out how they do it, yet I'm struggling to figure out how we will do it on even more money and less kids. Yet she's able to choose to no longer watch DD because she wants to focus on her own kids.

And don't even get me started on the private school thing. We have a very elite private Christian school here. 2 of my co-workers have put their kids in that school and are constantly pushing it. I have no clue how they do it. Even if I did continue to work, we wouldn't be able to afford putting 2 kids in the private school.

Maybe we're biased, but we both went to the public school our kids will go to. Our education was actually very good, their school is rated one of the best in the county, and it's free because it's public. Sorry, my kids are going there.

But we're also going to tell our kids no to private college unless they get a scholarship and their college fund is big enough to make up the difference.

blondie42107 · December 2015

We are really focused on boosting our savings for both a down payment and to grow our emergency fund. We really want to sell/buy next year!!

short+sassy · December 2015

Xstatic3333 said:

short+sassy said:

Xstatic3333 said:

Although we have new goals for this year, I don't think we'll have any major change of strategy. H and I are communicating about our budget better than ever, and I love that when I initiate budget meetings he doesn't tense up anymore, but instead helps and gives input. Slow but steady!

Currently we prioritize retirement above low-interest debt payoff, and we will continue to do so. H is putting about 15% of pretax income into various retirement vehicles now, which is great news since he didn't start until he was 35.

Our #1 goal this year is build our e-fund by $5,000 above its current level. Our #2 goal is get our Care Credit charges paid off well in advance of their promotional period. We're well on target here, and the first charge of four will get wiped off the board next month. Our #3 goal, which I'm really hoping we can find a way to work out, would be to save enough money to have our siding repainted. I'm concerned that our house, in its current state, is bringing down the neighborhood a bit. Now that we've replaced our torn up carpet and our very old stove, it's the next highest priority home project.

We'll pause vacation savings after our March trip since we'll be TTC, and likely only doing local travel for the rest of the year. I am, however, in a wedding in August that we'll need to save for. I've added my projected costs for the wedding to our sinking fund so I can pull from that when dress purchasing and shower contributions come up.

A recent change I'll work to continue is realistic budgeting. I have a tendency to do an overly ambitious budget that we can't stick to, particularly in the grocery and gas categories. This sets us up to fail and isn't worth slightly accelerating our progress.

Edit: @brij2006, your bullet point on the tithe reminded me that I'd also like to budget more for charitable contributions. Currently, I do have a very small monthly contribution set up for a charity important to me. I'd like to do the same for one important to H.

We replaced our siding a couple years ago and, hence, it had to be repainted. I don't know what kind of time you and your H have, but we repainted the house ourselves. It was time consuming, sure, but not that difficult. The house is 2,000 square feet (one story) and, to have hired someone to do it would have been $10K+. Maybe cheaper for a more handyman-type, but still.
My H was unemployed at the time and got the majority of it done in about two weeks, though I helped on the weekends. In full honesty, we still need to paint the back of the house and a little bit above the awning on the front (only the sides had new siding), but got sidetracked with other things and never quite finished. But the main front of the house and both sides were done more quickly and easily than I expected.
I don't know if this is common in other places, but where I live people joke about a "New Orleans paint job". It refers to when someone paints JUST the front of the house that faces the street, but not the sides or back. Its pretty funny how often you'll see that configuration.

Ha! That's pretty funny. I haven't heard of this in my area. What I have heard about and witnessed is landlords deliberately giving their homes cruddy paint jobs to keep the property taxes and insurance on the low side.

I have given thought to painting ourselves. We don't have a ton of time, but would consider taking vacation days for it. If we had wood siding I think I'd definitely give it a shot, but we have aluminum and it feels very intimidating and a huge learning curve. The house needs to be power washed first, and then I believe the paint is applied with a sprayer of some sort. Internet research suggests it may cost around $3,000, but I'll get an estimate or two in the spring.

Additionally, our house has a super-70's two tone paint job right now, and I'd like to look at changing colors completely to a solid grey or something like that. I'm attaching a small screen grab of the garage for reference. You can see, if you look closely, where the white paint is starting to wear away. I swear this happened right after we closed, and I think our rough winter last year didn't help. I hate having our house look like we don't care about it.

