Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Rude IL Contest
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-I got engaged. My parents' response? "why do you want to get married?" and "you sure?" My mom constantly asks me how our relationship is doing, or asks 'you're still together?' like she's surprised. I've been engaged for over a year now and they've just started telling people I'm getting married. My mom's response day after: "you'll have to tell all the relatives yourself. We aren't going to tell them." My relatives call home much more often than they talk to me, and often share the news in their lives.
I know, doesn't really compare to the IL stories on here. Perhaps it's even worse because they're my parents...can't live with them, can't live without them. I don't mean to make it sound like my mom's all bad--she's not, really, she normally is very generous and nice. But she's very tenacious/aggressive and it's really her way or the highway. Makes her sometimes very hard to get along with.
When we sat her down for dinner and told her we were engaged to be married in one year, she barely even looked up from her plate. Later, my fiance pulled her aside with me (regretably) and told her he was disappointed in her reaction. He said, "I've already made this decision, and I'm following through with it. I wish you could just be happy for us." She replied, "If you had made the decision to cut off your foot, would you follow through with it?"
Talk about rude and nonsensical. Why do so many MILs have to fit the bitchy stereotype? I'm a respectable girl and I love her son so much. Why the off-putting behavior?
Is it just that they don't want to lose their little boys?
It was my future husband's Grandmother said this to the family and none of them disagreed with her......"He is only staying with her because of the sex!"
To their surprise we are now engaged and we are both virgins! In your face Grandma!
I have to say that my MIL is fairly great, but she does occasionally say little things that drive me insane! And my DH too.
My husband and I got married on my 18 birthday (my husband was 23) which was 3 years ago this last November. In September we welcomed our baby boy into the world... According to her, it took way too long for us to GIVE her a grandson. And waiting 3 years till we try for a second child is way too long.
She also lives in Minnesota though most of my DH's family is from Oklahoma and Texas and we are currently in Texas (though all my family is from Washington State) due to the military. Now she would have her 3 sons sewn to her hip if she could... but I guess we live too far away from her (when she was the one who moved away from the family).
Don't get me wrong, I love my MIL and DH's family. I just wish it wasn't a constant "So when are you moving to Minnesota and when do I get a granddaughter?".
MIL told us if this was said during our ceremony: If there is anyone here who has any reason why these two shouldn't wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. She would stand up and object our wedding. We decided to leave this part out of the ceremony.
After my miscarriage this summer we went to MIL & FIL's house and we were talking having a nice time until MIL asked DH to go into the spare bedroom to see all of the items she had bought for our baby. She knew for less than a week that I was pregnant and then the miscarriage occurred. She had bought all of this stuff during that week! I refused to go into the room but DH went in and looked and was very upset. We left the house. I am not sure where the stuff is now (4 months later) and I really don't care to see it or hear about it again.
At dinner about two weeks ago MIL, DH and I were talking about babies etc and MIL was being a PITA so I said "DH and I decided we are not going to have children at this point." MIL responded "You will live a sad and lonely life if you do not have children." DH said "We won't be sad or lonely, we have each other!"
MIL always throws these jabs at me and they really hurt my feelings. I don't think she realizes she does it but it sucks. I try to avoid her as much as possible.
when i was 6 months pregnant with fiancee's son, my soon to be MIL decided to blame me for a hole in the door SHE made and when I said" you know you did it, don't blame me" she called me a "mouse-y faced troll, who was no good for her son"
the entire nine months i was pergnant with our son, she kept telling my fiancee the child was not his, but the day i had our son, she said he was a spitting image of my fiancee.
after a wonderful date night with my fiancee, we arrived home to his mother putting on makeup in the bathroom, after going to the room and changing out of our clothes, we walked back to the kitchen and she started crying, as her make-up(that she has JUST put on) ran down her face, she looked at my fiancee and said "your spending ALL your time with her(pointing at me), what about me?" she left him with her mother from the age of one month til he was 18 years old,never having custody.
Hi! I have never posted before. This possessed me to post.
My FIL is always going on about how my husband should not have kids with me because of my "bad genes". Apparently no one in their family has had any health problems what so ever.
