Sex & Romance
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Re: Husband Complains Not Enough BJ's
This is the most reasonable post in this thread.
I feel like your husband getting angry with you (even if he WASN'T moving into the bedroom) over this is either ridiculous or masking another issue. My initial reaction is he is being very controlling. Sex is supposed to be a mutually enjoyed thing. Including oral. As long as you feel like you are meeting him halfway (doing it every once in a while, even though you would rather never do it) he needs to be much more sensitive to your feelings. I would say my husband and I have included this part into our sex routine a total of 10 times in 3 years. I am sure he would like it every day. But I hate it as well. I usually do it if I really want to please him but there is a reason I cannot do the full deed. If my husband ever got angry at me and moved out of our room over something like that- I would want him to stay out.
I think this is a bigger issue than BJs. This is a communication issue that needs to be worked out.
I am not comfortable with BJs and my husband does not expect it from me. I don't like to do oral, so I do not expect it from him, either. If you absolutely do not want to do it, then maybe you should go without as well. My husband and I stick to what is comfortable for the both of us. Sex is about expressing your love for one another and sharing something very special. You can't do that if one of you is not comfortable with what is happening.
Luckily this works in your relationship, but in her initial post she says that he likes giving oral. I think her stopping him from giving oral would only amplify the problem. I know it seems like that is a fair solution, but for a husband who enjoys both receiving and giving oral sex, this is anything but fair.
"Out of your way", really? There are definitely two issues here. The most obvious is a somewhat lack of maturity on your DH's part. Second, is your feeling of discomfort around oral. In reading the replies there are folks that seem to think that no BJ's or 1 every 5 years is more than acceptable. Others might provide oral every 2 - 3 days. I think this really boils down to what expectations were set when you guys were dating of first married. I know my DH's ex refused to give him head even though he was a huge fan of it. I generally probably give it to him every 3 days, sometimes as part of foreplay, but other times just as a gift. I think it would be unreasonable for your DH to expect you to suddenly change as a result of marrying you. Heck, if between the dating an marriage phase he only received 2 BJ's, what is leading him into the expectation that you are going to suddenly start putting them out all the time? Interesting...
wow you give him a Bj as a gift hummm maybe you have relationship problems!
In retrospect, gift was probably not the correct word. Do we have a bad relationship, no. We're actually best friends who have the good fortune to work together, love together, do almost everything together. Am I a bitter woman who looks to reinterpret others use of terminology on the board, no, but there seems to be many. Anyway, rather than say gift maybe I should just explain. Do I loke giving BJ's, yes and no. There are days where I don't really feel like it, but I know it would make his day. In that scenario, I would take it as a gift, or a loving gesture, depending on how you would like to look at it. I'm assuming based on the comment above, that maybe some women feel its their duty, or perhaps something else. I personally like knowing that its my choice, there are no complaints regardless of whether or not I want to do it, and when he does receive it, hes grateful, caring, and appreciative. Generally all attributes that go along with a gift. Anyway, enough time wasted explaining such a minor detail. Cheers!
Ditto.
I have one question, I was reading the other post about a lady saying her husband didnt like giving her oral or to please her.Lots of the ladies made a comment about the guy being shelfish and a douche. But when is the women who doesnt want to please her husband and give him oral most some ladies think it's ok and that she doesnt have to do anything she doesnt feel comfortable doing. I just think that when you love someone you should be willing to compromise and try to make the other person happy as long as you are not doing anything against your moral values, but giving O/S pleaseeee...
And yes I think hes behavior is childish too
Well first of all, "demeaning" is in the eye, or mind, of the woman (in this particular case). If you have a problem with giving a BJ, feel free to try and work your way through it but you can't be under any obligation to comply. There's nothing unreasonable in how you feel.
Our solution was they're a nice alternative and serve as a convenient break. When I'm giving him a BJ I do it because a)I want to. b)I'm concentrating on how good I'm making him feel. c)I'm also thinking about how good he's going to make me feel when he reciprocates. d)He's fired his first shot and may need a little "coaxing" for round 2.
I mentioned it serves as a break because when either of us give oral, we tend to make a big production out of it.
If you can make it fun. Make a game out of it. If it's still a problem, well he's just going to have to work through it.
p.s. I am NOT a big fan of him holding the back of my head and ESPECIALLY tugging at my hair!