EDIT: Garage has been touched up since this picture was taken.

Ah! No experience with using a sprayer. Our siding had been wood but, when we replaced it, we replaced it with Hardie siding. Used good old fashioned paint brushes. We looked into getting a sprayer but, after speaking to an acquaintance who is a house painter and some friends in construction, the consensus from everyone was...unless you are buying a professional sprayer in the $3K-$4K range, the DIY ones sold at hardware stores are pretty much junk and aren't going to work for a big job.

Now we do have a big awning on the front of the house that is some type of metal. It might be aluminum? Or steel? My H painted that with a paint brush. I'll ask him about it and report back on this post. I know he had a really hard time with it, but I think that was more due to the awning just being really awkward to get to.

Plus I wanted alternating colors on the awning, ie white then teal (house color) then white then teal, etc. Just typing that makes me feel guilty. He's a really good husband!

We did have to power wash the awning plus the front of the house, since that siding wasn't new. But I did it all myself. MYSELF, not even my H. Let me tell you, that says something for how easy it was, lol.

That's wacky about paint jobs in relation to taxes/insurance! It's not like that where I live. A good or bad paint job isn't really taken into consideration for either of those.

orangehills · December 2015

vlagrl29 said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I don't think 2 kids would be that much more expensive than 1. We have saved a lot of baby stuff from DD that we are planning on reusing. It's the 3 + kids that I would be afraid of. The only way they can afford it is if the mom stays home, dad works 1 or more jobs, and they literally don't go out to eat or do much of anything that costs money.

Oh for me, 2 is a LOT more than 1.. because of daycare. sigh. Plus, my sanity and time. I'm jealous of anyone who can stay home. Even if I could go bare bones, we still couldn't afford me to stay home. Maybe one day!

julieanne912 · December 2015

My neighbor is a SAHM with 4 kids. At least 2 of them are in school (not sure if the third one is yet or not). Their house was also $550,000, and then they put in $35,000 in concrete and $75,000 in landscaping. They also both have brand new vehicles (Yukon XL Denali for her, GMC 2500 for him) and a boat and other toys. I wonder how they do it but their business must just bring in a lot of money. Scary for them though, as their business is related to oil and gas which is in the toilet right now... will be interesting to see what happens to them.

CuriousKiddosMama · December 2015

@julieanne912 they are probably the typical American family with loans on everything. Hopefully not, because otherwise with the dip in oil they may not be your neighbors much longer if that is the case.

Anyways, our goals for the year are to pay off our mortgage. When the house sells we should have 20k or so left on our primary homes mortgage, plus then the taxes from the sale of the home. So we want to cover all that this year.
If dh's job remains stable we are hoping to do a family vacation in the winter. We also have a couple small house projects we would like to cash flow like a closet system in the master and cabinets in the laundry room. Plus upping our retirement so we can hopefully hit our goal of dh retiring in 20 years (we are behind because before he met me he saved very little in retirement and he would like to retire by 60). A lot of this depends on his job remaining reasonably stable. And baby #2 is due in February so cash flowing my c section and hospital stay are all in the plans too.

dragonstarjk · December 2015

I think our focus in 2016 is really going to be on what things are really important to us. The two things we both really love are traveling and fixing up our house. We really want to have more money available to do both of these things, so we are going to try to watch our spending and put extra money towards these two things.

I am increasing my Roth IRA contribution starting in January.

My car will be paid off by the end of the year (and maybe sooner) and that $275/month is going to be split between our vacation and home improvement savings accounts.

If we get a tax return and/or bonus, those will probably be spread amongst savings accounts since they are pretty empty right now.

We are going to focus on making steady payments to our front porch, and hopefully pay it off in two years.

PurpleBookmark · December 2015

I'm a SAHM of 3 and I wouldn't make even close to enough to cover daycare. I love being a SAHM but I do miss working sometimes. I miss having co-workers and the sense of satisfaction of a job well done. I wouldn't trade it for the world though and we're very blessed that it works for our family. We aren't wealthy but we have all our needs met and a lot of wants too.

