Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
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Re: Virgin on wedding night
Brideinpa, I'm sorry to have caused such a commotion and hijacking your post. I wish you the best of luck.
To the rest of you who call me old fashioned, "idiot," act like I'm from Saudi Arabia or however else you choose to make fun of me: news flash - just because someone has conservative or traditional beliefs does not make them an idiot or someone who deserves to be flamed from every direction. If I'm not mistaken, the point of a message board is to get advice and express feelings and opions, not bash people for their beliefs. The OP obviously abstained from pre-martial sex, so I was sharing with her my experience of doing the same. You may not agree with me, and that's fine. I'm not asking you to. I'm not saying I expect everyone to abstain, because we all know that's not going to happen. I'm sharing my beliefs, and my experience and trying to help.
No, DH did not "seek out a virgin." He's not a creep. He didn't know that when we started dating. No, I do not wear a burka. End of story.
**Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**
Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
Due 12/29/2012
Then the appropriate thing to say, Holly, is that "I personally believe that my virginity was the best gift I could give MY husband."
Your overgeneralizing statement was very offensive to those of us who feel like we're pretty damn fantastic despite choosing, for some very good reasons, to have sex with other people. Your statement isn't making it sound like "people have different beliefs and that's just fine," at all.
The problem I've had with people with conservative or religious beliefs is that they seem to think their basic beliefs are universal truths, for everyone. And that is very offensive, and isn't going to win you or your belief system any friends.
**Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**
Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
Due 12/29/2012
Yes, no and maybe.
I agree there are few things ruder and more arrogant, prideful and haughty. Then prancing around wearing a halo and telling everybody you are/were a virgin.
That said. Imagine society with fewer divorces, b*stard children, impoverished single mothers/families and no VD if people didn?t have sex outside of marriage and had only one partner.
It is good that you are asking how now and also about getting onto BC months before the wedding.
Just don?t have great expectations. Many honeymoon virgins are plenty disappointed that the earth didn?t move, the birds didn?t sing, the flowers didn?t burst into bloom and the sun didn?t shine upon them the next day.
Actually, we see TONS of women getting divorces due to sexual incompatibility they didn't know about because they were all virgins before they got married. Sex is the #2 reason why people get divorced, after money, so you can stick your head in the sand but it is apparently a big deal to people. Therefore, making single mothers no matter how few people they had sex with.
The "fewer divorces" argument has no evidence at all for it, and besides, I'd rather live in a world where women can feel good about themselves leaving an a$$hole even if he WAS the only person they slept with. How many girls in this day and age do we see here that don't want to leave this douchebag because he was their first and they are afraid of the unknown? We still have this stigma associated with "first loves," and it's not helping anyone.
Exactly. This is your choice, just like it was my choice to abstain from sex until I was married. I chose to because it is what I believe as a Christian woman. But right now just by me saying this some of you are going to try and turn this around and make it look like I'm pointing my finger at you and saying you're wrong. That's not true.
Not once did Holly say anything that was directed toward any of YOU - so stop taking offense to everything ladies and just chill. Everyone has the right to state their opinions and God forbid their experiences.
Can we stop making these boards World War 3?
Young and in Love.
11.07.09
Oh, and by the way to the soon-to-be bride who posted this:
I definitely agree with people on the lubrication. You will need it! As far as pleasing one another, I didn't have to have sex to learn how to please my H. I asked him what felt good/what he liked. A lot of that was experimenting and just learning. Things to talk about before getting married that will help is what his sexual expectations are, how sexual he is in general (like if his love language is physical touch then his love tank will be fuller when you have sex), and it is fine to talk about where you want to have sex and how often. Of course, in reality, your expectations may not turn out the way you plan, but it's good to have some knowledge. The real things you learn about each other are when you're having sex.
I was married six months ago so I am still learning and growing with my husband, but the sex is great and I don't regret waiting for the wedding night.
Have fun!
Young and in Love.
11.07.09
I'm sorry, but did anyone notice the other post a few down where the OP said that she and her FI have been living together for years and he wants her to try anal for the first time on their wedding night so it will be new and special?
Therefore I call MUD on this whole thing.
OMG.... Not this "amazing gift" crap... Because you know... Sex is the only great gift you can give your H (rolling my eyes).
Oh Newbies.... Really need to get a clue. You put your opinion/personal info on a message board it becomes very likely that you will get flamed. You either get used to it-or leave!
That's not her. The OP here was 2010brideinpa. The other poster was 2010weddinggal.
Sort of true, sort of not.
Agreed on no oral, anal, etc. That would be a deal breaker prior to marriage if someone expected me to perform or accept such things. Total walk out the door status there for me.
No condoms, fine as well.
As for sex only to make babies, that is not Church teaching at all. Procreation is the PRIMARY aim of sex, but the secondary aim is unity between spouces. This is why couples with fertility issues or with a post-menopause wife are allowed to sleep together. In fact, the church allows Natural Family Planning, which involves sex only during non-fertile times. Unfortunately I have not cycled since age 15, so it is not a concern for us. Wish I could have a large family, though, but a large family via adoption can be very pricey.
