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Is this the right place to post? to hyphenate or not?
Okay, so I'm getting married in 4 days and still can't decide what to do about the whole last name issue. Considering either having my maiden name be my middle name or hyphenating. Any comments from those who made one choice or the other and any cons?
Re: Is this the right place to post? to hyphenate or not?
I took my DH's name and dropped mine. BUT my maiden name is a common boys name and it's now my DS's middle name. So I was able to "pass it down".
Before I got married, I was debating the same thing - drop it or make it my middle (never considered hypenating. I think it's a pain!). A friend said this to me - I know what my maiden name is, my family knows, my close friends know. Beyond that, no one else actually cares.
By and large, as an adult, I don't know many friends middle names to even know if it's their maiden name or not!
And in the end - I liked how my middle name sounded better w/ my Dh's last name than how my maiden name sounded.
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I would have had a long name! But I am also very traditional, and I couldn't wait to rock his last name. I love that we share a last name, and I love that our kids will have that same last name.
Also, I have a sister with a hyphenated last name. I can't even tell you how often this happens:
Employee somewhere: Name, please?
Sister: Jane Smith-Jones.
Employee: Is that Smith or Jones?
Sister: It's Smith-Jones. It's hyphenated.
Employee: :::blank look::: Is the account under Smith or Jones then?
Just some food for thought.
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I kept my maiden name. It is unique and there are not that many of us with it in the US. Plus, I like it better than DH's last name.
Since I was 37 when I got married, had several degrees and a professional life using my maiden name along with the fact that DH could care less, I didn't see any reason to change it.
There really isn't any one "right" way to do this; you just have to decide what is right for you. I think there are pros and cons to both of the options you're considering.
Hyphenating can cause some administrative confusion. I'm not sure why a hyphen throws so many people for a loop, but it does. But I know lots of women with hyphenated last names, and they're all pretty happy with their decision. Some of them have told me the confusion has been minimal, and they just keep in mind that sometimes they have to ask the receptionist at the doctor's office or the bank teller or whoever to look for their information under both names. If you don't mind that, go ahead and hyphenate.
Using your maiden name as your middle name eliminates the confusion that can come with a hyphenated name, but most people don't use their middle names very often. If your maiden name is fairly important to your sense of identity, you probably want it to have more visibility than just using it when you file your taxes or fill out forms at the doctor's office would provide. It just depends on how you want others to know you. I don't think either choice is going to have a genuine negative impact on your life, so just go with what feels right.
Personally I'm not a fan of hyphenating. I recently read somewhere how if too many people start doing it, it could get ridiculous. What happens when your son has a hyphenated last name, and wants to marry a girl with a hyphenated last name?
I think it's a nice idea in theory, but it's too complicated in real life. (Somebody who has personal experience can feel free to disprove my theory.)
I would personally eliminate the maiden name entirely since it's the least complicated option.
If you're dead set on having it remain in the family, you could change your middle name or do as a previous poster said and use it in your future child's name. A cousin of mine named her daugher "Ryland" after a family last name.
I chose to take my DH's name for two reasons
HOWEVER, if we had remained in DC, I would have hyphenated my name (red tape be damned) because I was a SME (googleable) under my maiden name and needed to keep my name/reputation.
And if we go back to DC and I take up my former career, then I would most likely pay the money and legally hyphen my name.
i'm also very traditional so i was so excited for a new last name:) all the women in my family make their maiden name their middle and then sign first. maiden initial. last name. i seriously must have practiced it over and over. haha.
I hyphenated my last name. comes out to be 6 syllables! Very long and troublesome. However I chose to because I wasn't about to take on DH's last name- because then to his family I'd "be theirs" Hell to the no!
However I knew we wanted kids and wanted to have the same last name- do to all the school reasons, etc. So the only option for that would be to hyphenate.
If we hadn't planned on having any kids and it would just be Dh and me as a family unit I would just ahve kept my maiden name. I really considered this even with wanting kids but didn't want to be so separate from my kids in name.
When ILs asked about kids' names and how they are bascially just from my side of the family (DH being ok with this) and not after anyone on thier side I answer: they get y'all's last name.