As far as 2016, we're increasing our church offering by a small amount and we're going to use our tax return to fund Christmas 2016, gifts 2016 and savings. Our extra paycheck is going to savings and two trips - one to visit family and a camping trip. We may open a separate account for house savings, still waffling on that one.

vlagrl29 · December 2015

orangehills said:

vlagrl29 said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I don't think 2 kids would be that much more expensive than 1. We have saved a lot of baby stuff from DD that we are planning on reusing. It's the 3 + kids that I would be afraid of. The only way they can afford it is if the mom stays home, dad works 1 or more jobs, and they literally don't go out to eat or do much of anything that costs money.

Oh for me, 2 is a LOT more than 1.. because of daycare. sigh. Plus, my sanity and time. I'm jealous of anyone who can stay home. Even if I could go bare bones, we still couldn't afford me to stay home. Maybe one day!

That makes sense - see I don't know how you do it - lol. Yes if we had 2 in day care that would be expensive. Heck even 1 in day care would kill us. Unless you have the kids 5 years apart like we are going to do - 1 is in public school and the other is in day care.

vlagrl29 · December 2015

brij2006 said:

vlagrl29 said:

brij2006 said:

vlagrl29 said:

julieanne912 said:

orangehills said:

julieanne912 said:

The "lifestyle" argument is why I probably won't ever get to stay home unless I somehow figure out how to pay off my student loans in the next year LOL (not happening). H works hard and is a high earner, so he feels he needs to have the lifestyle to go along with it. I'd be totally ok forgoing nice stuff/experiences to stay at home with a kid, especially since daycare costs here are so high (but not high enough to make it not worth me working), but I'm not the one that all the responsibility will fall on if I quit working.

And, I bet you can find some kind of part time something to do. If you're planning on watching a few kids, that'll keep you plenty busy! Or maybe you can utilize your business management skills to do some at home marketing work or something for local businesses.

Yup- my husband wants a certain lifestyle too. Also, he just plain old doesn't make enough. He doesn't get benefits, and barely any retirement. And I work for the government, so great health benefits and a pension. So if I were to stay home, if we were to put anything into retirement and buy health, and just normal bills to survive, we'd have nothing for a rent/mortgage practically! So yah. Until he gets a job that makes a ton more (if that ever happens) I'll always be working. And I don't think I want another kid unless I can do a reduced work schedule. I feel like I'm sinking with just 1 and working full time, with an hour of commuting each way. Two.. I couldn't do it.

Find some kids to watch, my friend does that!!

Yeah we are only planning on having 1, for a multitude of reasons. Everyone says I'll change my mind once I have one, I'll want another. But in my head I'm like "I can't afford more than one!".

I don't think 2 kids would be that much more expensive than 1. We have saved a lot of baby stuff from DD that we are planning on reusing. It's the 3 + kids that I would be afraid of. The only way they can afford it is if the mom stays home, dad works 1 or more jobs, and they literally don't go out to eat or do much of anything that costs money.

It's funny you say this. We've been discussing having more than 2 children, and possibly having 3 or 4 (if fertility allows us). But we keep saying that the jump from 2 to 3 or 4 is probably going to kill us. We would have to really rethink our plans of retiring around 50, and I would need to find other ways to bring in income so we can have enough funds for college for them.

Right? but people do it all the time and the mom doesn't work! I have no idea how they do it. I have 2 students that are siblings, the 5th kid is due in March and they want 7 kids and she home schools! I feel like she is mom of the year or something lol.

For us we are too old to have more than 2. I'm 35, DH is 40 - its now or never for #2 at this point. Plus if this pregnancy does me in - it will never happen again.

I talked to 2 moms at DDs dance last week - they both are planning on sending their kids to private school - they were just saying how its so much better than public. tuition varies from $5-7k - and I'm sitting there thinking "damn we must be poor" - we could never afford it. They only way we could is if we stopped saving and buying anything more than necessities.

