Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Am I outta line? I don't think so.
it shouldn't?! they shouldn't be upset you're being ridiculous and not sharing in THEIR wedding day because you think all of december belongs to you?
you know jesus has an event in december too...are you mad at him?
My Shopping Blog
Then let me help you understand. I'll keep it simple for you.
Your wedding is a SINGLE DAY IN A SINGLE YEAR.
You do not own THE MONTH OF DECEMBER IN YOUR WEDDING YEAR or any other year.
You get ONE pretty princess day. ONE. When that day is over, you are done.
'Kay? Do you understand now?
I just wanted to give you a perspective from someone who is also married to a twin. MH is the younger twin, and we got married almost 5 years after his brother and SIL did. When we got married, we didn't think about when they got married. We thought about dates that were important to us and worked well with our lives, as they had done 5 years earlier. It just happened that what worked for us and our lives was different than what worked for them, so we got married in different months.
We actually have several dates in our family where more than one couple have same wedding anniversary date (different years). This makes it difficult, but not impossible, for family members that want to get married that same month. My parents and aunt and uncle all were married on July 17 (5 years apart). Well, DH and I were looking at July for wedding dates. We knew we could get married July 17 if we wanted, but decided we wanted our own date (my cousin has actually expressed interest in July 17 as well since that's her parents anniversary as well). So we got married July 10 instead. Not a big deal whatsoever. Our family is so large it's impossible to find a month that no one else has an anniversary in.
If relationships are ruined, then I would actually say it is YOU doing the ruining by not showing up at a wedding simply because it's in the same month as when you got married.
Again- WHY is this upsetting? I want you to explain it to us. Because as you can see, NONE of us understand.
Do you know NO ONE ELSE in your entire life that "shares" their wedding month w/ other people? The answer to that is obviously no, you don't, because as someone stated- then that would mean you know only 11 other people in this entire world.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Following this line of reasoning, why did you and your husband choose December to get married? Did you make a deliberate effort not to "steal" someone else's wedding month when you picked your date?
On sort of an unrelated tangent, I'm curious about this surprise wedding that your BIL ruined. Do you mean that you eloped, and you were planning on telling the family but then he spilled the beans before you had the chance? Or were you planning on inviting people to an event, and then surprising them when they arrived with the fact that it was your wedding?
I'm having a baby in December. I'm really really sorry.
This is the phrase that should be bolded and underlined in your post: it's their wedding.
Translation: Their wedding day is NOT about you at.all. Stop trying to make it so.
If you plan on going ballistic over crap like this, you're signing up for a lifetime of being the red-headed stepchild at family gatherings b/c everyone will be sick of your sh!t.
OMG. You are unreal. Right? You're not for real?
My birthday is in December, so technically your anniversary steals the thunder from my celebration. How dare you?
My sister's getting married the same month I did. I like to think of it as a giant anniversary party for meeeeeeeeeeee!
Seriously, if this is real, you're taking things too personally. It's highly unlikely that your BIL's choice of date was meant as an insult. I advise you, lovingly and compassionately, to learn to say, "This is not about me." It's the most liberating thing I ever learned, and I was just about your age when I did. If you don't figure it out, your life will be far more difficult than it needs to be. Practice finding explanations for people's behavior that don't revolve around you. Usually, those explanations will be right.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You're a nutjob. Seriously, get over yourself. You must be a joy in real life.
Don't worry, I'm working on it.
Get it on!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
LOL!
So this is my reaction, you would have the right to be upset if and only if ALL of the following things happened. They got married on your exact date, at the exact time, with the exact attendents, exact color scheme, exact flowers/decorations, exact cake, exact music, exact same officent, favors, intivtes, seating arrangement and venue, etc. Then I and only then could I see being a little irratated. But as pp said you dont have the right to the entire month, that's beyound ridiculous.
Since this is not the case, yes you had the right to be upset about him ruining the surprise of your marriage, last year, but by now you should have come to peace with it.
As to the not attending the wedding I can tell you right now that had my SIL chosen not to come to my wedding without a good reason, I would have been extremly upset. To me that is basically saying that your ILs are unimportant to you or that you don't support the marriage. If you can't afford to fly out with your DH that is one thing, and that should be the reason you do not go. If your "claim" on the month is the only reason you don't want to go then I'm sorry but suck it up put a smile on your face and actually be happy for your BIL.
I'm sorry!! I know it's your month and I really don't mean to steal from you!!!! It's incredibly selfish of me. I can't believe I didn't think this through 35 weeks ago. Ugh. Stupid me.
I'm honestly curious if you plan to return your RSVP with "no" and if you will actually give them the reason, "I cannot attend because I was married in December and I need to spend the whole month thinking about me."
Honestly, I don't think this is about their wedding at all, and you need to get some perspective on the real source of your resentment because it is causing you to make some really ridiculous, selfish choices.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Wow. This is why I didn't get married at 20, though honestly, I think I was more mature at 13 than you are at 20. OP, you CLEARLY have a lot of growing up to do.
BTW, I call dibs on the following days:
May 22nd (my birthday)
June 15 (first date)
June 16 (first kiss)
June 18 (wedding day)
December 25 (Christmas. Don't you dare try to take that away from me)
January 2 (he first told me he loves me *swoon*)
February 24 (proposal day)
March 20 (first day of our first vacation together)
March 21 (first day of Spring, and Spring is my favorite season. So you can't have it)
April 15 (Tax day. Oh wait, you can have that day)
If I hear of ANYONE close to me doing ANYTHING important on ANY of the above-mentioned days, there will be hell to pay. Do you understand? HELL!
(OP, NOW do you see how ridiculous this sounds? Good - now grow the eff up!)
I know! I was really hoping they'd choose a date closer to our anniversary. Like you said, a good vacation excuse, and maybe we'd get a cake or something. But, then, I like my sister, so we can joke about that.
Don't sweat it, they probably hate you already.
I hope you're an atheist, yannno, since the birth of the Messiah always trumps little beebee weddings, what with all those people spending more time and energy on Christmas than thinking about the love and affection you and your husband shared just one year ago.
And fuuk the Macabees while we're at it.
H8rz!
Click me, click me!