Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Advice needed on serious issue
You have got to be kidding me.
When I try to explain stuff to DH about SS I come out looking like a *** and DH is so defensive about anything and everything SS does. He will even lie to cover up bad stuff SS does.
Get out. now. And pray your SS doesn't remember you when he grows into a full-blown sociopath.
I'm thinking MUD too, but on the off chance it isn't:
Like everyone else said, get out now. This will not get better. Your SS likely would need years of therapy to improve this, if possible. This sounds like something that would be *very* difficult to change. I agree with the posters on the other forum, it sounds like Conduct Disorder. There are certain questions that are asked to try to determine psychopathy/sociopathy and they include asking if the person has harmed small animals, if they've had enuresis or encopresis past age 6 or 7, I believe, and a few others (don't remember off the top of my head). This is not a safe situation for anyone in that house.
She made a mistake. WTF do you want her to do now that she is about to give birth? Pretend it is not happening? I think you're a little extreme.
For the OP - I would leave this man ASAP, stay with family or friends, get a good lawyer, and fight for your daughter. I would not stay under any circumstances. I'd also call that family member or friend to have them testify about the dog, butthole thing as proof he is unstable.
You H is a major issue here, not just the SS. He thinks it is normal or digs his head in the sand. That is not the type of father I want around my kids.
Get out now.
You asked for advice and got a ton of it here. I think you're looking for something more concrete than just "leave." I know you love your husband and don't want to leave him and his kid in the lurch because you care for them. So here's my urgent advice.
1. Leave. I know you don't want to do this because you fear it's so drastic that in one move, you have gambled away your entire future, but you have to. It's the only way to protect your flesh and blood baby, who's going to be here before you know it. Do not ever return to that home with your baby or have your baby near your SS until he has received extensive therapy for at least 2 years and shown consistent normalized behavior.
2. After you are in a safe, undisclosed location, call Nancy Thomas' Parents' Consultation Hotline, at (970) 984-2222. She has worked as a therapeutic foster mother for countless children, including the worst of the worst cases, such as children who murdered their family members (and threatened to murder her). Your SS sounds like he has Reactive Attachment Disorder and cannot form appropriate attachments with any other human beings. She has worked with similar kids and has developed practices that work with them and restore their ability to relate to others and even to love.
Once you are out of the house you can listen to "Healing Trust" (http://www.attachment.org/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=attachment&Product_Code=136&Category_Code=parentofchall) to see the type of help your SS will need to heal. This is not something you can do for him, because it will endanger your child, but knowing what he needs, you can advocate that he gets the right kind of help.
Get out, then get him help, from a distance.
2013 Calendars and More!
This 100%. I haven't read all the responses yet but Nikki is correct. Your ss sounds like a budding serial killer. No joke. There is a certain profile that goes along with a psychotic killer and it often starts with killing and mutilating small animals, being very clever and manipulative, and pushing the limits of the people around you to see how much you can get away with.
This kid will hurt your child. He is the kind of kid they make movies about. Get out now.
Are you smoking crack???
I think you could get a temporary Order of Protection for your daughter against SS. That would give you 30 days out and away from this mess with your daughter.
This kid sounds like the stuff serial killers are made of.
Get out now.
I just had to shovel my jaw off the floor after reading this.
Your stepson is SERIOUSLY mentally disturbed, and no amount of praying will fix this problem.
RUN.LIKE.HELL.
Also re: RAD stuff.. this doesn't sound like RAD, not even the severe cases of it... I've read a lot about attachment disorders and this really doesn't fit too well. The fact that it's cold and calculated and planned by the SS kind of flies in the face of RAD-type behavior. It sounds like Antisocial personality if anything, and there's unfortunately not much of a "cure" for that.
Are you serious???
I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
Eh, it does look a little like MUD. She posted this same post 3 days ago and hasn't responded to anything on the other board. Then she comes here and posts the same thing and again no response. I can see why people might think it's MUD. Personally, I sort of hope it is just because it is so horrifying to me. I can't even imagine.
Contact DFS again. I've never heard of them not following up on any report of abuse (suspect or not). They might follow up and find there is nothing wrong but they usually follow up when someone reports abuse. That aside, if this kid is going to school how come he doesn't act out at school? Shouldn't other people see this besides you? The animal cruelty can't just happen in your house - I would think that someone else has seen this - a teacher or another kid.
I would not bring that baby home from the hospital under the same roof as this child. You mention your mother in your post, I would suggest you go stay with her now and after the baby is born.
MUD. Child Service's is required to at least do a precursory visit to investigate any claims of abuse.
Things like that vary a lot from state to state. Unless you live in the same state as OP, that alone isn't proof that it's MUD.
But I hope it is MUD because OMG.
all I can think of is SERIAL KILLER!!!
seriously most serial killers killed animals, harmed them when younger! Look up jeffery Dahmer! for real this kid is NUTS! Protect YOUR NEW CHILD AND GET THE F OUT! for real. Your ss is horrible and needs real help! NOW . needs serious help and I would NOT be staying. Please leave! please
I just tried to and her account is closed
yet another reason i think MUD
I also tried to check her posting history here, and this was the only post that showed up since 2009. So either she hasn't posted here in the last 2 years, or she's deleted every previous post. If your SS is that jacked up, I would keep all my posts and check them to see if anything new has been posted on the off chance it might help.
my bad 2010*
Step 1 - LEAVE. Go to your parents, go to a friends, or go to a women's shelter. Never return to the home with your baby. Consider never, ever returning.
Step 2 - Call a lawyer. Make sure you and the baby are legally protected. You need full custody of the baby. You need a restraining order against SS.
Step 3 - Call CPS. Your SS needs help. Do not give up until CPS takes action.
As a survivor of sexual abuse and assault, please do these things for the sake of your baby. Protect your baby. Get your SS help to prevent other children and pets from becoming victims.You can still read her posts even though her account's closed. Maybe she's in labor. Or maybe she's ashamed because some asssholes in this thread basically told her it's her own fault.
Good grief. You don't get points for calling MUD.
I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
Unfortunately I agree. I spent 4 years working in clinical therapy with severe RAD kids and many of them had borderline antisocial tendencies. They acted like this, and one child actually succeeded in permanently brain damaging his little brother.
OP, Get out before he injures your baby and CPS takes the baby away from you for putting it in that situation. Get your SS in treatment, like a good residential treatment center where he will have constant structure without lenient parents interfering. Then get yourself into therapy since you were willing to knowingly put yourself, your pets, and your unborn child into this situation to try and get off on "saving" someone.
THIS. And he's a future serial killer. Keep your baby FAR FAR AWAY!
Not really a learned behavior. Your SS sounds like a sociopath. Believe me, it's never to early to see signs. Take yourself and your animals and get out of there. He has had no problem harming animals. It will only get worse. He knows how to play his dad against you and will keep doing it.