Oh I agree. I don't get how they do it at all. H makes $50-55k/year if his overtime is the norm. And yet I'm struggling to figure out how we will afford being on his health insurance plan. And we have no debt nor mortgage.
I feel this way about our current sitter. Her husband is a high school history teacher in our small town. His income is posted, and it's $43k/year. They have 2 kids and are planning to have 2 more. She is no longer going to watch DD because she wants to be a full time mom instead, when they have #3. Yet they take weekend trips places. But they do not have nice vehicles at all. Maybe $6k total in 2 cars. I feel bad, because here I am trying to figure out how they do it, yet I'm struggling to figure out how we will do it on even more money and less kids. Yet she's able to choose to no longer watch DD because she wants to focus on her own kids.

And don't even get me started on the private school thing. We have a very elite private Christian school here. 2 of my co-workers have put their kids in that school and are constantly pushing it. I have no clue how they do it. Even if I did continue to work, we wouldn't be able to afford putting 2 kids in the private school.
Maybe we're biased, but we both went to the public school our kids will go to. Our education was actually very good, their school is rated one of the best in the county, and it's free because it's public. Sorry, my kids are going there.
But we're also going to tell our kids no to private college unless they get a scholarship and their college fund is big enough to make up the difference.

I think both of these moms went to private school. They did say it is a commitment. I would say so financially! They were also bashing public school - apparently they don't teach handwriting and cursive in public school anymore but I think that depends on the district. My only bash to private school I told them was they don't have an orchestra program and with me being a string player and DD will start taking lessons next month. oh but they have band! I feel like there are so many mom wars out there I can't keep up. I got so much crap from certain people when I decided I wasn't going to breast feed DD. Have the pregnancy I did and you wouldn't either. Keeping my mind open next time on that.

Xstatic3333 · December 2015

vlagrl29 said:

brij2006 said:

And don't even get me started on the private school thing. We have a very elite private Christian school here. 2 of my co-workers have put their kids in that school and are constantly pushing it. I have no clue how they do it. Even if I did continue to work, we wouldn't be able to afford putting 2 kids in the private school.
Maybe we're biased, but we both went to the public school our kids will go to. Our education was actually very good, their school is rated one of the best in the county, and it's free because it's public. Sorry, my kids are going there.
But we're also going to tell our kids no to private college unless they get a scholarship and their college fund is big enough to make up the difference.

I think both of these moms went to private school. They did say it is a commitment. I would say so financially! They were also bashing public school - apparently they don't teach handwriting and cursive in public school anymore but I think that depends on the district. My only bash to private school I told them was they don't have an orchestra program and with me being a string player and DD will start taking lessons next month. oh but they have band! I feel like there are so many mom wars out there I can't keep up. I got so much crap from certain people when I decided I wasn't going to breast feed DD. Have the pregnancy I did and you wouldn't either. Keeping my mind open next time on that.

Again, that's awful! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. So, so messed up. The nerve of some people.

I know I've opened this can of worms for myself by being pretty open about the fact that we want kids soon, but we're already starting to get it from both sides about where we'll send them to school. We live in a city that doesn't particularly have a good reputation for schools. I've been in a couple for work, however, and found the level of teaching instruction to be wonderful! The test score averages just end up low because there are many ESL students in our city who are taking the tests in a language that is new to them.

Anyway, we're getting quite a lot of flack from ILs, people my parents' age at work, etc., about how we'll want to move to the suburbs and "Once you have kids, you'll understand." Look, we're not going to move to the suburbs and we very well may send our future kids to our neighborhood elementary school. There are private schools nearby we could afford-they are one quarter to one half the price of infant daycare. But if we do that it will be for our own reasons and after some research, not because we just assume "city" schools "must" be bad. If they're that horrible, we should all be working to improve them for the good of our larger community.

brij2006 · December 2015

@vlagrl29 I feel you about the mommy wars crap. There are so many things to start a war on. Why not just let people parent how they want to parent? If it works for them, then that's what matters.

