Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Rude IL Contest
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My MIL and FIL called me controlling because we were all going on a trip to NYC together and I wanted them to make a list of their 'must-see's.
Then when the trip didn't go well they talked bad about me behind my back to the rest of the family and my MIL decided she needed to tell me that the whole family doesn't like me and I'm a problem. (Of course no one ever wanted to here our/my side of the story.)
Oh you guys, I am from Europe. I can tell you this such an American/Canadian thing (call me being discriminative against A/C).. you sweating it too much.. she was just upset about the sister in law.. A/C have such a strong sense for being politcally correct you just overthink everything.
It's not the in-laws for me, but the parents...
After the first time that my parents met my wonderful wife (then girlfriend), they told me, "You could have done worse. She's not a blonde bimbo."
DH and I have been married almost three months now, when we were engaged he had to have surgery. His mother insisted on being the one taking care of everything. The day of the surgery, I went to visit him at the hospital after work and one of her comments was "How nice of you to come and see him" (WTF? I'm marrying the guy!!! I'm not just "a friend"!)
Then, the next day, I was taking the afternoon off work so I could be with him and help with what I could. After I make it to MIL's house, DH goes off to sleep, so she proceeds to tell me how upset she was that I took the afternoon off from work (again, WTF??).
A little back story for her final comment tat day: DH and I were in a long distance relationship for 4 years. Two years ago, I moved to the US by myself. Here I only had my best friend and my DH, no family, nothing. So, back at her house, before she goes off to take a nap after DH went to sleep, she says to me: "I was so depressed when you moved up here" (Thanks, love ya too)
Wow Babe! I didnt know about those ones! The things you find out on an internet forum! LOL
My mom CAN be a sweet person when she chooses... Hence chooses.
I'm sure not many manly dudes like me join a forum like this, but after reading a bunch of these fantastic yet incredible stories I had to share and since going through a wedding its always nice to receive advice from people who have been there.
The Vacuum and Water Heater.
When DW (Dear Wife, who at the time was GF status) came to IL from PR she had nothing except for me, a great job which she was going to start in a week from arriving, and her best friend (sister almost, who was her MOH). I had to take out a loan for her so she would have some money for a car rental and rent deposit when her job helped her find a place. They also were paying for moving expenses but she wouldnt receive the reimbursement until her first paycheck. Which actually didnt come till a month later. My mom has always told me if i need anything to come an ask her and that i should feel comfortable asking her for stuff. Ok, DW didnt have a vacuum cleaner. "Mom can i borrow the vacuum cleaner for tonight b/c DW doesnt have one and she doesnt have the money for one yet?" "No." Seriously? Really? This is coming from a woman who suggested that we move in with her after we got married so that we could save money for a house and not pay rent. Appreciate the gesture, really, but i want to cook whatever i want and live with my wife and enjoy her.
Then a while later the pilot light went out in our water heater, and because of scheduling it was out for about three days. We needed to shower! Went to give my loving mom another chance. "Can we come over so we can take a shower?" "No." This was about the time when i let her have it over the phone. My poor phone takes so much abuse!
Dearest MIL
Now its time to talk smack about the other side!
Thanks to my mom, she helped me set up the restaurant to where i was going to ask DW to marry me. It was awesome, great food, atmosphere etc. So i asked and she said yes and everything was beautiful. All up until we called DW's mom. Now mind you this was Valentines day. So DW called her mom and told her. Silence, then a muffled voice of not very good surprise, and then MIL began venting to DW about how MIL's boyfriend chewed her out and broke up with her. WTF? WOMAN, YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING TO GET MARRIED STUFF IT!
To this day MIL constantly calls up DW to tell her about some drama that's going on literally 2,000mi away.
Thanksgiving 2010
Even before this thanksgiving was a twinkle in our eyes, my mom INSISTED that we spend thanksgiving with her, and that it was HER holiday. Ok... So i said that would be fine with a smile as my hands were tied behind my back, just been water boarded and starring down the barrel of a gun that wasn't mine. The week prior, DW became sick and she didnt get well until the weekend of thanksgiving. My mom had asked me that week if i and DW would be attending and i said that it depended on how she was feeling. So mommy said well why dont you come over by yourself for an hour, eat then go with with food for DW. I thought about it and rather than putting up with a rant that i thought she would have i said ok. My mistake and i take responsibility with that. However, DW subsequently got worse for reasons that are for other subject matter entirely (ridiculous and not her fault). So between speaking with my mom and the day of thanks she knew that DW was not doing so great. The day before she had asked me if we were going to attend and i said probably not. She may not have directly said it yet it was implied that if we didnt make it she understood and that i could go and get food and bring it home. The day of i call her to tell her that we arent coming and that i wasnt going to leave DW all by herself (which by now she was coughing up a lung). She flipped out. That is when the yelling began over the phone. I went to Jewel to buy some chicken wings and i got a call from mom and my brother that she wanted to give me food. Ok. This is when my spider sense began to tingle, but i went anyway.
