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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Rude IL Contest
"She is adopted which explains why she is so different, but she wasn't raised like that. (I have know the parents for 11 years now)"
Wait, what? I suppose if she were raised by other parents for any amount of time, I might not be shocked, but this is just a horrendous comment in the middle of a perfectly sympathetic story.
The worst comment of all was when I was 22. I was researching either law school or getting my MBA. MIL told me I was selfish for going back to college instead of having babies.
Are you f'ing kidding me? Who says that? Needless to day 6 years later still no babies and I have a MBA.
I'm just a lurker, but I'd love to play. Again, I'll never hold a candle to Sue_Sue, but here we go:
-Called to tell Dh that she needed to borrow $250 to get her driver's license back. (Note I didn't say ask to borrow). When he proceeded to tell her that we didn't have it (we really don't right now), she then said, "You don't WANT me to have my life back!" and "I KNOW you have the money! You just went to MA!!" (Our best friends live in MA, so we don't spend money to visit them.) I think she had been drinking that night.
-I came home to find that she had been at the house to pick up some of her belongings. She lived with us for 8 or 9 horrible months last year. Turns out she had brought one of her friends with her to show off our kitchen. We remodeled a few years ago, and she has, on occasion, brought by friends for a viewing. I told DH that I do NOT want random people in my house when I'm not there. She has since lost her key.
-Threw a conniption fit that she was not invited to DH's nephew's wedding. First of all, he is FIL's grandson from a different marriage. The marriage that dissolved when she hooked up with DH's father. She ended the marriage between herself and DH's father when she got involved with another man. Again. I think she loses her rights to attend family functions after that. I don't care that she "practically raised" DH's nephew.
-And for a Thanksgiving flair, we went to pick her up for dinner, and then had to wait almost 25 minutes for her to be ready. DH had told her to be ready for 1:15. We didn't leave her place until about 1:40. DH said he was about 5 more minutes from calling her on the way to the restaurant and asking if she'd like us to bring her back a doggie bag.
I was thinking the same thing!
I am adopted and your statement seems discriminating!
I am a lurker, so please excuse my jumping in, but Sue_Sue, I have to know.
What did the other guests at dinner say or do?
Nobody batted an eyeball. MIL, FIL, MIL's sister, MIL's mom, Dh's two cousins and their spouses, Dh's brother. They all kept talking and eating. Only his brother's girlfriend, who was spending her first (and last) Xmas with the family said anything to me, and it was as we were leaving; "I'd leave too, how could they do that to you" kind of thing.
I'm new to the board, but thought I would join in.
There are many stories, but my favorite MIL moment occurred at my wedding shower. The guest were asked to write their best piece of wedding advice on a card and then read it aloud. MIL, "I have no advice for you because frankly you are NOT who I would choose for my son. Your lucky anyone would want someone with baggage like that." (I have a child from a previous relationship) My response, "OK, thank you for that. Anyone want cake?" The stunned look on everyones face would have made for a great picture.
It is amazing to me that there is more then one person out there that acts like this!!!
And I'm sure MIL wonders why we don't talk and why her son never calls....
Luckily, my REAL MIL is awesome! I love love love her. However, FIL's 3rd wife is a complete disaster. Besides the fact that she's a gold-digging alcoholic, she's mean to the core. She's very underhanded about it as well. She thinks that everything should include her, even when it isn't her place.
During the planning of our wedding, she had many hissy fits & complaints because all the focus wasn't on her. It got to the point that I was so stressed & crying all the time that my parents had them over to discuss some things. Let's just say it got to the point where my dad had to slam his fist on the table and say "Enough of this BS! This isn't about me, or Diane, or you two! This is about Aron & Andrea and what THEY want!" You would think after that she would stop but no...You should've seen what she actually wore to the wedding. We heard comments about it for almost 2 months after the wedding.
And the best of all (that will piss me off until the day I die) is that at the wedding, she actually sat in the first seat in the first row that should have been my MIL seat, NOT hers.
