Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: No glove, no love, right?
I feel like pretty much all of this has been said in some form, but it's worth repeating. The stubornness about sex on both of your parts is a symptom of underlying issues (this much you admit). So now what? Now you need to figure out exactly what those issues are. Together. As a couple.
Perhaps a counselor could be good to act as a neutral third party to hear both of your sides, as both of you seem quite stubborn and unwilling to change without a battle. If you can't figure out what is going on under the surface, then this will never be resolved and it will only spiral out of control. Preventing pregnancy is a two person job (it takes two to tango... right??) and that means that both of you need to be aware and make sacrifices to some degree. I also agree with a PP that it was kind of unfair to change the rules of the game after the wedding. I totally get BC issues, I have had my fair share myself, but changes need to be agreed upon as much as possible as you are both in this together.
If sitting down with him to discuss these underlying issues - at a neutral time, in a non-attacking way, and in a mature adult-like way - doesn't work, I would strongly consider counseling. If he refuses to go at first, try going on your own. You sound pretty upset about the exgf and how he acted with her, so that might be a starting point? Tell your H why you are going (hopefully something along the lines of because "your marriage is worth it to you and you want to work at it") and he might just be inspired or more easily persuaded to join you. I personally feel very strongly that him just throwing a condom on once a month for sex isn't going to make the underlying issues disappear forever. It's worth some effort to try and fix this, but be reasonable about the longevity as well. Best of luck.
Why doesn't your doctor recommend the IUD? Is it because you haven't had children? I have been married 8 years and have tried every kind of BC out there (except the shot because, well, I know myself and I'm not stupid enough to do something I know will be a big flaming disaster) and every one I've tried has made me a hormonal mess. After being SOOOO tired of having to use condoms and not being able to just be spontaneous, I got an IUD after my second child was born. I've had it for about 11 months now and haven't had a single problem. I was uneasy about having a foreign object in my body, but after doing a lot of research, I really felt it was worth it. I agree with what a lot of the others have said: Your problem is not about sex. If it was, and if you were really worried about it, you would get an IUD and take care of it yourself. You're both being childish. You refusing to do anything to manage your contraception is just as immature as him not wanting to wear condoms...except for the fact that condoms DO interfere with their enjoyment, but getting an IUD won't do a damn thing to interfere with yours. In fact, to be honest (don't listen, high school kids!), it will probably increase your enjoyment too, since sex without condoms feels better to women just like it does for men.
P.S. I think "No glove, no love" is reserved for unmarried people. Just sayin'.
sorry but it sounds to me like you married an ass.
sorry but it sounds to me like you married an ass.