Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Ok Please Help! I am so Hurt.
Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing. I'm guessing these are the people who think being gay is a "lifestyle choice".
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Yes , the ones who think praying can help you change it.
As we have said again and again, guys do not change and one's sexual orientation doesn't change, either.
If you are serious about staying with him, can you hack being married to somebody who's gay? What would you be reduced to -- roommate status? Continually walking on eggs, wondering what your husband's been exposed to in the way of STDs, AIDS and HIV included?
I don't buy the "I'm gay because I was molested" line that he gave you. He's been outed from the closet and in a way he's never expected.
Being married to a homosexual is grounds for annullment; I suggest you look into it and like I said, a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker. Show him the door.
And I strongly suggest therapy for yourself
I know of somebody who was in the same boat: her daughter was about the same age as yours when she found out her husband was gay. She wasted no time in divorcing the guy.
It's now 11 years later. She's amicable toward her xH -- important for the child, also -- and when she found the offending evidence, he denied he was gay.
Please do what's right for yourself and your child.
Looking at gay porn doesn't necessarily make someone totally gay. There are different degrees of gay (check out the Kinsey Scale). Sexuality isn't always black and white. Sexual confusion is very difficult for men. Society doesn't accept bi-sexual men the same way they accept bi-sexual women, so I imagine your husband was going through a lot of internal conflict. There are therapists who specialize in sexual confusion who may be able to figure out where on that scale he falls, and if both you and he can be satisfied in your current marriage.
The other issue is the cheating. This is a whole other problem that requires seperate therapy if you both want to work it out. I could get over the bi-sexual part, the cheating part would need work.
Good luck. I feel for you.
It's an inappropriate communication and the OP said that her H was clearly spelling out, probably quite graphically, what he'd do to the person in the email. That sounds pretty homosexual to me.
We don't know if he is bi or gay. It's up to the OP to decide where to go -- and hopefully she'll say goodbye to this louse ASAP. Like I said, this is a dealbreaker.
I disagree -- I think YOU need to find the counselor. You don't want him picking someone because they cost $10.50/session and are in town. Pick someone good, maybe who specializes in one of the issues he has (sexual abuse, orientation confusion, cheating, etc).
And if you are serious about staying with him, don't just get tested -- make sure he gets tested and make sure you see the results of those tests. Just because he hasn't given you something yet does not mean that he doesn't have something.
But, if you wanted to leave his ass then you'd be well within your right. It's what I would do.
Etsy shop
I guess I am replying to this late, I hope you are still reading the responses.
I DO NOT think that cyber-sex is cheating. I think of it in a similar vein to porn, although instead of WATCHING something you are reading it. There doesn't have to be any EMOTIONAL connection there...
I think if you love your husband (as you appear to love him very deeply) you should stick by him and try to help him work things out.
I do think it is probably a good idea for him to talk to some kind of therapist, but in the meantime I think it is great that you are reassuring him that you still love him and that his feelings/urges are nothing for him to be ashamed of.
*hugs*
It's got to be a lot to process and I think you are handling it pretty well so far.
I'm sorry but NOO!!! The last thing her daughter needs is to find out that her mother stayed with her father knowing he was gay, continued to have a sexual relationship with him and now she's 17 years old and has to bury her mom who became HIV positive because it doesn't sound like she loved herself enough to take her child AND LEAVE!!! I'm sorry to paint such a horrible picture but this is a horrible situation. The only thing is she can do something about it, change the outcome of this picture before its too late.
This post is directed at She3. So hurt, I pray that you make the right decision and I think you know what that is.
He needs to get help if he thinks that this is not normal but the result of abuse in his past. You can start by being the first to make him feel more secure in seeking help and letting him know that he has some support, the best he can get, his wife. He is probably mortified himself. So once you get all these other things worked out like what your boundaries are, how it made both of you feel, if you can find some peace within the mess and make sure he is being 100% honest with you, then get him an appointment with a psychologist.
Go slow with building back your security. Take it one day at a time.