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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Opinions? Family rules /w baby
That's what I'm talking about! Thanks for being probably the only gal who can present an opposing opinion without reducing herself to asking me what my "effing problem" is. I really do appreciate it. I will definitely try to keep my past apart from my son's arrival, and I am aware of the chance of it tainting my view.
As far as coming across as psycho, I can assure everyone that I am not. :-D So far, DH has been awesome in supporting me throughout this pregnancy, and his input will be valued above all. I'm sure we'll do fine.
And I wonder if you gave even slight thought to how stupid you sound in your comments. I know a lot of teenage mothers, or women who started as teenagers who are very successful parents. Gosh, I hope your kids don't grow up to be as narrow-minded and vindictive as you, because if so, you'd make a pretty good case for sterilization.
Honestly, I find it almost amusing that women who think they are ever so much better than me can prove themselves so pathetically disgusting.
Ok, I'll try to be nice, but excuse if it comes across a different way because I am trying to be blunt and succinct.
1- You just married your DH 6 months ago and you would think that you would want to make nice with his 9 or 10 siblings right???? How would this "policy" help that?
2- How do you really think that without sleeping a whole night that two weeks later, you'd magically feel up to hosting a party???? I have brough home two kids from the hospital, had 2 brises 8 days after their births. It was EXHAUSTING. And that was with my mom calling the caterer, my friends doing all the set up, my cleaning people being called in to clean the day before and it was not really FUN. And it's a huge group in an enclosed space where who knows when they'd leave and how tired you'd be. I just think that thinking this is the best option is a bit crazy.
3- Holding a baby who is mostly sleeping is not overstimulating.
4- Having a warm, loving family who wants to welcome your child to the world with open arms that way. . . why burn that bridge? Why tempt someone getting their feelings hurt?
5- I know this is your first baby and you think you want to hold it every single second. You are his mother and you will hold him more than you think. You will hold him peeing on the toilet, you will hold him in the middle of the night for hours, you will hold him when he is sick and can't sleep, you will hold him to feed him, you will hold him when you'd really like a shower or a MOMENT to yourself, you will hold him a TON because you are his mother. Honestly, the greatest thing to have when you have a newborn around is someone to hold the baby while you pee, eat, take a shower, take a nap, do a load of laundry. . . trust me on this one that those extra hands could come in handy.
6- Instead of saying something like we need a week alone. . . why not ask them to spread out their visits so you have someone each day to hold the baby while you try to get something else necessary done (see above list). Despite what you think, you WILL need a break.
So let them be the loving, baby holders that they want to be and let it be useful and not an invasion. They are there to bond, to help and you should let them or else they may feel distanced. If you are worried about germs, make them wash hands before holding him which is a perfectly normal request. But, from a mom of two that isn't having anymore and was a girl who knew I LOVED babies and always wanted to hold them. . . all I have is my friends and family's tiny babies to hold and I look forward to their births and getting to hold them when they are really "new" and small. It only happens once and it is a special time indeed which is really special when shared. I think being able to tell your son that everyone was so excited to see him and here are pics of everyone taking turns holding him and smiling. . . it would be worth it. Why would do deny them and your son that?
Um, I think ONE person in this thread said that. And really, people who make snarky comments to internet strangers should be sterilized? That seems a bit narrow-minded and vindictive. You seem a bit prone to overreaction.
You still haven't explained what your question is.
Because speaking of stuff being mutually exclusive - those two things aren't! People can hold your baby the first week AND you can still bond with it....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yeah, I get it. I wasn't crazy about people playing "hot potato" with my newborn either. I wasn't crazy about everyone and their cousin holding him those first few days. I didn't think that I'd want to give him up, even for a few minutes.
But you can't invite people to meet him and then dictate who in that group is able to hold him and who isn't without coming across as an offensive overprotective psycho. And using "bonding" as an excuse makes you sound even more offensive and psycho.
Here's what we did - we let everyone know ahead of time that we really did not want home visits during that first week because we'd be tired and trying to adjust...BUT we welcomed anyone who wanted to see us to come see us at the hospital. Here's the thing with hospitals - they're uncomfortable to visit in. No one (aside from maybe grandparents) are going to want to overstay their welcome in a hospital the way they might at your house on your comfy sofa, and hospitals are not very accommodating to large groups of people visiting at one time.
Anyone who wanted to hold DS had to wash their hands first (should be common sense, but it wasn't). And I found it wasn't that hard to relinquish holding him for a few measly minutes. It really wasn't. And most people (again, aside from grandparents) got their fill of holding him after about 5 minutes and were happy to hand him back to me. And they left soon after. Like someone else said, if you're nursing you will automatically be the only one able to hold him for a period of time every 2 hours or so........we asked everyone to leave the room and H would go and get them after DS was finished nursing.
I really did NOT want company at our house that first week, and there is absolutely no way in hell that I would have been up for hosting a BBQ 2 weeks after delivery (whoever suggested that is insane). FFS, I was a walking hormonal zombie (as you can expect to be), functioning on 4 hours of sleep a night and crying almost nonstop. Sleeping when the baby slept took priority over everything else (eating, showering, laundry, etc). I didn't want people at my house witnessing all of that, I just wanted to be left alone in my unwashed sweats and stank to figure out what the hell my life had turned into.
Okay, that actually sounds realistic. And I do agree about the BBQ/party idea. If anyone wants to, they can have it at their house, because not only will I not be up for it, (as you mentioned) but we have a little house that, once we packed in all the relatives, would be standing room only. Thanks for the advice. I think the bit about visiting at the hospital vs. home is good. Still not sure if I'll be comfortable with the three year old nephews & nieces holding him, but as far as everyone else goes, that sounds reasonable.
And I'm glad to hear from someone with my opinion of hospitals! I'll be delivering at a place that is more like a birthing center, but hospitals majorly creep me out! At least the one up here does. I feel so bad when visiting sick/injured friends/relatives, because all I can really think about is getting out of there.
No one will hand your newborn to a 3 year old to hold.
Yeah, where did that come from?
You'd be surprised. DH and I were TICKED at his cousin when she told her 3 yr old daughter "Here, you hold the baby" without asking us first. Now, every time the 3yr old sees us all I hear is "I want to hold the baby" and then throws a hissy fit when she doesn't get to.
GRANTED this is not the typical situation, but it does happen and it IS annoying and worrisome.
Similar with this family. Everyone wants to (and gets to) hold the babies. I think we'll just have to take it as it comes. A plan we might use is only grandparents the first few hours afterward, everyone for a little while, and after we go home (we're hoping that, if all goes well, we can go home the same/next day), and nobody until we're ready to resurface in civilization.
Honestly, cross that bridge when you get there.
I would never have set up rules, but preDD I felt the same way. But, once she was here, I would have given her to the mailman to hold during that first week just to get a break for a few minutes. I loved her to death, but those first few weeks are hard and some babies won't be put down.