Money Matters
AprilZ81
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sad Baby News and we need a vacation
This is a sad update for me so beware of some triggering topics below.
Last week we had a Level 2 ultrasound done due to my age and we were not expecting any complications. Our little girl has been measuring small from the very first ultrasound where she was just a dot on the screen at 5 weeks (we were seeing a specialist to get pregnant so we had lots of early ultrasounds to monitor progress). Even though she was measuring small she always grew "on track" for each appointment.
The ultrasound last week uncovered a host of problems and raised more questions. All of her bones are measuring at least two weeks behind and some as many as three weeks. The umbilical cord only has two vessels (usually has three), she has Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (hole in her diaphragm that has allowed her stomach and possibly more organs up near her heart and lungs), and her hands were flexed back toward her wrists the entire ultrasound which could indicate a brain development problem and possibly a bone problem. They couldn't get a good look at her heart which was concerning given the other findings of the ultrasound.
I elected to have an amnio on the spot to try to get more answers. They ruled out Trisomy 13, 18 (both not compatible with life) and 21 (Downs Syndrome) but there are a lot of other fatal syndromes out there that could be the cause. Our Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist is amazing but she says that there is a good chance that our daughter will not survive long after birth if we actually make it to term. The Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia alone only has a 50-60% survival rate and you add in the other issues it doesn't look good.
Our faith and our personal beliefs do not allow us to do a medical termination so no matter what we will be continuing with this pregnancy whether we have a few weeks or a few months.
We desperately need something to look forward to when this is over with and have decided to take a vacation when I am physically able to travel again. This will be vacation for healing and peace and our only requirements is that there be a beach, ocean and drinks available. We don't have a budget for this trip and I'm not sure we will create one. This falls under the "whatever we need to spend to get what we want" trip. I'm thinking of limiting ourselves to Mexico or the Caribbean to keep costs more reasonable and as much as I've traveled we've only done one all inclusive and there are so many options!
Where would you go?
Last week we had a Level 2 ultrasound done due to my age and we were not expecting any complications. Our little girl has been measuring small from the very first ultrasound where she was just a dot on the screen at 5 weeks (we were seeing a specialist to get pregnant so we had lots of early ultrasounds to monitor progress). Even though she was measuring small she always grew "on track" for each appointment.
The ultrasound last week uncovered a host of problems and raised more questions. All of her bones are measuring at least two weeks behind and some as many as three weeks. The umbilical cord only has two vessels (usually has three), she has Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (hole in her diaphragm that has allowed her stomach and possibly more organs up near her heart and lungs), and her hands were flexed back toward her wrists the entire ultrasound which could indicate a brain development problem and possibly a bone problem. They couldn't get a good look at her heart which was concerning given the other findings of the ultrasound.
I elected to have an amnio on the spot to try to get more answers. They ruled out Trisomy 13, 18 (both not compatible with life) and 21 (Downs Syndrome) but there are a lot of other fatal syndromes out there that could be the cause. Our Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist is amazing but she says that there is a good chance that our daughter will not survive long after birth if we actually make it to term. The Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia alone only has a 50-60% survival rate and you add in the other issues it doesn't look good.
Our faith and our personal beliefs do not allow us to do a medical termination so no matter what we will be continuing with this pregnancy whether we have a few weeks or a few months.
We desperately need something to look forward to when this is over with and have decided to take a vacation when I am physically able to travel again. This will be vacation for healing and peace and our only requirements is that there be a beach, ocean and drinks available. We don't have a budget for this trip and I'm not sure we will create one. This falls under the "whatever we need to spend to get what we want" trip. I'm thinking of limiting ourselves to Mexico or the Caribbean to keep costs more reasonable and as much as I've traveled we've only done one all inclusive and there are so many options!
Where would you go?
Formerly AprilH81
Re: Sad Baby News and we need a vacation
In the caribbean I've only been to St. Lucia - it was very nice at the sandals resort.
Regarding a vacation, we have never done an all-inclusive resort, but we have done all-inclusive cruises. What we love about cruises is that you do not have to do any real planning, can wake up, decide what to do that day (they create daily options/itineraries) and you get to see multiple places. Also, it is the only kind of vacation where we completely disconnect with the outside world (since wifi/cell reception is almost non-existent).
So for me, cruises are the best way to clear my mind and completely forget about life's worries.
And I'm not a medical professional, but have worked in pediatric health care for 10 years. If you need any guidance through the process or suggestions on support groups or resources inside or outside the hospital, don't hesitate to ask. And if there's one near you, I'd look for a children's hospital that offers deliveries so your baby doesn't have to be transported to another facility and away from you while you're recovering after her birth.
