Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Need advice re: inlaws getting in the middle of sibling issues.
Can you share what BIL did exactly to your DD? We've been in a similar spot, I don't speak to SIL/BIL and they have sent gifts to our kids. Sometimes I let DC have it, sometimes I donate. regift or throw out. It depends on what it is really, if we can use it we do. I feel like you are giving them too much control. And really you are also putting your mil/fil in the middle by giving it back to them. I would not expect them to take back gifts. It's unfair of your bil but it's also really unfair of you guys to expect them to do that. These are still her two kids, how would you feel if you were in her spot as a mother? It's probably very hard to watch this feuding, give her some slack.
Now does BIL have kids also? Do you send their children gifts? If they don't have kids now but do in the future will you send their kids gifts?
Asking your inlaws to take the gifts back is keeping them in the middle; just like your BIL asking them to bring you gifts is putting them in the middle. If it really is just too much money to send them back, do the donation thing andmail them the receipts, with a note that says "I'm sorry ;but we cannot accept any gifts from you. Please don't send more. We've donated your Xmas gifts to Goodwill; here is the receipt for your taxes. Any additional gifts will be treatted the same way".
And what you tell your MIL/FIL is that if they do it again, they can't come to see you.
This is extreme, but I would consider it if I were fed up enough. I would warn them before their next trip that showing up with gifts from BIL would result in them not being allowed into your house. And then I would do just that. They would be unwelcome to come back on that visit or spend any time with you. I think you would only have to do it once to make them change their ways.