It is a BIG MAJOR pain hyphenating- so just be prepared to be hassled.
I hyphenated. It hasn't been an issue at all. I was 32 when I got married, very used to my maiden name but felt like I wanted the best of both worlds. It works well for me.
Also, my name is Mary-Ann to begin with so I'm actually kind humored with the additional hyphen.
I took my DH's last name. I had no desire to hyphenate- his last name is long and uncommon. My first and maiden names are both uncommon. So, throw them all three together and that would've left me with a clusterfvck for a name. No, thanks.
I seriously considered keeping my maiden name, and DH said he was ambilvalent about whether I changed it or not (although, I think he did want me to change it). In the end, I decided having his last name was important to me, and I'm glad I did it.
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I did this same thing. I couldn't bring myself to completely drop my maiden name, but didn't want to give up the middle name my parents had given me either. Legally I have all 4 names, but still use the same middle initial I've always had.
This. My maiden name is only 4 letters, so I sign Breanne Maiden Married.
I use, first middle maiden married; however, I had a professional reputation in my maiden name. I would have liked to drop my first name, as I go by my middle name, but couldn't without a legal name change.
If you decide to change don't drag your feet. The clerk who processed our marriage license told me they submitt name change info to Homeland Security and that they will cancel your passport if you don't make the change within 60 days. Now, I am not sure that is actually true, but it's possible.
I'm a lawyer & was 38 when I got married. I won't be having kids.
I changed my name & dropped my maiden name, then changed over all my admissions, which was actually surprisingly easy.
I didn't see any reason to keep my maiden name - either way, it's a guy's name: my father's or my husband's. And I like the idea of defining my new family as being me & my husband by having the same name. H didn't even bring it up, I did.
No way would I hyphenate - my maiden name was 4 letters, my married name is 9 letters. Way too freakin' long. Plus, I honestly think hyphenating gets silly.
So there you go - another opinion. It's really a personal matter. The point is that we all have the choice.
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Hyphenating was totally out of the question...I'd be putting my 3 syllable Russian maiden name with DHs 3 syllable Greek last name, for a grand total of 17 letters plus the hyphen. Oh, and did I mention that the names both start with the same letter? Talk about a tongue twister.
I wanted DHs name so that I shared a name with our kids, but I still wanted to use my maiden name professionally. So what I ended up doing was keeping my maiden name as a second middle name, and adding DHs name. I became First Middle Maiden DHslast. It's a mouthful in itself, but all four names only appear/get used in two places - my SS card and drivers license. I'm First MI Maiden for work, and First MI DHslast everywhere else (and that is my legal signature, as well).
I hyphenated and don't regret it a bit. My last name hyphenated is only three syllables, so it's still not very long and I haven't encountered a single administrative issue. Right after our wedding, I went by DH's last name for a few days and got so much anxiety from it. It just wasn't me. My first name with DH's last name was just so common and generic that I didn't feel like it gave me any identity. So I decided to hyphenate, and felt so much better. I can't really explain it, but the first time I used my full name with my last name hyphenated, it just felt like my name - and using only DH's last name never gave me that feeling.
All of our anecdotes won't help you much though - in the end, you just need to do what feels best for you. There's no right or wrong whether you take his name, keep your own, or come up with some combination of the two.
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I chose to add my H's last name to my name. Legally, my middle name is both my birth middle name and maiden name, so I'm Jillian Middle Maiden Married. I originally had planned to keep my maiden name (my son has my maiden name), but I knew H was bothered a little by that, plus he wants to have kids together and they would have his last name. From before we were engaged till a few days after the wedding, I struggled with what to do, and this seems to work ok. For anything pertaining to my son, I fill out paperwork or sign as Jillian Maiden Married. Eventually, my H will go through the process of adopting my son, and at that time, we'll evaluate what to do with his name then.
ETA: I spoke in depth many times with my son about his opinions on it (he's 10) and he was ok with whatever decision I made. As long as I can use my maiden name along with my married name for him, he is ok with that.
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