I walk through the door and immediately mom says come on in, stay awhile, explain yourself. I lost it. She lost it. I left. She tried following me through the garage. Im too quick. Me fui (spanish for i left!) An hour later my brother shows up with his GF and hands me food. Thanks i say.
My now husband and I were dating for a few months before I met his mother. The first time I met her she turned to my husband and said "i have someone better for you. i work with her. I'll set you up if you want"....right in front of me.
Every time I would be at their house for dinner my now MIL would make my now husband a plate and say "split this with her".
At my wedding shower she and her sister pulled their chairs off to the side way in the back and pretended they weren't there. My family and friends would go back and talk to them but they barely responded.
She casually makes remarks and also sends (or attempts) food home because apparently I don't feed her baby boy right. Hello...he's gained weight and doesn't seem to be complaining about my cooking! And he's a big boy...he can his own dinner if he has to!
She recently pulled me off to the side and told me all about how my FIL is having "empty nest syntrom" and how it's not a bit good for his heart. She basically went on to tell me by keeping my husband away from him I would kill her husband. Mind you my FIL is doing extremely well after heart surgery, my husband stops by and goes out for coffee with him regularly, my BIL is there EVERY DAY, and my FIL is 65 years old (with a 31 year old and a 26 year old)...empty nest symtrom? Really?
When I requested to bring something to a family christmas she read (in details) how to make a fruit salad because "I wouldn't have a clue otherwise".
That's a good beginning...
WTF??????? Sorry, I can't beat this.
WTF??????? Sorry, I can't beat this.
This is my first post but thought I could make you feel better.
I have been with my husband for 11 years before we married. My mil and I were very close but it all changed the year before our wedding. As I was planning I kept both moms in the loop about what I was doing. My Husband & I were paying for everything so I wanted to plan everything the way I wanted it. I wanted a nice dinner in a restaurant for our rehearsal dinner., but she insisted on taking care of it. So we had a dinner in her yard. It was beautiful but not what I wanted... She also wanted to get a porta potty I vito that idea. Well the day before the dinner the porta potty was in the yard. When I told her to get rid of it and how upset I was she just enrolled her eyes. Next ( she has 2 big dogs) they were supposed to stay inside b/c we were eating and people were afraid.. When I asked her to please put them inside she said this is my house I can do what I want...some other words were used...
The day of the wedding she called me twice to tell me how rude I was being. She also asked if the photographer could take pictures at her house before we go to the church. When I told her we do not have time and reminded her how I asked her months before if she wanted anything special with the photographer. She then hung up and had my bil call me while she screamed in the background how rude I was.
Then she decided to not show up for our hair appt... and during the wedding she did not look at me once...
The best part... We took our honeymoon in the Bahamas for 13 days... on the 11th day I was sitting at the beach and heard surprise... Yes my MIL came on our honeymoon... To top it off she got so drunk that we had to take care of her... It has been 4 years and we still are not the same..
Last year MBL got married after being with a girl for 5 months and my MIL said at the dinner table that my SIL is the best DIL ever..
These are just a few.
Lets see....
(FIL is a Baptist Preacher, I'm Catholic "Vampire"..yes thats what he refers Catholics to. My parents paid for everything @ wedding, only to be told what we could/could not do..)
"I won't marry you unless you put FI's sisters in the wedding"
When sisters wouldn't get their bridesmaids dresses when I asked... "Our family has never been so horrible until YOU showed up..(while pointing finger in my face)"
MIL..."Why would you have your reception catered? No one will even like that, you need to let my Church ladies whip shomething up.."
FIL & MIL.. "We don't want to hear anything about the wedding until a month before, we have 2 grandbabies that are going to be born soon, and thats all we care about"
And of course that I should have to give all my hard earned clothes/money to SIL because she had such a "hard" life...
We were just married.. nothing rude has been said from MIL or FIL yet.. Maybe because I don't go around them enough to let them get a word in!!
DH parents are divorced, I love love love my FIL and SMIL, but my MIL and SIL are who I have a problem with, but of course it wasn't until after we announced our engagement.
After I asked SIL to be a BM in our wedding, she didn't response back to me, instead she called DH, and then eventually got back to me.Two months before our wedding, and after I bought her non-refundable dress she BAILED out of our wedding but never mentioned it to me.She is always talking about me to the other family members, saying I am a nightmare, and a total b****.
MIL and SIL both wore black to our wedding, after I asked them not to because that is what my BM's were wearing (which both of them knew)
Oh, MIL picked out her own song for the mother-son dance for the wedding, it was of her singing.
Also, SIL was TEXTING during our wedding ceremony.
ugh I could go on and on!!!
My DH Step-Mother told me that our wedding was a large inconvenience to her and even though the invitations went out, we should reschedule the whole wedding and if not she would show up with a bottle of wine after pulling an all-nighter.
We were married on the spring solstice, at sunrise, happened to fall on the first day of spring, on the beach.
The day was glorious. My husband and i could not have had a more perfect day. Despite the fact that she showed up drunk with an open bottle and I had to explain to my parents why she was walking around with two bottles of wine in hand .
