Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sexting? How do you forgive and move on?
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Re: Sexting? How do you forgive and move on?
I experienced the exact same thing with my husband! We were married in October '09 and around March/April I discovered he was sexting with a co-worker, who was also married. I had called him at work when I found out and told him only to come home if he was going to admit it and talk about it. He reasoning was with all the stress (me being unemployed and bills piling up) he respond to the flirting and whatever.
I was able to forgive him....trust him again....well that's still a work in progress. Thankfully he was willing to see a counselor and end all contact....to an extent with the co-worker. I am still hurt by it. I am still rude to the co-work if she answers the phone when I call him. I still wait for the day that I happen to meet her and can tell her off. It's a very hard road and it's a long one.
When it happened I did say that if it EVER happened again I would be on a plane to my parents before he even knew what happened. He believed me.
Being through this myself, my advise is to follow your heart. If you think he is willing to change and will be the man you fell in love with and married, then stay and fight. There will be MANY fights and they will all come back to his cheating.
But if you see him only hurting you more and not caring, leave him. Don't risk more of a broken heart.
No matter what you choose you WILL be stronger for it. Good luck!
It didn't work
Time to put on your big girl panties
I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
IT'S MUD DAMN IT
Time to put on your big girl panties
I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
I'm really sorry this happened to you.
I see that the consensus is get divorced...
but just remember that divorce is more expensive than a marriage counselor (if you can convince him to go). I wasn't able to find anything on your profile about your background (like where you live, your job, husbands job, etc)... so just remember that the days of the wife getting half + alimony+child support are long gone. Depending on what state you live in and how much you make, you can end up spending a whole buttload on a divorce (which could also take longer than a year) and not come out with anywhere near as much as you'd like.
Also, the fact that he came back sounds like it didn't work out with the mistress. So, maybe he's learned that the grass isn't greener on the other side?
Good Luck! i'm so so so sorry this happened to you.
Dear Crushed,
I've been in your shoes unfortunately, and I stayed. I had no idea how far things had gone, and never found out, probably never will. We never went to counselling, and to be honest, I don't really feel like he ever tried to make it up to me. We just agreed to drop it and move on. Bad decision! I try very hard not to be suspicious, but, to be honest, I always am, and I feel like a fool for being that way! He hasn't given me any more reasons to feel insecure since then and it has been a year and a half, but I still feel resentful about it every day. If I had it to do over, I would leave and not look back as soon as it happened. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but trust, once broken, is never fully restored.
How romantic! He realized that the mistress wasn't that great and chose his wife! Someone nominate this guy for husband of the year.
Wow! I feel for you. My Husband and I got married same month same year. So I am very sorry to hear your Husband chose to do that to you. But my advice to you is dont throw in the towel just yet. my husband and I pray together. Do you guys have a faith system? I hope you both can pray together and try and work things out by time and faith.
I wouldn't put up with it. Sit him down and ask him who he wants to really be with, you or her. If its you then he needs to act like it, and want to go through counseling with you. As of now you can't control him or what he does, so do you take good care of yourself, Love yourslef, get a make over, look Beautiful for YOU and know it is NOT your fault for anything HE decided to do, ask him if you were doing what he was doing how would he feel?!.
He needs to work with you, and prove he will change not just for a week or a month but for a lifetime! The trust will return! I will pray for you guys! I hope you guys figure it out!
Ohh! Is this game open?
I agree this is good advice!
Darnit, they don't allow linking. Boo.
I agree 110% kellyAnn53 comment, especially in this day and age. All everyone wants to do when there's a rough patch in the marriage is to get a divorce. If that is the case why waste you time and money getting married. what's the purpose of taking vows "Till death do us part"? I'm not saying to just forgive him but you two should work on rebuilding that trust, setting boundaries and seeking professional or religous counseling. No one deserve to be cheated on but in a marriage theres good times and bad.