It's also funny you say that about choosing not to breastfeed. I've chosen to nurse until a year, and just Sunday at our family Christmas I was nursing DD at the table. I wear 2 shirts so nothing is exposed, and that's for my own comfort. But yet I had an aunt comment how DD is 10 months and I should stop now.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Everyone is going to have their own opinion on whether or not someone is doing the "right" thing.

jessica490 · December 2015

We are doing the same thing except that H will start looking for town job opportunities, We will be opening Roths at some point, and We will continue to save for more house projects

blondie42107 · December 2015

brij2006 said:

@vlagrl29 I feel you about the mommy wars crap. There are so many things to start a war on. Why not just let people parent how they want to parent? If it works for them, then that's what matters.
It's also funny you say that about choosing not to breastfeed. I've chosen to nurse until a year, and just Sunday at our family Christmas I was nursing DD at the table. I wear 2 shirts so nothing is exposed, and that's for my own comfort. But yet I had an aunt comment how DD is 10 months and I should stop now.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Everyone is going to have their own opinion on whether or not someone is doing the "right" thing.

I wish people would just mind their own business with these things. My cousin recently vented to me that she was at our other cousin's home and livid that she didn't leave the room to pump. Um it's her home, why should she have to step out?? Secondly, it's not like she was all exposed. When I was pumping for my kids, I pumped in my friend's bedroom while she nursed her baby four feet from me, my sister and I were both pumping for our babies one holiday so we stepped into a bedroom and chatted while doing it, etc. I really don't get it. Heck I had a work trip and there were three of us sharing a car. I pumped in the back seat while two coworkers were in the front seats. I pumped using a nursing cover and they didn't care.

One thing that always got me when my kids were little is "quit holding them so much, you're going to spoil them and they won't learn to walk..." Seriously???

Sorry, end of vent...lol

short+sassy · December 2015

blondie42107 said:

brij2006 said:

@vlagrl29 I feel you about the mommy wars crap. There are so many things to start a war on. Why not just let people parent how they want to parent? If it works for them, then that's what matters.
It's also funny you say that about choosing not to breastfeed. I've chosen to nurse until a year, and just Sunday at our family Christmas I was nursing DD at the table. I wear 2 shirts so nothing is exposed, and that's for my own comfort. But yet I had an aunt comment how DD is 10 months and I should stop now.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Everyone is going to have their own opinion on whether or not someone is doing the "right" thing.

I wish people would just mind their own business with these things. My cousin recently vented to me that she was at our other cousin's home and livid that she didn't leave the room to pump. Um it's her home, why should she have to step out?? Secondly, it's not like she was all exposed. When I was pumping for my kids, I pumped in my friend's bedroom while she nursed her baby four feet from me, my sister and I were both pumping for our babies one holiday so we stepped into a bedroom and chatted while doing it, etc. I really don't get it. Heck I had a work trip and there were three of us sharing a car. I pumped in the back seat while two coworkers were in the front seats. I pumped using a nursing cover and they didn't care.

One thing that always got me when my kids were little is "quit holding them so much, you're going to spoil them and they won't learn to walk..." Seriously???

Sorry, end of vent...lol

I'm not even a mother and that is one of my own personal vents also. It's like, we as a society use women's breasts to sell beer, pick-up trucks, and a million other items. But the minute women use their breasts for...oh, you know...their actual intended and very non-sexual purpose, it brings the crazies out of the woodwork. Though, it does seem like in recent years there has at least been more awareness and most people don't have a problem with breastfeeding in public or semi-private areas (ie a friend/relative house).

brij2006 · December 2015

short+sassy said:

blondie42107 said:

brij2006 said:

@vlagrl29 I feel you about the mommy wars crap. There are so many things to start a war on. Why not just let people parent how they want to parent? If it works for them, then that's what matters.
It's also funny you say that about choosing not to breastfeed. I've chosen to nurse until a year, and just Sunday at our family Christmas I was nursing DD at the table. I wear 2 shirts so nothing is exposed, and that's for my own comfort. But yet I had an aunt comment how DD is 10 months and I should stop now.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Everyone is going to have their own opinion on whether or not someone is doing the "right" thing.