Any tips on how to deal with her when we have to see her?? How does everyone deal with this stuff & not say something that you'll regret or get in trouble for?
I love my ILs and am very, very lucky to have them in my life. My mom is the worst offender, if anything.
That being said, the one thing that she did to me was take over cooking eggs on New Years morning because I wasn't "cooking them right". The only reason it affected me so much was because I was overtired from the festivities. LOL She apologized profusely that afternoon and has been an angel since.
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
My drunken BIL-to-be thought it would be funny to make a crack about his brother's "half-breed, Prairie N wife." My then-fiance didn't think it was funny, and decked his brother for it.
i usually don't post, but felt compelled to vent
within the last week, i found out that i'll be laid off from my job of three years at the end of january. my husband and i have been together 7 years, but we just got married in july. i told my MIL about it, pretty upset and scared, and mentioned we would probably need to spend a bit more conservatively at the holidays this year until we know more (on my side, we only have my parents and one older brother, on his we have parents, 3 older siblings with spouses, one niece, and extended family in the midwest). note, i did not say we weren't going to buy gifts at all, and not that it matters, but we are usually as generous as we can be.
her response was "well, the holidays come around at the same time every year so that money should be set aside already anyway. let me know when you want to go shopping."
i wasn't expecting her to say "please don't buy us anything," but sheesh.
Ugh. Mine aren't nearly as terrible as some others, but still...
My FIL is wonderful, wouldn't hurt a fly, loves everyone, but is under the thumb of the evil StepMIL.
SIL is just a bitchbag.
Last November, we dropped by his parent's two days before thanksgiving for a visit - they still hadn't told us whether or not they were hosting that year, as they usually do. While there they did inform us that they would be going to his SIL's this year, along with all the rest of the family. Us? Nope, we weren't invited. His SIL and her H happened to show up while we were there to pick up chairs to seat everyone they invited, got embarrassed that now we knew what was going on, and threw out a half-assed verbal invite. We passed and apparently that makes us the bad guys.
THEN, our wedding was this past February, and we had sent our invitations out -months- in advance, if my memory serves my I wanna say it was October/November of '09. SIL and H not only R.S.V.P'ed but even hand-wrote a note on the card! BIL and his fiance R.S.V.P'ed, as well. Wedding day comes and neither one of the couples show up - no call, no text, no messages from his parents, nothing. Just not there. My DH's stepmom and dad leave the wedding two hours early - as SOON as we had cut the cake, they were out - didn't even stay to eat it. Also important to note that prior to this his stepmom had badgered about when we would cut the cake...
Whatever. Luckily, we got the money back.
The next day, we are out having lunch, as we did a local honeymoon, and we run into SIL and her H, who apparently felt compelled to stop by the table and interrupt our meal to say "hello," but decide not to mention their completely rude "MIA" act they pulled the night before.
It took everything I had to stay calm, lemme tell ya.
Two weeks later, we're having dinner at the IL's and SMIL makes a little speech...
I don't know what you were looking for when you got married, but you probably wanted a big family. Well I'm going to tell you right now and only once - you're not going to get it because of HIM (points to my DH). Do you know why everyone skipped your wedding? Because he doesn't try to be a part of this family! We had Christmas dinner last year and you didn't even show up! So on and so forth...
So here's my beef with this:
And the best part? Three months later we get a card from his SIL - "Congratulations on your marriage! Sorry we can't afford a gift."
And this Thanksgiving? Well, everyone was going to BIL'S! - Except us.
Of course, we can't really do much or say much because my FIl is a great guy, but bends to SMIL's will, and the moment we call her out, my H will basically lose his Dad because he just doesn't have the balls.
Around the table this year at TG, my husband said he was thankful for my parents because without them he wouldn't have a family.
Breaks my heart.
My husband and I found out that a few nights before our wedding, his mother would wake up crying telling her husband, "I thought I was gaining a daughter, but I'm really losing a son..."
She's a gem. As much as coal is.