But no, I am not a "cafeteria Catholic" by any means. In fact, as a Confirmation teacher, I would never be a hypocrite so as to teach one thing to my students and then go out and live another.
As for the earlier poster who had not heard of Catholic objection to masturbation, it can be found here, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
http://www.usccb.org/catechism/text/pt3sect2chpt2art6.shtml
Paragraph 2352 refers to this issue.
As for the other earlier quote re the Church considering it a normal part of developement, I have not seen that quote previously and would like to see it sourced and in context.
Good for you for not letting drama get to you.
Lube + Going slow + one (maybe two max) glasses of wine) + communication and a good bc method.
Good luck!
My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night. Though I was nervous, I was so pumped. And, rightfully so. I didn't hurt for me at all, and I didn't bleed at all. DH just went slow and as soon as we realized it wasn't going to hurt, then he sped up.
If you're worried about it, just start in a missionary position. It will come naturally ... and try to enjoy it! While it will take awhile to master the positions the two of you like and the first time won't be the best time... it's all the more reason to keep practicing. I think the important thing is to just have fun ... remember that it's about the two of you and how you feel about one another.
It's nothing to fret about. Sex is awesome.
Caleb Jonathan
Born November 30, 2011
The Winking of an Eye
A blog about the mommyhood, wifehood and lifehood of a misplaced Minnesotan in SoCal
Hello, my name is Susan, and my husband and I weren't virgins on our wedding night.
Alright, I will say what I have to say..If you want to stay a virgin til that day, wine (but not to the point of being drunk, just relaxed), lube, and taking things one step at a time. Learn with masturbation what feels good if you haven't.
But honestly, I was so glad I wasn't a virgin on my wedding night. We did all the things we knew would drive each other wild (sorry if TMI, but, it's a honeymoon) and it was memorable. But fireworks don't come the first time, and the man will last longer than if it is the first time in forever so you don't go "....THAT'S WHAT I WAITED FOR?!?!" But, either way, your choice my dear.
2010brideinpa,
I was in a similar situation (hubby was not a virgin while I was) and I agree with a lot of what you wrote, especially :-taking things slowly,-the idea that you have a lifetime to find out together about what pleases you, and waiting to handle the situation together as husband and wife instead of "getting it over with" before the wedding so your honeymoon is "more fun", etc. It was very challenging for my husband because we dated for over 7 years before getting married. He knew from the beginning that I was waiting to have sex until I was married, so having an understanding FI (which it sounds like you have) is very important too. Keeping communication open now will help make the process of easing into sex easier, especially, since women tend to be more stimulated mentally than men. I'm sure that your wedding night/honeymoon will be awesome because both of you have discussed the situation and are open to learning together. It's a process
Congrats and happy planning!
<hugs> We waited too, so don't feel alone. However, we had fooled around a bit (touching over clothes, passionate kissing) so we did kinda know how to turn each other on
Here's my advice...and I know most of you ladies will flame me for this, but I think that it is SO much easier to have sex your first time if you're not burdened with BC. Being able to really relax and not worry about barriers or anything is priceless. We went non-BC our whole honeymoon and it was amazing...but we were okay with getting pregnant if it happened (it didn't) plus I wasn't in my fertile time on our honeymoon.
Secondly, I'd say take 2-3 hours just undressing each other, exploring each other's bodies, touching everything, kissing, and talking. If he really needs to *** and can't focus on loving you, give him a handjob and then continue, no worries, he will have plenty for later
I guarantee that after awhile you will be steamy, wet, and SO ready. We didn't even need lube the first time, I was dripping wet cause we had such awesome foreplay. However, bring it anyway jic...I think it's more of a bother (and a cop-out for guys that won't spend the time it takes to make you slippery and wet).
Do it the first time in the Missionary position, it helps you relax more. Talk to your fiance, and make sure he goes super, super slow penetrating the first time, kind of inching in, keeping an eye on your face to see how you feel. My Dh was so gentle and patient, it didn't hurt at all. It was uncomfortable, because I was stretching, but because it was so gradual it wasn't a sharp pain or anything.
Don't expect to O your first time...and yes, he will O in like 30 sec-1 min if it's his first time in a couple years (especially if you've spent hours in foreplay). But, the more you do it, the longer he will last and then the more opportunity you have to develop your O. Eventually you won't need such a long time to get worked up, but do foreplay very slowly the first week or more, makes everything much more fun and comfortable.
Make sure he and you both thoroughly know where your clitoris is...use pictures for him and a mirror for you. That info will be invaluable.
Good luck, hope your wedding night is amazing!
my husband and i were both virgins on our wedding night, and here's what i would recommend to all my girlfriends that are getting married soon!
It was hard for me to relax because i was so hungry and we hadn't eaten all day, keep some food at the hotel to eat a dinner or at least a snack...i know it sounds ridiculous but it would've helped alot.
Definitely get lube, we had a really hard time and he couldn't even get all the way in the first night because i was so tense and thus dry. Once we got some lube things were way more enjoyable!
Read the book, "The Art of the Female Orgasm." Give it to your future husband, discuss!! Relax! Good luck!!