This isn't about my MIL but my moms MIL, otherwise known as my granny. She was so pleasant that every year she would call my father on the anniversary of his first marriage to congratulate him, my mom was his second marriage. She also refused to feed us when we went over her house, food was reserved for MALES of the family only.
My SIL told her mother on the night of our rehearsal dinner that she was pregnant. That wouldn't have been so bad if my MIL hadn't decided to use our wedding day to proclaim to all of our guests (my family included - who couldn't give a hoot by the way), that my SIL was pregnant. She couldn't be happy enough that it was our wedding day, but had to make the day all about her daughter instead of her son.
Then when we find out we were expecting (the little one we concieved on our wedding night), we wanted to wait until we were through our first trimester until we told everyone. But we decided to tell our parents and siblings a little earlier with their promise to let us tell everyone else when we were ready. We specifically waited longer to tell my MIL because she obviously can't keep anything to herself. And we stressed to her that we were NOT ready to tell everyone else yet. But not 30 minutes after my DH told her, she had informed her entire family and showed no remorse when we told her how upset we were about it.
Well my SIL from above had her baby a month before we did (meaning she had maybe just missed her period and taken a home pregnancy test before telling everyone she was pregnant). And when our son was born, we had invited my MIL out to the hospital (she lives 4.5 hours away). After our son was born, my parents and MIL went out to lunch. Later my mom told me that my MIL wouldn't stop talking about my SIL's baby. She couldn't even focus on our son the day he was born (not that he could ever outshine the "first grandchild" in her eyes)
I have read everyones stories and they are all just so disrespectful!!
I think I have this one in the bag though...
When I was in the hospital giving birth to my son, after being with his father for two years, we were transfered to our room and his parent came to visit. My FL picked up my son, less than 4 hours old and said to him "It's sad that I can only call you my grandson because she is my daughter in law!" Then 26 months later I had my daughter and he said the exact same thing to her!! 12 years later it's still pretty much the same, but the one thing to remember is that you are who you are!! You do not ever have to prove youself to anyone but your children and your husband. Besides they truly know you anyway!
The IL are a part of the family but they don't define who you are!!
"You don't need a master's degree to bake pies."
I now have a master's degree, a great job and make more than FI. I get the last laugh!
It won't be my MIL, but my grandmother wore white to every single one of her children's weddings. To three of them (she has five kids), she wore the same dress.
And my horror isn't my MIL (She's the best) its my FIL. We call him "FatPhil" behind his back. He's the rudest, selfish, most childish person I've ever met. He once told DH that I was a b***h and marrying me would be the worst mistake of DH's life.
Also, my SIL moved in with her H before they were married. When her H was coming home from his first tour of duty, my FIL asked SIL when she got married, and then said, "And how long were you living in sin before that?"
These are just some of the many gems he's said to the family. I wish I could remember them all, but it's just not worth the hassle.
And Sue_Sue for sure takes the cake!
I am lucky because my IL's are AMAZING. My mother on the other hand, not so much.
So my mother definitely has no filter, but I'm pretty sure the worst thing she has ever said was when she first walked in the door for our engagement party and noticed me and my fiancee were in dark clothes (black and grey) and she was also wearing black, so she turned and said "Oh so I see we are all in mourning".
When my then BF was telling his parents we were planning to get married his father said something along the lines of "you do realize she has all that debt from college that will become yours"
When we got engaged my future MIL replied with "okaaaay"
My fiance had been working on a campaign which was almost over and he was starting to look for a job after this temporary opportunity was finished when we got engaged so...when my FI called his grandmother to tell her we just got engaged she replied "do you have a job"? I mean he had just got is BA in May and we got engaged in November when he still had a job!
All in all this has happened within the last two months so I can't wait for what is to come!! haha
My in laws are great! However, my parents fit the bill quite nicely. Let's see...
-Ever since I was young, pretty much as far back as I can remember, my mom has regaled me about having 'fat thighs' (I'm not skinny but certainly not fat either) and how she never had to work hard to be thin. Once my great-aunt commented on how I had a great figure and I should be a model. My mom's response was 'oh no, she's much too heavy, she'd have to lose about 30 lbs first.' The clincher? She now talks about how skinny I was when I was younger! (at the same time she was telling me then how fat I was).
-During my TOM, I have very bad cramps. My mom's response: 'well, some people can handle pain, and some can't.'
-Whenever I start talk about any of my hobbies that my mom is not interested in herself, she cuts me off and changes the subject. She also talks over me, and just keeps talking, even when I stop. All. The. Time.
My future MIL asked the same thing! I was really mad and really hurt. First of all I am 30 years old not 18. Second her 18 year old future SIL was 8 months pregnant and unmarried. Third my FH is 31 years old. Next, I've already been married, my first DH died in 2007 in a car accident. Finally, I would have been thrilled if I was pregnant, probably happier about that than I was about getting engaged (I am very very happy to getting married). Also, my mother would have been happy and so would my future husband. I would have understood if we were still children, we had only been dating for 4 months when he proposed. But as 30 year old grown people I was horrified!