I wish people would just mind their own business with these things. My cousin recently vented to me that she was at our other cousin's home and livid that she didn't leave the room to pump. Um it's her home, why should she have to step out?? Secondly, it's not like she was all exposed. When I was pumping for my kids, I pumped in my friend's bedroom while she nursed her baby four feet from me, my sister and I were both pumping for our babies one holiday so we stepped into a bedroom and chatted while doing it, etc. I really don't get it. Heck I had a work trip and there were three of us sharing a car. I pumped in the back seat while two coworkers were in the front seats. I pumped using a nursing cover and they didn't care.

One thing that always got me when my kids were little is "quit holding them so much, you're going to spoil them and they won't learn to walk..." Seriously???

Sorry, end of vent...lol

I'm not even a mother and that is one of my own personal vents also. It's like, we as a society use women's breasts to sell beer, pick-up trucks, and a million other items. But the minute women use their breasts for...oh, you know...their actual intended and very non-sexual purpose, it brings the crazies out of the woodwork. Though, it does seem like in recent years there has at least been more awareness and most people don't have a problem with breastfeeding in public or semi-private areas (ie a friend/relative house).

Oh the commercials. Reminds me of this meme.

short+sassy · December 2015

@brij2006, perfect meme! Exactly! I forgot all about the Carl's Jr./Hardee's commercials. Those are seriously blatant.

bmo88 · December 2015

Our plan is to try to stay the course and continue aggressively paying down our debt. Now we are track to pay off everything but the mortgage by November 2016. We also plan to increase DH's Roth IRA contributions. He contributed $200 a month, but I am encouraging him to max it out. He could do it, but wants to wait until all of his student loans are gone in November. He is stubborn. Also, our plan is to get financial docs in order. We need to start looking at creating a will, revocable living trust and possibly long term disability insurance. We got life insurance this past April. We also plan to get to 6 months expenses in our emergency fund. We currently have 5 months saved up. Lastly, I am going back to grad school part time in January. The plan is to cash flow the majority, about $9,000 and take out a $6,000 loan through a nonprofit that is 2% interest, no origination fees and no payments until 6 months after graduation. Their mission is to help women pursue graduate degrees through affordable programs, and I am so glad I found it. If anyone is interested, let me knew! It's actually an international women's organization called PEO International. (Sorry on iPad so formatting is screwy)

bmo88 · December 2015

@vlagrl29: But it's more than just the baby stuff for the second child depending on ones situation. If you have to pay for day care, that could be an extra $12-$15k a year, then there is health care costs, food, etc. We will likely be in the "one and done" camp, but we will see what happens. It's partly financial and partly preference.

lbonga1 · December 2015

@bmo88 I looked at the PEO International website. Thanks for sharing! I'm also starting school again in January, and I don't think I'll need a loan (my mom is already loaning me some money to help), but it's a nice back-up if I do end up needing it. How do you get sponsored by a local chapter?

Also, what's the interest rate on your husband's loans? If it's above 4-5%, it may be better to just pay them off before he maxes his Roth. If he invests the money, he may get a 6-7% return, but it isn't guaranteed, whereas if he pays of the loans, he's getting a guaranteed return.

bmo88 · December 2015

lbonga1 said:

@bmo88 I looked at the PEO International website. Thanks for sharing! I'm also starting school again in January, and I don't think I'll need a loan (my mom is already loaning me some money to help), but it's a nice back-up if I do end up needing it. How do you get sponsored by a local chapter?
Also, what's the interest rate on your husband's loans? If it's above 4-5%, it may be better to just pay them off before he maxes his Roth. If he invests the money, he may get a 6-7% return, but it isn't guaranteed, whereas if he pays of the loans, he's getting a guaranteed return.

I emailed the General information listed and they connected me with a local chapter. My DH's loans are at 5.99%, so it would be hard to beat that in the market. He is staying the course of repayment, so I guess it's fine. It's just hard because he didn't start saving for retirement until 27 he is 29 now) and is way behind me. I started at 21 (27 now) and have almost 5 times the amount he has saved, so just trying to get him moving on it,

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