Regarding the AI, look at Le Blanc in Cancun. Also, not strictly an AI, but the Nayara Springs in Costa Rica has vacation packages where most of your meal are covered, and it's one of the top-rated hotels in the world.
Finally, this is very expensive but Jade Mountain in St. Lucia is on my bucket list. The rooms are set into the mountain side and only have 3 walls. The "missing" wall overlooks the ocean. It looks like an incredibly peaceful place.
EDIT: Nayara isn't on the beach - it's in Arenal national park near the volcano (that's active). It's a bit like a paradise in the rainforest though, with lots to do. There are natural hot springs all over the area because of the volcano.
The other two on the beach.
And I will second @als's suggestion for renting a house in North Florida. I can help you with that if you want. H and I have been down there a lot.
Wow, I am really sorry to hear all this....how heartbreaking....Thinking of you and your family at this time...
I think the all-inclusive would be a good idea....I love being served, waited on, and not having to cook for a full week! Makes me feel like royalty for a minute lol. But it's just so relaxing and quiet/peaceful and there are plenty of spots to be secluded or around people. The only AI I've been to is Sandals St Lucia which I loved...(Antigua will be in May) but there are a lot of other nice ones out there I'm sure....at least you will have something to look forward to unwind...
I would go somewhere you and your DH have always wanted to go- NCL cruise around the Hawaiian islands is really nice. Just have to plan excursions.
I know that words can not and will not help nor heal anything at this point. But the best advice I can give is to meet with your pastor or someone you both trust in your church through this. We haven't been through exactly this, but we've had a lot of chemical pregnancies and a miscarriage on top of trouble to get pregnant. The hurt and pain is unexplainable. I am very glad to read that you both have faith in your background, because it can be a good thing to lean on in a time like this.
As for a trip, I would recommend once things settle down a bit after everything happens, Apple Vacations runs specials called Square Deals. They're for last minute bookings and are guaranteed to either be on a certain island or have a certain caliber of resort. You don't know which resort you will be staying at until you get there, but in return you get a pretty steep discount for it.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
@bmo88 We cruise pretty frequently and I tend to plan excursions for most ports and I can worry over small things like "which beach is best?" so we both want to avoid a cruise so that once we book the room and flights the planning is over. Also, cruises tend to be packed full of kids and while we don't need an adults only resort I'm hoping we can find one that doesn't cater to the families so we get more peace.
@als1982 we have a Children's hospital in town, but I'm not sure if they do deliveries. I will add that to my list of questions for our MFM on our next consult which will probably be later this week. We are waiting on the second round of amnio results to see if there is a chromosome issue involved or not. The Children's hospital is less than a 15 minute transfer from the regular hospital I would normally deliver at, so at least it isn't far. And our hospital has a level 2 (possibly 3?) NICU so that will help. One of the things I'm struggling with is balancing not giving up on her versus not putting her through unnecessary pain. I hope our decision will get easier as we get more information. I've considered a trip to Florida (specifically Sanibel Island) but we would either have to cook or go out for our large meals and I'm not sure that is what we want. Plus, this trip will most likely be in the dead of winter or early spring and I want to go somewhere warm and not have to worry about a freak cold spell in Florida.
@cbee817 Hawaii was a passing thought (again I casually brought it up as a semi joke and then DH mentioned he had thought the same thing so we decided to look into it more) but I think that involves more planning than I will have the mental capacity to do AND DH when to Oahu on his honeymoon with his first wife. We will go there eventually, but I'm not sure this is the trip to do it.
@brij2006 We haven't met with our pastor yet, but we have spoken with him on the phone and he has been praying with/for us. Our small group/bible study has been amazing with their support. With less than 24 hours notice at least one person from every couple was able to make it to our house for a prayer session. They have brought food, offered prayers and as much comfort as can be given. One couple has even gone through the same thing, so while I hate that they have also suffered it is such a blessing to go to someone who KNOWS what we are going through and is able to offer their personal experience. My pastor from my childhood church as been in contact (he also performed our wedding ceremony) and he will probably come and visit with us in the next week or two. He is still a close family friend and he has offered to drop whatever he is doing when we need him and drive to us (he lives about 1 1/2 hours away). That means so much to us, me specifically. I will look into the square deals with Apple Vacations, that seems kind of interesting!
It has always been a happy place for me and I'm worried that if we go there for this trip it will be turned into a sad place for me and I would hate that. The next time we go I will for sure look into that, Sanibel has the most amazing sunsets!
If Hawaii is in the mix, Kauai is a magical place. It isn't big so anything you wanted to do is within an hour or so drive. If price isn't an issue, the Princeville is pretty special.
I've never been to the Caribean so I'm no help there.