Another good one was when my husband was discussing our engagement with his brother for the first time. BIL immediately says "Is she pregnant?" I could have killed him through the phone. He really does think anyone would be nuts to marry me without having impregnated me first.
It's also horrible how rude they are to my husband. They treat him much worse than they do me.
I hope that when we do get pregnant they don't say anything AWFUL. I'm fairly sure they will.
We're not married yet, but I'm already anticipating the super-awkward holidays to come in our future.
First, I work with my future H, SIL & MIL. Not directly, but for the same company. I have mutual friends with H and SIL, which is how I met him.
SIL has never given me a chance. Even before I was dating her brother, she's been cold and aloof. Since I started dating her brother it escalated to outright rude and bullying. Finally, I told him I couldn't continue working toward a future where he wouldn't stand up for me, and I'd spend every holiday walking on eggshells because every innocuous thing to come out of my mouth is greeted with hostility and condescension.
It wouldn't be so much an issue except that he is, or at least was very close to her. That seems to be the problem. She sees me as competition, and isn't pleased about sharing him.
Finally, he talked to her about it, and things seemed to be improving. Then he proposed.
FMIL's response: "Oh.........My........GOD."
Go back and read that as though you had just stepped in a pile of poo, then you get the idea of her response.
She's always nice to me in person, but doesn't want to talk about the wedding at all. Sometimes he thinks I'm being too sensitive, but I get the feeling she thinks I'm superficial. His whole family are all hippies. No make-up, no shaving, brew your own beer, vegan hippies. I'm also a hippie, but more moderately.
FSIL on the other hand, just seems to hate me because he likes me, and every time I feel like I'm making headway in winning her over, something happens to remind me that it isn't me, it is her. Most recently she's decided she can't be friends with me because one of her co-workers doesn't like me.
FSIL is supposed to be in the wedding, but I've reached a point where at best I don't want to speak to her. Christmas is coming up and I already have a knot in my stomach.
Does anyone wish they knew how bad their future in-laws were going to be BEFORE they tied the knot? Would it change your mind?
The worst for me was after an overseas assignment (3 years since we had seen any family), we went to see everyone. My parents and his lived really close, 5 or 6 miles away. We stayed at my parents house because they had much more room and frankly his never asked. They remarked it would be stupid for all of us to crowd into their small space and try to function. No heartburn there.
We had only been there two days. Almost all of the first day we spent at the IL's. Hard to do with 3 kids, nothing for anyone to do (his family don't talk, just sit around, eat, and stare at each other). They said they had the next day off from work and for us to come over early and we could b-b-q, and Grandma would be there. My parents were great and reluctantly gave up their time knowing we'd be back that night.
We arrived the next morning to find the place empty except for one pitiful old lady left to make the excuses. The message she relayed was "It's to good a day for fishin' to sit around and waste time visiting. Guess we'll see ya in a few days." Honestly, even though feeling a bit insulted, we were glad to have time to spend with our sweet Granny. She even suggested to them maybe the kids would have fun if they got to go but was met with "Kids are just noisey and they'd scare all the fish away".
One other time we were there for Christmas and was informed by Granny that when we left the real (expensive presents) for the other grandkids were brought out. They gave our kids a bunch of dollar store stuff. Not complaining about the presents but about the deceipt. I always knew how they were so never was to bothered. Our kids were smart and happy so they didn't put to much importance on it. Sad though!
Im in LOVE with your dog!
11/11/11
*Make A Wish*
11/11/11
*Make A Wish*
Mine told my DH after his father has heart surgery that they would never move out of their house into assisted living because they wanted to save the house for him, "50% of marriages end inf divorce you know" and apparently he would need a place because I would get our house...um yeah, can't afford our house and pretty sure he doesn't want to move 5 hours away to BFE....grrr...I won't forget that, it was just a year after we married that she said it.
Before we married dh didn't tell her we were getting engaged b/c at some point he'd mentioned thinking about it and they'd told him they thought I was "too flighty and immature" because I was traveling so much on my own. grumble...