Wow. Sue Sue takes the cake. Hind sight is 20/20, and I guess I'm a bit more of an in your face person but I probably would have sat in the middle (on top of) the biggest table and/or started a "fun" food fight.
My MIL is the best, I totally got lucky reading all this. I feel bad for her since my SILs don't treat her as well as they should. She has majorly helped us all out (and I mean in every way especially the $$ probably over 100 grand now). Generous and loving period.
It's my family we usually have issues with. I have such a hard time trying to mediate and get them to improve. I don't know if it is age with my grandma or what but sometimes I just have no words. DH was helping my parents renovate their house, after a long day at work he went over to rip up some concrete, replace some pipes and put new concrete down. As he was in the garage looking for an extra bag of concrete I told him was in there, Grandma goes up to him and says "You are so fat, you really need to get your ass of the couch all the time and do something" WTF Grandma?!
On the opposite end of the scale, dad at out first home, first visit "Why do you need a couch in the living room? You should only have one chair so when you get home you can sit down and watch TV while your wife does all the house work"
Yes my parents love us I know. I just find that they can't help verbal diarrhea. Think, and before speaking, say the comment to yourself in your head and see if it actually conveys what you really want to say.
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When we were planning our wedding, my wonderful MIL "accidentally" sent an email to me that was meant to her friend that bad mouthed me telling her I needed to grow up and learn about compromise. This from the woman who tells her husband how to dress each day? Please. I also heard (and thank god it was not me) that she gave my DH's ex wife a membership to Weight Watchers for Hanukkah.
On Halloween she also compared me to the ex wife by saying to my husband in full earshot of me " Why does she not want to come to the party, I thought you divorced Pam". Just because I had a headache and had no desire to go to a party where there were 15 kids.
And this is just a couple of instances.
My ILs are great. Super sweet and caring people. My MIL is a very interesting lady. I have one fun story (so far) about her.
When DH and I went to MIL's house to tell her we were getting married, she answered the door naked. This was the first time I have seen her naked (DH did warn me that she is very open about her body...). We were both nervous about telling MIL the good news because she hated DH's ex-wife. When we told her, her face completely fell and she said "you're kidding?" I thought it was the kiss of death. But then her face lit up and she wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek and congratulated us both... completely naked.
I'm now used to her being naked when we go to visit, but that first time was a little disturbing.
She's a cool lady though! She's a biker chick, wears leather, hard-core... was in an Aerosmith video...
Cheers!
Exactly what I was thinking. What does being adopted have to do with anything? Last time I checked, it was just another way of bringing a child into a family. And this is coming from an adopted person.
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
Gosh. Now I feel that my stories couldn't hold a candle to these, but I'll tell my two anyway. None of mine actually have to do with my MIL or FIL or even my own parents. But my BIL and MY grandmother sure aren't very tactful.
Not really anyone in DH's family particularly likes my BIL. He's loud, opinionated, and extremely rude to all of us. He always blames someone else when he does something wrong and has actually used my SIL and her husband's money to pay for stuff he broke in a motel and then refused to apologize or pay them back because it "wasn't his fault." He can't handle or keep his own money well, and we're all very sure he does drugs, so we basically ignore him and just be as polite as possible to him. Two of DH's sisters and I are all on the same page when it comes to how he treats us, like we're younger than him and haven't had the experience in life that he as so we are automatically stupid. (Both sisters and their husbands own their own very successful businesses and I'm getting my degree).
One night at a family get together at SIL's house, BIL and I are standing next to each other getting food and he tells me that the pictures he's seen on Facebook of my house are really awesome, but that the house isn't nearly as colorful as it could be and that I should get some houseplants. I told him that I actually don't really like to keep live plants in my house because A) I suck at keeping them alive, and
I have two cats that tend to chew on plants. The next words out of his mouth were "Oh, well then, you should be sure to get some poisonous ones." and he smiled at me. He was totally serious and I thought at first that I had misheard him, but I really hadn't. What the heck, man?