It is good to hear about the support you have received so far. It sounds like you have some great people in your life.
We went to Mexico and stayed at an Excellence adult only AI for our honeymoon. It was great and travel to get there was easy. About $3,000 at the time, booked through Expedia for a standard room (which was still very nice). I think it was 6 nights. Mexico has a lot of options. I hear Jamaica is another lower cost AI destination.
I hear you about how a cruise may not be what you are looking for but one cruise option that comes to mind is Bermuda. The Bermuda cruises that I have looked at basically sail to get there, stay there, and then come back without any other stops. I forget where you live, but I personally like that Bermuda can be done from Baltimore.
I am so sorry to hear this. <<Hugs>> You and your H are in my thoughts and prayers this morning.
Like some of the other PPs, I also like the all-inclusive aspect of a cruise and they are often surprisingly affordable. Closest and cheapest to you would be Miami or NOLA. There are a lot of cruises out of Miami and a few out of NOLA. I'm don't remember exactly where you are in Ohio, but I took the liberty of checking flights from Columbus, OH to both of those cities. They each run around $300/person.
I've been on the Royal Caribbean cruise that leaves out of NOLA and goes to the Western Caribbean (ie the east coast of Mexico). I wasn't a fan of Cancun, but the other port stop was a much more quiet beachy area.
But for more quiet relaxation, even though it is not all-inclusive, I'm with @hoffse that the Gulf Coast beaches of FL are one of my favorite places to go. There is nothing like an upper floor with a balcony that overlooks the ocean, plus many of the accommodations are high rise condo buildings, which have a kitchen and fridge...and blender to make all the beachy drinks you want.
Depending on the season, it can be a very affordable vacation. 1-bedroom condos average $150-$200/night, but can often be found even cheaper. Especially if you are doing a one-week rental.
Ft. Walton Beach, FL and Orange Beach, AL (on border of AL and FL) are where I usually go. Although I've never stayed there, Dauphin Island would be another good choice. I've driven around it and my impression was it is even more quiet and laidback than the mainland, because it doesn't have nearly as many of the high rise condo buildings. Although it is an island, it is attached to the mainland by bridges and can be easily driven to.
I just wanted to pass along my sympathies.
Not much help for the travel advice. Although, I will add, if you want something a little more all inclusive than a normal cruise, look at some of the upscale lines. Some of them even handle all the airline arrangements for you and since they're a little more expensive, you don't tend to have a lot of kids around.
Ditto this. After our miscarriage we did a getaway and I was so glad to not have 1 more thing to plan and do. The travel agent was invaluable.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
I saw somebody mention Jamaica. The Sandals resorts there are nice, but I can't really recommend the country. I had pretty severe post-colonial guilt after driving around the island. Granted, I was there while Kingston was rioting.
Book a place where the pictures look fabulous and make you happy to think about being there, then just spend the money to do it right (meals included, spa treatments, private transfers, etc). I know that's not MM at all, but I don't think you can really put a price finding emotional peace and reflection. personally, I would set my budget and search criteria based on what I could actually afford vs trying to hunt down a deal.
We've been to Jamaica several times on cruises and while the beaches are beautiful I'm for sure not in a hurry to go back. The prices are attractive for sure and honestly I doubt we would leave the resort once we arrived until it was time to leave for the airport. We don't want to worry about excursions or anything so we aren't ruling Jamaica out, but it isn't at the top of our list either.
Continued hugs to you. I know how hard this is. So many ups and downs. Hang in there.
For the trip, I would probably go to a less-travelled island. I haven't been to any of these, but St. Lucia, Dominica, one of the smaller Bahamas islands, Utila or Turks and Caicos could fit the bill. I've heard great things about Little Cayman but it could be a little bit too quiet for your H.
I am so sorry. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
As for vacations I'm really fond of Punta Cana in DR. We've been there twice now and are actually going back next month for BIL's wedding at an AI resort. I've heard Sandals resorts are the best. The first time we went we stayed at Ocean Blue and Sand resort and LOVED it. It was a great resort. The second time we stayed at Grand Palladium which was just OK. It was a massive resort because I think it was actually 3 or 4 properties connected but we ended up having to change rooms twice because of issues. I'm not itching to go back to that particular resort. Next month we are staying at Iberostar which I've heard good things about. And I've also heard really good things about RIU resorts.
I've been to Rivera Maya, Mexico and it was ok. I much prefer Punta Cana to Mexico.
I do know that a friend of mine has had two losses, one preterm and one full term. One thing that she and her H do every year is do something new on their first baby's due date and their second baby's birthday. Things they have done: hot air balloon ride, donate blood, a trip to Europe, etc. It's a way of honoring their children. It's really special.