Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Advice needed on serious issue
Im sorry everyone for not returning yesterday, you don't even WANT to know what happend with SS. To make it short I found him trying to start the neighbors little dog on fire with GASOLINE from our BBQ pit. How the heck he got into the shed when it was locked is beyond me, the only thing I could think of is he picked the lock somehow. The neighbors are away on vacation this week and whoever is dog sitting for them left the dog in the backyard over night. Alll my H did was spank him and send him to his room?!?! Seriously?
I only had time to see the first page of responses, I have a few doctor appointments today so I have to hurry it off the computer. Just thought I would give a quick update. I'm thinking I should meet with the lawyer today and see if theres any way we can use what he almost did to the dog as a way to get supervised visitation for H instead of leaving her alone with SS.
Yes, meet with a lawyer, document it in anyway you can, video and pictures will work great. This is enough to commit him, which is sad due to his age but he needs it, if he is getting to pyromania he is screaming for help. It is too bad that your H is too stupid to see these red flags.
And then get out. If you give the state or city you are living in people, like me, can help you find resources.
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I cannot believe you're staying with this man, who shows so little regard for your safety and for his son's well-being. You really need to get out. Get out, leave him, leave town, move. You are not safe where you are; and neither is your baby. If you don't leave, you're going to get hurt or your child will get hurt.
This kid needs more help than you can give him, please get out now and *then* figure out how to make sure your husband only has supervised visitation. You want to show that you are a protective parent and the best way to do that is by removing yourself from a dangerous situation.
I work with kids like your SS and it is very difficult for them to change. The ones I work with are in residential care because of abuse, neglect, surrender by their parents (behaviors too much to handle at home), or because they need somewhere to go after Juvenile Hall before they can transition home. Your SS is headed down this same path and it would be foolish of you to stick around and let something bad happen to your daughter, because then she'll be taken away as well.
You need to pack up your *** and leave if you want any sort of stable future for yourself and your unborn child.
*** LEAVE.
I have never been intentionally harsh to a poster on the bump before, but I hope you hear me and hear me well.
It is your responsibility to your unborn child to get the F*CK out of there now, and to document this sh*t and find a way to keep your husband from being alone with your child unless your SS isn't around.
You need to find a way to have your SS committed and get help. This may be the single most disturbing thing I have read on the bump in four years. You have a future murderer on your hands if someone doesn't get that kid mental help.
I think you are freaking crazy for staying this long, and I would be out of there TODAY if I were you. No way in hell would I put my innocent baby in a situation like that. NOR would I trust my husband to be left alone with her if he refuses to commit his son.
I would have called the cops on thefucking kid. At least get him scared, maybe?
This. Scare him nothing, it would be documentation of his harming animals for no reason and would help you to get supervised visits for your baby as well as maybe set it up so that SS isn't around when your daughter is.
You need to talk to that attorney TODAY--immediately after your doctor appointments and explain your situation to them then follow their advice. Then find yourself a new therapist because your current one is crap for telling you that staying is the only way to protect your unborn baby.
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Also, this quote scares me about the safety of your baby. She is in real, actual danger if she is raised with this kid. Knives under the sheet? Seriously? He will hurt her, no matter how well you try to monitor his behavior.
I never post here. But, really? LEAVE and call the police on this boy. He needs to get reported for these actions. Trying to start a dog on fire? And all he gets is a spanking? Disgusting.
He WILL hurt your baby! Possibly even KILL her.
He is a future serial killer. You're husband isn't doing anything to prevent this. You need to LEAVE and report this boy. He NEEDS HELP.
I also never post on here, but I sincerely hope you heed the advice of everyone on here. Your SS is clearly mentally disturbed. Look up the tendencies of sociopaths and serial killers, and you will find cruelty to animals, destruction of property, assaultiveness to children and adults, and fire-setting. Your baby is in serious danger -- the knife in the crib should be a SERIOUS sign to you that he has major problems with this baby. He clearly likes to hurt defenseless living things. Which is what your daughter will be.
It is YOUR responsibility as a mother to keep your daughter -- and you -- safe.
Report the incident with the dog to the police. Call the lawyer. Do not allow that child near you while you are delivering your baby. Find someone you can trust, do not tell your husband, do not tell your SS, and go there. Stay there. Go to a shelter if you have to. RUN AWAY.
Please do this. I hate to be cruel, but you are not going to get any sympathy from people if you stay and allow this behavior to continue. Do what's best for you and your unborn baby.
I saw, too, that you've posted on What to Expect (someone on RE C&P the link), and have been talking about these issues since October, and in January you said you were getting out by February. What happened? Why on earth are you still there?? And the things you posted about your DH in that post show that he's a cheating, emotionally abusive dbag. You did not mention the emotional abuse in this post that you did in that one. He's cheating on you with his ex, gave you an STD, and you are still there? AND your baby may be born some disabilities, so she may be extra vulnerable to this sick child and his sick father. You say you still love this man. Um...why? Although in this post you make no mention of the emotional abuse or cheating, other than him being upset at you when you say anything about his kid. Why wasn't this key piece of information mentioned?
