August 2006 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: @ children in the room for delivery
yeah, considering that pre-modern medicine, many women died in childbirth, I do see it as somewhat medical. But thats not what is traumatic IMO. Its seeing your mother in that much pain and with that much blood. Thats what is traumatic IMO. In every other case, we associate screaming and blood to bad things.
YOU have that association--because you weren't raised to see it any other way--it's pretty presumptuous to assume that the child watching birth wasn't raised otherwise.
As for mortality rates in birth, infant mortality skyrocketed when the medical community co-opted birth and pushed midwives out of mainstream practice. This was when doctors didn't know enough to wash their hands between treating the septic patient and the laboring woman. As NWBecca pointed out--we should all be grateful that medicine can save lives when necessary, but it can also do more harm than good when it's employeed needlessly.
whoah--covered in blood?? There's actually not *that* much blood. When the baby comes out there's generally a rush of fluid that includes blood, but it's not like it's spurting across the room. And of course if you tear or have an episiotomy, then there will be blood, but still not some crazy gush. If the child is just in the room and not staring right at his/her mother's vagina, then I doubt they'd even be seeing much blood.
I'm not trying to convince you that you should have your kid in the room when another is born. FWIW, I probably wouldn't want my kid in the room either. I liked it with just dh (although I did shock myself and have my mom in the room with ds #2.)
All I'm saying is that I completely disagree with the notion that it's inappropriate or scarring to have a child present. And that I also disagree with the notion that birth is inherently dangerous, and something to be feared and managed.
Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's appropriate for children. I wouldn't have a big fight with my DH in front of my kids either.
And with the memory of childbirth fresh in my mind, I can say that if I do this again, I would NOT want my daughter in the room with me -- more for MY sake than hers. I do not want to be worrying about taking care of her or worrying about how she's doing when I'm in the middle of that kind of pain and pushing out a baby.
LOL at "covered with blood"! You describe it like a murder scene--it's not.
In a situation where you were raised in a home where birth was openly discussed and you were told what it entailed, what to expect, and what it meant. Unconventional? Certainly. But not outlandish or unheard of.
Ok, you obviously said it better than I have!
Danger and blood, aside, I just haven't seen anyone address the the stress issue. That is, the negative impact a young child will/may endure after seeing his/her mother in extreme anguish and pain.
Everything seems to hinge on the fact that childbirth is natural and beautiful. But there are many things that humans do that could be considered natural and beautiful that wouldn't be appropriate for a child to either witness or participate in. So I'm not really sure what the pro side of this argument is; I don't think it's been clearly established.
I don't know. It seems sort of selfish to want your young children to be in the room with you as you give birth.
And where do you draw the line? Should kids be (assuming the hospital allows) in the OR during a C-section?
actually it WAS discussed openly from a young age in my house.
my entire point, which I was apparently attacked for, was that every other time a child sees blood and hears someone cry in pain its a bad thing. therefore, the odds of them seeing many more instances of "bad" blood and pain is much higher. they are more likely to associate it with something bad, even if it is openly discussed. A child at 5 is not likely to be at a cognitive level to comprehend it even if it is talked about. Death was talked about a lot in our house...at 5 I still couldn't comprehend it.
Irish, I definitely am not attacking you--sorry if it came off that way.
Again, I think it comes down to child-preparedness. There are many videos and other aids that are designed to help siblings know what to expect and be comfortable. If it's been an open subject and well-discussed, then I don't think it'd be as much of a shock as if it had been just sprung on him/her.
Come on - handwashing? I believe we have come a long way here. Birth is a process that doesn't usually require medical intervention....but the days of not understanding why maintaining a sanitary field might be important is long gone. And BTW, didn't apply only to childbirth, right?
Modern medicine is what allows babies to LIVE, not die.