The other one is my grandmother. DH and I moved about 4 hours away from both our families this past July, so now we don't get to see everyone nearly as much as we used to. Also, my grandmother has never particularly liked a whole lot because of our differences in opinions, the fact that I got married young, the fact that she doesn't like my religion, and I don't go to see her very much (I LIVE 4 HOURS AWAY! I don't see ANYONE very much). This past time, I went down to spend a few days with my sister and she, her BF, and I all went to spend some time with my grandmother. Sister's BF had never met grandmother before so he didn't know that she can be fairly rude sometimes. This particular time, we were talking about him liking to dove hunt, and I mentioned that I don't particularly like doves or pigeons because of a book I read when I was little about a boy wanting to join a gang of friends, but having to strangle pigeons (seriously, I don't think anyone remembers or knows this weird book). The mental imagery was really terrible and birds (particularly their eyes) have always weirded me out since. I finished saying all of this and there was a bit of an awkward pause and then grandmother says "Well, we're just glad you're reading." Twice before that in that same visit she has something very rude to me, so at this point I just stopped talking. After we left, my sister and I started laughing about it because it was so rude. Gosh, I understand that she's old, but you don't have to say everything that comes into your mind.
I'm lucky because my IL's are fairly nice people, though they were a little too surprised when we told them we were getting married. Anyway. FIL is the best. He is one of those people that never stops to think about what he is going to say, and sometimes it's funny but other times it's just irritating. He loves to bring up moments in the past where I have been embarrassed or something horrible has been done to me, and he really loves bringing up DH's ex; I think he likes pissing me off.
It's funny though when his mouth gets himself in trouble. Once when I had come over for dinner, he accidentally let it slip to MIL and everyone else in the room that he had actually gotten three speeding tickets recently...apparently he forgot to mention them earlier...She was pretty mad about that.
My situation is a wee bit different, since my husband is so much older than I am. My MIL passed away last year, and I've never known my FIL. SIL is a really nice lady, and is super-happy for us.
When Hubby was working in the USA, my Dad and step-mom came from Canada to visit. We'd eloped, and none of my family had met him yet. Hubby's Russian-American, and loves to cook. He made a wonderful multi-course Russian meal that was fit for a Tsar.
After returning home to Canada, I heard through the grape-vine that Dad had told everyone what a great BBQ we had, and that we had hamburgers and hot dogs. WTF?
While I personally don't have an IL-From-Hell story, I do have an embarassing ex-wife story.
Hubby and ex-wife have a son, who was 16 the year we were living in the South West. Coinsedently I got my plane tocket, the same day Ex bought DS a ticket to come visit. I got there on June 13, they arrived on the 18th, a couple of days after we'd gotten engaged. I'd met her before, but not their son.
Seeing how close DS and I were in age (I'm 9 years older than he is, I was 25 at the time, he was 16), she said to me, infront of everyone "there won't be any funny business between you and ____ now, will there?"
I asked her why she'd think that. She said "because you're so close in age!" I asked her if she really thought that was a factor, since I had just become engaged to the young man's FATHER!!!!!
I may not have the in-laws from Hell, but my husband does have some crazy ex-wives.
I agree. Sounded like discrimination to me too. As if her personality is the fault of adoption? I don't think so.
So I'm really glad that this is up I've had the worst FIL experience today. We got married 6 months ago, and the H is substitute teaching while I'm in grad school. Needless to say, money is a bit tight right now, but we have a bunch coming in from my grad stipend in January. FIL lives about 9 hours away from us, and gas round trip will cost about 100. We're not proud of it, but right now, that's a lot for us. FIL has said in the past that he doesn't want money to ever be the reason we don't come home for Christmas, so last night the H called to ask if he could help us get home for the holidays.
This morning, the email comes: he'll help, but married people shouldn't borrow from their parents. Oh, and if we can't even afford gas, we shouldn't bother coming home for Christmas at all.
GAAAAAAHHHHHH. soooo frustrating.
Mine are not as bad as some I have read, but I will say that my DH's family puts the 'fun' in dysFUNction.