On the off chance this isn't MUD (since the age of your SS in your different posts on different boards vary and you didn't mention that your H is an abusive cheating azz, so that's a little suspicious), I seriously hope you heed the 100+ replies on this thread and GTFO like, yesterday. Do not bring that child home. Go to Canada. Go to Brazil. Go anywhere but there. Your H sounds like a total dbag, he's emotionally abusing and cheating on you and you KNOW about it, plus he's ignoring the fact his kid is a serial killer in training, which is sad but true. You said in the WTE post you're not putting his name on the birth certificate, which may or may not help you, I guess it depends on the state you live in. There is nothing in this relationship worth saving, other than the life of your DD.
GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!
This mentally disturbed SS WILL KILL your baby. And then what, your husband will spank him and send him to his room? LEAVE NOW! Don't even pack your stuff, GO FAR AWAY!
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Honestly I only read the first few paragraphs.
Hope it's MUD.
Otherwise, frak, it sounds like Jeffrey Dahmer reincarnated. You (the family) needs professional help. Seriously.
Call the state. Remove yourself. LEAVE NOW.
Lurker here as well, but I completely agree with this.
I also suggest putting nanny cams everywhere in the house. I'm sure by now you have your precious daughter with you, and I am seriously praying like mad woman for you and your daughter!
My bio-POS-dad was very similar to this as a child, and it only gets worse from there! He had put one of his younger sisters as a baby on tiller (you know, the thing with blades that rotates dirt), he has beaten and killed animals, he's a stalker, compulsive liar, schizophrenic, personality disorder, manipulative, abusive...I honestly suggest getting the hell out of there!
When I was born my mom needed to make me a bottle, so she had him hold me and of course I was crying, and when she came back into the room he had me in one hand with his arm up getting ready to throw me into the wall. She left and never went back.
For the love of sweet pure innocence, I hope to God you and your daughter can leave and find somewhere safe!
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BINGO! You are good- this is the key piece of information.
Look, OP, at the risk of sounding a bit harsh- you are a total twit for even CONSIDERING staying.
Here's how it works: If you willingly subject your newborn to a violent and clearly totally abusive environment, you are just as guilty of these atrocities as your DH and your SS.
You, too, will lose all custody of your own child. THATS the reality of things.
So unless you want to be deemed an unfit parent for willingly subjecting your child to abuse and failing to protect your child- and consequentially face criminal charges if anything were to happen to your newborn, I'd get the f out and never look back.
I don't know any therapist who would EVER say that so either you are lying or your therapist on glue. Because that advice is also pretty negligent if a therapist did indeed dole it out. And also, your therapist has a mandate to report these atrocities. And could be held criminally responsible for not doing so.
Something isn't adding up here........
WTF! And you did not call the police on him??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Look, lady, you're going to be held criminally responsible too, how do you not see this?
This has to be MUD.
What state is this lady in?
I haven't read all the previous responses, so I apologize if my response is a repeat of what others are saying...
Since you can't ask your mom to watch SS for the 3 days that he's allowed to stay home from school, I think you should stay with your mom after the baby was born for AT LEAST 3 days. Please do not put your daughter in harm's way. Do not ask your therapist for advice on how to protect your daughter. That is a conversation you need to have with your lawyer. If your lawyer doesn't give you the answer you want (ie. No visitation for DH, or at least no visitation while SS is in the house) then find another lawyer. I know that you want to fix your SS, but now that you are pregnant, you need to realize that your responsibility is to your daughter. She needs you to keep her safe, she can't stay safe by herself. She will be 100% reliant on you. Please do right by your daughter & forget about trying to "save" your SS.
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
You need to NOT put your DH's name on LO birth certificate and get the F out. Say you don't know who the father is...you'll be tied up in the courts, if DH even wants to fight, long enough for your SS to do something for you to prove your case.
Good luck and God speed!
Ditto this. Say your DH isn't your DD's father. & run away from all this.
If you stay in this situation, you run the risk of having your daughter removed from your custody because you kept her in a dangerous situation.
Your SS is very, very ill & he needs help that you cannot give him. Please do not allow your daughter to be his first murder victim.
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
I've only read through the first page of comments and the full OP. I don't usually post here but felt compelled to speak out.
My sister was murdered at 18yrs old by a 19yr old that was like this SS when he was younger. He would kill animals, harm them, sexually abuse them etc. His family was lax on getting him the proper INTENSE - inpatient - mental health care that he needed.
To the OP - If you're for real, you need to leave now. Get a restraining order to protect yourself and unborn child.Document everything you can remember to the best date/time as possible. Something this serious is not a matter to take lightly. Sincerely, I wish you the best.