His parents alone are not that bad, but their current spouses are part of what adds pepper to the pot. Step MIL and FIL are drunks, barely functioning. They got wasted at my rehearsal dinner, which was a small group at a very fancy restaurant. Step MIL actually had to be escorted into the bathroom by me so that she could throw up. She then disappeared for an hour, and was found in her truck passed out several blocks away. She proceeded to get garishly drunk at the actual wedding the next day, and had a drunken screaming match with my SIL over who would hold my daughter (who was 1 at the time). Both were escorted out of the banquet hall by my wedding planner, God Bless her!
My MIL is a kind hearted person, but she is very absorbed with her current husband. He is the strangest, most uptight person I know, and has a weird obsession with his mother. They live in her old house, keeping all of her furniture (including her bedroom suite) in it. When we sleep over there, we sleep on her pull out couch from the 50's. DH and I call it Bates Motel, which cracks us up every time we say it. Step FIL will not even get rid of her broken stove, which is olive green and hasn't worked since 1994. I could go on for ever about the Step IL's... Holidays are something else!
My MIL is a piece of work and for some reason I'm always surprised when things come flying out of her mouth. But the worst one was regarding MY mother being the favorite Grandma.
Back story - My mother is 20 years older than my MIL. Here is what she said one day out of the blue:
"Someday I will be the favorite... you know... because your mom is so old."
and she went onto giggle about it.
I wanted to say... and I should have said: I've got news for you lady - just because you will be the only Grandma - will not make you the favorite.
Well I rarely ever post on here but I feel compelled to do so this time. I love my MIL to death but my FIL is the worst!!!
I moved from MD to Southern VA because that's where DH lived along with his family. So I would try to visit MD as often as possible 1) because that's where we were getting married, and 2) my family and friends were there and I missed them. He got upset with DH because I kept driving back and forth to see my friends and fam and to do wedding stuff. He told DH that he needed to do something about me driving back and forth so much, because nobody needed to visit their family that often. (I had never been this far away -5 hrs- from my family before and I had no friends in VA). And I only went once a month for the weekend. FIL told him that he needed to evaluate whether he would be fine with me driving back and forth to see my family after we got married.
FIL is a pastor and we have church services every Thursday evening and Sunday (one service at 9a and the second one at 11a) and I am ALWAYS there. Never missed one. I used to get to church late on Sunday mornings (maybe abt 15 or 20 min) because I have to get my daughter ready for church. So we are leaving the house at 9 instead getting to church at 9 and there are 2 services. Anyway, he blows up on DH in front of me about how I'm not who he would have picked for him to marry and how DH needs to learn how to control me. He even said that DH needed to take my last name instead of me taking his since he couldn't force me to get to church on time. Keep in mind, I don't hold any positions; I am just a member.
My daughter is from a previous relationship and my FIL told me that he loved my daughter more than he liked me and he wished that my DH was her real father and that she had a different mother!
FIL threatened not to show up for the wedding. DH finally told him he didn't care whether or not he came, we were still getting married. FIL missed the rehearsal dinner, but finally decided to go at the last minute and not participate. He threw a fit because we didn't ask him to officiate (cold day in hell before that happened), and decided he wasn't even going to walk my MIL down the aisle. He sat down while the guests were being seated before the ceremony started.
FIL promised to pay for our honeymoon as a gift to his son even though he didn't like me. Needless to say, we almost didn't have one because a week before the wedding he decided that he had changed his mind long ago and decided we would figure it out ourselves. Luckily, my aunt gifted us a trip to FL the week before the wedding so we were good to go.
When DH and I were engaged we found out I was pregnant, when he called to tell his mother, she told him "make sure you get a paternity test and make sure it's yours". She figured I was trying to lock him down into marrying me by having his kid, so i could get benefits because he's in the army.
I guess since she's obsessed with money and benefits with her son being in the army she figured I would be too. When we did get married and he switched his life insurance to my name and not hers she was beyond pissed.